Chapter 40 #2
Ruben settles behind me, his arms solid, warm, and reassuring. Grounding. Even though the crisis has passed, it still feels so comforting to have him here with me.
By the time we reach the river, I’m surprised and pleased to have pushed the swell of magic almost entirely down.
Wanting to expunge some of what continues to bubble within me, I grow some riverweed, and then, when I’ve bolstered the crop as much as I feel comfortable doing, I create a small flurry of snow around us.
It’s like letting pressure out of a valve, and the last remnants of stress hiss out of me.
‘You’re good at that,’ I say, turning to look at Ruben. ‘At keeping people calm.’
He wrinkles his nose. ‘I didn’t do anything. By the way, thanks for getting me out of that room. It was getting tense in there.’
I can’t help but laugh as he slides off Fen. ‘No problem. Wasn’t sure it was good for either of us to be there. They both need their full focus.’
‘Yes, and we’re so distracting.’ He winks and fluffs his hair, making me laugh.
‘We are.’
Ruben turns to my wolf. ‘Thanks for letting me ride you, Fen. It truly was an absolute honour,’ he says with utmost sincerity. ‘A dream come true.’
He would have bonded with a wolf, Fen says with certainty, if he’d gone to Afaven Forest.
I repeat Fen’s words to Ruben, who gives a lopsided smile in answer. ‘Imagine that,’ he says, shaking his head – and perhaps also shaking the dream away.
Ruben reaches up to me, and though I have no need of his assistance, I let him help me off my dire wolf.
After setting me on my feet, he reaches into his pocket.
‘Riverweed cake?’ he asks, unwrapping the small parcel he retrieves.
‘I thought they were all out of flour?’
He grins. ‘Moira kept a little stock aside, just for me. And apparently, they’ll be trading soon.’
‘Trading? With whom?’ I ask as I take the cake.
‘I don’t know,’ he replies as he pulls out another for himself.
‘The women in the kitchen don’t really enjoy talking to me about stuff like that.
Gossip on the other hand… Only yesterday, Wilda was talking to me about her brother-in-law.
Half Morathkian. Pretends she doesn’t approve of the marriage, but if you ask me, she’s just got a little crush on the guy, who, according to Sara, is hot as hell.
I’m just waiting for him to get back from the front lines so I can see what all the fuss is about.
Although I guess I might be gone by then.
I’ll miss it here, but I have options…’ His eyes meet mine, and there’s an undeniable glimmer shining from within them.
‘He asked me to marry him,’ he whispers.
‘What?’ Of course, in all the events of the day, I had forgotten that Benny had said that.
‘I said no,’ Ruben adds quickly. ‘Obviously, I said no, but then I pulled a bit of a Kyor after he threw that one at me.’
My brow pinches into a frown. ‘What do you mean?’
Ruben lifts his chin. ‘I went and got Caz to find out if he was for real. If that was actually what he wanted. And it is. He really wants to be with me forever. The whole thing is ridiculous, Rosey. He said he’s going to make me a lord. Me!’
I grin. ‘You are the most gentlemanly person I have ever known. I can’t think of anybody more suited to a title than you.’
‘I’m thinking of changing my answer. Of saying yes.’
I let out a squeal and throw my arms around him. ‘I’m so happy for you. For both of you.’
We beam at each other before his eyes lock on mine and something flows through them.
‘You know I wouldn’t be here without you.’ He swallows visibly. ‘I thought you were the one, and in some ways you still are. Not the romantic one. Just the best-friend kind.’
‘That’s a title I’ll gladly take,’ I say, leaning in again and holding him tightly, allowing myself to bask in his warmth. It’s a power I’ll miss for sure, though not as much as the man himself.
Assuming I survive long enough to miss anyone.
He gives me one last squeeze before releasing me and gesturing to the cave. ‘Time for another crack at meditation?’
I check in with myself. I’m calm. I’m centred.
I nod.
‘I’ve already failed the Veil today, but maybe meditation for meditation’s sake is going to be the answer.
I probably shouldn’t just use it as a stepping stone.
’ I blow out another breath before we move towards the vandsang.
‘It’s not just me who finds this all crazy, right? ’ I ask. ‘Kyor, joining the rebels?’
‘No. It’s safe to say that isn’t something I saw happening this trip,’ Ruben agrees. ‘But I understand where the change of heart has come from. I mean, he was in the slums in Galreck. Was actually in them for once. Received the level of healing available and was in pain for weeks afterwards.
