Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
L izzie stood in the doorway to the Rose Room on Friday afternoon and stared at Bill the Plumber, trying to make sense of the words coming out of his mouth. “What do you mean it’s paid for?”
The repairs had been completed, and the room looked even more stunning than it had before. The rose wallpaper had been replaced with the remnants they found in storage. The carpet was plush, with a thick pad, making it look and feel luxurious, and all of the wood in the room had been polished to a high shine. It smelled fresh and clean and ready.
The deposit she’d paid only amounted to half of the estimated repairs, which hadn’t accounted for the amount of overtime Bill and Mark had put into the project. She’d been expecting a bill equal to three mortgage payments.
Bill packed the last of his tools away with a shrug and a sly grin. “Just what I said. The invoice has been paid in full.”
“By who?” Even as she asked the question, she knew the answer. She’d stuck Renic in this room to scare him off, and instead he’d paid to fix it. Her throat tightened at the thought of owing him that much money. “Never mind. How much was it?”
Bill smirked at her. “As far as you’re concerned, zero. You let me know when you’re ready to tackle that old addition. I’m keen to sink my tools into a project like that.”
The addition was in even worse shape than the main building had been when she’d taken over. It remained boarded up and isolated from the rest of the house. At the rate the repairs were going, she’d never be able to do anything with it but let it rot. “It’ll probably be a long way off, if ever, to be honest.”
“If you change your mind, be sure to call me.” Bill picked up his tools and waited for her to move out of the way.
“Thanks, Bill. You did an amazing job in here.” She escorted Bill to the front door, making small talk along the way.
When he was gone, she stood in the entry feeling lost. Della left Tuesday to go back to the city. Carter was in class and then practice. Mark was next door crafting a new vintage. Carrie was on a supply run.
The house was deserted, unnaturally quiet, and anxious.
Or maybe that was just her.
She didn’t have anything to be worried about, but the feeling persisted.
She wandered into the kitchen with the idea of cleaning the office, but when she got there she couldn’t make herself open the door.
The last time she spoke to Renic in that room, he’d told her he loved her.
She’d told him it wasn’t enough.
The expression on his face when she said that—hurt chiseled in cold stone—was etched in her brain and heart. It made her soul ache every time she thought about it. She wished she could take those words back. They were callous and cold and ultimately untrue, and the longer she thought about them the worse she felt.
What woman in her right mind thought that someone’s love wasn’t enough?
After the way she’d treated him, he still paid for the repairs and the rooms without saying a word to her. At the very least, she should say thank you.
The closed door mocked her.
Lizzie turned her back on it and poured herself a glass of wine instead. Then she went out the back and down the steps to Lookout Point. The twinkle lights were still up because she couldn’t bring herself to take them down. The area looked sad, like the ghost of Christmas left hanging around way too long.
She sat on the daybed with the glass of wine untouched on the table in front of her and looked out at the lake. Everything reminded her of Renic. Everywhere she looked, a memory poked at her. She could feel him caressing her body, she could hear his throaty whisper as he told her, This is what I ’ ve been waiting for , and she could smell his cologne lingering around the daybed.
She closed her eyes and tried to make the memories go away. They revolved through her mind again, slower and with more detail.
Her phone buzzed. She rubbed her face, then pulled the phone out of her pocket and accepted the video call.
Della beamed at her. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and she wore a remarkably plain black robe. “Lizzie!”
“Hey, Della.” Her voice sounded hollow, even to her own ears. She cleared her throat.
Her sister’s face fell. “What’s wrong?”
Lizzie made a conscious effort to unwrinkle her forehead and put on a smile. “Nothing. Literally nothing. What are you up to?”
Della narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “That’s not your nothing face. That’s definitely your something face.”
A spark of irritation flared. “What do you want, Della?”
“I wanted to ask you something, but maybe it’s not a good time.” Della bit her lip.
“What’s that?”
“I know you hate the city and all, and it might be a little awkward, but I was hoping you’d come to the tour kickoff. It’s at Madison Square Garden, and there’s a little get-together after. It’s a big deal to do the Garden, and I wanted to share it with you. Say yes. Please?” Della nodded encouragingly, but the look in her eyes said a lot more than her words. She didn’t want to face another once-in-a-lifetime experience alone.
