Chapter 14
Chee
She knew this wasn’t going to work. She knew!
Sure, for a brief moment of insanity, she had allowed herself to think that maybe, perhaps, they might be able to possibly make this work.
She’d forgotten who she was dealing with. She let herself forget who Trove was. Or even convinced herself that he could change.
Of course not. Once a player, always a player.
She just kept seeing all those beautiful, scantily clad ladies. She heard them calling for him in their simpering, needy little voices. It made her sick to her stomach. Worse, it made her hate herself, because they were all so much prettier than her.
And what kind of man whore was such a devoted patron that literal prostitutes were begging him to come see them again? No wonder he didn't care how much money he just spent buying her clothes and food and at the spa. He was used to wasting his money on women.
Which brought up the horrible thought that maybe he thought with all of that he was paying for her as well.
She was going to throw up. She could feel his kiss still on her lips and she desperately tried to wipe it away without success. But that didn't help because she could also feel him on her palm. On her cheek. On her body. Everywhere he had touched.
Like she was a prostitute.
This was the male that was supposed to be her soulmate? This was the person that was meant to complete her? To love her? To be her other half?
It wasn’t only ridiculous, it was insulting. She wasn’t sure what god or deity controlled the cosmos, but this was definitely their idea of a joke.
“Chee, can you at least talk to me?” Trove asked, and the genuine confusion in his voice just spurred her on faster.
She couldn’t be around him another moment. She couldn’t look back and see his sad face. He might even be able to convince her this wasn’t that bad actually. Manipulate her into thinking that things like this were normal.
This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t right. And she wasn’t going to tolerate this!
He was still behind her. She knew he could probably catch up to her easily, but he didn't. He just stayed right on her heels as she navigated her way back to the docks using the signs overhead.
That, at least, was easy. If she had to rely on him to get back, she might just say screw it and let herself get lost. Or just not go back at all.
But Hyde’s offer was still too important to ignore, so despite wanting to run away, to leave all this ridiculousness behind, she went back to the Vainglory.
And putting in their docking code to unlock the door felt horribly like defeat.
She didn't even get the satisfaction of hearing the door slam behind her because Trove continued to follow right after.
Even the diminished gravity of the docking tunnel wasn’t as fun as it had been. She rushed through as fast as she could to get back into the ship. When she got back to her room, she could slam that door on him and get some privacy to break down in peace.
However, she was denied even that. The moment they stepped back into the storage bay, Trove was running around to get in front of her.
“Chee, what…”
But he was brought up short as she stopped, glaring at him. Tears were burning down her cheeks, and she couldn’t stop them from falling.
Seeing them, Trove could only stare, one hand up as if to reach for her, his mouth moving but no sound coming out, tail lashing uneasily behind him.
“Leave me alone,” Chee commanded, glad that her voice, at least, remained stable.
“I don’t… I’m sorry…” He muttered weakly.
“For what?”
“I… don’t know.”
“Exactly. Then, you’re not really sorry, are you?”
“I am! I didn't want to hurt you. I am sorry.” He floundered for a moment. “But I really don’t understand. I told them no.”
“You said maybe later!”
“I was trying to be nice.”
“They’re not offering you tea and cookies. They were offering sex! You don’t just say, ‘oh, another time perhaps’,” she mocked him with a fake hoity-toity accent before snapping- “Especially when your mate is standing right there!”
“I didn't want to be rude. They’re friends of mine.”
“They’re not friends, Trove! They’re nice to you because they’re paid to be.” She laughed, though there was no humor in it, as the tears fell faster. “And apparently, they’re paid very well. I can’t even imagine how much you had to give them for them to come begging for you to come back.”
“I believe in tipping for good service,” he said softly.
And he must have known that was the wrong thing, especially when she started laughing harder. The false mirth turning into sobs as her head dropped.
“I cannot believe this…”
“Chee.”
He reached for her again, but she stepped out of the way, putting space between them as she cut him a hard glare.
“No.” Her voice was firm, even as she was shaking. “Trove, this is not… I cannot be with someone who is so cavalier about sex.”
“It’s not like you’ve never been with someone.”
“I haven’t!” She yelled, throwing out her arms. “I’ve been waiting for my true love!
