Chapter 48
FORTY-EIGHT
CALDER
The drive to Williston is quiet and somber. Neither of the guys mentioned I was in Meredith’s room last night.
I pull in front of the sprawling concrete building.
Portions of its walls are made out of windows.
The entire second story is lined with glass.
As far as airports go, it’s small. A fact I’m grateful for at the moment.
I put the Escalade in park. Bowen moves for the door handle, and Landry lifts his head off the back seat.
“I need a minute,” I say gruffly.
I’m facing a drive that’ll take the entire day, and I’ve gotten very little sleep.
When Meredith finally passed out after I buried myself between her legs and made goddamn sure she’d never forget me, I couldn’t drift off.
Too much was on my mind, and it doesn’t have to do with auctions or brand and real-estate sales.
“I’ve gotta talk to you two.”
Bowen slides his gaze toward me and tenses. “You doing all right?”
The sad truth is that if it weren’t for Meredith and the past three weeks—hell, the past month since I heard about the accident—I’d have dropped them off and headed for Denver.
I wouldn’t have thought about how the funeral was the first time in years all three of us had been together.
I probably wouldn’t have realized we didn’t make plans to get together again anytime soon.
Landry pinches the bridge of his nose and yawns. “You look like hell, Calder.”
“I feel like it.” I feel like turning this damn ride around and heading right back to a warm bed. “Are you really okay with what we’re doing?”
Landry’s gaze sharpens, and he shakes off his tiredness. “Take Meredith out of the equation. Would you still be asking us that?”
I grind my teeth together. He knows the answer. “When are we getting together again?”
“Whenever the hell we want.” Bowen studies my expression and shakes his head. “What’s this really about?”
I’m not ready to answer. “What do you each know about your employees?”
“I don’t need to know anything,” Bowen say wearily. His eyes are slightly less bloodshot than mine.
“What do they know about you?” I nod when neither of them have an answer.
“Mine don’t know anything more about me than my name, that I’m single, and that I work all the time.
They know I’m a dick when I acquire another agency.
Likewise, I know nothing about them. Molly has shown me more pictures of her child than I’ve seen from all my employees combined since I started CFC. ”
“HR would tell us we’re doing just fine.” Landry slumps against the door, haggard, his fingertips to his temples. He didn’t drink that much, but leaving is hitting all of us. “We’re bosses, not buddies.”
“I don’t know, it just seems… heartless.” Pointless. “I like making beer.” Talking to people. Hearing about their lives, how their cattle are doing, and what trips they’ve taken.
“Then open a brewery in Denver,” Bowen snaps, but he’s staring out the passenger window at a plane rolling to the gate. His glowering gaze isn’t full of anger. “Figure your shit out on the drive back. Landry and I are thrilled to be going home.”
“Yeah.” Landry rests his head back. “We are.”
“I have to make sure we’re doing the right thing.
” I can’t shake the wrongness of today. I’ve led with my gut and my head all my life, and this is the first time both have been screaming at me to stop and think.
“We have it all. Yet we’re not happy. None of us.
People would kill for a fraction of what we’ve got.
Remember the stories Mama used to tell about her grandpa?
How his parents had to come here after getting their land taken, starting over with a gaggle of small kids, working from farm to farm until they could buy their own parcel?
And here we are, talking about how we want to toss away what Dad left us for a few bad memories.
I know I wasn’t the only one thinking of all the good times. ”
“Dammit.” Landry thumps his head against the window. “We have it planned, and you’re trying to drag us back?”
“No. I just need to know…” I need to know how losing Meredith is the right thing to do. Because it’s crushing me.
“You’re in love with her.” Bowen twists in his seat. “Is that what all this is about? A girl? Are we doing this again?”
“It’s nothing like what Dad did.” I glare at him. Am I in love? Is that what this is? “I’m leaving for you two. I’m doing what you both insist is best, and I don’t fucking like it. I’ve been looking out for each of you since you were born.”
He probes his forehead again. “Look, Calder, dump it all. Sell your business. Leave Denver. Get your girl. You don’t have to drag us into any of it.”
His words echo in my head. “If I sold CFC, I’d have a lot of money. Maybe enough to buy a working ranch and a brewery.”
The air in the cab thickens. Don’t they like that idea? Me with everything? I don’t want to do it alone. I don’t want to trade them for Meredith.
“Unless you two—”
“No.” Landy shakes his head and grabs the door handle.
“Don’t fucking drag me back there. I’m done with Scandal.
You don’t even know if Meredith wants you.
She’s got a life ahead of her. Each mile you put between you and her, she’s making plans of her own.
And remember—you drag us with you and we all go back on our decision to sell, you’re tying her to us. To you.”
I can’t be impulsive. I’ve been deliberate my whole life, but I can’t mess with Meredith. She’s got a new start, and if I charge back in, unsure of everything outside of wanting her, what will she do? Tell me to kick fucking rocks?
I’m nothing if not a businessman. Always consider all the angles—and there’s one dangled like a beautiful wildflower right in front of me.
“What if that’s what she wants?”
Bowen lets out a long sigh, then he looks at his watch. “I’ve got to catch my flight. And you’ve got a long drive to figure it the fuck out.”