TWELVE - JAMESON
I’d never been more relieved to be back in my own space.
Roman made triple sure that I’d made it safely inside my apartment and that the door was locked before he went across the hall to his place—far away from me.
He said he’d be back to check on me, though I didn’t know when, which was fine by me.
As hot as kissing him was, as much as I missed it, I regretted every second of it. We had no business crossing that line. I had no business crossing that line. I knew better—we both did. All that kiss did was remind me even more of what I wanted and needed but could not have.
I didn’t know what had gotten into me when we ran into Kelly. It was like this wave of envy washed over me, and all I wanted to do was mark my territory like a possessive lunatic. I had never felt that way before—not in regards to Roman, and never toward Kelly—ever.
Eventually, I ended my day with a much-needed soak in my jetted tub, an overflowing glass of wine, and the voice of Michael Bublé serenading me through the surround sound system.
It was exactly what I needed to get my mind off everything, even if it was only long enough for my hot bath water to turn cold.
I awoke to someone banging on my front door.
I thought I was dreaming at first, but the second my eyelids cracked open, a beam of blazing sunlight burned my retinas.
Shit. I’d forgotten to close my curtains.
It was nice though. I’d practically slept like the dead after half a bottle of wine and a steaming hot bath, topped off with crawling into bed with a fresh set of linen sheets that housekeeping replaced daily and the comfort of knowing Roman was just a few feet away if I needed him.
The banging started again, this time a lot louder.
I hopped out of bed and stumbled toward the door.
“I’m coming, hold on,” I shouted.
“It’s me,” I heard Roman call out.
I unlocked and flung the door open. “Christ, what time is it?”
He held up a cafeteria tray stacked with food. “Five. Let me in, this shit’s heavy.”
I stood to the side and let him in. He walked over to my dining table and set the tray down.
“A.M.?”
“Isn’t that the time you normally scream at the top of your lungs from the rooftop, waking up the townspeople below?”
“Ha. Ha. Not always.”
“Well, I brought breakfast.” He set everything up and poured two cups of coffee. “It was the best I could come up with since Josephine doesn’t get here until six.”
I flipped on the light above the dining room table and joined him. “It looks delicious.” From what I could tell, he’d brought coffee, toast, scrambled eggs, and cut-up fruit. “Josephine’s gonna have your ass if she finds out you took her precut fruit.”
He pulled out a chair, waving his hand over it. I sat down, and he tucked me in, then joined me. “She’ll live. Everything else I made myself.”
“I’m impressed, but why the hell are you here so early?” Not that I didn’t usually get an early start on my day, but every now and then, my lack of sleep caught up with me. This was just one of those days.
“Payback and because we’ve got shit to do, things to talk about, but first, how was your night.”
I loaded up a plate with food and took a sip of coffee. “Amazing, actually. I slept like the dead. How about yours?”
“I wish I could say the same.”
“What’s wrong? Is it the bed?”
“Oh, no. It’s definitely not the bed. The bed is a dream. I was up half the night combing through anything and everything I could access.”
“Find anything good and worth investigating?” I half smirked. I knew there wasn’t anything there. Not because there was anything to hide, but really, there was nothing there.
“Actually, there is…maybe.” Okay, he had my attention.
Even though I was still hungover and ready to crawl back into bed until noon.
“It doesn’t appear that Elliott had any properties other than the ones we’ve already talked about—here, Mud Island, and the airport—with the exception of maybe one. What’s Magnolia?”
I could feel the blood drain from my face, along with my appetite. It’d been a long time since I heard that name mentioned. It wasn’t a place that was talked about around here. “It—it’s—”
Roman reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Jesus, James. You look like shit all of a sudden. Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine. It’s just been a while since I’ve heard that name, that’s all. It was my dad’s estate in Collierville.” Roman leaned back in his chair. Now, he looked like he was going to be sick. “Do you know about it?”
“I knew Elliott had a house away from here. I just never knew where or that it had its own name.”
The thought of my childhood home and the memories we made there brought a sad smile to my face. “It’s a beautiful house. Have you ever been?”
He sat in silence for a moment, staring at his untouched plate of food. “No,” he finally answered. “When was the last time you were there?”
It was too damned early for shit to be this heavy. If I had known this was how my morning was going to go, I never would have answered the door.
“A little over a year ago. When I was escorted out the front door the night my dad was killed. I never looked back.”
He scrunched his eyebrows together. “You’ve literally been here? Inside of Emerald Haze ever since? I thought you were exaggerating.”
I stabbed some eggs with my fork, hoping to get a little food on my empty stomach. “I wish I were, but no. I’ve been here. Not because I didn’t want to leave. You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about running away.”
“James.”
I could hear the sadness in his voice. This was not what he’d ever wanted for me; he’d always wanted better. Quite frankly, so did I, but shit happened.
“I know what you’re gonna say, Roman, but it’s too late. This is my life. This is what I was signed up for.”
Subtly, he shook his head. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. This has nothing to do with you.” I poured myself a glass of orange juice. The thought of coffee no longer sat well with me. “So, tell me why you’re here so early that it couldn’t wait until at least nine.”
“You have no idea how hard it is for me to wake up this early, but I thought you’d already be ready to take on the world. Figured I’d beat you to the punch,” he smirked. “Clearly, I was wrong.”
“Not entirely. I think the bath, bottle of wine, and long day yesterday really did me in. I was just playing catch up.”
“Well, maybe you can take a nap later. I do have some motive for catching you so early.” I waved my hand as if to say go on. “First, I need to apologize to you for breaking your ‘look but don’t touch’ rule—”
“Roman, don—”
“No. I was out of line. It won’t happen again, and I’m truly sorry if I’ve ever hurt you—now or in the past.”
I was a little taken aback by his reference to hurting me in the past. I didn’t want to ask which time he was referring to, but I could only assume it was either him taking my virginity and then kicking me to the friend zone or the text he’d sent right before ghosting me after we’d spent years in the not-so-friend zone.
“I can assure you, the guy I was back then is not who I am now. That guy was a hormone-driven, horny asshole. Now, I’m just an asshole.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “So you’re never horny?”
He smiled. “I didn’t say that, and we both know that’s not true, but I’m not going to try to sleep with you because you’re right.
Sex makes men stupid, and stupid men get innocent people killed.
I just want to—I don’t even fucking know anymore.
I want to keep you safe, and I want to see you happy.
The thought of watching you maybe one day leave this place to go on to bigger and better things is about the only thing that makes me happy.
I want more for you than anything this place could ever offer. ”
“It won’t happen again,” I assured him and partially myself.
“You have no idea how hard any of this has been on me, Roman. How many nights I stayed up plotting revenge against the man who started all this, how many times I’ve wanted to just escape and never look back.
I lost my only dad, and then…I lost you. ”
He reached his hand across the table, palm up, waiting for me to take it instead of just grabbing mine. I looked down at his empty hand, then up at him. After what felt like an eternity, I laid my hand in his, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“You’re here now, and so am I. I’m not going anywhere. Right now, let’s get through this weekend, then you can run away.”
He brushed his thumb back and forth over my finger. That simple touch, that one little act of tenderness from him, had me wanting to take back everything I’d said about never wanting to kiss him again and drag him straight into my bedroom.
“Thank you. And thank you for breakfast. It was nice. You did a good job.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I need to go get ready for the day. You’re already ahead of me.” I forced a smile and pulled out of his grip as I stood up. “I’ll try to be quick. Feel free to make yourself at home.”