Chapter 24
24
Aidan
T he candlelight plays with the few tendrils of auburn curls that have escaped her pins. I can’t take my eyes off the exposed slope of her neck. It’s absolute poetry. As she studies the menu, I take my time studying her. Her eyes look brighter than usual against the dark makeup; her lips are a bold red, the bottom one caught between her teeth as if this is her biggest decision of the night.
Maybe it is.
Maybe she won’t have to think about the answer at all when I ask her to live with me.
She lowers her menu and takes a sip of her wine. I reach for her free hand and pull it closer to me. My thumb over her knuckles, finger rubbing light circles on her wrist. “You look truly beautiful, Lisbeth.”
She smiles sweetly over the rim of her wine glass. “Thank you.” The waiter comes, takes our orders, and clears the menus, granting me the space to grasp both of her hands between us. “Is everything okay?” Her brows pinch together when she asks.
Jesus, I’m nervous. “It is. Just about perfect, yeah. Your classes went well so you’re set to graduate and be done after this term?” It’s taking everything I have in me not to blurt it out, and to wait for after dinner. I want to do this right—make sure she knows how much she means to me. Because she means so much.
“God, yeah. I can’t believe I’m almost there, almost done. It finally feels real, you know? Thank you for everything you’ve done to help me. I know we got side-tracked a couple times, but in all seriousness, I would never have made it through these two classes without you.” The flickering candle dances in her eyes. I could get lost in their depths. Jesus, they’re beautiful.
“Anything you need, love. I told you that.” The words want to spill off my tongue. “Lisbeth, I?—”
The waiter brings our food just then and the interruption gives me the break I need to find the strength, the resolve to hold off from acting a fool. I want to ask when we’re alone—in case she says no .
Lis thanks the waiter and waits a beat. Just a moment until he’s clear of our table. “You what? What were you going to say?” I’ve lost all ability to focus on my answer as I watch the fork slide through her lips. My God, this woman. “Aidan? What were you saying?”
“Tell me. Which was your favorite flat of the ones we looked at?” I know I’m stalling, but I have to know that I made the right decision.
“Uh…not the cat place.” She wrinkles her nose adorably.
“No,” I chuckle. “Not that bloody flat. Not at all.” I’m fidgety, and I know it. I want her in my life, every single day. “Tell me your favorite. The one you liked best.”
“Why do you want to know, Aidan?” I love that she’s asking. I love the challenge that bleeds through her question. She sets her fork down and clasps her hands together on the edge of the table, leaning toward me, and I decide this is the moment.
“Lisbeth, love. I want you to like where I live. I want you to want to be there. With me.” I don’t put my fork down. Instead, I turn it toward her and watch as she parts her lips for me. I watch as she wraps them around what I’ve offered her.
Locking my gaze on her, I wait. Wait for the questions, the answers—wait for what will either make my heart sing or weep.
I had a speech prepared—flowery, lovely words—but patience is not in my arsenal tonight. The small box in my pocket becomes an unbearable weight. And knowing full and well that she’s going to freak out, I pull it out and take the ring from its velvet nest.
Her eyes go wide and her fingers shake as she lifts them to her lips. Those lips that I want to capture. “Aidan…I…we…” Pink is tingeing her cheeks; her pulse looks like it’s beating frantically at her throat.
“Lisbeth, I would love nothing more than to wake up to you every day. I want you to help me choose a place to live because I want you there with me.” Her gaze bounces between mine and the ring in my hand.
“Aidan, I…”
“Do you know what this is? Do you know the significance of the Claddagh?” Slowly, she shakes her head. “Love, loyalty, and friendship. ‘With these hands, I give you my heart, and crown it with love.’” My words whisper their way out, quietly enough that she leans closer to me. I reach my left hand across the table with my palm facing up.
“Where and how it’s worn shows the true significance. Can I have your hand?” So slowly, she places her right hand in my palm. “On your right hand, with the point of the heart pointing toward your own means you’re in a relationship—a committed relationship. It lets the world know that your heart belongs to someone. Will you wear it that way?”
She swallows and nods her head with a barely audible yes . “Are you…does this mean you’re staying?” The fact that she questions that kills me.
“I plan to, yes. Lisbeth, I would love nothing more than to move you in with me and switch that ring to your other hand.” I place a kiss over the ring where it sits on her right hand, and then press my lips to the empty ring finger of her left hand. “I know that this is big. I know that I’m asking a lot of you and I’m asking it quickly. It scares the shite out of me that we’ve only known each other four months, but I love you, Lis. I don’t want to let you go. I want you with me.”
