Chapter 20 #2
The girl holds out an open palm, in the centre of which is a piece of ice sculpted perfectly into the shape of a dire wolf. The light refracts through the belly of the animal, creating an almost fur-like texture as it bends and bounces.
There’s no need to feign my wonder as I gasp at the offering. ‘By the Gods! You made this?’
‘I did. It’s Fen,’ she tells me. ‘That is the name of your wolf, is it not? Fen?’
‘It is, yes. This is stunning. You have an incredible talent to make something like this.’
She smiles, the tiniest lilt of her lips, and pointedly continues to hold the statue out to me.
‘I can’t take it from you; it’s far too beautiful.’
The child shrugs. ‘It’s easy. I make them really quickly.
Look.’ She waves her hand and another appears on her left palm, though she quickly tosses it aside into a flurry of snow.
‘You have to have this one though,’ she tells me.
‘It’s special. My mother spelled this one so that it won’t melt.
Not ever ever. Not even in the sun. You will take it, won’t you? ’
Her eyes are pleading with so much hope that there’s no way I can extinguish it.
I just hope she doesn’t regret her decision if things don’t go the way I hope with the Veil.
As I take the wolf, which is surprisingly warm against my skin, my gaze meets her mother’s, who offers a fleeting but genuine smile.
‘Thank you so, so much,’ I tell them both. ‘I’ll treasure it always.’
Linnea beams, and I’m surprised by the ache that fills my own cheeks as I turn back to Kyor.
His eyes are on me, his face glowing with pride and joy.
I can’t remember the last time I saw him like this.
But as I slide my hand into his and we walk back to the palace, for the first time in a long time, I begin to believe that maybe I can become the princess the Issen people deserve.
Little Raven, I am going to head out of the pyrrhic with some of the other wolves to hunt tonight, assuming you do not have a problem with that? Fen questions as we head down to the dining hall. Elska will stay with you and your mate.
How far out of the pyrrhic? My question is instant.
Fen and I have been apart plenty of times when he’s gone hunting, and the distance has never felt that great, even though, in truth, I’m unsure exactly how far from me he strays.
But outside the pyrrhic? It’s not just beyond the borders of Isthyr; it’s out of Issen territory entirely.
The wolves here frequently leave their bonded to do such a thing. They assure me it will not be far. And if I sense any form of discomfort from you, I will return immediately.
I can’t say that I’m happy about the idea – it’s Fen being on his own, not me, that worries me – but I know his need to hunt is about more than just food.
It’s about fulfilling a primal urge within him.
It’s not like I haven’t noticed his increased commentary about ripping out tracheas.
Without regular hunts, his violent urges aren’t being fulfilled, and frankly, I don’t want him in a city of peace-loving people when the urges get too much.
Go. Have fun, but please let me know as soon as you’re back, I respond.
Of course, Little Raven.
At dinner that night, Magnus isn’t the only addition. There’s also a new dish on the table for the first time since we arrived.
‘Burdock root,’ Magnus tells us. ‘Some of the men went beyond the boundary today and found it. You can eat them raw, but I find it quite delicious roasted and then stewed slowly.’
I sniff at the bowl of charred circles, unconvinced, although Benny is straight in. As he takes a mouthful, he lets out a groan of appreciation. ‘This is good. It’s like meatier rhubarb.’
‘Meatier rhubarb?’ I repeat, only to try the food and find the description surprisingly accurate.
‘How are you all enjoying your time in Isthyr?’ Magnus says from the head of the table. ‘I hear your friend staying in the healers’ quarters is doing well. I’m surprised he’s not joining us.’
‘I think Loch quite likes being on his own at the moment,’ Ruben says. ‘Getting used to this new state of mind. Reading, taking life at his own pace.’
‘I understand that perfectly,’ Magnus replies.
‘Thank you,’ I say, realising I’ve not yet told Magnus how grateful I am for our friend’s transformation. ‘What you’ve done for him is more than we could ever have asked for. It’s truly appreciated.’
‘You are most welcome.’ He pierces a burdock root with his fork, but before he can eat it, Benny speaks.
‘I’ve been meaning to ask you something about Loch’s state, actually.
’ His tone is unusually serious. ‘I’ve read about certain types of healing being confined to regions.
