Chapter 21
21
Lis
G racyn is burrowed into the end of the couch with a glass of wine watching shit TV when I get home. “Hey. How’d it go today?”
“Not yet. Give me a minute?” I go straight to my room and ditch my clothes for jammies. Wrapping my hair in the messiest of all buns, I make a beeline for the glasses and bring the rest of the open bottle of wine to the living room. “Okay. I’m ready.”
“You get the grade on your test yet?” Gracyn peers at me over the top of her glass.
“Nope. Hand me your laptop.” The look on Aidan’s face as he answered his phone earlier is replaced with the memories of ink marking his skin and the look in his eyes as he broke through my barriers. I log into my university account and take a big gulp of wine. “Ready?”
“Yeah. Go.” Gracyn buzzes, almost as tense over my grades as she is over hers. “What do you need to stick with it this summer?” She’s practically bouncing with nerves.
“Anything over a B, and I should be okay. I just…” Gracyn jumps and almost spills her wine when I screech. Almost . “I got an A—holy shit.” I bite my lip trying to suppress the huge smile that wants to take over my face. “G, I’m gonna make it. Oh my God, I’m gonna do this.” Eyes huge, I split the rest of the bottle between our glasses.
“Yeah, you are. I never doubted you,” she says with all the sincerity in the world. I’m the one with all the doubts and fears of failure.
I set her laptop on the coffee table and let out a huge sigh of relief, nestling myself into the arm of the couch and shoving my feet under the throw blanket she’s got wrapped around her.
“And what about Aidan? Things are good there?”
The first thing that pops into my mind is the call he got—the frustration and concern etched across his face. He hasn’t responded to my text, yet.
“I think, yeah. I haven’t seen him since Friday, but yeah. He was incredible helping me…study?” I didn’t mean for that to come out as a question. “He takes care of me. Makes me feel like I’m a priority to him. I think my trust—my comfort?—is important to him.”
I grab my phone from the table and send him another message before dropping my phone in my lap.
“Yeah?” I know for sure that she’s concerned for me, but her questioning it makes my glass pause on my lips. “What’s the plan there? Is he staying, Lis? In the States? Or is he going back to Ireland?”
I check my phone for a message I know isn’t there, lower my glass, my gaze falling to the loose thread in the blanket.
“I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about that. It’s been all about me—my needs—my…”
“Don't you think you should find out—before it’s too late?”
Deep breath in, I tilt my head back against the side of the couch.
“Lis?”
The air rushes out of my lungs. Thoughts are racing through my head. Pinging around inside my brain. “This is just a distraction, remember? It was your idea,” I whisper.
“I…just don’t want you to get hurt. Talk to him. Don’t set yourself up for heartache again.”
My eyes drop from the ceiling meeting hers in an intense stare.
Gracyn raises her hand, palm out while she rationalizes. “Not that I think for a minute he’s going to go fuck Maryse behind your back, but what’s he doing here? Where is his head? You need to talk to him. Soon.”
“Yeah, I know.” Not much about tonight’s sitting well with me. “What about you, G? You gonna sit there and tell me I need to protect my heart, when…”
She cuts me off with a snort. “Dude, really? I’ve got your fucking back—I’m just looking out for you.”
“When you’ve been off since spring break, Gracyn.” Not good. I don’t want to do this with her. I hate fighting. “What’s up with your shit?” Trading my wine glass for her laptop, I open Facebook and search her timeline.
“What are you doing? Stop, Lis.” Her feet push at me and I have to grab at the computer to stop it from hitting the floor.
“Look Gavin up, do a search. Have you looked for him at all?” The heat rolling off her glare is scorching. “I love you, and you know I appreciate you looking out for me, but what about you? For the love of God, G—what’s the deal? It’s been months and I still find you staring at his picture on your phone, but you won’t look for him? Contact him?” It’s totally ridiculous that I’m getting this pissed.
Deflecting? Probably, yes.
“What if he’s in the area? What if he’s thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about him?” She’s blinking way too fast for that to be anything other than tears she’s fighting. “Gracyn. What’s the name of his band?”
“ The UnBroken. ” She practically whispers it. “But I don’t want to know. The timing’s bad.”
“The timing is only bad because you won’t let it be anything else. I care about you too, you know. And you’ve been moping for months.” There are a ton of posts on Facebook for the band—they’re tagged all over Instagram—all over. “G, they were just here last week. They were the band that played the college summer series. Did you know?” She refuses to make eye contact with me. She absolutely knew. “You knew he was here and you took all my hours last week.”
“You needed the time off to study. This class is important to you.” I don’t know what to even say to that.
“Don’t you dare twist this and make it about me. You know someone else could’ve worked the bar. Using me as an excuse makes you sound like my mom—and you don’t want that—I know you don’t.” My mother has been manipulating shit my entire life. Anything to make Maryse look good. “Gracyn, I love you, but that’s just wrong. I’m…I’m going to bed. I can’t…forget it.” The air in the apartment seems to have shifted. The tension is high and I’m pissed.
Of all the fucking things to do, twisting my needs to suit her wants and fears is too much. And she knows it. She’s seen my mom pull that shit and Gracyn’s been the one to scrape me off the floor from the aftermath. Literally.
Done with today. I’m done with it. The morning hasn’t improved my mood. The fight with my friend reminded me why I’m not good at accepting help. I never thought this shit would happen with Gracyn.
Never.
“Lis, I’m sorry, okay? What…what do I need to do? How can I apologize?” She knows. She fucking knows that she can’t twist things and use me as an excuse to get what she wants—or avoid what she thinks she doesn’t.
