12. Indie
INDIE
MARCH
“Okay, let’s book these hotels…”
Teddy pulls me close on the couch, and I open my laptop, smiling automatically at the background photo: us at my party, half drunk and wildly in love, arms wrapped around each other, both of us flushed and grinning at the camera.
But the smile falters as I really look at him, a pang of worry running through me.
He looks exhausted. There’s too much dark under his eyes, his skin looks washed out, and there’s a giant mug of coffee in his hand even though it’s already eight at night.
But Teddy is still Teddy, smiling at me to wipe away my concern. He leans in to kiss me sweetly and then completely takes me off guard with his question.
“How would you want to be proposed to, honey?”
I go still, half expecting that when I turn, Teddy’s face will show that he’s teasing. Instead, all I see is curiosity. My heart stutters in my chest.
Right, this is what adults talk about when they’ve been dating for a while, when they’re doing something as serious as moving cross-country together.
Marriage.
I want to marry Teddy. I want to be his wife. I want the house, the fence, the kids, and life with Teddy.
“Why?” I ask.
Teddy shrugs, grinning. "Just curious. Would you want it public?"
He gets one look at my face and snorts.
“Yeah, thought so. So, private. Intimate. Maybe… under the stars?”
My eyes light up.
“On the beach?” he asks.
My smile widens.
“The sound of waves in the background,” he murmurs, voice dropping lower. “A bottle of wine,” he brushes his lips closer to mine, barely there. “A full moon. I get down on one knee…”
I feel hot, overly so, my body humming with desire and want and need and pure love. Teddy looks at me with soft eyes, a sexy grin on his face, and his hand gently cradles my cheek.
“Keep going,” I purr.
“And I ask you—Indie, will you—”
His phone going off cuts through the moment.
“Shit, it’s my mom—” he mutters, pulling back fast to grab his phone off the counter.
I’m left there hanging with my lips still parted, ready for his kiss.
The whole moment crashes to the floor.
Ever since that dinner I snapped at his mother, I’ve been trying to limit my contact with her and haven’t been to the house since.
Unfortunately, that’s bitten into the time I spend with Teddy, which has already become very limited these days.
Teddy curses under his breath.
“Shit. Dad said she’s having a meltdown—she found one of Nana’s rings in her jewelry box.”
My patience snaps once more.
“She should talk to someone if she’s still feeling like this. She needs to process her grief, not use you as a crutch.”
Teddy frowns immediately. “She is processing it. She’s just grieving, Indie. She was the same way when Pop died.”
"I know," I say, teeth clenched. "But so are you."
Teddy looks lost. “What does that mean?”
“It means I think you’re focusing so much on your mother’s grief that you’re not leaving enough room to process yours.”
“I don’t believe that,” Teddy says stubbornly.
“She calls, and you go running. You’ve barely been sleeping—look at your eyes, for fuck’s sake.”
Teddy looks caught and immediately averts his gaze, like he can hide the exhaustion written in every line of his face.
“You’re running yourself ragged waiting on her hand and foot, and you get nothing in return.”
“That’s not true,” Teddy shakes his head, stubborn.
“No?” I challenge him. “You can’t even tell them that you want to be an artist. It’s always all about your mother—what about you, Teddy?”
“What about me?” Teddy fires back. “I’m leaving to go to Cape May with you, Indie. I’m moving nine hundred miles away from my home. I’ll only be seeing my family a couple of times a year now. I’m moving for you.”
I flinch.
It’s an explanation, but it also feels like a jab.
"I know," I murmur, cheeks hot.
Teddy takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, like he regrets how it came out.
“I want to spend some time with my family.”
My frustration dissolves.
Right.
That makes sense.
That is actually a really good reason.
I scrub my hand down my face. “I know, Teddy, I just—”
“My Nana just died, and my mom is a wreck,” he says, voice rough. “I’m all she has, Indie.”
I frown. “What about your father?”
Teddy looks uncomfortable.
“He’s not good with feelings. You know that.”
“He could learn to be the man your mother needs.”
“He’s set in his ways. He’s from a different generation. They’re not good with feelings.”
“God, do you even hear yourself, Teddy?” I ask, staring at him. “You sound just like her. Excusing away anything that could be fixed.”
"I don’t have time for this—I have to go," Teddy snaps, grabbing his keys. "I thought you’d understand."
And with that, I break.
“I do understand!” I explode, my voice stopping him in his tracks.
Anger rushes through me, irritation and indignation at being made to feel like I’m a cold, heartless bitch.
“All I’ve been is understanding, Teddy. But I feel like you’re being pulled away from me!
We barely spend a full night together anymore.
You come over after work and we… have dinner, fuck, and maybe watch an episode of a show before your mom calls and you go home. It makes me feel…”
I trail off, squeezing my eyes shut.
“What?” Teddy asks, his voice soft now. “Indie?”
The word tears out of me.
“Unimportant,” I say, my voice thin. I open my eyes. “Cheap. Used.”
“Indie…” he whispers, his face wrecked.
