34. Emory
34
EMORY
A low buzzing next to my ear stirs me from my sleep. Who the fuck is calling me this early? Hopefully, it’s not the hospital. I asked Sandra if she could cover for me again, and she was happy to have the extra hours. I just need more time to deal with everything.
I groan and look at my phone to see that it’s not the hospital. Nate’s name and the dumb image of him holding me in a headlock that I set as his contact picture a while back light up my screen. It’s from when he came to visit me at college sophomore year. I can’t believe this is still the picture that comes up when he calls me. We both have dopey smiles on our faces. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, and Allie had snapped the picture when he put me in a headlock after I called him clingy for hugging me too long. My smile looks pretty genuine, despite the hell I was enduring.
I swipe my phone and answer. “Hello,” I say groggily.
“You’re in so much fucking trouble, it’s not even funny,” he says.
I sigh. He knows. I thought I would have more time. Everything that happened yesterday comes flooding back to me. My dad apologizing. My conversation with Jaxon…
“Nate, I just woke up, and yesterday was an emotional avalanche. I can’t have this conversation right now.”
“Yeah? Well, you’re going to. Because it fucking worked.”
I blink. “What?”
“Whatever you said to that scumbag worked. He dropped the charges against Luke. He was released an hour ago.”
Whatever I said.
My mind races as I think back on how things ended with Jaxon last night.
“I said get the fuck out,” he roars, causing me to jump.
Dustin steps in front of me protectively, just like Luke would if he were here. I gently nudge him back to my side, and with utter defeat coursing through my body, I approach Jaxon.
God, what am I doing?
“Jaxon,” I say so quietly it’s almost a whisper as I take a step forward. Dustin follows behind me like a shadow. “You may have been a monster back then, but something changed. I could tell from the moment I saw you at my dad’s house. I thought at first that you were the same smug asshole, but it was all an act. Something was different. And that night in the Gazebo… you were broken. You never once mentioned your father, or the things he did, when we were together. He broke you just like you broke me.”
Jaxon looks up, a million things swimming in his eyes. He reminds me of those dogs who are kicked so many times that they have no choice but to become mean. To bite, scratch, snarl, and snap at anything that comes within a foot of them. It still doesn’t excuse what he did. Nothing will ever excuse what he did.
“I know.”
It’s two words, and he doesn’t even look at me when he says them. It isn’t an apology, but it’s somehow better. It’s an acknowledgement, and I have to cling to the hope that it means he has changed his mind about Luke.
“Good,” I say as I nod to Dustin, turn around, and walk out the door.
“Emory. Did you hear me?” Nate’s voice tears me from the memory of last night.
“Yes, I…he’s really out?”
“He is.”
“How did you know it was me?”
“Dad. I think he’s losing his edge. It only took me ten minutes, and he cracked like a nut,” Nate brags. “He told me everything. I guess Jaxon called him last night to make a deal. Then Dad called Marshall and talked him out of going to Jaxon’s dad about the affair. That was a wild twist, by the way. Anyway, Marshall agreed as long as Jaxon went back to California and never showed his face here again.”
“I can’t believe Dad convinced him. Marshall was furious. I doubt he’s one to let himself be embarrassed without retribution.”
“Dad was tight-lipped about that one, but I’m pretty sure he has shit on Marshall. Maybe he does still have his edge…”
“And Jaxon kept his word? He actually dropped the charges?”
“Yep. I think Dad might have threatened him with something too. Doesn’t really matter. It’s done. Luke is free.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat to ask the only question that really matters. “Is he—okay?”
“He’s fine. He’s at his parents’ house. His dad was already there visiting him when he was released, and his mom insisted he come see her right away.”
“Oh.”
There’s silence on the other end of the line, and then an irritated sigh. “I’m sure he wants to see you, Em. His mom has been freaking out this whole time. She couldn’t visit him because she misplaced her license, and they wouldn’t let her in.”
“Yeah, no, I get it. But he hasn’t even called.”
“I’m sure he just wants to see you in person.”
“Yeah,” I say again.
“Okay, this is the last I’m saying about this for a while. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but the guy is fucking crazy about you.”
I take a deep breath. Of course, just as Nate is accepting our relationship, it’s imploding. I want to believe that Luke would never do anything to hurt me, but he did.
“Thanks, Nate.”
“Emory…you know I love you,” he says softly. There’s a brief pause and I hear nothing but his steady breathing on the other end of the line before he speaks again. “What I did when we were growing up…sheltering you…shit. Em, it was wrong. I thought I was protecting you, but I made you more vulnerable. I’m so sorry.”
