Epilogue
EMORY
Four Months Later…
Falling in love is a lot like falling backward and not knowing for sure if anyone is going to be there to catch you. What do they call it? A trust fall? When you’re supposed to just fall to your possible death, putting all your faith in one person to prevent you from hitting your head and bleeding out all over the fucking floor.
When you first perform it, there are always a few stumbles. You put your foot out or step backwards before you have a chance to fall.
Defense mechanisms.
Survival instincts.
Call them whatever you want. They’re your body’s way of keeping you safe. Your body doesn’t know there’s someone behind you. Your brain knows, and your heart knows, but your most basic human instincts are telling you to save yourself. Don’t rely on anyone else.
I did that once. Relied on someone else to catch me. Trusted the wrong person. I fell. I crashed. I bled out. But I didn’t die.
I got a second chance. A second opportunity to fall backwards and hope like hell the person would catch me this time. Still, there were stumbles. My heart told me to stay and be happy; my brain told me to be cautious but optimistic, but my body told me to flat-out run. I almost did. I almost ran from one of the best things that had ever happened to me.
I look at Luke with more love than I thought I could hold in my heart, as he walks over, his long legs eating up the distance to the oversized wooden table in his parents’ backyard. He’s carrying a huge tray of grilled chicken and hamburgers, which he places down in the center of the table. His mom, Annabelle, comes up behind him and places down two bowls, one with grilled corn and the other with potato salad.
“I think that’s everything,” she says as she takes the seat to my right.
“Smells amazing, Angel,” Luke’s dad, Calvin, chimes in as he grabs a spoon and starts scooping potato salad onto his plate.
Anna immediately slaps his wrist. “Don’t be rude, Cal. We have to wait for all our guests to arrive before we eat. Where are your manners?”
“You didn’t seem to mind my lack of manners last night,” he teases, hiking his eyebrows up.
“Ugh, gross,” Luke groans.
“What?” Calvin looks genuinely confused. “Your mother and I have a healthy?—”
“Don’t,” Luke interrupts him, “even finish that sentence.”
Anna and I glance at each other and giggle. This easy banter between them is something that I don’t think Luke, his mom, or his dad ever thought would be possible. But somehow, after not speaking for eight years, they were able to get their relationship to a place where they not only tolerate each other’s presence but actually enjoy it. They even work well together, which came as a surprise to all of us.
After the charges were dropped, Calvin insisted Luke keep half of the money from the sale of his construction business. He said the business would have crumbled if Luke hadn’t stepped in when he did, and he wanted to show him his gratitude. He tried not to accept it, but his dad ultimately won the battle of wills.
Luke put down a deposit to lease a space in town for a custom bike shop a week later. It was previously an auto repair shop, so it didn’t take much to get it functioning as the motorcycle haven Luke had dreamed up. Calvin helped with the minor renovations, and Luke is now the proud owner of Collins Custom Cycles and Repair. At first, Luke was doing all of the work himself, but word spread and he got really busy a couple of weeks ago, so he decided to take on a couple of employees to help him out. He hired Marco from the old construction company, and to my utter shock, his dad. Calvin had enjoyed his short-lived retirement but got bored and decided he wanted to work with his hands again. He’s only part-time, but he loves getting to work alongside his son everyday.
Most importantly, Calvin is stable. The new meds he switched to while in the hospital have worked out well for him, and he still goes to therapy once a week. Luke has even gone to a few family sessions with him. I’ve gotten pretty close with both of his parents. They remind me a little of Gram and Opa.
I started seeing my old therapist again as well. Luke’s willingness to heal his relationship with his dad made me realize that I still had my own healing to do. Being in a healthy relationship with a man who worships me instead of torturing me has helped, but it didn’t make my trauma magically disappear. I still have internal battles and self-doubt that I need to face on my own, and therapy has allowed me to start that process.
I finally told Gram about the mysterious guy who had captured my heart. She had another lucid day a couple of months ago, and I brought Luke to see her. She had already moved to assisted living by the time Luke moved to town, so they never officially met. Although Nate talked about him often.
“I’ll be damned,” she had said. “Your brother’s best friend, Emmy. You have more spunk than I’ve given you credit for.” She then proceeded to hound Luke about the wedding date and great-grandchildren for the rest of the visit. Luke ate it all up, agreeing with her that it should all happen sooner than later.
“Sorry, we’re late,” I hear a voice boom behind me. I turn around to see my brother walking through the back gate, wearing a fucking suit to a barbecue and not looking apologetic about it, despite the apology that just spilled from his lips. My dad is beside him, also looking like he just stepped out of an office on Wall Street. Have these people never been to a backyard barbecue before? Allie is trailing behind both of them, also unapologetic but slightly more appropriately dressed.
