Chapter 33 Luke
Luke
The city buzzed with energy, even though the streets weren’t crowded. It was that strange in-between hour, late morning bleeding into noon. Music spilled from an open café door. Somewhere down the block, someone laughed too loudly. Life was happening all around us, casual and unbothered.
Ethan, Summer, Norah, and I were out for fresh produce.
With Ava’s permission, of course. Under the condition, we all stick together, because apparently, as a group, we were less likely to make dumb choices, like picking Iceberg lettuce over Romaine, or impulse-buying something none of us would actually cook.
Hazel was sleeping in. After I returned the favor from last night, of course.
The memory hit me out of nowhere. One moment, I had nodded off on the couch, mind blank, body heavy. The next, she was burying her screams in the pillow, coming in my mouth as I licked her good and clean. She tasted so sweet that consequences felt theoretical at best.
Now that I thought about it, I might have deserved criminal charges for leaving her alone in bed. Slipping out like that felt wrong even though I’ve done it hundreds of times. If I were lucky, she’d still be there when I returned.
Unfortunately, Norah and Summer were taking their sweet time shopping, inspecting peaches and debating herbs, thus delaying my return to the warmest bed that had ever been waiting for me. Ethan and I loitered on the street, killing time.
“So,” he said, rocking back on his heels, “should we go over the strategy for tomorrow?”
“We can,” I replied, though my heart wasn’t in it. “But I think we’re already on the same page. We’ve been planning this since the project started. We got this. You got this.” I clapped a hand on his shoulder, solid, reassuring.
He exhaled a laugh. “Yeah. You’re probably right.
” Then he shook his head, eyes distant. “Still, it’s wild.
Two weeks ago we were completely stuck, and it turns out the solution was just..
. sitting in a coffee shop, making us espressos.
” He laughed, snapping his fingers. “And she’s the best we’ve got. ”
“Yeah, she really is,” I sighed, letting my eyes drop to the sand below the railing. His words lingered, turning over in my mind. She was. But somehow I’d always known it.
Ethan didn’t speak for a moment. Then he sighed, irritation edging into his voice.
“Alright, man. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but I know.”
I stiffened.
“I’ve seen the looks. The schoolgirl giggles,” he continued. “You’re not subtle.”
I turned to him, caught off guard. “Are you sleeping with Hazel?”
The question landed harder than it should have. He had no right to ask me that. Why did I think that, I didn’t know. It felt like a violation. We’d always talked about my sex life, joked about it, dissected it. But this was different. This wasn’t abstract.
I averted my gaze.
“That’s none of your business.”
It was the best I could come up with at the moment, and I regretted it as soon as I said it.
“Well, that’s a fucking obvious yes.” His voice rose, edged with judgment. “What are you doing, man?”
“What’s your problem?” I shot back, defensive, anger flaring even though I knew exactly why it was there.
“My problem is that you’re gonna sleep with her and dump her like you always do with your plastic dolls.”
Anger surged through me, but it had nowhere clean to go. I had no real argument against it. My blood slowly started to boil.
“Am I wrong?” he kept pressing.
“As I said,” I growled, fists clenching before I realized it, “it’s none of your fucking business. Besides, was it you or I who brought her into all this?”
“Yeah, but we didn’t know you would bring her here and actually use this chance to fuck her.”
It hit me fast. Too fast. I spun around, burning with the need to shove the words back down his throat. My hand gripped the railing instead.
“She’s an adult,” I said tightly. “She can make her own choices.”
“What a nice excuse you have found for yourself,” Ethan spat just as Norah and Summer approached, bags in hand. Great.
“What’s going on?” Summer asked, instantly on alert. I shot Ethan a deadly look, warning him to shut up. He ignored it.
“We’re talking about Hazel.”
“Oh,” Summer said flatly. “You mean how they’re sneaking around and sleeping together?” She popped a tiny plastic spoon of ice cream into her mouth, unimpressed.
“Something like that, yeah,” Ethan answered, stone-faced.
“Okay, enough,” I cut in. “There’s nothing to know about.”
“Oh, please, it’s so obvious,” Summer scoffed. Norah shot her a look. “What?!”
“Why do you even care?” I asked, my gaze shifting between them all.
“Because we actually like her, Luke,” Summer said, the rest of them nodded. “She’s kind of our friend.”
“We don’t want her to get hurt,” Norah added softly, siding with them. Of course, she was. I was the asshole here.
They were defending Hazel. I couldn’t blame them for that. I was angry for all the wrong reasons and more at myself than at them. At least Ethan had the guts to say it to my face. I didn’t even dare to have that conversation with myself.
“And you know what’s the worst part?!” Ethan went on. “You’re so gone for her, too, man. And eventually you’re gonna bail and hurt her and yourself.”
I hated him. But I hated myself more. My chest burned, breath coming too fast, and my flaring nostrils were now visible from space, but I let him bash me. Maybe I needed it. I definitely deserved it.
“You think we don’t know this is all about your parents?” Ethan suddenly lashed out, and I lost it.
“Shut the fuck up,” I yelled, shoving him hard. Summer and Norah jumped between us instantly.
“Stop it. Both of you!” Norah shouted. Then she turned to Ethan. “You—go cool down. And you—” She pointed at me next, but I was already walking away, heading down the street.
Because, of course, he was right. He was fucking right. I was already shredding my heart and dragging Hazel down with me. The thought made me sick.
Because the truth was—she was the one who mattered. To me. To all of them. And it tore me up inside that I wanted her with everything I had, but still wasn’t choosing her.