I’ve got Gavin’s tour schedule saved to my phone. They come anywhere close to this area again and I’m dragging her ass to the show. That’ll help.
“Dammit, Lis, stop. Just…I knew I would end up there if I didn’t have somewhere else I had to be.” Her voice drops and she slumps into a seat at the kitchen table. “I needed to work that night as much as you needed the time off.”
“Why not talk to me, though? What the hell? I don’t understand.” I throw my hands up in the air, before letting them fall to my sides.
“I know. I…you have so much going on and…listen to me, just for a minute.” Her fingers twist through her hair, frustration rolling off her in waves. “If anyone gets how important this class is for you, staying on schedule to graduate early, it’s me. I know. I get it—I’ve been with you through all of your family shit. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you he was here and that I needed to be busy. I just…I will. Okay? Next time, I will.” She finally raises her head and looks at me. “I just need some time.”
“Gracyn, you’re scaring me. Tell me what happened?”
“Not yet. Not now, but I promise to tell you everything. Soon.” And with that, she leaves. No makeup, not put together. Just grabs her keys and leaves. Tears already streaming down her face.
This is so not right. It seems like every time things start looking like they’re all going to line up and life is going to move forward without drama, something shakes loose. We’ll be okay. It just goes to show that disappointment is lurking.
This is the most we’ve talked in weeks. We just haven’t crossed paths—which is odd. I can honestly say I’ve not been avoiding her. I really hate conflict and the shitty feelings that never seem to dissipate, and talking is the only way I know to make things better. But she’s been steering clear of me.
I dump the rest of the coffee into my go-cup and grab my bags. I’m going straight from class to work today, like I have been for most of the summer, and then hopefully to Aidan’s.
Things have been going really well, other than with my dear sweet friend, and it scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to think about the next thing to go wrong, but I feel like the snowball has started down the mountain.
My knuckles barely land on the door, when it flies open and Aidan steps into me. He wraps his hands around my cheeks pulling me in close and kisses me like he hasn’t seen me in ages. I’m completely consumed by him as he kisses my breath away.
He pulls back and with his lips ghosting over mine, he whispers, “Christ, I missed you. What are you doing to me?” Aidan’s forehead rests against mine as I breathe in the faint scent of stale beer, sweat and him.
“Come in, then. I was just waiting to take a shower until you got here.”
He scoops my bag off my shoulder and pulls me through the door.
“Pretty presumptuous,” I laugh when he turns to look at me, cheeks flushed and brows pinned to his hairline.
“Not what I meant, but if you’re offerin’, I won’t deny you.” His sparkling eyes contrast with the low, gravelly timbre of his voice.
Before a response has a chance to form in my head, the door swings open again, narrowly missing my backside. Finn and a couple guys from the pub stumble in, smirk hitching up on the left side of his mouth.
“Am I intererruptin’?” He looks back and forth between us knowing full and well that he might be.
“Nope. I just got here.” I take my bag from Aidan’s hand and stalk to the stairs. “Aidan, why don’t you shower first? I’ll go after you.” And up the stairs I trot to the sound of snickering and mumbles.
Freshly showered, damp hair piled on my head, I walk through the apartment quickly, avoiding the furtive looks from the guys sprawled across the couch. Aidan is out on the small deck with a couple icy glasses of water for us and the noise blissfully dies as I pull the door shut behind me.
“Guess we’re not watching a movie?”
Aidan huffs out a laugh and hands me a glass. “We’re not. Sorry, it’s pretty crowded here at times.” He’s leaning against the railing, arms crossed over his bare chest, shorts slung low on his hips. His gaze settles the four, loud man-children who took over the couch and TV.
With a decisive nod, Aidan straightens up and ducks inside grabbing a pillow and a light blanket from the basket by the couch. “Here, take my glass—” He leans over the railing and chucks the stuff he grabbed to the deck of the apartment below us.
“What are you doing?” I snort out a laugh and watch him scale down the ladder that runs down the side of the deck. “Aidan?”
“Hand down the glasses and come on.” He reaches up and takes our drinks.
Shimmying down the ladder, I step onto his neighbor’s deck. Aidan throws the pillow on a hammock spread between the deck supports. “Aidan, we can’t just use his hammock,” I laugh. The guy who lives here is nice, but this is a bit presumptuous.
“Help me with this. We’ll spread this out and lie on top of it.” He hands me the blanket and opens up the netting. “He’s out of town this weekend. Asked me to watch for a package delivery.” He climbs into the hammock and reaches for me, pulling me in. I yelp as it sways from my weight dropping in. Aidan chuckles, adjusting me so I’m half on top of him.
“He told me I was welcome to use his deck if I needed to get away from the boys. They get to be a bit much sometimes. And you’re the one I want to spend my alone time with.” He trails his fingers down my arm as the breeze blows gently across us.
“This is perfect.” I yawn, resting my hand over his heart. “Tell me about your tattoo—the cross.” I’ve wondered since catching a glimpse of it in the darkroom. I’ve seen it plenty since. Traced it with my fingertip. Studied the intricate knots, the heart, and hands. The crown.
“I got it in honor of Michael.” He places his hand over mine and slides it down so his thumb finds the inside of my wrist. “His passing.”
The shift is subtle, but it’s there. I can feel the tension, like there’s more to say, but he’s not quite ready. I get it.
“I’m sorry. So sorry.” I place a soft kiss to his warm lips and press my hand to his heart, and the tension eases away. My eyes are heavy and everything about this moment feels right. I feel a connection to him that I haven’t truly known before. Our breaths match—our heartbeats in sync.
As I drift off, I hear Aidan murmur, “ Codladh sahm —sleep well.”