Chapter 43 #3
As Nettie starts her work, Kyor looks at me. ‘What should we do about them?’ he asks, with a slight motion towards the crowd. ‘Should I try to move them on?’
I shake my head. ‘This is their home. Their culture. Their way of showing respect. We let them be.’
I don’t know how long Nettie spends with her hands on Benny.
I can’t judge the movement of time as minutes and hours no longer have the same meaning.
Not when a heartbeat is all it takes for the world to change entirely.
Still, the crowd has changed. Faces move on and new ones have appeared by the time she steps away from him.
‘Thank you,’ Benny manages, polite even in his desolation.
As the healer backs away, Kyor moves in quickly, taking Ruben’s weight as Benny swings down from Elska’s back, boots hitting the ground hard.
For a second, he just stands there.
Then he reaches forward and gathers Ruben into his arms, hauling him close with a strained breath before turning and beginning to walk.
Instinctively, I reach for Kyor without looking, finding his hand is already reaching for mine.
Silently, we follow Benny towards Oel’s temple. Ruben’s life changed so much in the past few moons. He gained new power and found love the likes of which he never knew existed.
And that, apparently, was all the Gods wanted for him.
Outside the temple stand two familiar older men, and so while Benny carries Ruben inside, Kyor and I pause.
‘How is he?’ Loch asks.
‘As you would expect,’ I say. ‘Broken.’
His gaze shifts towards the temple doors where we can see Benny reluctantly lowering Ruben’s body.
‘It was true love, you know,’ he says softly. ‘I heard it in the laughter. The banter. Even when I could not make sense of the words the way I once did, when we were in the forest, those last few nights, I could tell they loved one another.’
‘I know,’ I say.
Silence spills between us.
‘I should see if I can offer him support,’ Loch says after a moment. ‘It is the least I can do after all they have done for me.’ As Loch moves towards Benny, my attention shifts to the other man waiting for us. Magnus.
‘Ruben saved all our lives,’ I say quietly. ‘Saved the lives of everyone in Isthyr, too.’
Magnus’s sad smile holds so much pain that it’s clear he’s thinking of losses he’s suffered in his own life. Grief calls to grief.
I can’t help but wonder about the grandmother I know nothing about. I have tried to mention her, but each time I do, his body stiffens as if speaking about her will cause him such physical pain that he may not survive. I understand that all too well.
‘It is your choice, of course, but we would like to honour Ruben with a funeral in the style of the Issen parting rites, if you agree. It is a simple rite, without the grandeur I’m sure he would receive in Morathka, but it is beautiful.’
‘Thank you,’ I reply, ‘but it’s not a decision I can make. It will be Benny’s choice.’
‘Of course. Perhaps you can ask him when he is ready,’ Magnus replies. ‘In our tradition, we perform the rites as soon as we can, but if he needs time, I understand.’
‘Thank you,’ I say again. ‘I will ask him.’
Magnus nods and then leaves us.
I look back to where Benny kneels over Ruben’s body, his frame hunched and weak.
‘We were meant to grow old together,’ I hear him say to Loch. ‘We were meant to grow old together.’
‘Come.’ Kyor squeezes my hand. ‘He needs time alone, and you need rest. I’ll take you back to the palace.’
I can’t help but laugh. A bitter, dry laugh. ‘Rest? How am I supposed to rest, Kyor?’
‘Then talk?’ he suggests.
This time my scoff is even more derisive. ‘Talk? About what exactly?’ He doesn’t deserve my anger – I know that – but I am filled with it. ‘Tell me, what would we talk about? About how I lost my best friend today? Again. About how he died because of me? Again.’
‘Rose, this isn’t on you. Just like Llin’s death wasn’t.’
‘But it is, isn’t it?’ My breath quickens as I spit my words at him.
‘Because Holden didn’t put poison in that glass for her, just like Stefan didn’t attract those jotnar to hurt Benny.
They did it to kill me. Me, Kyor. And I’m tired of it.
I’m so tired of having to fight for existence.
Because that’s all I’m ever doing – fighting.
Physically fighting. Emotionally fighting.
I just wanted to keep my sister safe. I still want to keep her safe. That’s all.’
‘I know. I know, my love.’
My breath is stuttering again, and I’m wheezing as he pulls me into his chest.
‘Why does it have to be like this?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t. But I’m so sorry, Thorn. Truly so sorry.’ He repeats the words over and over as he holds me against him, brushing my hair down with his hand. ‘I’m so sorry.’
I don’t know how long I stand there, holding on to Kyor like he’s the only thing stopping me from drowning in kraken-filled water, but at some point, the tears slow, and I shift away from him.
‘You want to go back to the palace now?’ he asks softly. ‘You can ride Fen if it’s easier.’
‘I’ll go back in a bit,’ I tell him. ‘There’s somewhere else I need to go first.’