Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
CALDER
I’ve had to pull a cat off my face the past four mornings before I rolled out of bed.
This morning would be the same, but I don’t move Winnie.
The mama cat and her kittens have been mainly staying upstairs in the plush cat bed set up in Bowen’s old room.
Meredith and I feed and water them each day, play with them as we come and go, and I’ve caught each brother up here at least once, cuddling all of them.
One time, Bowen was on the floor, his legs kicked out, eyes closed, dozing, with Winnie in his lap.
Bonnie was asleep on his shoulder, and the other three were in a furry line down his legs.
I took a picture. If he ever joins a dating app, he can use it for the profile image and snag all the dates in the world.
Light pours through the window. I stroke Winnie’s soft fur, and she starts purring like a freight train, tucking herself into a tighter circle in the crook of my neck. She’s even louder than the birds singing from the rows of trees surrounding the house.
Meredith lets out a little groan and stretches before tucking her ass against my side. “That cat is loud,” she murmurs groggily.
I smile at the humor in her voice. “You’re just jealous because she snuggles with me.”
A little kitten bounds across the bed and crawls over Meredith. “Morning, Cheddar.”
I’m content. As soon as I get up, I’ll check my phone. I’ll already have a full inbox, and the calls will start. The longer I’m away from the office, the more frantic my staff gets. I can at least give them a date I’ll return. Meredith gave us a timeframe.
The acute disappointment that welled up when she didn’t ask for ten years… Twenty. Days. Because she knows I’m leaving. Our only connection is this ranch and the brewery I just fucked her in. When I go, we’ll be left with only memories.
Goddammit.
My phone buzzes, and a sigh slips out. Was a few minutes to enjoy the quiet morning with a beautiful woman in my bed too much to ask?
Actually, I’m in her bed. My bed is a California king with steel-gray bedding some interior designer picked out, and it wouldn’t fit into this room, nor any of the others in the house.
“Work or your brothers?” Meredith asks, her voice still full of sleep.
“I haven’t heard Bowen moving around yet, and Landry is never here that early.” I tuck a hand behind my head and stare at the ceiling while Winnie purrs against my neck. I still have time before Carlos arrives. He’s been coming later, since my brothers and I are doing chores.
In a little over a week, we’ll be gone. Then what?
She stirs but doesn’t roll over. “Work can wait?”
“Yeah. But not for much longer.”
The other side of the bed is quiet. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but are we feeling the same thing? Have we moved beyond crashing together for selfish reasons to wanting more? There’s only one way to know.
“I don’t want this to end.”
The bed jostles as she turns onto her back. Cheddar bounces over to curl up next to his mama. “I don’t want it to either.”
“My life isn’t in Scandal anymore, but I want you, Meredith. I’ve never wanted anyone like I do you.”
She rolls up and swings her legs over the bed. Winnie raises her head and lets out a tiny meow. Meredith stands and tugs her pajama shirt down. “I need to brush my teeth for this conversation.”
If only a simple toothbrushing could make this easier.
Meredith’s happiest memories are here, but my brothers and I have moved on.
We left all this behind long ago, and I’m not going to be the one to drag them back.
They’re willing to stay for the cattle drive.
I can read their anticipation. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?
But I can also see the shadows. I can hear all the things they aren’t saying.
The memories are everywhere, and the good ones only remind us of what our Dad threw away when we couldn’t tolerate how he handled Mama’s death.
We needed him, and he chose Holly when he told us to leave if we couldn’t handle her sleeping in our Mama’s place, sitting at her spot at the table, or, goddammit, wearing her robe at night.
I’ve always had their best interests at heart, and that doesn’t involve being tied to the ranch and the distillery after not receiving the closure we all needed.
But what if there’s another way Meredith and I could foster this blazing chemistry between us?
Meredith returns, and I pry myself out of the cat nest. I use the bathroom next. We’re going to have this conversation, and I might as well have fresh breath too.
Back in the bedroom, she’s sitting at the head of the bed, her elbows over her knees. She’s pushed her hair off her face, but the mane billows around her head, messy and sexy, demanding I shove my hands through it. She’s fucking gorgeous, and I want to keep her.
I sit on the edge of the bed like I did the first night I came to her room, which happens to be the last night I slept alone. The cats have taken over my pillow. I saw the other two curled up on the bed on my way back from the bathroom.
“Come with me.” I bypass all the probing questions and get to what I really want. “To Denver.”
Her brows lift, and her pink lips part. “Denver?”
