Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
MEREDITH
For a Sunday, tonight has been particularly busy. Everyone who can’t make the funeral, or who doesn’t feel close enough to Ransom to attend the small ceremony, is stopping by and having a round or four in his honor.
Molly was supposed to show up tonight, but she called in sick.
An employee who worked with us last summer just started, so she knew I wouldn’t be left totally high and dry.
Brenner Crow and I are running our asses off, while Calder saunters around taking orders and fetching refills, making it look like it’s a slow night.
Calder worked his fine butt off all weekend.
I did too, but unlike him, I went to bed dreaming of his massive chest in his too-tight shirts and those hard butt cheeks.
Then there’s the way his face was shaded by his cowboy hat when I went out to feed the cats this morning, and god, his scruff.
I’ve become needy and so turned-on all the damn time.
It’s like my brain and my body desperately want the distraction from everything else.
Even worse, we haven’t had breakfast together again since Sawyer was there, and dang it, I miss it.
I circle around the bar. Brenner’s poking at the tablet.
“Meredith, how do I do the military discount again?”
As I pause to show him, the door opens, and I glance up. Shit. The man who enters can’t wear a suit like Calder, but the main difference, aside from the quality of the material, is that he believes he can.
Tanner Nelson. My ex.
I fix my gaze back on the iPad and point out the discount option.
Tanner takes a seat at the bar. I avoid eye contact with a scowl. He may have come to offer his respects for Holly and Ransom, but I wish he would’ve kept focusing on himself. His drama is the last thing I need.
More people enter. A group of three women.
They head right to an empty table behind where Calder’s chatting with the bank president, Shirley.
Damn. We’ve had a higher percentage of ladies coming in recently, and I don’t have to guess why.
Half the room is female, and that’s where Calder’s been stuck taking orders.
Shirley’s old enough to be his mother, but she’s monopolized his time for the past hour.
“Hey, man,” Brenner says congenially to Tanner. “What can I get you?”
“I wanted to talk to the boss.”
I refrain from rolling my eyes. I won’t indulge him. “I’ll be right with you, Tanner.”
Hoping someone’s got refills for me, I rush around the taproom.
I return with an armful of glasses and still don’t speak to Tanner.
My time is no longer his to waste. Brenner shoots a few questioning looks at me while I ignore my ex.
Tanner eyes my movements as I add clean mugs to the cooler. He taps his fingers on the bar top.
Finally, I can’t justify putting my reputation on the line any longer.
When I face Tanner, I recall all the things I once adored about him—his cleft chin, the cowlick on his left side, and his stunning blue eyes.
But now all I notice is that his five-o’clock shadow isn’t threatening to beard out by morning, and I know from experience he doesn’t spend enough time between a girl’s thighs to leave a beard burn anyway.
“What do you need, Tanner?”
“I heard about Holly and Ransom.”
“Thanks. The funeral’s on Thursday.” I don’t mind everyone else coming to pay their respects, but Tanner’s presence irritates me.
“I have to work, but I’ll see if I can get it off.”
I have to work. Years later, that excuse still smells like rotten eggs. This time, I don’t care if he’s fucking his coworker in the back seat of an Impala on the sale lot. Still, I can be petty.
“Don’t set off any car alarms.”
A red flush creeps up his neck at the reminder.
Either he or his coworker, Annie, triggered the car alarm during their tryst, and a passing cop busted them scrambling into their clothing.
Annie found a new job, and Tanner received a reprimand.
I didn’t learn about the incident until after he convinced me to buy us a boat for all the fishing he doesn’t even do.
“How are you?” he asks, full of concern.
Is he serious? It’s a standard question, but who does he think I am? My head is barely above water. My day off tomorrow means I won’t be working in the taproom. I still have brewing and packaging to handle. I’m not even sure what’s happening with the books.
“Hanging in there. Did you want something to drink?” I ask in a way that suggests if he’s not ordering, he needs to go.
Compassion ripples across his face, and for a heartbeat, I yearn to sink into it, to soak up some comfort.
Sawyer and I haven’t spoken much since the shock of first hearing the news.
She and Holly were close, especially after Sawyer lost her parents.
Over the past week, we’ve navigated a few stages of grief together, but now we’re striving to keep everything afloat.
I’m grateful for her help with the ranch, but I’m treading water, and I long for a buoy.