It’s October, but the last few days have been unseasonably warm, so Luke and I decided to get our families together for an impromptu outdoor cookout. It’s not the first time our families have dined together. My dad insisted Luke and his parents come over for family dinner a few weeks ago, and it went surprisingly well. I was worried Anna and Calvin would be uncomfortable in my dad’s ridiculously extravagant dining room, but they seemed to have a great time. My dad and brother had disappeared with Luke at one point, and I’m pretty sure they were threatening his life should he ever hurt me, but he somehow came back looking unfazed and even more in love with me.
“So glad y’all could make it,” Anna says as she stands up to greet my family.
“Thank you for having us,” my dad says as he shakes Calvin’s hand. “I can’t believe it has taken us so long to spend time together. I know our sons have been inseparable for a while.”
“I guess it takes throwing a daughter into the mix,” Anna says playfully. My dad grins and extends his hand to her. She disregards it and throws her arms around him. “We hug in this family. It’s a Southern thing.”
My dad initially goes rigid, but then he relaxes and hugs her back. I snicker to myself because the hugging definitely took some getting used to for me. My dad and Nate are not exactly huggers. Nate only hugs me if it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I hugged my dad. Our relationship has been much better since our talk in the library, and he is making more of an effort, but he’s still really busy at work. Old habits die hard, but he makes time for us where it counts, and I’m grateful for that.
“Well, let’s eat,” Anna says as she gestures for everyone to take a seat. Nate sits in the seat next to me where Luke had been before he stood up to greet them. But as soon as Nate’s ass hits the chair, Luke eyes him, clearly irritated.
“Move.” His command is simple but direct.
Nate looks up in challenge, but then he turns to me, and his eyes soften.
“Fine,” he sighs as he stands and moves over to the empty seat across from me, next to Allie. I’m not sure if Nate will ever be completely okay with my relationship with Luke, but he is trying. I think he’s possessive over both of us and doesn’t like that we now have each other. Which is why I keep encouraging Luke to go out with him and hit up bars. Trust me, the last place I want Luke is in a bar. I was secretly happy when he lost his bartending job. I know how gorgeous my man is. I know how ladies literally fall at his feet. But I’m hoping he can find Nate a girlfriend so we can get him off our backs for a little while.
Ashton has been helpful. He and Nate have gotten close since working together, and I think Luke secretly likes him, though he won’t admit it to his face. The four of us even hang out sometimes, though Allie never joins. She’s been busy with her own shit lately and always seems to have an excuse when we all get together.
Luke grabs a plate and starts loading it up with food. He’s putting a ton on the plate, so I assume it’s for him, but then he puts it in front of me and places a napkin on my lap.
“What the hell, Luke?” I laugh. “I can’t eat all that.”
He looks mildly irritated as he brings his mouth down to speak close to my ear. His hot breath sends a tingle down my spine, like it always does. “Baby, you have barely been eating lately.”
“I’m just stressed,” I lie. Well, it is partially true. I’ve been studying for my trauma certification, along with working my regular shifts at the hospital and helping my dad with the Diana Caldwell Foundation. I decided I wanted to do more than just show up to a fancy gala once a year, so I have been helping to plan other events to raise awareness about blood clots and money for research.
But that’s not the only reason I haven’t been eating. Or why I’ve been so tired that I’ve been routinely napping in the on-call room during my lunch break…
I give Luke a pleading look to let him know I don’t want to talk about it right now. He lets out a frustrated sigh, but, thankfully, he drops it.
I push some food around on my plate, but as I do, a wave of nausea overtakes me. I drop the fork, and it takes everything in me to will it away. Not now. Please, not now.
I look to Luke, and luckily, he’s distracted by something Nate is saying. They’re in what looks like a heated debate, probably about football. Anna looks over at me and gives me a knowing smile.
“Does he know, sweetheart?” she whispers gently.
“Know w-what?” I stutter, completely taken aback.
She glances down at my belly.
I try to answer her, but when I do, the nausea returns, and I can’t seem to get the words out. So I just shake my head.
“I’ll be right back,” she says with a wink.
When she returns, she’s carrying a glass of bubbly liquid, as well as a pack of saltine crackers. Like the kind that comes with soup at a diner. She places the drink in front of me and discreetly hands me the crackers under the table.
“Ginger Ale and crackers always did the trick for me,” she says quietly so no one else hears. Luckily, everyone seems to be engaged in their own conversations anyway. Except for Allie, who is eyeing me suspiciously. But I’ll deal with that later.
“Thank you,” I mouth to her, accepting the crackers under the table. Anna looks around to make sure no one is watching and then takes the burger and potato salad off my plate, placing them on her own. She winks at me again, and I smile back at her. I take a sip of the ginger ale, and my stomach finally begins to settle.
