Chapter 23
The training session has only served to fuel the hurricane of thoughts that spiral in my head as we ride back to Isthyr.
Was Stefan’s desire to rile me truly about testing my ability? It’s not beyond the realm of possibility – after all, Kyor and Ruben once used the same tactic to get my magic to work – but his choice of words plays on my mind.
There are plenty of ways to aggravate me, but that glint in his eyes when he spoke about us as a union, as a way to unite the kingdom, suggested he truly believes it to be a good idea.
The thought of being with anyone but Kyor is enough to make me feel nauseous. It’s a similar reaction to the one that occurs when I consider the trajectory this city is on.
There is so much peace in Isthyr. So much good to be found.
Regardless of politics, children play safely in the streets at any hour of the day or night, practising their magic, clambering onto dire wolves.
Simply being. People take pride in their work, which they carry out without complaint.
Those who harvest the riverweed, perfectly at peace in the flowing waters, often sing as they work.
The librarians move with grace and ease throughout the book stacks.
Even our chaperones seem perfectly content with the job they’ve been assigned.
I’m surrounded each day by moments of tranquillity I’ve never seen outside of the temple walls in Morathka.
But I know it’s not all contentment. Not when people like Ranveeg stir thoughts of a future with greater riches and greater rewards, dissatisfied with the simplicity of peace.
The thought of her, or anyone else, disrupting the quiet heart of Isthyr causes my heart to burn, but what other choice is there? If I don’t want the throne, Stefan is next in line, and today he showed me his hand.
It’s only once we are back on the streets of Isthyr that I realise Kyor and I have not spoken this entire journey, both too lost in our own thoughts.
‘What are you doing this afternoon?’ I ask as we continue to ride towards the river. ‘Did you want to come with me to the sacred lands?’
He frowns. ‘I thought Magnus wouldn’t allow it,’ he says.
‘I’m sure he would if I asked. If you really wanted to.’
My pulse quickens. I’m not sure how true that is, but it doesn’t matter anyway as Kyor shakes his head.
‘No. I would hate to be a distraction for you.’ His gaze sweeps over me and a string of sparks races across my chest, almost making me lose my balance.
‘You need to focus on what you have to do, and I’ve got some training with Uzra and the others.
’ He looks down then, and I realise this is about more than training.
‘I hope your time with Uzra helps you understand that you’ve done nothing wrong. All that matters now is what you do from here,’ I reply.
When he looks over, I can see his softened expression. ‘Thanks, Thorn. I promise I’ll never make you question us again.’
And I know I never will. Not for as long as he looks at me like that.
To distract us, I fill Kyor in on what he missed this morning. ‘Benny and Ruben were snogging at breakfast today.’ Even relaying it makes me smile.
‘Are you serious?’ Kyor asks, eyes bugging. ‘You mean you walked in on them?’
‘No, we were all there. The first time I think they forgot they had company, but the second time… Let’s just say it’s definitely on.’
‘Huh.’ Kyor’s face lights up with a grin. ‘I’m glad for Ru. After losing his mum, he could do with something good happening.’
I can’t help but notice he doesn’t include Benny in the sentiment.
The former Rettling lost all but one of his fellow entrants to the Retterheld, including his – and my – best friend.
Benny definitely deserves some happiness too, but clearly the wound his betrayal caused Kyor isn’t quite as healed as I’d hoped.
Still, I don’t mention that. We may have talked about his father but forgiving Benny for Zelle’s death … that still needs time. ‘Yeah, yeah, he does,’ I say instead.
Magnus is waiting for me at the edge of the river and my excitement at beginning the final stage of the Veil is almost enough to make me forget Stefan’s antagonistic words.
‘Ready?’ Magnus asks as I drop down from Fen.
‘Maybe,’ I reply with a smile, but as I move to step onto the bridge, I hear my name called out from behind me.
‘Rose, hang on!’
‘Caz?’
The former scribe is racing towards me.