‘And I can’t imagine how many times he’s had to travel through the slums in Morathka to go out to the front line, but that was always passing through them, not living in them.
Maybe he thought us all ruffians then, criminals.
Now he knows different. Knows me, knows you, knows Kay.
He’s seen the kids, the squalor, and experienced the cold firsthand.
And yeah, now that we’re in Isthyr, it’s cold as fuck, but it’s not hard to see the differences between here and Wrohelm. ’
‘But to go against his father…’ I’m still getting used to this new Kyor, and I can’t yet allow myself to hope it means a different future for us. Because if he changes his mind, it’ll break me.
Korvane shaped him. Manipulated and mistreated him in ways so dark I’m sure even I don’t know the full extent. But I know enough to despise him for it.
Yes, he wasn’t yet ready to defy his father two moons ago, but now? My heart skitters at the import of this pivotal moment. The prince, joining the rebels.
Ruben’s voice is quiet beside me. ‘Kyor is a good man, Rose. I know I wouldn’t have said that a couple of months ago, but you can trust him. About everything you need to. He’s learning to see with different eyes. It’s taken him a while, but he’s definitely learning now.’
He doesn’t need to say any more for me to know he’s telling me I can trust Kyor with William.
Ruben pauses when we reach the vandsang cave.
‘You want me to wait for you? Not sure I’m in a meditating mood after all, so think I’d be more of a hindrance rather than a help in there right now. I might head back to the kitchens and see if there’s any more gossip to gab about.’
I shake my head. ‘You’re never a hindrance! But if you’re heading back, can you do me a weird favour?’
‘Benny would be upset if we replicated the tannery,’ he teases.
My cheeks heat, and I magic up a loose snowball and hurl it at him. ‘Not that! Gods. Just … make sure you only step in Fen’s footprints on the way back.’
‘What?’ Ruben looks at me in confusion. ‘Why?’
I look at the straight line of prints in the snow.
Remarkably straight. It’s one of the details that sets wolf and dire wolf footprints apart.
‘Fen needs to be able to watch the snow for footprints … for the shade,’ I tell Ruben.
‘We don’t want your footprints muddying them up. Just jump between them.’
Ruben’s jaw hangs loose. ‘Sorry, you want me to jump all the way back to the river, only landing on Fen’s paw prints, which are like ten feet apart?’
Keeping my face as devoid of emotion as possible, I reply dryly, ‘That’s exactly what I want you to do.’
With his mouth now closed, Ruben’s lips twist before he rolls his eyes and lets out a sigh.
‘You know I’d only do this for you, right?’ He groans, shaking his head as he turns away.
‘Which is why you’re my favourite person ever!’ I laugh as he takes his first two-footed jump.
For a few minutes, I watch on, chuckling to myself as he continues to bounce, although more than once he stumbles, landing outside Fen’s paw prints in the unblemished snow.
Fen laughs. At least we know that is not a method the shade will be able to use easily.
The vandsang’s delicate notes ripple through the cave, soft as falling snow, and something inside me finally loosens. With each shimmering chord, calm seeps into the raw edges of my soul.
I spend an hour there, perhaps two, letting the music gather the fractured pieces of me back together. And when I finally emerge from the caves, I’m hollowed out with exhaustion.
Carry me? I ask Fen.
Always, he murmurs. You are strong, Little Raven, even if you do not know it, but tonight, I will be your strength.
Tears prick at my eyes as I hoist myself onto his back.
It’s just the pressure getting to me. So much pressure. And the secrets. The secrets that press in on me. The Rottings, the blades, the blood vows. I hate it all.
By the time we reach the palace, I’m slumped forward, swayed and lulled by Fen’s gentle lope, edging closer and closer to sleep.
Kyor and Benny are still in conversation when I enter, although Caz has left them, which I take as a good sign. She wouldn’t have gone if she were worried about some form of altercation. And Kyor wouldn’t have wanted her to go unless he truly felt like he could trust everything Benny was saying.
‘I’m going to bed,’ I say quietly.
Kyor assesses me at a glance, his jaw tightening. ‘I’ll come with you. We’ve spoken enough tonight. I have much to think on.’ He reaches out and clasps Benny’s hand. ‘I’m so glad I didn’t kill you.’
Benny throws his head back and laughs. ‘Me too, as it happens.’
Kyor takes a few steps towards me before turning back to Benny. ‘Tomorrow, we figure out how to take a crown.’