“I appreciate that, Nate, but we need boundaries. I love you, but I won’t let that happen again. I’m sorry I kept what was going on with Luke from you, but you don’t get a say in my relationships. I need to know that you understand that.”
“I do now. Em, I just…”
“What is it? What made you so protective?”
Nate’s silent again for a beat, and then het lets out a deep sigh. “Do you remember Taylor Vexley?”
“Vaguely. Didn’t he get kicked out of school?”
“Yeah.” Nate sucks in a breath. “Luke and I got him kicked out. We planted drugs in his locker after we beat the living shit out of him.”
“What, why?”
“He drugged a girl at a party and then he….he fucking bragged about it to the whole locker room the next Monday.”
“Shit, Nate. I had no idea.”
“We tried to keep it all quiet for her sake. We should have gone to the police, but she wasn’t ready to come forward. She just wanted it all to go away, and we were stupid kids. We didn’t know what else to do.”
“What—” I clear my throat. “What happened to him?”
“He did some time in Juvie for the drugs and then I don’t know after that. But, Em…I just kept picturing it was you. I don’t know what I would have done?—”
I get it now. Nate is a protector. It’s who he is at his core. Even when we were little, he would always be right behind me, arms braced on either side, when we would climb trees. But it got so much worse when I started high school. Right around the time this all happened. It still doesn’t excuse his behavior. Just like Jaxon’s abuse doesn’t excuse his. But it makes more sense now.
“I understand, Nate. You were a kid helping to raise a kid. You did what you thought you had to. But I’m an adult now, and I need to stand on my own.”
“I know. And I’m so fucking proud of you, Em.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey, Dad’s calling me.” I hear some shuffling in the background. “I should take this. I love you, sis.”
“Love you too.”
He ends the call, and I toss my phone to the side of my bed.
It worked. Jaxon dropped the charges.
And I finally got the closure I needed last night. But there’s one more thing I need to say. I grab my phone and type out a text.
This is the last time you will ever hear from me. Treat her right, Jaxon. Not because you have to, but because you can.
I see the message change to read and wait a second just to see if the little typing dots will appear. Not that I would read the text if he did respond, but he doesn’t. I exit out of the text, block the number, and delete it from my phone. It feels like the anvil on my chest has finally evaporated. Jaxon is gone. Out of my life for good. If he comes back here or tries to contact me again, I now have an army of people in my corner waiting to make sure he instantly regrets it. I’m stronger. So much stronger. I meant it when I said he didn’t make me weak.
I am who I am in spite of you.
Suddenly, I hear the front door creak open and Allie’s voice.
“She’s still sleeping,” she says.
And then a deep male voice. “Woah, woah. I didn’t know you had the ability to hug.”
I walk out into the hallway to see Allie embracing Luke. I stay there for a minute as she lets him go. “Don’t ever fucking pull that shit again,” she says, slapping his chest as he lets out a quiet laugh.
He looks up and notices me. Allie turns and sees me too. She gives me a knowing look and turns to walk back to her room. I filled her in on everything that happened with my dad and Jaxon, but I left out the part about how Luke got Jaxon to meet with him the other night. Somehow, in all of the commotion, she and Nate didn’t even think to ask.
As soon as Allie is gone, Luke immediately eats up the distance between us. It happens so fast. One minute he’s at the front door, the next his hands are circling my waist and he’s lifting me up. My arms instinctively fall over his shoulders and my legs wrap around him. He walks me back into my bedroom and we stay like that for minutes. Just breathing each other in. I don’t want to let go, but the longer I hold him, the more it’s going to hurt when I do. I force myself to loosen my grip and he slowly lowers me back down to the floor, bending down so his forehead falls against mine. I move back and look up at him. Two glittering blue pools stare back at me. I place my hand on his chest, soaking up the feel of his heart beating wildly against it.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Em,” he finally says.
I turn my head away and take a step back, moving my hand from his chest. He knows I know.
“Em…look at me.” But I don’t.
“Emory,” he tries again. “Fucking look at me.” His voice cracks, and I see a tear fall from his face.
“When did you decide to do it?” I ask.
I glance at him briefly to see confusion written all over his face.
“When did you decide to go through my phone and pretend to be me? Was it when I was pouring out my soul to you? Was it when you were inside me? Or when you held me in your arms after?”
“Emory.”
“When was it, Luke?” I yell.
“After,” he admits. “When I was holding you.”
“You know what the worst part is?” I ask. “If you had just been honest with me…if you had told me you wanted to confront him, I would have gone with you. I would have driven the fucking getaway car.”
Luke lets out a strained sigh. “But you didn’t treat me like an equal. You treated me like a weak little girl. You not only invaded my privacy; you broke my trust. After you promised to guard it with your life.”