Because,” she laughed wildly again. “Because I thought somehow, that maybe my true love would be out there somewhere.
I didn't expect him to be waiting for me, but I also didn't think he’d consider sex to be just another commodity to trade.”
“Is it not?”
The soft question, so genuinely confused, brought her up short. It was all she could do to just stare at him in disbelief.
She knew he had an unusual past. She knew he was a murderer. But surely he couldn’t be so out of touch that he really thought sex had no other meaning except the exchange of pleasure. That it couldn’t be something more.
Shaking her head, she walked past him. Unable to keep talking to him. Unable to even look at him. She had to get away.
And to her great relief, he let her. He didn't try to step in or hold her back. She didn't even hear him following as she took the ladder steps up to the second floor. Which was good because she couldn’t bring herself to look back as she made her way to the guest room.
It wasn’t until the door shut and locked behind her and she sagged against it that she let out the sob that had been building in her throat. Crying desperately, she sank down to her butt.
Her mate.
That was her mate.
A male who bought sex and didn't care about discussing prospects with prostitutes right beside her. He didn't even have the good decency to hide it from her. He just thought she’d be okay with it happening right in front of her face.
Or maybe, the kind of woman he’d want to be with would. Maybe an open relationship was the kind he’d want. The kind he expected.
But Chee couldn’t do that. She couldn’t share the man she wanted to spend her life with.
She couldn’t sleep with other men while she had him.
She couldn’t just treat sex as something casual and easy like that.
It wasn’t. Not to her. Sex was important.
It was meaningful and intimate. It had to be. If it wasn’t, then…
Chee held her legs to her chest, shaking as she cried. Hating that she wished, even now, that Trove was there to hold her.
Even despite everything. Even knowing he was the cause of her pain, he’d already cracked her heart enough to reach her.
Maybe that’s what the mate bond was. This weakness to this person. Was he going to corrupt her to be like him? Was he going to twist her thinking, convince her that this was okay. That him being with prostitutes was normal? Would he convince her to fuck other males?
Other people might like this, but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t reduce sex to this!
The cheeping of the combot Hyde gave her was what finally lifted her head. She wasn’t used to carrying the device with her, so she’d left it in her room. It was beeping at her from its place on her desk.
That wasn’t Trove…
Was it?
Weakly, on shaky legs, Chee stood and walked to the desk. When she touched the combot, however, the signature it flashed at her wasn’t Trove’s.
Letting out a long breath, she connected the voice comm.
“Hey, Hyde,” she muttered.
“Are you okay?” He asked immediately. There was no way for her to hide the tears in her voice.
“No,” she admitted, wiping aggressively at her cheeks. “I can’t do this. I can’t!”
“Chee.”
“I’m trying, I really am. I even kissed him! But then there was a brothel and they were calling out to him and what kind of person gets begged to come back by prostitutes? Like, how much money is he giving them? How often does he go there?”
Hyde didn't say anything. And his silence was damning. Chee stilled, staring at her combot as she realized-
“You knew. Didn't you.”
“Don’t be mad, Chee.”
“You knew he was like this and you still-! Ah!” She turned around, running her hands back through her hair. “I can’t believe this. How careless is he about sex is he that this place would… No… It’s not just this brothel is it?”
He said nothing.
“Hyde!”
“He… prefers to pay such places a visit when he has a chance.”
“No, no, no…” She laughed, and once again, the sound was hysterical rather than joyful. “He prefers such places. Meaning, he only goes to the brothels when he has station leave, doesn’t he? There are probably brothels all across the cosmos that would beg him to come back.”
Hyde said nothing, and she really was going to throw up.
“This can’t work,” she said quickly, shaking her head. “This isn’t going to work, Hyde! I can’t be with someone who thinks sex is so meaningless!”
“Who said he thinks sex is meaningless?”
“What else could that mean?” She threw out her hand, gesturing out of the room to everything that might lay beyond. To Trove and the brothel and her entire messed up life that she even agreed to a deal like this to begin with.
Because she was going to stay. She wasn’t going to give up. The prize at the end was well worth whatever suffering she went through now.
But damn, it was hard.
“Hypersexuality can manifest for a variety of different reasons. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he feels sex has no meaning.”