Healing where the power is drawn directly from the earth and so requires its patients to maintain a connection.
Do you know if that has been used here?’
‘You mean, if Loch leaves Isthyr, will he deteriorate again?’ Magnus replies.
‘Yes.’
As Magnus hums thoughtfully, my stomach jolts. I never heard of such a thing.
‘You are indeed right that such magic does exist, but it has not been used on your friend.’
‘So exactly how did you help him?’ I ask. His transformation’s been nothing short of miraculous and given how much I’d like to work on my healing skills, expanding my knowledge can only be a good thing.
Once again, Magnus offers a slight hum. Offering quick answers isn’t one of my grandfather’s skills, but maybe that’s what makes him a great leader.
‘Your friend’s power is incredible, as I’m sure you’re aware. And incredibly useful too. But to hear and to listen are not the same. One can hear so much, but to listen to it all… that takes its toll.’
‘You mean he went like that because he was listening too much,’ I say. ‘He burned out?’
‘In a manner, yes. With so many of our powers, we use them when we need them. We call upon them and then release them. And I’m sure that is what he did for a while too. But at some point that changed. It became constant for him. Low level, perhaps, but constant.’
‘The Retterheld,’ Benny whispers to himself.
‘He didn’t want to miss anything. He was trying to keep track of what people were saying about the trials and the rebels.
That’s what I told him to do. Not to mention keep an ear out on the palace and what other Rettlings’ weaknesses were. This is on me.’
‘I would strongly disagree,’ Magnus replies.
‘Loch is a grown man capable of judging his own usage of magic, although I suspect he did not notice the way it was affecting him. It is certainly not the manner of draining that one normally hears of. In using it all the time, it became difficult to understand what was his own voice among all those filling his mind, until he began to lose the connection to it altogether.’
‘And you managed to reconnect him to it,’ Benny whispers.
‘He did that himself, but we offered the tools. Silence and listening to him for a change. Lots of listening and allowing him the space to hear himself, both inside and out.’
It sounds so simple, yet it causes a deep ache to spread through me; however, when I look at Benny, I know my feelings are insignificant to his. Rightly or wrongly, he will shoulder the guilt of this for a long time.
‘I assume your original question about location is because you wish to take him home to the Eastern Isles at some point? I am sure you, too, are keen to return to your responsibilities there.’
‘At some point I will have to return, yes,’ Benny replies.
A heaviness creeps into my bones. One that always arises when I remember Benny can’t stay with me forever. He’s already been on this journey far longer than he planned, and I’m sure there are people who must be questioning where he is.
‘Well, as long as Loch continues to listen to himself and remembers that magic is not infinite, he will be fine.’
I nod, relieved beyond words that Loch will recover, but Magnus's reassurance doesn't ease the heaviness settling in my chest. The mention of Benny's return to the Eastern Isles lingers instead.
We have all been travelling together for so long that it's become easy to forget this was never meant to be permanent.
One by one, we'll all have to return to our own lives.
It’s one thing for Kyor and me to be out here away from our families; I have the cover of visiting the temples, and he has the excuse of visiting the front lines.
I’m sure very few people – if any – know exactly who is on which battlefield at any given time.
Ruben and Caz, sad as it is, need no cover, as there’s no one waiting at home for them, and as for Thessa …
I don’t know. I know embarrassingly little about Sanning culture.
I’m sure I recall Stide saying something about them meeting up – perhaps in different seasons?
– so they can share their news and speak of deaths.
The thought causes a deep ache in my chest. Thessa likely never anticipated having to speak of Stide’s death at such a gathering.
Magnus also mentioned that they travel in pairs, so does that mean Thessa needs to find a new Sanning companion? That she’ll have to leave us to do so? I don’t know.
The point is that Benny’s situation is different. He has responsibilities, and I didn’t realise quite how much they’ve been eating away at him until now.
Magnus looks at Benny. ‘I would like to talk more of the Eastern Isles with you, if you’re amenable. I’m always interested in learning more about other cultures.’
Benny looks surprisingly unnerved by the comment, which I thought would have pleased him. Magnus isn’t lumping him into Morathkian culture like they’re one and the same, yet Benny picks at the corners of his thumbnail.
‘I always appreciate talking of home,’ he answers eventually. ‘Especially when I’ve been away from it for so long.’