Truly in Trouble

Chapter 1

Luke

People often say love is enough. Enough for what? Enough for a week, a month? To stop the ache? To keep someone from leaving? Maybe for a while.

Is it enough for a child who loves unconditionally? Is it still enough for an adult who has been conditioned?

How can you even be sure? Can you even miss something until you actually find it?

Until it consumes every corner of your thoughts, fills your heart. Your whole body.

Until nothing else in the world matters as much as that feeling in your chest you’ve been pushing aside since the day you finally tasted the tiniest fragment of joy.

Until it changes your world, making you question every choice you’ve ever made.

Until it paralyzes you.

Until you let it go.

There were too many emotions swirling inside me and not enough time in the Universe to describe them. But guilt overpowered them all.

We walked together from the gate to the airport’s entrance. I had been bracing myself for this moment from the first time we kissed in the beach house. I knew this was different.

This was Hazel.

I may have been used to this, but never in a way that left me haunted. These lingering feelings, this quiet hope that the other person might want you.

With Hazel, though... I dreaded this moment, the talk. Because I knew that sometimes the deepest wounds weren’t caused by actions but by silence. By doing nothing at all.

“Home sweet home, right!?” Hazel said as we reached the exit. Her tone suggested she was trying to cheer us both up. She knew this wouldn’t be easy for either of us.

“Hazel, I...” The warmth of her smile still made it difficult to find the right words, as I struggled to catch up with my heart.

Hazel stayed silent. I knew she wanted me to ask her. To tell her she wasn’t imagining all this. I could sense it in the way she held herself, but that wasn’t the deal, and she knew it. Hazel knew who I was. And more importantly, who I wasn’t.

“It was an amazing trip, Luke. Thank you so much for taking me,” she said, her voice soft, her smile tinged with bittersweetness. “I needed the sun... and a little break from life.”

“Of course. It’s me who should thank you. You saved my ass.” My laughter came out all forced.

“My taxi is almost here, so I’m gonna go. Thank you again... for everything!” She could barely meet my eyes as she whispered the last word, turning away to leave for the exit. Suddenly, I panicked.

“Hazel, wait!” I gently grabbed her arm and turned her around, pulling her into my embrace. My lips brushed her neck as I inhaled her scent, holding her tightly as if she might slip away. I was so lost in the moment that I didn’t even notice her arms hesitantly wrapping around me.

“I’m sorry. I... I can’t,” I murmured, desperately trying to rectify the situation, hating myself as I’ve never hated anyone in my life.

“It’s fine, Luke. F.I.N.E.,” she laughed, spelling out that damn, obvious lie.

“We both knew. I knew. I don’t expect anything more from you.

And you were gentlemen just as you promised.

Well, except for a couple of times, the blouse, and—” A sad chuckle escaped her, but she stopped before finishing her thought.

She shook her head, avoiding being pulled back to the place she’d just sent me with her.

The incredible softness of the skin on her thighs, just as I raised my head and looked into her flushed face.

“—never mind. I’ll still see you and remember your order—black coffee, extra shot, and a pinch of cinnamon. We’re friends after all,” she murmured, a tear soaking through my shirt.

You did this. You miserable piece of shit. You hurt her, I scolded myself, giving the worst pep talk ever.

What’s wrong with you?! Why are you like this?!

There was a time when she called me brave. Ridiculous.

A coward! That’s who I was.

Afraid to look back at her and see the damage I’ve done—was doing—right this moment, I was holding on to her.

Like a child clinging to his favorite blanket for just a little too long until it was time to let go.

I inhaled her sweet scent one last time, trying to capture this feeling so it would last me some time, and released her.

She refused to let pain pass through her defenses, but her eyes.

.. they betrayed her. They held the truth she wouldn’t say, and it tore me apart.

Her stunning smile was holding everything together, trying to protect those around her, carrying all her pain inside to spare me discomfort.

ME!

“Hazel, if something... happens. If you ever need help, please call me.” If something were to happen to her... my jaw clenched in silent frustration. “Just ask me.”

The last part just slipped out. I felt like the biggest douchebag.

Just ask me. After I told her I—

“Just remember,” she said, her voice crumpling at the edges, “your heart deserves to breathe, too.”

I froze. Every muscle, every tiny little cell in my body locked around the breath inside me, refusing to let me inhale. Because I didn’t deserve it. I hadn’t earned this. I hadn’t earned her kind words, her compassion. Her love.

“Take care, Luke,” she said, kissing my cheek before quickly turning to hide her watery eyes.

Hazel walked away, leaving me utterly alone and empty among hundreds of people.

Unable to face the chaos I’d caused, but too proud to break down like a schoolgirl, I compromised by closing my eyes and touching the spot on my cheek where she had just kissed me.

I was breaking her, and yet I was the one standing in the crowded airport.

Broken and completely alone.