Chapter 18
Luke
I woke up from the pain in my back. This was worse than the couch. Where the hell was I?
I opened my eyes, but the sun was so bright it blinded me. I groaned and shut them again as a headache joined the misery. When I finally looked around, I realized I was on a sun lounger, curled up like a pretzel. In just my boxers.
“Well, good morning.”
A loud voice sent a fresh wave of pain through my skull. I instinctively covered my ears, only to feel something on my head. A yellow sunhat.
I looked up, and Norah was holding a cup of coffee, looking at me with a smug look.
“What happened to you?”
“What the hell is this?” I took off the hat, avoiding the question.
“I put it on so you wouldn’t get a heat stroke. Why are you here?”
I got up, took her cup, and walked past her, only to realize two things. One, her cup was already empty, and two, all my friends were in the kitchen, staring at me. I scanned the crowd and noticed Hazel wasn’t part of it. Thank God.
Yesterday’s events hit me like a train. I quickly pulled on my shorts.
“Someone’s cranky. Did party boy party too hard?” Ethan was clinking his fork against his plate like a fucking lunatic. Okay, maybe sensory overload was to blame here.
“Give me some aspirin,” I muttered, slumping at the counter. Summer went upstairs for her medicine bag, just as Hazel came down. Her legs had caught some sun, her face slightly flushed, making her tiny freckles stand out.
Was it flushed from the sun or the filthy things she did to herself yesterday?
Memories flooded my imagination, making me shift uncomfortably. I had to get a grip. I couldn’t be around her if I couldn’t control myself. The exhaustion wasn’t helping. I was relieved we had no big plans today.
A cheerful ‘Hi’ filled the room, and everyone greeted her back.
God, please, let me get through this breakfast at least.
Hazel took the seat next to mine, and I cursed at myself again. Then she smiled at me, a soft ‘Good morning’ tugging at my heartstrings. I froze.
“I need to pee,” I blurted and bolted from my chair.
“Thanks,” Ethan yelled dramatically, dropping his fork in disgust.
I fled to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
My body felt like it was on fire again, and it was getting hard to breathe.
It was ridiculous, like a fucking PTSD, only Hazel was the trigger.
A minute ago, I’d yelled about my pee in her face.
I splashed cold water on my face and took five deep breaths.
Just stay away from her today. It’ll pass.
I stayed there for a moment longer and finally returned to the kitchen, where they were all joyful and cracking up at Logan’s impersonation of someone. A plate of omelet and veggies appeared in front of me, along with a pill in my hand.
Ava and Alex were loudly chatting about the weather and trying to persuade each other which TV character each of them resembled. Someone was comparing someone to Ansel Elgort, although I could have been wrong. I wasn’t participating.
Hazel entered my space, setting a cup of coffee in front of me and bumping my shoulder. “Someone convinced me you could never make such a good cup of coffee,” she teased, winking at me. I refused to let this comment transport me back to yesterday and grunted unappreciative ‘Thanks’ back at her.
God, I couldn’t even look at her. The coldness hit her instantly. I didn’t see it, but I knew it erased her smile in seconds.
Don’t look at her. Yeah, like that means it didn’t happen, you moron.
Thankfully, Summer pulled Hazel into a conversation, shifting the focus away from me. They talked about her knowledge of Portuguese and how she could fool foreigners, but locals always caught her accent.
I kept my head down, shoveling food into my mouth. Maybe if I ate faster, the nutrients would hit my bloodstream quicker, and I’d stop being such an asshole. From the corner of my eye, I caught Norah watching me, puzzled. I ignored her and focused on my plate.
They kept talking, but I checked out, letting my brain cool off.
My motor skills must’ve been impaired, too, otherwise I wouldn’t have knocked a bunch of napkins onto the floor.
Sighing, I bent down to pick them up, but as I sat up, I noticed something blocking me.
Hazel’s hand gripped the sharp table corner, shielding my head.
She was still deep in conversation with Summer, not even looking at me.
It wasn’t intentional. She did it instinctively, without noticing.
No one saw it—except Norah. I stared at Hazel’s hand, then at her face.
Then back at the sharp corner. Then at Norah.
There was no teasing smirk, no knowing glance. Just a silent shock.
I lightly touched Hazel’s hand, and without hesitation, she let go, without even looking at me. Suddenly, Norah was trying to hide a grin. And just like that, I was annoyed again. I dropped my head and focused on my breakfast.