“I have a big condo. There’s a gym and a pool in the complex, and—”
“You want me to quit my job and move in with you?” The furrow across her forehead deepens. Is she astonished or horrified?
“I don’t want this to end,” I repeat. My feelings pile on my tongue, an unusual sensation. Expressing emotions and discussing them isn’t my thing. “I don’t want us to end.”
Her expression softens. “Me either, but I love my work, and even if we have to sell… the new people might hire me.”
She’d go from owning the place to being an employee again? Even if she had less power than she had with my dad? “There are breweries in Denver, and they’d run each other over to have someone with your experience.”
She tilts her head, considering me, her hazel eyes guarded. “What else is in Denver for me, Calder?”
“Me.” I clench my teeth for a heartbeat. How did I think this conversation would go? Easy? She’d agree and start packing? I didn’t think it’d go well. That was why I surprised us both with it.
“And there I’d be, moving for a guy again, like I did with Tanner. I never wanted to leave Scandal in the first place.” Her soft laugh has traces of bitterness. “I thought, eventually, Ransom would give me more of a role, but it was like—” She licks her lips and looks away.
“You can talk to me.”
She nods and draws herself up. “It was like he was holding on so tightly to keep from losing more of her. More of all of you.”
It’s a punch right to the throat, but I swallow past the pain. The worst part about getting kicked out was seeing our indominable father so damn flawed. “Maybe.”
“I think that’s why I came back after the breakup. I didn’t get anything different in Williston. Slinging beer is slinging beer, but at least here, I had people who cared about me.”
Now they’re gone. No wonder she’s gun-shy.
“I care about you.”
Her sigh is quiet. “Can you blame me for thinking this through after how it turned out last time? I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Or anything that was mine.” She chews on her bottom lip. “I still don’t.”
“We can build something together.”
She searches my eyes, but the crinkle stays between her brows. “We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks.”
“I don’t need long to know when I have something good.” I rise and walk around to her side of the bed. “It’s never been like this for me.”
Vulnerability shines bright in her eyes. “Not for me either, but Calder, my life is getting upended.”
“And you don’t have a safe place to land.” I slide my fingers around her ankles. Her skin is smooth and warm. I tug her down the mattress, and her shorts ride up, her shirt rolling to under her unbound breasts. “I can be that place.”
I crawl on top of her and settle between her legs. The cats are watching us through half-closed eyes.
She twines her arms around my neck, but she’s not fully relaxed, and I know what she’s like when she’s boneless and all mine. “Why don’t you want to come home?”
I nearly flinch when she says it like that.
Home. My home is more than ten hours away, a place surrounded by glass and concrete.
I’m not drawn there, but I’ve never been one to live by my passions.
Dad did that, and the businesses suffered.
The people suffered. Later today, I’ll pick up another one of his passions—a smashed-up classic convertible. The one that finally got him.
“This is where I grew up,” I say carefully. There’s a disconnect between my brain and my dick. My pulse beats through my erection, but our conversation isn’t more complicated than an orgasm. “It’ll always be important, but I’m not moving home to become my dad.”
She frowns. I prop myself on an elbow to smooth the line between her dark brows.
“He was a flawed and stubborn man, but he had a lot of good qualities, too.” She captures my wrist. “His laugh cheered up anyone who heard it. He donated every time the school had a fundraiser. And he was the first guy the Millers called to help when their cows got out. Would it be so bad?”
“He ruined everything he loved.” I feather my fingertips over her cheeks, with her hand still wrapped around my wrist.
What am I admitting here? I’m not rash or impulsive.
I’ve known who Meredith was for years, but our relationship can still be counted in days.
We don’t have a definite beginning, other than when I walked into Jules Creek and became captivated.
Was that how Dad felt about her sister? Mama was sick in bed, then in walked a vibrant, optimistic Holly?
He knew who she was for years, but then he became enraptured and gave up everything.
She cups my face, her expression solemn. “I need to think about it.”
I finally ask a woman for more than a fuck or two, and she tells me she needs to think about it. Humbling. She’s asking for time, and I can give her that.
I slide a hand up her thigh and push her leg wider.
My fingers are so close to her hot center.
I don’t have to touch her to know she’s wet for me.
Her body is as tuned to me as mine is to her.
I can’t smell wildflowers without getting half-hard.
I can’t return to the city wondering when I’ll see her again, touch her again.
I can’t wonder if she’ll decide to sell if only to forget me and move on. Mostly, I can’t watch her let me go.
So I have to make sure I’m worth moving for. “I’ve got something to help you think.”