Never Have I
Aviana
He had loosened his grip on the belt around my throat and replaced it with his hand, lifting me to meet him face to face.
“He touched you. He touched what was not his. He was a grown ass adult and you were just a child.” His breathing was ragged, a growl caught in his throat as he struggled to contain the storm brewing within him and he gently walked me back until I bounced against a large oak tree.
The air outside started to feel suffocating, but it wasn’t the rage in him—it was the heat of wanting to feel his uncontrollable power. He wants me to be in control but in this moment, the way he is seething has me so turned on, I am starting to wonder if I need to seek more therapy sessions with Cade not just over my past but my present with this creature standing in front of me. Why am I so drawn to him when so many times before I wanted to run away?
My voice trembled as I recounted the story of the Halloween party with Ryan and Liam. Every word that fell from my lips was like striking him with a hammer, each detail carving itself into his mind with brutal clarity.
“You were still a child, vulnerable and trusting, and he dared to touch what was not his.”
He moved around me and punched the trunk of the tree and it was like he disappeared from this for even a short moment. His mind conjuring images he hadn’t witnessed but felt as though they were burned into his memory.
“Nightshade. . .”
“No, don’t. He dared to toy with you after laying his grimy fingers on a child when he was very much an adult. What else did he do with you that night, Little Bird? What did he do after he caught you?”
The trees around us seemed to start closing in, amplifying the pounding in his chest. I had not seen him this angry before. This was primal. Protective.
“You’re mine to protect,” he whispered, his voice softer now but no less intense. “And no one…”
“Nightshade,” I muttered under my breath “Please, it was in the past. It doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t matter? The fuck it doesn’t. You are here at this camp to focus on processing and healing from all this trauma you faced as a child. You don’t get to say it is in the past. It is very much still alive in you. The nightmares. The fear you feel just walking through the woods -”
“Because you were stalking me. How is one supposed to feel?” I yell at him throwing my hands around in the air.
He is on me faster than a bolt of lightening in the same position Liam was that night he jumped scared me. One hand on each side of my face and his body caging me in. The rage radiating off his body is intoxicating.
“Tell me what he did after he caught you, Little Bird. You are not leaving me until we have worked through this.”
“You can’t do that” I say with a whimper. “You are not my therapist.”
“No and you will never compare me to him ever again. That is your final warning. I am better than him. I will have you in control long before he does.” he pushes off the tree and resumes his pacing. My mind starts racing with thoughts of what he would do to Mr. Widlow and Maverick had he been able to find them.
“Nightshade, please let this go.”
Turning back on me, “You don’t understand, do you? I can’t and I won’t. Now do as I say, Little Bird. Tell. Me. What. He. Did.”
** *
Past
Age 14
Clawing at Liam’s arms and twisting in his grip, I tried to break free, but his strength overpowered me. He let go of my mouth only to slam me against the side of the house. The impact knocked the breath from my lungs, and for a moment, the world spun.
“It’s just a game, Aviana,” he said, his voice cold and mocking.
“This is no longer a game, Liam. Let me go!” My voice wavered, but I refused to let him see the full extent of my fear.
He chuckled, a sound that sent a chill down my spine. “No can do. I told you the rules. You agreed to them.”
I protested, my voice rising. “You just told me to run and hide!”
His smirk deepened, a twisted sense of satisfaction in his expression. “No, Little Screamer, I told you to run and hide. If we caught you, you would be my toy for the remainder of the evening. Whose fault is it that you didn’t listen? Now, you’re playing by my rules.”
I tried to edge away, but the cold, unyielding wall of the house pressed into my back, trapping me.
“Liam, please, let me go,” I pleaded, my voice breaking.
It was then I realized Ryan wasn’t with him. A flicker of hope sparked in my chest, and I did the only thing I could think of—I screamed his name. “Ryan!”
Liam’s hand was on me in an instant, clamping over my mouth before I could make a sound. “Be quiet,” he hissed, his face so close I could feel the heat of his breath against my skin. His eyes locked onto mine, sharp and unrelenting. “He doesn’t want anything to do with you. He went to his room to do some tinkering on his computers instead of playing the game with me. Such a shame, don’t you think?”
Tears welled up, blurring my vision as I shook my head, though every part of me screamed to fight. He was waiting—watching—for my submission. I didn’t want to give it, but I knew the moment I did, this would end sooner.
So I forced myself to nod. Just enough. Just to make it stop.
His hand fell away from my mouth, but he didn’t step back. Instead, he reached out, his fingers brushing against my arm. I flinched, the touch sending a wave of panic coursing through me. My breaths came in shallow, rapid gasps, my chest tightening.
“Don’t be scared,” he murmured, his smile wrong in every way. “It’s just a little secret between us. You like secrets, don’t you?”
I shook my head again, silent tears streaming down my face. My voice broke as I whispered, “Please, Liam. Just let me go.”
But he didn’t. His hand slid down my arm, his grip tightening as if to remind me how powerless I was. My body felt frozen, like it no longer belonged to me.
Panic surged, but with it came an instinct—a memory from a safer time. I closed my eyes, blocking out his twisted grin, and began to sing softly under my breath:
Leave the hurt of the day behind.
The world has been heavy, I know it’s been long,
But here in my arms, you’ll always belong.
The lullaby was faint, barely audible, but it was enough to take me somewhere else. Somewhere far from this moment, far from Liam.
“What are you doing?” he demanded, his grip faltering as confusion flickered across his face.
I kept singing, louder this time, letting the words act as a shield.
He stepped back, his hand releasing me as he stared, disgust and confusion warring in his expression. “You’re such a freak,” he spat, his voice laced with disdain.
