Chapter 24 #3
And I am another day closer to the poison reaching my heart.
Another day closer to dying.
When I reach the surface, Magnus is waiting. With his gloved hand, he immediately hands me back the blade Dinah gifted me.
Dinah. Even now, she’s here.
‘You look upset, Rose.’
I wonder how he ascertained that. Is it the fact I’m grinding my teeth or the hot tears I feel streaking down my cheeks? Either way, I don’t bother replying.
‘Please try not to take anything you see personally,’ Magnus soothes. ‘The Veil is not trying to hurt you. It is trying to help you.’
‘It fucking isn’t!’
‘Perhaps a meditation?’ he suggests. ‘The vandsang, maybe?’
If I were to go into the vandsang now, my screwy powers would end up freezing the pools of water, and I’d ruin some millennia-old Issen sacred space. Not a good idea.
‘No, thanks. I’m going to ride Fen back,’ I say, already mounting my wolf. ‘I need some space.’
‘As you wish,’ Magnus says.
You wish to talk about it, Little Raven? Fen asks as we set off.
No. No, I just wish you to run really fast.
He does as requested, his feet barely touching the ground as he leaps into one effortless bound and then the next. Cold stings my face, the blistering sharpness of the air a welcome relief from the burning ache deep within my chest.
All too soon, we’re standing beside the river, a familiar face waiting on the other side. Knowing that Fen’s far more comfortable taking the bridge without me on his back, I dismount then walk across to the other side.
‘Ruben?’ I question. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘You know, just hanging around waiting for my bestie – who’s a princess, by the way. Astrid brought me here. You’ve met her, right? She does really incredible ice sculptures.’ He nods towards Astrid, who is waiting to escort us back.
I love the fact that Ruben knows this little detail about her, and if she makes great ice sculptures, that explains the amazing sword too.
‘But really,’ Ruben says, running a hand down my arm and causing warmth to flood back into me, ‘I wanted to see how your third stage of the Veil went.’
In spite of it all, I can’t help but laugh.
‘Shit,’ I exclaim. ‘Pretty fucking shit.’
‘Well, you’ve got time. You’ll do this.’
‘I hope so.’ Needing to change the subject, I say, ‘So you and Benny?’ Given the kisses this morning, I expect some kind of positive response or at least a grin. Instead, he clenches his jaw.
‘Oh, hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. You want to talk about it?’
‘It’s nothing,’ he says, waving my comment away. ‘At least I hope it’s nothing… But anyway, I don’t want to talk about that. The Veil?’
‘Well, as it happens, I don’t want to talk about that either.’
That gets a flicker of a smile from him. ‘So with those two subjects out, is there anything you do want to talk about?’
I draw in a breath. I want to confide in Ruben, truly, but it feels unfair to do so before I’ve spoken to Kyor. But can I tell Kyor this? The Veil is showing me the worst night of both our lives, and I can’t drag it back to the forefront of his mind. Can I?
But after everything we went through with the Robbard’s, I know this is just another test. A test to see if I really do trust him.
‘I’m all right, honestly,’ I say after a pause. ‘I just need to go find Kyor. Tell him about the Veil and everything. He’s with Uzra and his men.’
‘Astrid,’ Ruben calls, ‘Rose is looking for Kyor. He’s apparently training with Uzra today?’
Astrid smiles. ‘He is, and he’s putting on a pretty spectacular show, from what I hear.’
I notice the colour of the sky then – the peridot clouds, the lightning that seems to dance in the wind. It’s good news, but I don’t know if I have it in me to walk into something like that.
‘No, actually.’ I swallow down a wave of exhaustion, fear swirling within me as I remember my mother shaking me awake that fateful night. ‘I think I’d like to go to the palace first. Maybe you could ask Kyor to come see me when he’s finished?’
I know I could ask Fen to get him now, but I want Kyor to have this. He deserves it after getting closer to Uzra, even starting to accept how things are here. My story can wait a few more hours.
‘Okay, well, I’ll come with you,’ Ruben offers.
‘No, no, it’s fine. I know Caz needs help in the library.’ I turn to Astrid, feeling my power begin to surge as memories of the Veil come thick and fast. ‘I know my way. I can go on my own.’
‘We’re supposed to have chap—’ Ruben starts.
‘Fuck the chaperoning!’ My power surges out of me and across the surface of the river, freezing the flowing water as far as the eye can see in either direction.
‘You go,’ Astrid says quietly. ‘I’ll deal with this.’
‘Thanks,’ I mutter, frustration boiling as I stalk towards the city. Why the hell did Oel give me more power and then show me that? It was bad enough before. Now I’m out of control in more ways than one.
When I reach the palace, I fly up the stairs and open the door to our room. I need refuge, safety, a place where I can collect my thoughts. Because I cannot face that night again. I cannot live through it one more Godsforsaken time.