Chapter 18
Cody
I almost kissed her again.
It was right there, in the handoff of her daughter and me being too damn close. The desire crawled up my spine. Clawing at me to just do it.
But I fought it. That game’s too dangerous, the stakes too high.
Karissa’s fragile right now. She just had major surgery. She’s feeding a newborn every two hours. Her whole life’s been turned upside down, and the last thing she needs is some idiot adding more to her plate.
So, thankfully, Emma broke the tension before we crossed that line. We didn’t talk about it. She just went to her room, and the air thinned out.
Part of me thinks I need to get out of this house to avoid slipping up, but she still needs help and I’m not gonna be that guy. I have to push through it.
I’m not even looking to get into a relationship. Haven’t been in a long time. Not after…everything. Too much baggage. Too many scars you can’t see.
But then she walks back out, no Emma in her arms, and moves slowly toward the coffee maker. I’m on the couch and it’s quiet. Way too quiet.
I grab the remote and flip on something, anything. I don’t even care if it’s in Spanish. I just can’t sit here in silence after what almost just happened.
She comes over, eyeing the recliner she’s been favoring since we got home. I stand, taking her coffee without even thinking so she’s got both hands free to sit.
“Thanks.” She breathes through the pain. “You’re a natural,” she says, reaching out for her coffee again.
I lift an eyebrow. “What?”
“With taking care of me. And Emma,” she says. “It’s like you’ve done this before.”
My stomach turns, and just like that, I feel it coming, like a freight train I can’t outrun.
The past. The truth.
I know she doesn’t mean anything by it—she’s just making conversation—but my jaw tightens anyway and my heart thumps quicker. I sit in the other chair and scratch my head. Am I going to do this right now? Am I going to tell her?
“I didn’t but I almost did,” I mumble and she stares at me.
“What?” she asks.
I sigh. “I almost did this before. The whole…dad thing.”
Her eyebrows pinch but it’s clear she doesn’t want to ask; she just wants me to keep talking.
“When Bree and I got engaged, it was fall, hunting season. Busiest time of year for us, so I hardly saw her. She knew that, but…we still fought a lot. She was trying to plan the wedding, and I wasn’t much help.
Always working. Always tired. She took it like I didn’t care, like I wasn’t even excited to marry her. ”
I shake my head slowly. “I did care. I just didn’t know how to balance it all. Didn’t know how to be what she needed.”
Karissa stays quiet, watching me, waiting for me to say more.
“The tipping point came in February. I was leaving for the sportsman show in Pennsylvania; it’s nearly two weeks long.
And anyway, when I left, we weren’t in a good place.
She practically begged me not to go. But I couldn’t just bail on the business.
It’s my job—our future—and she knew that but still made me feel so stuck. ”
I pause, jaw clenching. “And when I came back…she was different. Sweet again. Forgiving. Said she wanted to move on. Fix things. I was relieved.”
I swallow hard. “And then that night, we got a little carried away. We slept together. Up until that point, we had been waiting.”
Something in Karissa’s eyes shift. Like she maybe knows where this is going but is still curious to find out.
I shrug. “We were getting married in April. It didn’t feel completely wrong, just…taboo. But I brushed it off.”
I laugh once under my breath, even though there’s nothing funny about what I’m about to say next.
“A few weeks later, she told me she was pregnant.”
Karissa’s eyes widen, but I keep going, glancing down at the floor. I’ll never forget the way my stomach dropped when those words left her mouth. We had less than two months until our wedding and weren’t sure how we’d cover it up until then.
— Seven Years Ago —
I’m standing at the altar, palms sweating, trying to act normal even though my shirt’s sticking to my back and my heart won’t calm down.
The church is full. Family on both sides. Friends. Neighbors. My mom’s in the front row dabbing her eyes, Mason and Jesse behind me in suits that look ridiculous on them.
The piano builds, and everyone stands.
My eyes are on the double doors, waiting.
They don’t open. I shift my weight. Seconds pass. The pianist loops the intro again; you can tell it’s not planned, but there’s still no Bree.
Jesse leans toward me. “Give it a minute,” he whispers.
I nod stiffly, trying to believe him. My eyes stay glued to the back of the room. I think, maybe she tripped, or she’s fixing her veil, or someone said something stupid to her that made her cry.
But then Jesse slips out a side door and Mason follows.
I stand there alone. People start whispering, staring at me like I should know what’s going on.
My fingers twitch at my sides. Every second stretches longer, heavier, tighter around my throat.
Finally, Mason comes back. His face is pale. His eyes trying to speak before he can.
“She’s gone.”
That’s all he says. I don’t respond, I just move.
Out the auditorium, through the hall, into the classroom she was in with the bridesmaids. Her bouquet’s on a table. A tissue balled up on the floor. But no Bree.
I call her phone. Voicemail. Again. Voicemail.
My stomach is in my socks. My chest is numb.
And then someone says, “Cody…this was left for you.”
It’s an envelope. My name scribbled across the front in her handwriting. I don’t breathe, just tear it open right there with shaking hands. Inside is a single folded sheet of notebook paper.
Dear Cody,
I know you deserve someone brave enough to say these things to your face. But I’m not.
I’m not coming down that aisle. And it’s not because I don’t love you. I do. In some messed-up, selfish way, I do. But I’ve done something I can’t undo, and I can’t let you say vows to someone who’s been lying to you.
The baby isn’t yours.
It happened while you were in PA. I was so mad at you that I made a horrible decision.
I’ve hated myself for it every day since.
I can’t marry you knowing what I did. I won’t stand in front of God and you and everyone knowing the truth. You are a good man, and I hope someday you’ll find someone who deserves you. Someone who doesn’t run when things get hard.
-Bree
— End flashback —
“Oh my…” Karissa breathes.
“I never saw her again,” I murmur. “Told everyone she got cold feet. That she just ran. No one else read that letter.”
Karissa doesn’t say anything.
“So basically, she slept with me because she needed the timing to make sense. I think she had to have known she was pregnant when we slept together. I’ll never know for sure, but that’s what I think.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says, but I shrug like it doesn’t still sting.
“I never told anyone the truth.” I finally look at her.
“Why not?” she whispers.
I exhale. “Because admitting what really happened comes with more than just she cheated, it comes with explaining how I stumbled along the way and—”
“You both did, though. It wasn’t just you. Takes two to tango.”
“Obviously. But I’m the man. It’s my job in the relationship to lead us and lead her, and I failed that night, so easily.” I swallow. “And it makes it even worse that I gave myself to someone who didn’t deserve it.”
Karissa looks down at herself. “Well, that makes two of us,” she says.
After all this time, I thought I was the only one. Turns out, I’m not.