‘Sorry, Magnus,’ I say. ‘This must be important.’
‘Of course.’
With steps closer to a jog than a walk, Kyor and I rush to meet Caz. When we reach her, she drops her hands to her knees, panting. Pressed between her knee and her right hand is a book, splayed open.
‘It’s meant to teach you something,’ she says when she finally catches her breath.
‘Sorry?’
‘The third part of the Veil. It took me a while to translate it, but that’s what it says.
During the final stage of the Veil, you have to learn something about yourself.
A lesson you’ve been unwilling to accept before.
That’s how you finish it. That’s how you stop—’ She glances down at my hands, which are gloved.
The black marks may be hidden beneath the leather and fur, but we both know they’re still there.
‘I just thought you should know before you went into it,’ she says quietly. ‘I thought it would help.’
‘It does. Thank you,’ I reply, pulling her in for a tight hug. I squeeze her hard, but she breaks away.
‘There might be more than one lesson. I couldn’t get it exactly, but it was saying something about gates, maybe? Lesson gates? It was hard to work out if they were all connected or not, but just see what you can learn, okay?’
‘I will, I will. Thank you.’ My heart throbs with gratitude that she would rush here to tell me this. But then, she is a damn good friend, and this isn’t the first time I’ve felt lucky to have her.
‘You’ve got this.’ She locks her eyes on mine. ‘You’re Rose Kultavaris. The gifted, Child of Four, and three, and … all that. How could you possibly fail?’
Her reminder of the Child of Four part doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence, not when we don’t know what it means, but I appreciate her faith in me.
‘I should probably get going,’ I say with a glance back at Magnus, but when I turn to kiss Kyor goodbye, his attention is on Caz.
‘Are you heading back to the palace?’ Kyor asks her. ‘I can walk back with you.’
I frown. ‘I thought you were going to meet with Uzra and his men. To train.’
His eye twitches slightly as he turns back to face me. ‘Yeah, I just thought I’d grab myself some riverweed first. Missed breakfast, remember? Hard to fight on an empty stomach.’
‘Yes, of course.’
That niggling feeling is there again, but before I can think too deeply on it, Kyor leans down and kisses me on the cheek.
‘You’ve got this, Thorn. And I’ll be waiting to reward you for all your hard work when you get back.’
Will he, though?
‘Thanks.’
‘Good luck,’ Caz whispers one more time.
With a deep breath, I turn around and walk towards the king.
You with me, Big Fella?
Always. Well, always bonded to you. My physical location varies, as you are aware.
A smile warms me from the inside.
That’s good enough.
‘Was everything all right with your friend?’ Magnus asks as we reach the other side of the bridge.
‘She came to wish me luck,’ I answer. ‘And to tell me a little bit about the last stage.’
‘She did?’ He presses his lips together into a thin line. ‘Did Uzra speak to her?’
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘She found something in a book in the library.’
‘Really? She must have gone deep into our records to find those details written down.’
I can’t tell if he’s annoyed or impressed by that prospect, but whatever the king’s emotions are – or Kyor’s, for that matter – my focus right now has to be on myself.
Caz’s information certainly makes me feel a little better prepared to go through the flames, if for no other reason than I now know why it took some people so long to pass the final stage. Some lessons can be notoriously hard to learn, but lessons about yourself?
Well, I know what that’s like.
My mind flickers to Kay. The last moon with her was far harder than I ever expected and definitely included a lesson or two for both of us.
For me, it was learning to let go. Learning that no matter how much I want to be able to protect her through every step of this life, it’s not possible.
Not only that, but she didn’t always want me to protect her.
Of course, it was easy for her to think that, given that she doesn’t know – and will never know – all the things I did in the slums to keep her safe.
But accepting that she is allowed to make her own decisions, no matter how much I disagree with them, was a hard lesson for me to learn.
And I’d like to think I don’t have any more to take on board. That I’ll simply pass through the third stage of the Veil on this first attempt.