Lizzie resisted the urge to wrinkle her nose at the idea. Della was right, she didn’t want to go to the city, and she definitely didn’t want to attend a kickoff party. She’d been to plenty of those, and it was always exhausting.
She also didn’t want her sister spiraling back into the same funk that made her run before.
Lizzie’s attention caught on something Della had said. “Awkward? Why would it be awkward?”
Della laid the phone down, leaving Lizzie with a view of the teardrop chandelier that graced the living room of her New York City apartment. There was the sound of rustling fabric, as if her sister were changing clothes. “Well, Renic will be there, of course, and Morgan. Plus the new studs in the stable, Jacob, Tyrone, Keith—you know, the Big Three. All the staff and a few from Omega. The party isn’t just a kickoff. It’s to celebrate the deal.”
There was so much to unpack in her sister’s statement that she wasn’t sure where to start. She focused on the last part first. “What deal?”
“You haven’t heard? Self Evident merged with Omega Music Group. Well, not fully. It’s a fantastic deal, actually. Renic made sure we keep the masters, and he has controlling interest still. Omega is providing PR and some other stuff, which gives Renic a lot more free time to spend on other things.” Della’s face swam back into view. She wore a red T-shirt now, and her hair spilled down around her shoulders. Her eyes were a little too wide to be legitimately innocent.
“What other things?” Lizzie could barely keep track of what her sister was saying. She was stunned that Renic had sold any part of his company, let alone to Omega. He hated the way behemoth companies did business. It was why he’d formed Self Evident to begin with—so he could keep control. It didn’t make sense that he would relinquish even the slightest bit of that when the company was doing so well.
“Scouting talent. I guess he got the bug again after finding Jacob with you.” Della took on a crafty tone that broadcast her intentions far more than her actual words.
Lizzie narrowed her eyes at her sister. “Did Renic ask you to invite me?”
“Nope. It’s all me.” Della held the phone closer to her face, which had the effect of making her eyes look enormous. “I want my big sister with me on one of the biggest nights of my life. You’ll come, right?”
Her gut clenched and screamed, “No,” but a voice in her heart whispered, “Renic” over and over. “The show’s three weeks from now, isn’t it? That’s really close to the Sasher wedding.”
Della rolled her eyes. “Come on. It’s only one night. You can stay with me and go home the next day, if you want. Or come a few days early and we can shop for the tour. I need bus clothes.”
Lizzie huffed out a laugh. “I can’t believe you need any clothes at all.”
“A girl can always use new clothes.” Della’s gaze turned downcast. “You’ll come, right? Piper won’t, and Mattie can’t. You’re the only one. Please?”
It was the vulnerability in Della’s voice that ripped the words out of Lizzie’s mouth before she could stop them. “Okay, fine. I’ll be there.”
“Yay!” Della bounced up and paced the room. “I have a new song I want you to hear.” Something buzzed in the background. “Oh, that’s the studio. Gotta go. Love you, see you soon!”
“Love you too.” Lizzie waved at the blank screen.
Della made a kiss face at the phone, then ended the call.
She had so many questions. Why had Renic paid for her repairs without telling her? Why had he made that deal with Omega?
She could call him to find out, but if she did, he probably wouldn’t answer. He hadn’t reached out to her since he left.
This debate wasn’t getting her anywhere. She should just be an adult and call.
She scrolled through her contacts until his face popped up, then hesitated. What, exactly, was she going to say? Hi, sorry I was such a jerk the last time we spoke. Thanks for fixing the pipes?
“This is ridiculous,” she told herself.
She’d start with thank you and go from there. She touched his number and waited. It rang once, then went straight to voicemail.
She hung up before the beep sounded .
Great, now he’d have a notification that she called but left no message.
She glared at the phone. She could call him back and leave a message, or she could text him instead.
Text seemed like a safer way to go.
She opened a text message and stared at the blinking cursor.
Finally, she tapped out, I ’ ll pay you back for the repairs. Let me know how much.
She waited a few minutes, but he didn’t respond.
She tried again. Heard about the deal. Congrats?
Still nothing.
Either his phone was off, or he was really busy.
Or he was ignoring her.
