Chapter 45
Karissa
Cody and I talked last night out on the porch. Really talked. Not just surface-level “I’m sorry” and move on. The kind of talk that clears the air enough to breathe again.
We both owned our part. I told him how overwhelmed I’ve been. How I’ve felt like I’m drowning in motherhood and how hard it is to be everything when I don’t even feel like myself some days.
He listened. Like, really listened. And then he told me the truth I needed to hear, not sugarcoated. That he hated seeing me worn down and hates that he doesn’t know what to do with that version of me.
He told me how awful he felt for snapping. How it stuck with him all day and into the night. That he couldn’t shake it. That writing that note wasn’t just something he did out of obligation; it was all he could think to do when the time wasn’t there to fix things.
I could see it in his face, how much it wrecked him.
I thought he was going to cry, but he didn’t.
And when I didn’t respond to the note, he said it scared him.
Thought I was shutting him out. Looking back, I should’ve said something.
Texted him. Let him know I saw it and that it meant something.
But I didn’t. I didn’t want him to think everything was fine, because it wasn’t.
We both agreed we hated how quick we were to snap. How we let stress, exhaustion, and silence do the talking. And how that can’t become our default every time life gets heavy.
When we came back inside, we made up even more, physically this time, but it was about reconnecting. About feeling close again, knowing we’re not perfect, but we’re still choosing each other anyway.
* * *
Addison has her wedding binder spread across the coffee table like a general prepping for war.
She’s got sticky notes layered on top of highlighted pages and color-coded tabs that somehow make the whole thing even more overwhelming.
Wesley’s sitting beside her, sipping on iced tea like he’s just here for moral support and he knows to let her run the show, only chiming in when asked.
Leonard and Maureen are in their chairs, Jesse and Ella on the couch, Cora and Emma playing on the floor with a dollhouse. Cody and I are sitting just beside them on the floor, monitoring the sharing and making sure there’s no biting or catfights. So far so good.
Mason and Megan are on the other couch, sitting close, whispering who knows what to each other and laughing. Every so often, Megan will brush her hand over his hair or he’ll pull her in even closer for a quick kiss. And everyone’s noticed. They’re not exactly subtle.
The Dukes of Hazzard is playing on the TV in the background, volume low enough so it doesn’t have to compete with Addison’s voice.
“So I’m thinking…I’m going to do appetizers for guests while we do pictures,” Addison says, looking at Wesley, who’s already nodding.
“That’s what I always said I’d do,” Megan chimes in. “I’ve been to too many weddings where you’re just waiting forever and starving to the point that you contemplate eating the centerpieces.”
Everyone laughs.
“How long do you take pictures? It can’t be that bad,” Mason says, like he’s never heard of such a thing.
“Oh, for like one to two hours,” Megan says, and Ella, Jesse, Maureen, and Leonard all nod in agreement. But Wesley and Mason look genuinely baffled.
I wouldn’t know. Cody and I got a couple pictures after our ceremony—Addie took them—and then we went home. We didn’t have time to even think about a professional photographer or anything.
“Heck no,” Mason argues, shaking his head. “We’re not doing that, Meg. We got places to be.”
She laughs, but everyone else glances at each other. Did he just refer to a hypothetical wedding with a girl he’s only been seeing a few months?
Ella snorts, Addison’s head jerks up from her planner, and Maureen raises an eyebrow.
I catch Cody’s eyes and he lifts one shoulder, as if to say Not our circus.
I know Cody and I moved fast, but it was different, there was a lot involved.
Emma, me moving, adjusting to a whole new life.
We went through a lot together in a short time, but it really was eye-opening.
And the last thing any of that did was pull us apart.
If anything, those hardships are what made us fall in love.
They proved to us early on that love isn’t just about the easy days, it’s about sticking through the messy ones too.
So I’m not going to say anything. I don’t want to be hypocritical.
But Megan and Mason…they need more time. From what I’m understanding, neither of them has really dated before. And I get it. The excitement, the honeymoon stage…it can blur the lines. But they’ve got to see that too.
Addison cuts through the awkwardness, flipping a page in her binder with a little sass in her voice. “Okay, well I’m still the only one getting married this June, so can we stay focused, please? What appetizers do we think people want?” she asks, clicking her pen and looking directly at Wesley.
“Well, we’re not eating it, so…I couldn’t care less,” Wesley says, immediately regretting it by the way Addison’s face twists into a full snarl. His hand slides to her back like a peace offering. “Cheese?” he suggests quickly, swallowing the word like it might save his life.
A few of us can’t help but laugh quietly to ourselves.
Emma toddles over and hands me one of the dollhouse people before plopping into my lap. I shift to lean back against the base of the couch, just beside Ella’s legs. She leans forward to talk to Emma. Her belly’s in the way, but she manages.
She’s due at the end of July, and while she’s still full of energy and sarcasm, I can tell she’s starting to slow down a bit, especially with Cora in tow. Cora’s just a few months older than Emma and also into everything.
“How are you feeling today?” I ask.
“Tired,” Ella admits with a little sigh. “But good. I’ve been craving donuts like crazy, and Jesse went to Missy’s this morning and bought a dozen so I could freeze some to have on hand.” She laughs, shaking her head like she can’t believe herself.
“Two dozen,” Jesse corrects without missing a beat. “And I’d do it again.” He reaches over and pats her leg.
Emma suddenly screeches with excitement and leaps from my lap into Cody’s. Cora waddles over, grinning, and hands her a small ball, which she immediately hurls, just barely missing Addison’s head.
“Emma,” I warn over everyone’s collective reactions.
“You’re gonna be a softball pitcher,” Cody tells her. “Or a menace. Possibly both.”
“She’s already both,” I say with a laugh.
Everything’s a little loud, a little chaotic. It’s busy, borderline overwhelming, but in the middle of it all, there’s love. So much love. Loud and slightly sarcastic, but trust me…I wouldn’t trade it for anything.