Chapter 49
Hazel
I’ve always been an early riser, but even before opening my eyes, I knew it was far too early.
The middle of the night, actually. A full stomach and freshly washed hair—a combination that usually cradled me into the deepest sleep—hadn’t worked their magic tonight, despite wrapping me in a warm and soft veil of comfort.
Yesterday’s mess flooded my mind, and then, I remembered.
Luke. His apartment. The steady presence of him right there by my side.
I opened my eyes, blinking away the haze of sleep, unsure why my body had chosen this moment to wake up. Turning my head, I found my answer.
Luke’s warm, dark brown eyes were locked on mine, his head slightly raised as he leaned on one elbow.
His other hand hovered in the air, gently brushing aside a strand of hair that had fallen across my face.
There was something unreadable in his expression, a quiet intensity, as though he was contemplating something only he understood.
I smiled instantly. “Creep much?” I whispered, but his face didn’t budge. I felt his seriousness slowly trailing up my spine.
He opened his mouth, but there was deafening silence. And then... “Hazel, I’m in love with you!”
My heart stuttered, my eyes widening in shock. For a moment, the words hung in the air, too heavy to fully grasp. Then, like a floodgate bursting, came all the ugly emotions—pain, hurt, anger, and confusion—the ones I usually carefully untangled and rationally explained.
“What?” I sat up, putting space between us, trying to gather some coherent thought in my head. “Why... why are you doing this? Why are you lying to me?” I got up, looking frantically around me, not even sure what I was trying to do.
“Wha—? I’m not,” Luke’s voice wavered as he snapped to attention, standing quickly, his face clouded with confusion and concern.
“Is this your fucked up way to sleep with me again?” I asked, my voice shaking as I crossed my arms tightly over my chest as if trying to protect myself.
“No, NO!” I saw panic in his eyes, but it was nothing close to mine right now.
“Why are you saying this to me? I can’t deal with this right now.” My breathing became erratic as I was searching for my clothes. I think I was having a panic attack. I don’t think I could stay with him here after this... this bombshell.
“Because you need to hear it.” His tone, suddenly firmer, made me stop and look into his eyes, utterly terrified of what I would find there. I was completely sure my face couldn’t hide anything. It was all there for him to see—pain, hurt, anger, confusion.
“Okay, here it goes.” He pushed out a breath like one would before a fight. A fight for us. “I love you. I’m sorry to tell you this now, but it’s the truth. And I can’t hold it in anymore.” His eyes held an unwavering determination.
“I made a choice a long time ago to create my own family. With the kind of people who would stand by me and share my happiness, something I never had growing up. And I thought I’d done it, but.
.. somehow I didn’t realize my parents still lived in my head, making decisions for me, shaping my choices.
” The weight of his regret etched across his face.
“You, Hazel... You accepted me when everyone else tried to change me, even my chosen family. Every single one of them cares for me. I know they love me, but their endless attempts to match me with someone always stung a little. Like I was incomplete if I wasn’t with someone.
Now I see that it was the cause of my decision, not the decision itself.
” He came closer, but this time I was hypnotized. I couldn’t run away.
“You never asked me to change for you or for anyone unless I wanted to do it. And that was what finally made me realize I don’t want to be this version of myself anymore. I want to be better. For you and for me.”
He took my arms in his, and I trembled, tears pricking my eyes. I never wanted him to change. I wanted him to be happy, even if it was on his own, but now... he was standing here telling me he wanted to be happy. But with me. Why was it so hard to believe?
“My parents. Their marriage had been a terrible experience for them, but I refuse to let it define what love means for me. I refuse to believe that pain is the default.”
Something else flickered in his eyes. I lowered my gaze, unprepared for all of this in the middle of the night. Maybe it was like a very realistic dream, and I would wake up at any moment.
“I...” He hesitated. “I’ve loved before, Hazel.” My head snapped back up at his words, catching me off guard.
He didn’t believe in love. That’s what he said, over and over.
“...but I never stayed. I always ran, every time it got real.” He exhaled sharply, like he was releasing years of fear in that single breath. “But not anymore.”