I hold my breath, waiting.
I can’t let the silence be. She hasn’t said anything yet, hasn’t responded, hasn’t made a noise at all.
“It’s down to two places. The smaller flat that overlooks the river is plenty big for me. But I feel like you were drawn to the townhouse closer to town—with the funky kitchen and the garden in the back. There’s room for a hammock.”
I glance up at her hoping for a sign, some indication of what she’s thinking.
“The one with the claw foot tub? The brick walls and wood floors?” Is it a good thing that her eyes are shining like that? I want to believe that it is.
“Yes, that one. Both are available right away. I can move next week, as soon as I get back from the city. The townhouse is just a three-month lease, but the flat is available for longer.”
“Which one do you want?” she asks.
“Lis, I don’t know how to say it any clearer. It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll have space, separation from the boys in either place. They’re good guys, I appreciate them letting me crash with them, but I’m ready to get out of there. The only thing that matters to me is that you want to be there.”
Her breath comes out in a trembling whoosh. Not at all what I was hoping for. “Can—can I think on it?” Fuck .
I clench my jaw, grinding my molars against each other. Nodding my head, accepting the utter disappointment at her reaction, I force a smile to my lips. It’s fake as shite, but I hope it at least comes across as something better than a grimace.
“Of course.”
“It’s not no . I just, this is big. It’s really big. I was with Rob for four years and living together never came up. It just…”
“Lisbeth, don’t. Don’t put me in the same category as that—as him. That’s not fair or right.”
Her gaze jumps to finally meet mine.
“I’m not. I’m just, God this is—I don’t know.” My heart has done its time on the amusement park rides tonight—up and down. Slowed to almost stillness and then thumping through my chest. “Let me try again, I’m not explaining this well,” she starts. “I have stuck to a really strict, disciplined plan for the past three years. The only reason I’m here, within sight of graduating early is because of that plan. Focus and a handful of people who, for some reason, believe in me and support me when my own family can’t be bothered, have gotten me here.”
I know all of these things. I do.
“And I have to talk to Gracyn.”
What the hell? I fight not to bristle at her rejection, devastated that she needs her friend to help her with this decision.
“Surely, she likes me enough, yeah?” I huff out a small laugh as I push my hair away from my face. I lean back in my seat searching for some sign that this isn’t over.
Did I read too much into this? Maybe.
Lis
“Aidan, I’m not looking for anyone’s approval or permission to do this. Yes, it’s a big deal and I guess I wasn’t sure about us.” The hurt pinches his face and mars his features.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed for this. It’s too soon.” His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are glistening as he looks away.
“Please just listen to me. Please?” A slow nod lets me know he’s listening. I wait for him to turn back to me before continuing. “I wasn’t sure about you—about whether you would stay. I’ve been petrified, wanting to ask you, but so afraid of the answer. So afraid that this is more to me than it is to you.” My hand flutters back and forth between us, but settles over my heart.
“Lisbeth, I will love you regardless of whether you choose to move in with me. That’s not going to change.”
“You’re giving up a lot if you stay here, and…”
“Lis, there is no place I’d rather be. I want to be here, with you. Or somewhere else, but only if you’re there too.” He leans across the table, reaching for my hand.
“Your family is all in Dublin. What about them? What about your parents and siblings? What about your nieces and nephews? You’re willing to give up seeing them whenever you want? You’re willing to give that up for me?”
“I’m not giving anyone up. I will see them plenty; every time I travel to the UK for an assignment, and I can’t wait for them to meet you, Lis. I want you in my life, and your life is here.” His voice drops to almost a whisper. “What else is holding you back? What does Gracyn have to do with this?”
No matter how I say this now, it’s going to sound ridiculous. After that huge declaration, I feel completely foolish.
“I can’t just leave her without a roommate. I need to give her time, help her find a new roommate or something. We’ve lived together for more than two years. I can’t just run off and dump the other half of our rent on her. She’s done too much for me to ever treat her like that. Can I say yes , soon ?”
He stares at me for what feels like an eternity. I’m not sure Aidan has any idea how much it just took for me to do that, to stand up for myself. To open myself up and argue—push for what I need.
The relief is overwhelming as he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do soon .” He settles our bill and we leave the restaurant hand in hand.
I don’t think either of us expected the evening to end this way.