“Does someone have Band-Aids?” Norah asked.
“What happened?”
“I cut my shoulder on the rocks yesterday. It keeps bleeding,” Norah said.
“Can I see it?” Hazel asked.
I choked on my food. Hazel shot me a ‘Shut up’ glance and punched my shoulder. I’d let her do that all day if it meant feeling her touch. A storm of emotions surged in my head, and they were all starting to fight each other.
Norah pulled down her shirt, revealing the cut. Hazel whispered an enthusiastic ‘Nice’. I would’ve laughed if I weren’t trying to contain my rotten brain together.
You, cute weirdo.
“I actually have the same scar on my leg. I got it when I was little, climbing a tree,” she laughed and lifted her dress to expose her thigh. “Though I decided to cover it up with the tattoo, you can still see it. It’s quite big—twenty-three stitches.” Her laugh was liquid fire to my brain.
And that did it. Right that moment. Her bare, exposed leg, the contrast of the tattoo on her smooth skin, the line of her almost unnoticeable panties.
It was just too much. I was, after all, just one man.
“Goddammit, people are trying to eat here,” I snapped, slamming my fork onto my plate, sending a shock wave around the table.
Hazel’s face—utter humiliation. Pain flickered in her eyes before guilt took over. Unbearable. What a prick I was. Nobody said a word.
“I... I’m sorry. You’re right,” she said.
NO, I’M NOT. I’m an asshole. Yell at me.
“I’m being disgusting. I apologize,” she laughed nervously, shame etched across her face. It was unconcealable. She lowered her dress, shrinking into herself.
Funny, it was me who wanted to fall off the Earth right now.
“Hazel, I have that dress upstairs that I told you about earlier. Do you maybe want to try it on?” Norah saved me from the appalling situation I’d put myself in. No, the appalling shell of a man I have bestowed upon them this morning.
I shamed her. In front of my friends. In front of her friends. And for what? My inability to control my thoughts.
Hazel forced a fake smile, walking toward the stairs. Norah followed her, but before passing me, threw a punch into my ribs. Hard. She leaned in, looking dead into my eyes, and whispered ‘Asshole’.
I swallowed my reaction, feeling the sting of both her punch and my own guilt. She may have had her mother’s grace and beauty, but she had her father’s left hook.
As soon as they disappeared, I lowered my head between my shoulders.
“What the hell’s wrong with you, man?” Logan cut through the silence like a knife.
“I don’t know,” I muttered, running my hand through my hair.
“I’ve never seen you this worked up. Not even your parents get this kind of treatment from you, and we know they deserve it.” He was right, he was absolutely right. Hazel’s tattoo suddenly flashed in my mind. Choose to be kind. It made me feel even worse.
I gave up on breakfast and went upstairs.
Lucky for me, she wasn’t there. I finally took a proper shower, the first since my midnight plunge into the ocean.
Cold water ran over me, washing away the weight of this morning.
I tilted my head back, eyes catching on the Christmas lights above, and thinking I’d love to see them with her.
I wasn’t a completely new person after standing under the water for 45 minutes, but at least my headache had eased. I stepped out onto the balcony, staying a safe distance from the ledge as the breeze cooled my skin. I noticed some chatter and looked down.
The girls had changed into their swimsuits and were heading to the beach.
I stepped closer to the railing to get a clear view, completely ignoring the fact that I was on the second floor.
My eyes locked on Hazel. Gone were yesterday’s boxer shorts and black top.
Instead, she wore a dark blue one-piece with a dangerously low-cut back.
Her hair, braided into a bun, was tied with a matching ribbon. And a book in her hands, of course.
She looked so, so pretty. I sighed, relieved she wouldn’t have to deal with me today. I knew the girls would look after her.
I stepped back inside and noticed the bedroom door standing open. The freshly made bed with its white sheets called to me like a siren. I walked in slowly, letting my fingers glide across the fabric.
What was on your mind yesterday?
Or rather, who?
Was her scent still on the pillows?
I closed my eyes and breathed in the calmness. The questions swirled around my mind, but no longer caused panic. They floated in my head like colors in a kaleidoscope.
I made a conscious decision to lie down on the bed, just for a minute, and close my eyes. I will leave in a moment, I promised myself, but deep down I knew I wanted to stay here, trapped in my imagination, where the real world didn’t exist.
And believe it or not. That’s exactly what happened.
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