Chapter 1
I’ve tried to leave this part of my life behind so many times.
Over and over, I’m dragged back to rehash the memories of the worst days I’ve ever endured.
How many times can I do it before I say no more?
I think wearily. I’m proud to say I’ve moved on.
It took years for me to get to where I am right now.
My husband, recognizing the tension whipping through my body, offers with complete seriousness, “We can leave.”
I snicker. “’Cause that will go over well.” I rub my hands up and down my arms, trying to warm myself.
He turns me to face him, and my slight baby bump brushes against his muscular abs. “Like I give a damn about that. Especially now.” His hand drops to caress my stomach tenderly.
I reach up and cup his cheek. Smoothing my hand back and forth over the bristles that tickle the inside of my palm, I murmur, “You need to shave.”
“I ran out of time. This gorgeous pregnant woman had her way with me this morning. I was a wreck when she was done.” His smile, the very first thing I noticed about him, makes my stomach flutter. Then again, maybe that’s our baby kicking. Either way, I’m flooded with gratitude.
Now.
“I didn’t notice you complaining,” I tease.
He gives me a look rife with disbelief. “I may be called many things, but I hope I’ve grown out of my idiot stage.”
Brushing my lips against his, I whisper, “I occasionally have to check. It took you a little longer than the average male.”
Just as my husband’s about to retaliate with some smart-ass comment, a door opens behind us. “Mrs. Sullivan? Dr. Powell is ready for you.”
Cal doesn’t let me go right away. “I’m right here, Libby. I’ve got you.”
“I know.” And I do; he’s more than shown me that.
Concern flashes over his face. He opens his mouth but closes it just as quickly.
“What is it?” I ask. I don’t have a lot of time before I need to be on the other side of that door.
Crushing me to him, he whispers directly in my ear, “You had a nightmare last night.”
Surprised, I lean back in his strong arms. “I did?”
He nods solemnly. “And I know today’s going to make things worse.” The tick in his jaw betrays his calm demeanor.
Knowing I’m putting the schedule at risk, I wrap my arms around him and hold him as hard as I can. Cal buries his head in my neck. “Even if they try to get to me in dreams, there’s nothing for you to be afraid of.”
“Why’s that?” His voice is raw with remembered pain.
I search his tired eyes, which I can now see reflect his lack of sleep.
Probably because he was standing guard over his family.
Kissing him briefly, I pull out of his warm embrace and make my way to the door.
I pause there and look back. “Because just like the first time I woke from my nightmare, you were there for me.”
“I always will be. No matter what.”
Without another word, I follow the young intern down the hall. Another person greets us before saying, “I’ll take Mrs. Sullivan from here. How are you today?”
I smile and nod, but inside I’m screeching in maniacal laughter. Is anyone ever ready to have their emotions dissected like they’re a frog in science class?
It takes another few minutes before I’m settled facing Dr. Powell. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Mrs. Sullivan.”
“Libby, please,” I correct him. I can’t do this if we’re going to stand on formality.
“Libby,” he returns. “We left off yesterday talking about your background; you’re an interior designer in the Washington, DC, area, correct?”
Smoothing a hand over my stomach, I nod. “Yes. A little less than four years ago now, my husband’s company was bought out. We decided to relocate with the new owners.”
“How does it feel to be back in Charleston?”
My eyes drift out the window overlooking the harbor. Sunlight glistens off the water. I shudder.
“Is strange an acceptable answer?”
“It is.”
“Then let’s go with that.” The laugh I receive is appreciated, so I begin to relax.
Maybe it’s too soon to do that.
“Libby, I can’t help but notice you’re expecting. “
“It’s getting harder and harder for me to miss too,” I joke, earning another chuckle.
“Is your family excited?”
“Beyond belief.” I smooth a hand over my stomach, pulling my dress tighter.
“After everything you’ve been through, it must feel like a miracle,” Dr. Powell says gently.
“Yes.” I don’t elaborate more because I suspect he will.
And I’m right.
“We’re here for a reason, today, Libby. And this miracle is a perfect conclusion to it. I hate to take you back…”
“You don’t have to,” I tease. “We can just talk about how I plan on decorating the nursery.”
He smiles. There’s an edge of determination covered by a layer of sympathy to it that I abhor—not that I’d let him see. I don’t need the sympathy; the families of the people who didn’t survive do.
What I need is peace.
“I’d like to go back, Libby.”
I shake my head, still wearing a smile. “What’s the good in that?” For me, for Cal, for any of us?
“Context.” Dr. Powell’s words come back at me so succinctly, I want to roll my eyes, but I can hear Cal’s voice in my head telling me to calm my sass.
Reaching for the unopened bottle of juice on the table next to me, I twist the cap off and take a small sip. Just a small one. I still can’t consume liquids any faster than a tiny drink at a time. “How far back would you like to go?”
Flipping through the notes on his lap, he lifts off his glasses before asking, “What made you decide to take a trip on your own on the luxury cruise liner, Sea Force?”
Even knowing the question was coming, my heart sinks because I know of all the subsequent questions that are going to follow.
Cal was wrong. I was wrong. To keep raking this over the coals punishes more than just us.
Taking a deep breath, I admit, “Because I was certain my marriage was over.”
After all, when a communication breakdown occurs in most marriages, there’s always a ripple effect. But when it occurs on the international stage, and it involves a coordinated military rescue, well, the ripples are the size of a tsunami.
Plucking at my dress, a dress I chose to wear because it has sunflowers scattered on it, I remember the days leading up to when Cal gave them to me for the first time. It was right at the end of college, and every day seemed as beautiful outside as this one.