Irritated, she thrust the phone into her back pocket and drained the wine glass. If he didn’t want to talk to her, there was nothing she could do about it from here.
Three weeks later, Renic still hadn’t responded, even though she’d sent enough text messages to qualify for a novel, and tried calling twice. Piper texted a short, Go C him , while Mattie spent an hour on video chat late one night talking through her latest love song lyrics because, as she said, “They might help you sort out some things.”
Carrie advised her to hunt him down and bang him like a tambourine to get him back.
Despite what she’d told Della, she wasn’t sure she was going to the kickoff until the day before, when she went over her accounts in anticipation of the next event and realized that with the repairs paid for, plus the amount Renic paid for the rooms, she was well ahead of where she needed to be .
It felt wrong.
He couldn’t ignore her if she was at the launch.
She’d go to Della’s show, hand Renic a check for the repairs, apologize for her bad behavior, and leave with a clear conscience.
With that firmly in mind, she drove from the inn to the city in the old truck she and the Belhurst staff used for deliveries, which left her with plenty of quality alone time to think about what she’d say when she finally stood face to face with Renic. She rehearsed out loud, to be sure she wouldn’t stammer through it when the time came.
“I’m sorry for what I said, but my point still stands. You’ve been so busy you can’t even pick up the phone or text me back, so clearly you don’t have time for a relationship. Tell me how much I owe you, and I’ll get out of your life.”
It sounded petty and spiteful even to her own ears.
She tried again. “Look, we had a good time, but we both have very different lives. This was never going to work. So please just tell me how much you paid Bill and I’ll get the money to you.”
No. That didn’t feel right, either.
After an hour of silent driving, she tried saying what was really going through her head.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time I go to Lookout Point I feel you next to me. I’ve been to the Still & Grill three times, because it reminds me of you. I sat in the Rose Room for hours one night, picturing myself next to you in that bed.”
She gripped the steering wheel a little harder and blinked away a tear. It was probably too late. His silence hammered at her from a distance, and it was more effective than if he’d shouted .
What would he do when he saw her? Would he turn his back and walk away?
She deserved that.
By the time she reached Madison Square Garden, Lizzie was a mixed-up bundle of nerves. She wound her way through the maze of equipment, storage boxes, cases, and people backstage, trying to stay out of the way but unable to stand still. She expected to see Renic around every corner, but there was no sign of him.
Even with earplugs, the music and crowd noise were so loud that she knew it would be hard to hear for hours. She’d forgotten how loud it could be backstage.
She pushed her way past a roped-off area for costume changes to peek through the side curtain at the crowd. It was the biggest venue Della had ever played, and it looked packed. Tens of thousands of people clapped and danced and sang along with the opening act, the up-and-comer in Self Evident’s stable Keith McKay.
Keith’s style complemented Della’s and worked well to pump up audience anticipation. He was edgy pop with a hint of rock, and hot enough to make everyone swoon. She could see why Renic had chosen him for Self Evident.
Someone tapped her shoulder, making her jump. She whirled to find Della grinning at her like a fool.
“Jumpy much?” Della shouted over the music. She wore a black, sequined halter-style minidress with fringe, a hooded, floor-length black and gold cape, and thigh-high black boots.
Gone was the little girl who preferred bright yellow sundresses and the teenager who wore bedazzled schoolgirl outfits. In her place was a glistening, brilliant woman with sparkling eyes who could captivate thousands with a single wave of her hand.
Her sister looked every inch the superstar .
Lizzie pulled Della in for a long hug. “You look great!”
“Thanks for coming.” Della squeezed her back. “I don’t want this without you.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” Lizzie told her. “Give ’em hell, Dell Bell.”
The music ended, and Keith made his transition announcement. “Thanks for coming. Stick around because I think you’ll like who walks out here next. Thank you New York!”
The crowd erupted, and the applause lit a fire in Della’s eyes.
Keith ran down the stage steps and stopped next to Della. “Think I got ’em warmed up enough?”
Della squeezed his arm. “You did great. See you in thirty for the duet.”
“Yep.” He looked Lizzie up and down, and his smile deepened a couple of notches. “Who’s this?”
The man was completely full of himself, but charming. She couldn’t help but smile back.