It was all the opening I needed. I bolted, my legs carrying me toward the front of the house. My hand wrapped around the doorknob, but before I could twist it, his arms were around me again.
“No, you don’t,” he growled, his hands sliding under my knees as he hoisted me over his shoulder. I screamed and kicked, but he held on, his steps steady as he carried me toward the barn.
“Put me down!” I cried, pounding against his back with my fists.
“Not until you learn to play by the rules,” he said, his voice cold and determined .
Liam kicks the barn door open with a swift motion with one foot, then slams it shut with the other, walking to the back stall piled high with hay.
I hit the ground hard in the middle of scattered hay bales. “What the hell, Liam?” I grunt, trying to catch my breath.
He smirks, glancing over his shoulder. “Such a dirty mouth for such a pretty girl.”
Turning back to the door, he locks it with a heavy chain.
“What are you doing?” I ask, confused.
“Making sure you can’t run away again,” he replies, his voice low and cold. “The rules were simple, Aviana. You’re mine to play with until Mom and Dad get back. Had you just followed the rules, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
I scan the barn, desperately searching for a way out. My eyes land on places I could’ve hidden before—why didn’t I just go to the loft? He never would’ve found me up there. Or even in the hay bales, I might’ve been safe. But then again, he could’ve used a pitchfork to find me.
“Now, where were we, Aviana?” Liam’s voice cuts through my thoughts. He smirks, glancing at his watch. “Ah, yes. Time to become my toy for the next…” He pauses, calculating the time. “One hour and 17 minutes, to be exact. What fun we’ll have.”
I raise an eyebrow. I can’t get out of this unless I play his stupid game. Maybe I can outsmart him. “What did you have in mind, Liam? Go ahead, give me the rules. If I don’t agree to them, we can play something else.”
His grin widens. “First, take off that dress. It’s hideous. I’d much rather see you, my little sister, than some princess.”
“What? No, Liam. I’m not taking off my dress.”
He shrugs nonchalantly. “Fine. Be that way. Start with your shoes. The dress will come off eventually.” His smirk grows darker.
Leaning over the hay, I untie my canvas shoes and toss them aside knowing I can run faster barefoot, the soft thud as they land on the ground echos in the silence.
“So, what game shall we play?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation moving.“Anything but truth or dare. That game is stupid.” I say, keeping my real reasons hidden. He doesn’t need to know—if anything, it might make him push for it even more.
He taps his chin thoughtfully, his thumb and forefinger in a contemplative pose. “Have you ever played ‘ Ever’?”
“No, how do you play?” I ask, though a knot tightens in my stomach.
He grins. “I ask you a question of something I have done and if you’ve never done it, you take off an article of clothing.”
“That isn’t fair,” I protest, the words slipping out before I can stop them.
He raises an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eye. “How so, Little Screamer? I’m wearing probably the same amount of clothes as you. And just so you know, I’m already missing some pieces.” He gestures to his bare torso, and I can feel a chill run down my spine.
“Whatever. There’s no way this game takes an hour to play,” I mutter, crossing my arms.
He smirks. “When we finish this game, we’ll play another. I’ll start.” He pauses for effect before adding, “Never have I ever… undressed someone with my eyes.”
I blink, confused. “What does that even mean?”
He shrugs nonchalantly. “It means you undress them—take off their clothes—in your mind.”
I feel heat rise to my face, not sure how to respond. I’ve done it before, but I don’t want him to think I’m some kind of slut or, worse, ask me who. My mouth goes dry, and I look away, hoping he doesn’t press the issue.
“Well, by that look, I would say you have. Your turn.”
“Okay, ummm, never have I ever been beaten with a belt.”
“Wow, Little Screamer, what asshole did that to you?”
“Take it off, Liam. You are too good to have ever had your daddy hit you.”
“True that. What would you like me to take off?”
My face flushes and I answer in the most simple terms, “your watch.”
After playing for what feels like forever, I am sitting in one sock and just my panties as he had me take everything else off while he sits in his boxers. This game was not fair.
“Where’s my watch? How much longer do we have?” He finds his watch in the stack of our possessions on the barn floor and exclaims, “Ahh, 42 more minutes.” and he creeps over to me while I’m still sitting on the hay pile, which is uncomfortable because I’m practically naked. In order to conceal my bare breasts from Liam, I keep my arms crossed over them and instinctively press my legs together.
“I’ve seen boobs before, Little Screamer, please. They are all identical.” In order to expose myself to him, he pulls my arms away from my chest. He slams my back down on the hay and straddles me as I try to free my arms from his tight hold.
“Liam get off” I buck but apparently that only excites him more evident by his ever growing bulge in his tight boxers.
“Oh, Little Screamer, I plan on getting off, but I want you to help me with that. Being out of school and out here in the middle of nowhere, it is hard for me to find a pretty girl to help me.”
“Help you?” I question him.
“Tell me, Little Screamer, have you at least ever kissed a boy?” his breath was hot on my lips.
“Yes, I have, Liam.”
“How many boys have you kissed?”
“Just one.”
“What was his name?” he asks.
“Why does that matter? It doesn’t.” I huff and continue to struggle against him.
“Because I want to make sure you don’t call me that when I—” and his lips slam against mine to the point they are bruising. I push him away, my heart racing with fear and anger.
“Don’t you dare,” I manage, my voice shaking. Liam’s eyes darken with something I can’t quite place, and he smirks before leaning in again.
“Mmm, you taste so innocent. Are you? I wonder if we can find out. Tell me, Little Screamer, I saw the way you eye-fucked me when you saw me enter your room earlier. If I reach into these panties of yours, will I find your pussy wet and ready for me?” he asks.
“Liam, don’t,” but the more I struggle, the more his bulge grows and the tighter his grip gets.