Just as temptation urges me to sit with him and discuss the pressure, fear, and doubt, his voice slithers through my mind.
She’s just a coworker, babe. Right. Tanner looks out for himself.
He goes through the motions, says all the right things, and then uses me to make himself feel better.
A knife twists in my chest. The betrayal roars back as if it were yesterday.
The realization that no matter how much I let our relationship condition, it’d never be more than a bad brew, came way too late. The ingredients make a difference.
I’m so glad I had Holly and Ransom to fall back on when it all fell apart. And Jules Creek. I found my purpose here, and while I worked, it gave me time to heal.
“I’ll take an Angus,” he finally says when I don’t offer more conversation. “Short.”
“Coming right up.” I fill a mug for him and grab the credit card machine. I may be petty, but I don’t trust him not to walk out. I’ve covered enough of his bills.
He gives me one of his smolders that used to send shivers down my spine as he shoves his card in.
When the tip screen pops up, I want to remind him a thousand percent tip would only reimburse me for the slip-on shoes I bought for the boat—the boat I paid for that he put in his name.
Just transfer the money to my account, babe. I’ll take care of it.
I was such an idiot.
To keep old grudges at bay, I grab a rag and go to the tables Calder is cleaning off. He catches my expression, and his brows crash together. Is he worried about me? Do I look that mutinous? Or pathetic? Would he even care about my history with my ex?
“Mr. Cross,” one of the new arrivals purrs from behind him. “I’ve decided what I want.”
The woman might have come in before, but she’s not from Scandal.
Part of the lake crowd? Whoever she is, she seems like she’d be his type.
She’s effortlessly gorgeous, appearing to have not an ounce of makeup on, her sun-kissed skin glowing.
The layered tank top both conceals and reveals her cleavage, and the jean shorts must have been designed solely to showcase her long legs.
When was the last time my legs saw some sun?
“Everything all right?” he asks me, dismissing the sheer sexiness behind him.
“Yeah. Just a blast from the past.” Suddenly self-conscious under his intense gaze, I snatch the empty glasses from his hands without asking. “I’ll get these so you can take her order.”
He holds onto the last one. His grip doesn’t crush the glass but is unyielding.
“I don’t think she wants me taking her order,” I say only loud enough for him to hear. “And we can’t lose any customers if we’re going to be closed a day this week.”
He still doesn’t release his hold immediately.
The pressure builds within me until tears sting the backs of my eyes.
I will not cry. I will not blame myself for Tanner’s choices, which were never about me.
Nor will I break down in front of a bunch of strangers and acquaintances while I’m in the middle of a shift.
I clench my teeth and give him a hard look. He lets go. Why does he care? Does he think Jules Creek is less important to me than it is to him? I may be professionally repressed here, but I’m insanely proud and loyal.
The rest of the night feels like a countdown to closing time.
Watching Calder get hit on by multiple bombshells doesn’t help my ego when I’m receiving puppy-dog eyes from a guy who wasn’t satisfied with just me.
Tanner nurses his first drink and orders a second.
Thankfully, Brenner serves him that one.
As we approach closing time, more people begin to filter out. Except for my ex.
I’m at the dishwasher when Calder approaches. “Who’s the prick who won’t quit looking at your ass?”
“Who?” I glance around, but the only guy besides Tanner and Brenner is offering his arm to his wife so he can lead her out.
I follow Calder’s scowl to where Tanner is scrolling through his phone.
I laugh. “You must be mistaken. Tanner is too busy checking out every other girl’s ass, not mine.
He’s probably on some dating app right now. ”
Calder’s expression grows stormy. “He’s been ogling you all night.”
No. He hasn’t.
Brenner swings by. “Need anything before I go?”
“No,” Calder and I respond in unison. I forgot that Brenner asked to leave a little early tonight.
“Thanks, Brenner,” I say, but Calder’s attention stays on me. “Nice to have you back.”
Brenner blinks, his gaze jumping between us. “Uh, okay. G’night.”
Calder doesn’t leave my side, keeping Tanner in his periphery.
“He came to pay his respects,” I explain, “and, I dunno, probably see if he can stroke his ego.” Regardless, it’s closing time, and I’m not above urging him to leave.
I skirt around Calder. Stopping in front of Tanner, I prop my hands on the drink rail. “Thanks for stopping in. I’ll pass on your condolences to Sawyer.”
His gaze slants toward Calder. “I can wait and walk you out.”