Della shoved him playfully away. “It’s my sister. Scoot.”
Lizzie held out her hand. “I’m Lizzie, the backstage Bellamy.”
Keith shook her hand. “Nothing backstage about you.”
Lizzie flashed a rueful smile. “You haven’t heard me sing.”
Keith’s gaze dipped lower. “Plenty of other reasons to have you on stage. Hope you’re going to the party after.”
She nodded. “I plan to.”
“Good. See you there. And you,” he said, pointing at Della, “see you in thirty. Keep ’em hot for me, ’kay, babe?”
“Whatever.” Della rolled her eyes. “Go away.”
Keith saluted them both and trotted off toward what Lizzie assumed was the green room.
Della’s band, including five backup singers and a troop of dancers, clustered around the stage steps. They looked pumped and ready for action.
“You need to go,” Lizzie said.
Della gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Stay for the end, okay? I’m doing a new song.”
The opening salvo from the guitar and drums started up, and the crowd went wild. “Della! Della! Della!”
“Go! I’ll wait right here.” Lizzie waved at her sister.
Della bopped over to her waiting crew, and they circled around her like the captain of a football team. Everyone extended a hand into the middle of the circle, then raised their hands and faces to the sky with a loud whoop.
The music on stage surged louder, and the dance troupe ran on stage. The rest of the musicians followed, then Della paused a few beats before she flashed Lizzie a beaming smile and ran out to greet her legion of fans.
The responding roar made a jet engine seem quiet by comparison.
Lizzie found a perch on top of some equipment cases. She watched her youngest sister enchant, entertain, and enthrall the thousands of people who’d come to experience the magic. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face as, song after song, Della rocked Madison Square Garden.
By the time the last song rolled around, Lizzie’s face hurt from smiling and her head buzzed from too much noise and excitement. She had to admit she’d missed the crowd, the rush of adrenaline, and the soothing power of really great music. The energy generated by a live audience was intoxicating and exhilarating, a high that couldn’t be equaled with drugs or alcohol.
“Are you ready for one more?” Della shouted to the crowd, then waited for their cheers to die down a little. “This is a new one, a bonus track that’ll come out in a few weeks. It’s a little different and has a special place in my heart. I hope you like it.”
Della glanced over at Lizzie and winked, then the piano began to play a simple, soft, rolling tune. After a few notes, the violins joined in, and the crowd lit up their phones and cigarette lighters and swayed to the haunting, soulful melody that was very different from Della’s usual happy pop style.
Lizzie opened the recording app on her phone just in time to catch the opening lyrics.
Sometimes late at night I
reach out for my phone to call you but you don ’ t
answer when I do.
Sometimes when I check online it ’ s
full of happy faces but the only one
I see is you.
Sometimes in life you choose a path,
It all seems crystal clear but then
you blink, and you ’ ve lost your way.
If I could do it all again,
I ’ d turn around and stay.
Lizzie’s heart swelled with the realization that Della had to have written this song herself, because it was entirely about their family. Della complained Piper never answered her calls, and just the other day she’d mentioned how pictures of Mattie kept turning up in the tabloids and online gossip blogs. The regret that came through the third verse was palpable .
Della turned so that she looked straight at Lizzie as she sang the chorus.
What if I just showed up in your doorway,
if I wanted you to see me
Would you slam the door right in my face?
And make me go away?
Or would you listen, would you hear me
When I said that I was sorry, I was wrong,
I should have told you what was really going on
Because I miss you
Tears welled up in Lizzie’s eyes. She held the phone aloft in one hand while she pressed the other over her heart and mouthed, “I love you.”
Della mouthed back, “I love you more.” Then she strode to the front of the stage in time for the next verse.
Ain ’ t it funny when you think
you ’ re all grown up it seems and then
you trip and fall just like a fool?
Della turned her back on the audience to point at Lizzie.
If I could do it all again,
I ’ d stay right next to you.
Lizzie shook with suppressed tears but tried her best to hold the phone still. This song was for all of them, and she wanted to make sure Piper and Mattie got the message .