I’m almost eight weeks along, so I’m at the height of my nausea era. I only found out that I’m pregnant a few days ago. I had been feeling off these past couple of weeks but wrote it off as stress with everything I’ve been taking on. Then I realized my period was late—really late. I was so busy, I didn’t even notice that I had gone through my sugar pills and started a new pack of birth control without seeing a drop of blood.
When it finally dawned on me, I wasn’t even going to take a test. I mean, I’m on birth control. What are the odds? But I guess, other than abstinence, no method is one hundred percent effective. When I threw up the first time, I finally broke down and took a test. But even as those two pink lines stared up at me, I didn’t believe it. I rushed to work that morning and called in a favor with an old co-worker who now works in OB. She gave me an ultrasound, and sure enough, there was a blueberry-sized gummy bear hanging out in my uterus.
That was Wednesday. It’s now Saturday and I still haven’t worked up the courage to tell Luke. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous to tell him. I know in my heart he will be happy about it. I just feel like everything happened so fast with us. There hasn’t been much time to breathe and be in a normal relationship. I officially moved into his cottage about a month after the day we got engaged. Allie was cool about it, although she did insist on having her own key to our house made. In case of an emergency, she said. Honestly, I think she might be happy to have her own place. She’s never had a space all to herself.
We didn’t rush into getting married right away, as much as Luke wanted to. With everything we both have going on, I convinced him it would be best to wait at least six months until his business is more stable and I’m not studying around the clock. Now, who knows…
“Babe,” Luke says loudly, and I realize he’s probably been trying to get my attention for the last few minutes I’ve been stuck in my head.
“Yeah?”
He eyes me suspiciously. Luke is annoyingly attuned to my emotions. He always knows when something is up. It’s probably why he has been extra clingy these past few days.
He leans in close, hovering over my ear. “Do you want to go home?” he whispers.
“No, I’m fine.” He doesn’t seem convinced, but he looks down at my plate and sees that some of my food has been “eaten,” which placates him for the moment.
Between the ginger ale and the crackers that I’ve been sneaking nibbles of every so often, I’m starting to feel a lot better and am able to enjoy the rest of the evening. By the time most of the food is gone and Allie has drunk the entire bottle of wine she brought to “share,” I’m feeling like myself again. I’m not a big drinker in general, so no one really notices that I haven’t had any alcohol.
My dad suddenly claps his hands, as if he’s in a board meeting, and announces that he’s going to call it a night. I look at Allie, partially slumped in her chair, and then to Nate. He mouths, “I got her” to me and I put my hands together in silent thanks. I’m in no place to judge unhealthy coping mechanisms, but Allie’s been drinking a lot lately. More than usual. Normally, I would take her home and pour her into bed, but I really need some time alone with Luke tonight. I’m afraid I might lose my nerve if I wait another day. Still, I’m worried about her.
Everyone says their goodbyes, and when Allie doesn’t make any indication that she is going to move, Nate grabs her shoulder to help her up. She gasps dramatically and turns to me. “Oh my god. Do you see the way your brother is handling me? Maybe we should get revenge, Nate. What’s the opposite of brother’s best friend? Best friend’s brother?”
Nate rolls his eyes and lets out a sigh. “You owe me,” he says as he scoots Allie towards the gate. She giggles. Nate groans. And my dad looks like he would rather do anything other than get in the car they are all heading to. I wave as they disappear through the gate and head back to help clear the table.
“Don’t you dare,” Anna says in her Southern drawl. “We’ve got it. Go home. Be in love.”
Luke shakes his head. “You don’t have to tell me twice, Ma. We’ll get out of your hair.”
“You’re never in my hair, baby boy,” she says, standing on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I just know what it’s like to be young. You want as much alone time as possible.”
I hear a scoff and turn to see Calvin looking offended. “You don’t want alone time with me now?” he asks his wife.
She hits him lightly with the back of her hand. “Will you quit it? You’re making the boy uncomfortable.”
Luke grabs my hand and starts backing up towards the gate. “Okay, thanks for dinner. We’ll see you guys another time,” he rushes out as he pulls me, but Anna stops him and wraps her arms around me.
Before she lets me go, she whispers, “He’s going to be ecstatic, baby girl.”
I give her a smile as we pull away and wave goodbye to Calvin. As Luke hurriedly pushes me through the back gate, I find myself feeling more confident than I did a few minutes ago.
Now I can’t wait to tell him.