He walks right over to stand in front of me, and for one dumb second, I want to throw my arms around him and take it all back, just because his face looks so devastated.
But I don’t.
“That’s—God, I don’t want you to ever feel like that. You’re my everything.”
“Then show me,” I say, my voice shaking now. “Because I’m getting a lot of mixed signals. You just asked me how I want to be proposed to, and we’re going to move in together in six months.” I search his face. “Are you even ready for that?”
“Yes!” he insists. “Yes, I’m ready. I want to move in with you.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure, honey.”
His phone buzzes again, and he exhales hard, already split in two.
“Let me just go to her tonight. Just to make sure she’s okay. Can we do Santorini tomorrow?”
“We can’t. I’m working night shift tomorrow,” I say, feeling frustration rise because I already told him that. More than once.
“What about Friday?”
“It’s Phoebe’s birthday. I’m taking her to dinner.”
“Saturday?” he asks, pulling his jacket on already.
“I’m working.”
His phone buzzes again.
“You know what?” I snap, stepping back. “Just go. I’ll do it myself.”
Teddy looks torn. I just feel defeated.
He steps toward me, leaning in to kiss me, but I turn so he catches my cheek instead. He looks sad, and it momentarily makes me want to forget my irritation, to apologize. For what, I have no idea.
"Don’t finish it tonight," he says, his voice dropping. "We’ll do it Sunday. I’ll skip dinner."
That surprises me enough to cut through my irritation. He has not missed a family dinner since Ellie died.
“Really?”
He nods eagerly. “I promise, honey.”
He holds out his pinky.
A small smile pulls at my mouth despite everything, and I hook mine around his.
Tilting my head up, I accept his kiss this time.
His phone vibrates in his hand, but for one brief moment, it still belongs to us.
April
I stare at the hotel booking on the computer in front of me, my finger hovering over the mouse.
It’s Easter Sunday, and I volunteered to work.
Just to get out of the apartment. Just to get out of my head.
I haven’t been doing much work today; I’ve been focused on finalizing all of our vacation plans.
Teddy has not missed a family dinner since Ellie died, even though that day he promised he would, something came up, and he had to go.
My eyes scan across the hotel booking, triple-checking that everything looks right.
Santorini. Sea-view. The most romantic room in the hotel, with a private terrace, for four nights, nonrefundable. The pictures are unbelievable, the clear water, the blue skies, the food, the culture.
When I thought I was going alone—pre-Teddy—I just wanted to end the trip on a relaxing note. Now that Teddy is coming with me, I want to end it on a romantic note.
I can’t help but smile, picturing Teddy and me cuddling in bed, basking in the afterglow of making love, listening to the sounds of Greece outside, and just… existing in this bubble with the love of my life.
Knowing that we’re going home together, to a new adventure.
My dream hospital. The payoff for all the hard work.
Unfortunately, thoughts of Teddy are tinged with bitterness now. Every single time I try to get us to just sit down and finish the hotel bookings, his mother calls. This is the last sea-view room available at this hotel for my chosen dates, and I need to make the decision now.
I sigh and grab my phone, seeing the unanswered text to Teddy. I sent him the link to the room to get his approval. And also, I just want some fucking input because I’ve pretty much planned this entire trip while still taking time to schedule things I think he would like.
I just want… a sign of life from him.
A notification pops up across the top of my screen.
@boymomdawn22 tagged you in three photos.
I frown, tapping the notification that takes me to the photos.
The whole Williams family is gathered around the table in their dining room for Easter dinner, with Dawn in the center of it all in her fancy pearls and lavender dress, preening like a peacock.
Teddy sits in his usual spot. And in my spot sits Lily, smiling pretty at the camera and leaning back toward my boyfriend.
My thumb swipes, and this time it’s just a photo of the two of them.
And I feel sick.
Especially when I see the caption.
Our first Easter without my mother, but I’m so blessed to have the family all together again. Including these high school sweethearts, Teddy and Lily. Some things just never change.
The picture itself is innocent. Just two people sitting next to each other on the couch. Teddy is even leaning away slightly from her and is wearing his closed-mouth grin—not the truly happy one.
But Lily looks perfect, as always, in a pretty pink sundress.
If the caption wasn’t bad enough, the comments under the post are what really get me.
All of Dawn’s friends are fawning over Teddy and Lily.
They look so sweet together.
Always thought they’d end up together.
Some connections never go away.
What a beautiful couple!
A couple.
They do look like a couple.
And Teddy isn’t doing anything to correct that narrative. He’s not standing up to his mother. He’s not setting firmer boundaries with Lily, and when she or Dawn or her mother or his aunts says backhanded compliments that cut like insults, he pretends he doesn’t hear.
A new text comes through.
TEDDY
Hi honey. Mom’s not doing well after dinner. I’m going to stay here tonight.
“Fuck it,” I mutter, putting the phone down. I look back at the hotel booking and click Book Now.
Your reservations have been confirmed!
See you soon!
Leaning back in my chair, I hate that I don’t feel excitement.
All I feel is dread.