23 Seb
Seb
I wasn’t the only one having problems with my love life.
In fact, in the grand scheme of things, the fact that James was dealing with public humiliation and being betrayed by the person he had fallen for meant I was actually doing pretty well, all things considered.
When James called me on the train to say Hallie’s latest article had published, I’d just assumed he’d wanted me to like it on social media or something. I never would have expected this.
The article was titled, “What Should You Do When They Run Out of Money? RUN!” Brutal.
It detailed how Mr. Old Fashioned, Hallie’s nickname for James, had been a loser after all.
She’d left nothing to the imagination about how she thought he had taken her to a cheap restaurant once he felt confident that he had her.
It was the exact opposite of how James told me their date had gone.
By the time I spoke to James, the article had already done plenty of damage.
He thought Hallie had been using him the entire time, just like the other girls he’d dated in the past. But even worse than being used for money, he felt that this meant everything between them had been turned into a story at his expense.
Which it kind of had. I just couldn’t believe Hallie would do that.
I’d seen how she’d looked at him in the Hamptons. That kind of thing is hard to fake.
I asked him if he’d heard from her. She’d tried to call him, he told me, more than once. But he hadn’t answered. He didn’t see the point.
So I told him what I thought. That it didn’t sound like her.
That there had to be more to it than what was printed.
He didn’t argue. But he didn’t agree either.
Probably a surprise to no one that we ended up at Whiskey Locker some time later. He was quieter than usual. Not angry though, as I’d expected. Just sad.
As we sat at the bar, I knew he was thinking of all the time he’d spent with Hallie there. I didn’t blame him. My mind was on Roxie, too. I’d give anything to go back to that moment in McGuire’s and get a chance for a do-over. To finally get things right between us.
“God, I missed this,” I sighed, as the two of us sipped on our drinks during the Monday happy hour, mine alcohol-free. In truth, I hadn’t missed this. I was just trying to keep his spirits up.
James twirled his Old Fashioned in circles on the table. This should have been a day of celebration. He was on the verge of starting a new business, something exciting. But the last thing he seemed to want to do was celebrate.
A few of the men we knew from different financial firms had come up to him after hearing the news that he’d left Berkley Williams. Most of them were trying to figure out where he was going next.
He kept quiet about his new position though.
Mostly, he just stared at his drink, like he was somewhere else entirely.
I knew the feeling, but I wanted to get him out of his funk.
“Dude, if you’re going to be a fucking bump on a log, you could have just told me you didn’t want to come,” I said. “I’ve been trying to get you to come out with me over the past week, and you’ve been turning me down left and right. Is this still about Hallie?”
“Of course, this is about Hallie. How couldn’t this be about Hallie?
” he said, downing the rest of his drink.
“I think I’m in love with her, Sebastian.
Or the person I thought she was. How in the hell am I just supposed to get over her?
Nothing makes sense. I still can’t figure out why she would do something like this. ”
“And you still won’t reach out to her to find out?” I asked. “For someone so smart, I would assume you’d want all the facts. This isn’t like you.”
I wasn’t lying. It wasn’t like him to act so emotional.
It was why he was a numbers guy. He decided based on facts and provable scenarios.
But right now, none of that seemed to be helping him.
Which was probably why he’d been ignoring her texts, calls, and voicemails. Not letting her explain herself.
But for once, maybe I was right.
He hesitated for a moment, then pulled out his phone. His thumb hovered over Hallie’s contact—the one he’d blocked when he read the article. After a second, he tapped it.
Almost immediately, the screen filled with messages, and he turned his phone away from me.
As he read, his expression shifted. It seemed to get sadder, if that was even possible.
“What did she say?” I asked, leaning closer.
“She said the article that published wasn’t hers,” he replied. “She said that her boss changed the entire article without her knowledge.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Do you think she’s telling the truth? I know she really wanted that food critic position. What if her boss shot down her first article and told her to put out the one she wrote instead, without telling you about it?”
He didn’t answer. He just stared at his phone.
“I think I need to talk to her,” he finally said. “I need to understand why she did what she did, and if there’s any chance for us to move forward.”
I nodded. “Good for you, man. Go get your girl.”
He continued staring at his phone.
“Jesus, are you going to share anything?” I said. “You’re leaving me in the dark over here.”
“Hallie just published an article.”
My brows furrowed. “But you two didn’t go on another date.”
“Exactly.”
He tapped at his phone again, frowning slightly.
“Dammit.” He tightened his grip on it. “Seb, I think Hallie might have been telling the truth about her boss.”
“And she’s not answering your calls or texts?”
“I think she gave me her work phone number when we first met. She never gave me her personal.”
“Don’t you know where she lives?” I asked, taking another sip of my drink.
“That’s a great idea, Seb,” he said, already standing.
“Wait—you’re leaving now?”
“Yes.” He tossed cash onto the table. “You can come with if you want, but you don’t have to.”
I downed the rest of my drink. “Well, fuck. Of course I’m coming. What else am I going to do? This is far more entertaining than anything that’s been going on in my life recently.”
“Are you sure you’re not just tagging along in the hope that you’ll see Roxie?” he asked as we walked out.
“Now, why would you think that?” I said, smiling.
And that’s how I ended up in a cab on the way to Roxie’s apartment. As we settled into the backseat, I opened my emails on my phone. The screen’s electronic light cast a pale glow over the cab’s interior, and I was careful to keep it facing away from James.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard, hesitant at first. But then the words flowed—messy and raw, but real.
I was taking my own advice. Being bold, despite it being futile, as she’d never read them.
Even if I did see her tonight, I wouldn’t tell her this in person.
But I knew I had to get the words out, even if it was just for me.
Subject: Maybe This is My Last Shot
From: princewhittaker98@
To: Roxanne-Kirsten-King@
Roxie,
I’m not good at doing the right thing. You know that better than anyone. But I’m trying. Trying to be someone worth chasing, worth believing in. This time not just for you. But for me.
I miss you. More than I thought I could. More than I let myself admit. I think I always have. And probably always will.
I’ve spent years running fast and hard, chasing everything but what mattered most. And now? Now I want to stop running. I want to find my way back to who I was when I liked myself. Someone who dreamed big, who wanted more than just the next thrill.
I know this email won’t reach you. Just like the last one.
But you’re the only person I ever felt like I could be completely myself with.
The good, the bad, and the ugly … Maybe for the worst sometimes.
So I’m going to try one last time to speak to you.
It might be a mistake, but I’ll regret it forever if I don’t at least try to tell you how I feel. In person.
For once, I’m excited about tomorrow.
Sebastian xx