On the outside I was fine,
all you can see is shine
And maybe that ’ s the problem
Glimpses can be so deceiving
Let ’ s go back in time and
Try to change the lies and
Maybe we would see that
We belonged together all along
Lizzie stopped recording after the last note died away. Tears in her eyes made it hard to see the screen, but she managed to tap out a quick group text to Mattie and Piper. You need to hear this.
She attached the recording and hit “Send.”
Piper’s reply was short and, if not sweet, at least not hostile. Damn.
Mattie’s reply was longer and more encouraging. Wow. She wrote that? Give her a hug from me ok?
Two encores later, Della ran off the stage and plopped down next to Lizzie looking tired but jubilant, as she always was after a show. “What did you think?”
Lizzie hid her phone so Della couldn’t see the screen. “It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.”
It took them over an hour to get to the after-party because Della insisted on stopping by her apartment to change clothes. She now wore jeans and a cropped red top.
After a lot of negotiation, Lizzie wore what her sister called a “make them drool” outfit. It consisted of a short, dark green dress, boots, and a cape as a nod to the chilly November weather. Her hair was fluffed and spilled around her shoulders, and she wore too much makeup in her opinion, but Della had insisted it was as much a part of the outfit as the boots.
Lizzie carried a little black purse that was entirely too small, but she was able to shove her checkbook in it along with her lipstick and wallet.
The second they stepped off the elevator into the Self Evident Records lobby, she was overwhelmed by music and laughter and the smell of liquor.
Della squeezed her hand. “Want me to help you find him?”
Lizzie shook her head. “I know where he’ll be.”
The last time she’d been in this lobby, she’d stormed right through it on her way to Renic’s office without actually looking at it. In between the people, she could make out comfortable leather couches lining the photo-covered walls. Several of the photos featured Della at various concerts. The warm wood floor spilled into a large open space that looked like an industrial living room with overstuffed chairs and lights that doubled as art hanging from the ceiling.
Floor-to-ceiling windows provided a sparkling view of the Manhattan skyline. A bar had been set up in one corner, while a table filled with food surrounded the reception desk. Another hallway led to the offices on the right.
Lizzie threaded her way through the party crowd and down the hallway. Renic’s office was at the end. The corridor was a lot longer than she remembered, with at least a dozen offices along the way.
The door to Renic’s office was open, and she could hear several voices drifting out from inside. Though she couldn’t make out what they were saying, she thought she recognized Morgan’s Boston accent, and there was a male voice she thought sounded familiar but couldn’t place, and Renic.
Lizzie hesitated. If she went much further, one of them was bound to see her coming. Her heart pounded, and it felt hotter than it had a few seconds ago.
Maybe she should come back some other time.
Another familiar voice, this one male and heavy with country twang, grew louder. “Can’t wait to see where you take this. Oh, and that Jacob kid…got a chance to hear his demo and damn. You sure can pick ’em. Keep at it, Renic.”
Nate Edwards stepped into the hall and stopped short when he saw Lizzie. His smile was warm and crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Lizzie Bellamy. It’s been way too long. I’m glad to see you.”
She returned his smile and reached out a hand for him to shake, but he pulled her into a hug instead.
“I sure hope this means you’re back helping out. Things run a lot smoother with you around. Always have.”
She shook her head, but gave him a fond look to soften the blow. “I’m just here for the launch. I head out tomorrow. Besides, you don’t need me. Morgan’s a superhero.”
“Well, I hope you’ll reconsider. I miss seeing your face.”
Morgan and Renic both appeared in the doorway behind Nate. Lizzie flashed them a smile before returning her attention to Nate. “Come to Belhurst Castle next time you want a break. It’s a little slice of heaven, I promise.”
“I’ll do that.” Nate glanced over his shoulder at Renic and Morgan. “I’ll let you all get to it.”
Nate strolled away down the hall, leaving nothing between Lizzie and Renic but Morgan and a few feet of space.
“Hey, glad you came! I know Della really wanted you here.” Morgan glanced at Renic, then moved toward Lizzie. “ We should catch up some other time. I’ll just give you two some quality alone time.”
“Hi, Morgan,” Lizzie said. “You know you’re welcome at the inn anytime.”
Morgan pulled her in for a half hug as she walked by. “I’ll take you up on that. Renic brought me a case of wine which is obviously not going to be enough. I’ll need to come for regular injections.”