He stepped closer. I could see the weight of every word on his face, the war he’d fought inside himself.
“Because you’re bigger than my fears.” He reached for my hand, holding it like it grounded him.
“Because you deserve to be chosen. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. By someone who truly wants you. Who loves you. And I do, sweetie. I love you. So much.”
His words were like a raw hit to my heart. Ripping apart every scar, every insecurity. A tear dripped down, and Luke caught it, his palm on my wet cheek.
I’d be his if he asked.
“It doesn’t matter.” I wiped my cheek, unable to look him in the eyes anymore. “We’re too different. You know who you are. Eventually, you’ll get bored with me.”
The confession felt like a dagger in my chest. His grip on me tightened, and I could feel the quiet urgency in his touch as if trying to stop me from building walls around my heart.
“Hazel, are you kidding me?!” he laughed out. “You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met in my life. You’re smart and you’re kind. You jump cliffs and read books. You smoke weed and play piano. You’re outrageously funny, hard-working... and brave.
“You take care of people around you.” Luke closed in on me, and I felt his warmth spreading inside my body. “And you take care of sad fruit.” He smiled softly as I wiped away the tears.
“You’re soft in the best possible way,” he whispered, brushing his nose against my cheek. I let out a quiet breath, shaking my head.
“You said that you can’t change people if they don’t want to, right? But I do. Want to. You just don’t believe someone would do that for you.” Disbelief colored his voice, and he cupped my face with both hands, forcing me to meet his eyes.
“For someone so smart and kind and insightful—everything but na?ve—how on Earth can you not believe it? How can you not see how wonderful you make everyone’s life around you, how happy you make me?”
“Because it doesn’t make sense.” It came out as a whisper.
“Because there are so many women who could give you everything you want without dealing with the baggage. With the pain.” It was my baggage.
My pain. My burden that I didn’t dare to put on others.
“It doesn’t make sense why anyone would want that. ”
“Because I want to hear your thoughts—the ones you share quietly and the ones you keep hidden. I want to hear your voice when you’re brave enough to ask for what you need.
I also want to hear you screaming my name loudly in our bedroom when I make you come.
” His grin softened, melting into a tender, affectionate smile.
“I want to kiss your soft lips when you’re smiling so brightly under the sun, and that frown on your forehead when the weight of the world finds you.
I want to be your home.” His eyes locked with mine, searching, as if every word carried a piece of his soul.
“I want all the dark corners of your mind and all the brightest colors of your heart.”
What if my heart retreated again? What if I became a burden again? What if all I wanted was to stay the girl who once felt wholeheartedly loved under the Christmas lights?
Tears slid down my face, and I clung to his wrists, seeking an anchor in the storm of doubt. He gently brushed my cheek with his thumb and pressed a soft kiss on my forehead.
“I’m scared, Hazel. I’m scared, too,” he said, reading my thoughts.
Because he knew. “That I will fuck this up, that we will end up like my parents. That, at the end, I would do some selfish shit, and you would despise me. I could never live with the fact that you do, and we would end up on this hell loop.” He lowered his head, his gaze diving deeper into mine.
“But I’m in love with you and I want to try. ”
Deep within my chest, a desperate need for how much I wanted to belong to him clawed its way out of me.
“I love you,” he whispered this time. “I knew it the moment I met you. I’m so sorry for taking so much time. I got stuck.”
So much was in his words, but his eyes... damn. If I’d ever thought I couldn’t read him before, I was wrong.
“I promise you—there is no other world where I wouldn’t come back for you. Where I wouldn’t fight for you.”
I could see it now. The certainty in his eyes, the unguarded vulnerability.
The love. I recognized this look from our countless moments together, only now it seemed to be stripped of doubt.
It was obvious now that what he was feeling in this moment had always been there, quietly lingering beneath the surface.
His forehead touched mine, and I closed my eyes, drowning in his touch. He leaned in, stopping just an inch from my face, letting me decide whether to allow myself to be loved by him.
“I choose you, Hazel. And I hope you choose me, too.” His breath hit my face, the familiar scent pulling me in. A reminder of late nights and easy conversations.