Unfortunately, I doubt that will be true.
‘The last family member I walked to the Veil was your grandmother,’ Magnus says unexpectedly. ‘Your mother and I waited outside the entire time. Every day until she completed it.’
So Uzra wasn’t the first non-Issen to complete the Rite of the Veil. And it means something that my grandmother did it. If she could do it, I can too.
He stops walking and looks at me. ‘I wanted to tell you before, the other times we have been here, but it didn’t feel right. This time, though…’ His gaze shifts momentarily to the snow before it returns to me. ‘I thought you might like to know, that is all.’
‘Thank you,’ I reply. Every time he speaks of the women he lost, I see how difficult it is, which only increases my desperation to know more about their flight from Isthyr. But I can’t focus on that now.
Fen is behind me as we reach the mouth of the cave, ready to take care of my dagger as always, but as I remove it from its sheath with my gloved hand, I hesitate.
Maybe it was Stefan’s words about Magnus’s rule being tenuous, or maybe it’s the words the king shared about my grandmother, but for the first time, I find myself wanting to offer it to Magnus.
I’m going to leave this with the king, I tell Fen, surprised at how nervous I am. I feel as though I should give it to him. As a gesture. But I need you to keep an eye on him. If he looks like he’s going to leave with it—
I will rip his trachea out and keep it for you as a sign of my devotion and an example of what will happen to any who try to cross my Little Raven.
Despite my own stress, a slight smile flickers across my face, though it fades quickly. Somehow, I thought you’d say that. If at all possible, please don’t rip out my grandfather’s throat.
I’d probably choke on it, Fen agrees. He looks stringy.
Suppressing the giggle that desperately wants to escape, I gently close the bond between us so I can focus.
With a deep breath, I hold the blade out to Magnus.
‘You need to wear gloves,’ I tell him. ‘And leave it sheathed while I’m gone.’
If he thinks my request is strange, he doesn’t show it.
Instead, he dips his chin in acquiescence, reaches into his pocket and pulls out two tattered gloves, and then takes the blade from me.
The gloves, I realise, are the same type worn by those who harvest the riverweed, and I find it doesn’t surprise me that the king owns a pair.
‘Remember, you have plenty of time yet,’ Magnus says softly. ‘And you are the granddaughter of the king. Let Oel guide you.’
My throat is too thick to reply, and so I don’t. Instead, I offer one nod and then descend the steps.
You’ve got this, Little Raven. Fen’s voice comes through my mind. You can do this.
I can do this, I repeat to myself.
Aware of the way my breath shallows, I take a tentative step forward, knowing exactly what to do when I reach the bottom: walk through the yellow wall of flames and learn a lesson.
Simple.
In terms of all the trials and tests I’ve endured throughout my life, this absolutely has to be the easiest. It’s mind over matter, that’s all.
The flames won’t hurt me. They can’t. Logic tells me that.
Magnus, Ranveeg, Uzra … so many have stepped through it.
It’s an illusion, that’s all. Yet my feet are hesitant.
Logic is all very well and good until fear comes into play.
One moon, I think to myself as I edge another step closer, bracing against the warmth of the flames. I have one moon to do this, or near enough. I don’t have to get it right the first time. I don’t have to learn the lesson straight away.
That knowledge is comforting.
So much of what I’ve faced recently has been one-shot situations.
If I hadn’t survived the jotnar attack, I would have died.
If I hadn’t found Kay in the forest, I would have been out of the Retterheld.
If I hadn’t got through to Kyor when he wanted to kill Benny, then Benny’s life would have been on the line.
If we hadn’t freed Caz from the grip of the Sannthrall as it wove its root-made tendrils around her body and tried to drag her beneath the surface of the earth, she would have been lost forever.
But this time there is a second chance.
So, with a burgeoning confidence I hope I deserve, I close my eyes, pick up my feet, and once more walk through the flames.