I hurl every single one of my words at him like I’m throwing dishes at his head.
“I know.” He takes a step toward me, but I back up.
“It wasn’t just that you went through my phone. You did exactly what Nate did. You took the choice away from me.”
“Emory. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I should have talked to you. I wasn’t thinking. I was just so angry. But you have to know that the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I lo?—”
“Don’t,” I grit out. “Don’t you dare say that to me right now.” I walk over to my nightstand and grab my phone, throwing it in the bag sitting on my desk with more force than needed. “You know, Jaxon was always sweet and apologetic after he did something terrible. It would only last a few hours before he was back to coming up with new ways to torture me.”
He winces and I know it’s not fair to compare him to Jaxon. He doesn’t deserve it, but I’m angry and I have to protect myself. Still, I regret it the moment it leaves my mouth.
“Emory…”
His control is slipping. His famous patience is wearing thin, but I don’t care. I won’t let him back in. I shake my head and turn around, but his voice stops me.
“What did you expect, Emory? That I was going to sit there and listen to all the ways he tried to break you and do nothing about it?”
“Just—stop, Luke. I need to think, and I can’t do that with you here. I need time.”
He shakes his head, letting out a long breath and pinching the tip of his nose with his fingers.
“You want to know how I knew your middle name?”
The sudden change of subject gives me whiplash, but I don’t let on, keeping my face as stoic as I can manage.
“You used to write your full name on the inside covers of your books. I bet you still do it.” He looks around the room and spots the book I’m currently reading on my nightstand. He opens the cover and sure enough, ‘Emory Grace Caldwell’ is scribbled on the back. I don’t know why I do it. It was a habit I picked up when I was younger, in case I ever lost one of my favorites.
“I went back that night,” his voice interrupts my thoughts. He tosses the book on my bed. “I was up all night on Nate’s floor. I couldn’t sleep. Our conversation kept replaying in my head. So, I went back to the library. I thought maybe you would still be there. Maybe you fell asleep while you were reading, and I could look at you one last time. But you weren’t there. Your book was, though, still sitting on the windowsill. I opened it and smiled when I saw your name written in those loopy letters girls were obsessed with back then. The cover was so worn, like you’d read it a hundred times and the ‘y’ in your name was smudged, like something had spilled on it. Then I saw your notes, scribbled in all the margins. I read every single one, Emory. They didn’t make sense because I hadn’t read the book yet, but I loved hearing your voice in my head, knowing your thoughts. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it was wrong, an invasion of your privacy, but I couldn’t help myself.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I croak, my voice thick with unshed tears.
“Because you make me do things I would never normally do. I’m not the perfect guy everyone thinks I am. I make mistakes and have weak moments. Sometimes I regret them, sometimes I don’t. I don’t regret reading your notes. I don’t regret beating the shit out of the son of a bitch who hurt you for years. What I do regret is how I went about it. I…just…” He takes a deep, controlled breath as if trying to choose the right words. “can’t help the way I act sometimes when it comes to you.”
“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t be together.” Every single word stings as it comes out of my mouth, but I don’t have a choice. I can’t be in another toxic relationship. I barely survived last time. I have to choose myself.
Luke’s expression suddenly changes, his eyes blazing with intensity. He moves towards me, and I instinctively step back, causing his eyes to pool with regret. He doesn’t do this. This isn’t him, and he knows it. He’s not aggressive. But he’s desperate. Just like he was that night I was in Ashton’s car.
“Emory,” he breathes. “I’m angry and frustrated, but you have to know I would never hurt you.”
“Jaxon never hurt me physically, either,” I whisper.
“I’m not him, baby.” He takes a step back and sits on the edge of the bed, giving me space. “Emory, I’ve known you were it for me since that night in the library. Maybe longer. I broke your trust, and I’ll spend the rest of my life earning it back if that’s what it takes, but I won’t give up on us. Take as long as you want. I’m not going anywhere.”
It happens too fast, I don’t even realize my feet are moving until I’m across the room. Luke stands just as I reach him, and I wrap my arms around his torso, gripping the back of his shirt. I let the tears fall freely, knowing I couldn’t hold them back anymore if I tried. Luke lets out a shaky sigh. He’s crying. “I’ll give you anything, Emory. Everything. All you have to do is ask.”
I bring my hand up to wipe the tears from my face, keeping my head held high. “I already did,” I whisper, and it takes every molecule in my body to bring my hand down to his chest and gently push him back. “I asked you not to break my heart.”
His red, puffy eyes search mine, but I don’t let them linger. I flick mine toward the door.
“Please be gone when I get back,” I say as I turn around and walk out.