The ride home is quiet, but comfortable. Luke has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh, just like he always does when we’re driving. I cover his warm hand with mine and he looks over, giving me an easy smile. We pull up to our driveway and he rushes out before I can open my door, so that he can do it for me. My cheeks warm at the action, even though he’s done it a hundred times. He still makes my heart beat uncontrollably with the smallest gestures.
As soon as we get in the house, I make a beeline for the bedroom so I can change into comfy sweats.
“Movie?” I hear Luke calling from the living room.
“Sounds good,” I yell back as I pull my sweatpants up.
I’m trying to rack my brain for a cute way to tell him. Maybe I should wrap the positive test up and say I got him an early birthday present. Or put the ultrasound picture on the fridge and see if he notices? But as I’m trying to figure out the perfect way to tell the man I love that he’s going to be a father, I hear soft footsteps behind me, and the heady combination of spice and mint surrounds me. My heart starts thumping. Then I feel strong arms circling my waist.
“It’s been a week, Emory,” he rasps into my ear, sliding a hand down and stopping just above the waistband of my pants.
I shudder and goosebumps sheet my skin. Has it really been that long? We usually have sex once, if not twice a day. But I’ve been feeling awful, and Luke has graciously taken the hint that I haven’t been up for it. Although that ginger ale really did do the trick…
Focus, Emory. You need to tell him.
“Luke,” I try to say sternly, but it comes out as more of a whine.
“Yeah, baby?” he whispers seductively.
“We need to talk.”
He immediately halts his movement, taking a step back, and I mourn the loss of his warmth.
“Emory, I swear to God if you’re trying to leave me again?—”
“No,” I say, spinning around to face him. “Never.”
“Then what…”
I hesitate for a moment, but then I just go for it. He doesn’t need a cheesy reveal. He just needs my honesty.
“Okay, so remember when you wanted to read the same book I was reading, and then I had to explain to you what a breeding kink is?”
“Yeah…”
“And then you decided you had a breeding kink, and you kept saying you were going to put a baby in me while we were fucking, even though I’m on birth control.”
He nods.
“Well, you did it.”
“I—”
“Put a baby in me,” I finish for him.
“I put a baby in you,” he repeats as if each word were a question.
“Yeah.”
He sits down on the bed. It’s hard to get a true read on his face, but it’s somewhere between shock and relief. I walk until I’m standing over him, but I don’t make a move to touch him.
“Say something,” I plead softly.
“Emory, I?—”
“I know we didn’t plan for this and I know it’s crazy and too soon and we’re too busy. You just got into a rhythm at the shop and I’m still in the middle of my certification. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I'm usually so diligent with my birth control, but maybe I missed a day? It’s been so chaotic, it’s possible…not to mention we’re not even marr?—”
“Emory.” He reaches up and takes my hand in his. It’s soft and warm and instantly starts to calm me. He moves it over to his chest so I can feel his heart beating wildly. “Do you feel that?” he asks.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“I’ve never been more excited for anything in my life. I’m going to be a father. Your baby’s father. Our baby. We’re going to have a fucking baby, Em.”
He pulls me down so I’m straddling his lap and leans his head against mine.
“You’re not mad?” I ask, searching his eyes.
“Baby, I’m on fucking cloud nine.”
“But we’re so busy…”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“And we’re not even married yet."
“Hey,” he says, gently tipping my chin up to meet his glittering blue eyes. “We make the rules.”
“Yeah,” I say. “We make the rules.”
“Fuck, this is why you’ve been acting off for a few days. Not eating…”
I nod. “I found out on Wednesday. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.”
“Em,” he says, brushing his hand over my cheek. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s your body. I’m just so glad you’re not breaking up with me.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Is that what you thought?”
“For a second there—never mind, I don’t want to even think about it,” he says, shaking his head and shuddering.
I lean down and kiss his forehead. “Do you want to see the ultrasound picture?”
“There’s an ultrasound picture—and you didn’t lead with that? Fuck, yes. I want to see it.”
I hop off and grab my purse, taking out the black-and-white print and handing it to Luke.
“I’m only eight weeks, so he—or she—is still really small.”
He stares at it for a few beats before looking up at me, his eyes glistening.
“Fuck, Emory,” he chokes out.
“I know,” I say, plopping down on the bed next to him so I can see what he’s seeing.
He turns his head and squints his eyes. “Kinda looks like a gummy bear,” he muses.
“I know,” I say again, giggling.
“Can I go to the next one? The ultrasound, I mean.”
“Of course, baby. You can go to all of them. And you better be by my side, letting me squeeze the shit out of your hand while I’m pushing this thing out.”
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he says, taking my hand in his and threading our fingers.
“I love you,” I say.
“Since the library,” he replies, bringing his other hand up to my cheek and leaning in to breathe against my lips. “Maybe even longer.”
The End.