Lizzie laughed. “Mark will be happy to hear that.”
Morgan leaned close and whispered, “Make him tell you why he did this deal.” She winked, then sauntered away with a lazy wave. “See ya.”
Lizzie watched her go, a little confused, then turned to face Renic.
She was in his space now. She felt out of place and unsure. She’d spent all that time practicing what to say and now couldn’t remember any of the words.
Finally, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I brought my checkbook.”
Renic looked confused, then seemed to catch on. His expression froze into one of practiced neutrality. “Come in.”
She berated herself for being a clumsy idiot all the way past Morgan’s desk and into his office. Renic closed the door.
His office took up the entire corner of the building, with floor-to-ceiling windows on two sides and a fantastic view. A sizeable L-shaped desk took up space on the right, while a pit of couches lounged on the left. The wall behind his desk was covered in framed gold and platinum albums, while the remaining wall featured enough TVs to make any sports bar jealous.
Most of the room was sleek, with modern industrial steel and glass. It was practical and creative, just like the man who used it. It fell somewhere between geek fantasy and high-end lawyer.
His desk, though, was a crime scene. It was covered in papers, pens, and coffee cups. A laptop perched precariously on top of a stack of books, and a pair of hi-tech headphones dangled off one corner of the monitor. A half-empty bottle of Mark’s Tetrick signature label sat on a corner of the desk, but there were no wine glasses anywhere.
Renic stood in the middle of the office and watched her, a lion waiting for its prey to move.
Expectation hung so thick in the air between them it was difficult to breathe.
Lizzie gestured at the desk. “I thought mine was bad.”
Renic’s gaze intensified. “Why are you here, Lizzie?”
She wanted to tell him it was because he hadn’t returned her calls, or because he hadn’t told her how much she owed him, but it wasn’t the real reason she was here.
“I wanted to see you.”
He watched her, his face a mask of stone with eyes of fire. She felt captured by those eyes. She couldn’t look away and didn’t want to try.
“Why?” The way he said it burned away her insecurity and hesitation.
She clenched her jaw, hoping it would help her control what she said. She didn’t come here to fight with him. “Why do you think?”
“I’m confused, Lizzie. You left me with the impression that we had nothing more to say to each other.” He moved behind the desk and sat down.
He didn’t offer her a chair.
She should go, but not before she said what she had to say. “There was more to it than that. ”
He arched his eyebrow at her. “What more could there possibly be?”
His tone was arrogant and snotty, and it drove a dagger of irritation straight through her resolve to be an adult. All the words that were boiling in her brain spilled out before she could stop them. “I’m here because you refused to answer my calls or texts. You left in the middle of the night without saying a word, without giving me the chance to explain. You paid for rooms you had no intention of using and repairs that weren’t yours to make like you were leaving money on a bedside table.”
He leaned forward, his expression clouded with anger. “That’s what this is about? Money?”
“Yes. No. It’s more than that. You—” She huffed out a breath, frustrated at how hard it was to say what she really meant. She tried one more time. “You threw ‘I love you’ at me in the middle of an argument like it would solve everything. I wasn’t ready.”
“You weren’t ready for what? To lose an argument? To get on with your life?” His expression turned calculating, and his tone was sharp. “Or were you just not ready to admit you had feelings for me too? Because I have to tell you, Lizzie, I can’t think of any man who thinks the right response to a declaration of love is the words ‘it’s not enough.’”
She closed her eyes. More than anything she wished she’d never said those words. They were cold, and cruel, and untrue.
“I didn’t mean it,” she whispered.
The chair squeaked, and she heard him come around the desk.
She opened her eyes.
He was now just a couple of feet away, and there was a spark in his eyes that wasn’t there before .
Hope flared in her chest so hot it hurt.
“What did you mean Lizzie?” he asked. “I really want to know.”
If she said the words she wanted to say, there’d be no taking them back. If she stepped over that line, her life would change in ways she couldn’t anticipate. Hope told her that if she did, there was a chance happiness would follow. It had been so long since she’d reached for that chance that she’d almost forgotten how. But she had to try.
She drew a deep breath and said what she should have said that night. “I love you, too.”