Chapter 31
CHAPTER
THIRTY-ONE
Gianna
Drake: First thing Dad asked when I walked in the door was if you were coming. Guess you made quite the impression.
I smile at his text, pulling my visor down to shield my face from the early afternoon sun.
Audrey bops along to a song on the radio from the driver’s seat. She borrowed her dad’s truck for our trip to Pearl’s, so I didn’t object to her choice of music. Since I didn’t say anything inappropriate to her brother, who showed up unexpectedly, she didn’t choose bubble gum pop.
Me: What can I say? I’m an impressive girl.
Drake: There are many impressive qualities about you. If you’d like, I can name them off one by one tonight while you have my dick in your mouth.
Me: You sure know how to make a girl happy.
My core clenches at the thought of being on my knees in front of Drake.
I’ve always loved giving blow jobs—there’s something innately powerful about making a man, no matter how alpha he thinks he is, lose control.
But it’s become something more with Drake, something beyond knowing I can make him come undone with the flick of my tongue.
It’s not so much about the control of his pleasure. It’s kind of about giving up control of mine.
Drake: I try.
I know you do.
“Is that Drake?” Audrey asks, turning down the radio.
“Yeah.”
A twinge tugs at my heart, a sensation that’s new to me.
It started last night after Drake’s sleep-talking episode.
It’s a feeling of overwhelming gratitude mixed with the anticipation of incomprehensible loss rolled into one with a timer shoved in the top.
The only time the pressure subsides is when I’m in his arms.
Talk about inconvenient.
Me: Want to come over tonight?
My brain tries to stop my thumbs from pressing the letters on the keypad, but fails to prevent them from sending the text.
It’s tricky because I’m stressed, so I want to be with him.
He has a way of making me feel better. Well, many ways, really.
But I’m stressed because I know I can’t keep being with him.
That it will come to an end.
How do you manage that? You don’t. You grab a flare, hold your breath, and ride the sinking ship until the very last minute.
Drake: Absolutely. You can show me your fancy new coat tree.
Me: It’s SO GOOD. Just wait until you see it.
Drake: I’m excited to see what you do with it. It’ll be amazing, I’m sure.
I frown, wishing he’d just be mean or something. Can’t he be an asshole? Doesn’t he have it in him?
Make this easy for me, Drake.
I look up just in time. “Make a right here,” I say, pointing at a road beside a church sign.
“That’s not what the navigation says.”
“I know, but Pearl told me that the navigation gets wonky out here and to turn beside the church sign with yellow letters.”
Audrey shrugs. “Whatever you say.”
Me: We’re close to Pearl’s. Have fun with your parents, and I’ll see you tonight.
Drake: Can’t wait. Be safe, babe.
“I can’t with this guy,” I say, huffing in frustration—more at myself than anything.
“Why?”
“Because, Auddie, he’s literally perfect. He opens the car doors in public and then fucks my face in private.”
She winces, but I ignore her.
“He’s kind. He loves my art, and he never tells me that I’m being too loud or that my house is a mess, which you know is always the case. And I just …” I sigh, dejected. “And it doesn’t matter.”
Audrey licks her lips before nibbling on the bottom one. “Why wouldn’t it? I don’t understand.”
“He told me he loved me,” I say, the words falling out of my mouth like a lead balloon. Audrey’s eyes go wide. “He doesn’t know he told me. Turns out that Drake is a sleep-talker.”
She grips the steering wheel tightly, trying—and failing—not to look surprised. “So what are you going to do?” she asks gently.
“Fuck if I know. I figure that I have less than two weeks left in this science experiment of ours, so I’m going to enjoy it. Maybe he’ll get sick of me before that, or he’ll realize that I’m a good time, not a long time. That’ll solve my problem.”
Or, maybe this thing with the podcast will come to a head, and he’ll realize that I’m not the brilliant businesswoman that he thinks that I am, and that’ll turn him off.
We drive along the country road quietly for a few miles. Houses are sprinkled among the fields, and nearly all of them have a barn and chickens running in the yard. I lean my head back and sigh.
“What are you thinking about?” Audrey asks.
“Orgies.”
“You are not.” She rolls her eyes. “Listen, I know this is very complicated for you, and I understand why. But maybe this feels so uncomfortable and scary because you’re shedding your skin. You’re growing.”
I turn my face to hers. “Don’t bring your PhD into this friendship.”
She giggles. “I’m just trying to help. You’ve been so happy lately and—I don’t mean in a mean way—but calm. Content. And I love that for you.”
“Yeah, well, I love that for me, too, Auddie. But I couldn’t be this happy forever. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” But I bet I could figure it out.
Her face grows serious, and I know that damn PhD is about to come for me.
I should change the subject or pivot to something less, well, about me.
But something inside me wants to hear what she has to say.
Because if Audrey doesn’t believe something, she won’t say it.
She’s not like Astrid, who will say things to shut you up, or like me, who sometimes says things just to get a reaction.
“You say that you’re not someone to love for a long time, but you do realize that isn’t logical, right?” she asks softly. “You’re just afraid, and this is the way you protect yourself. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Damn.
“You don’t earn love, Gianna. It’s not a performance review.”
Tears well up in my eyes, and I refuse to look at her. “Yeah, well …” I look up and see a moss-green house with black shutters, just like Pearl described. Oh thank God. “That’s it.”
Audrey pulls the truck up the driveway and parks it next to a red Cadillac. We hop out of the truck, I open my own door for once while drying my unshed tears and head up the walkway. Before we get to the steps, a tiny woman comes out of the house.
“Gianna?” she asks.
“Pearl?”
She beams. “I’m glad you found me all the way out here.”
“That church sign was a good tip. Auddie would’ve blown right by it.”
Audrey blushes.
“Hi, Auddie,” Pearl says. “Any friend of Gianna’s is a friend of mine. Come on in, girls.”
Audrey looks at me wide-eyed, and I shrug. I didn’t know that Pearl and I were that close, either.
Pearl steps gingerly through the door. She can’t be five feet tall, and her hair is a shade of blond orange that I’m absolutely sure comes from a do-it-yourself bottle of dye. I respect that, even if the color is atrocious.
The air smells like an apple-cinnamon air freshener used in abundance to cover what might be mildew. The wallpaper peels up in the seams, and the carpet has seen better days ... like in the nineteen eighties. And the light fixture above us has one out of three bulbs lit.
“Here she is,” Pearl says, gazing fondly at the piece of mahogany I purchased for way too much money. “This was my father’s. It sat just inside his front door for as long as I can remember. No one used this one but Daddy. His coats and hats were always covered in coal residue from the mines.”
That explains why it’s so important to her.
She sniffles. “But, yes, this is it. I can help you load it in your truck, if you want.”
Audrey smiles at her.
“I think we can take care of it, but thank you,” I say.
“Would you girls like a glass of tea?” Pearl asks, her eyes lighting up. “I just made some fresh this morning.”
I glance at Audrey, but already know her answer. Sure enough, her soft eyes tell me that her little empath antennae are on duty.
“Sure,” I say.
Pearl clasps her hands at her chest. “Really? Great. Follow me into the kitchen.”
“Gianna told me that you’re taking a cruise,” Audrey says as we take a seat at the small wooden table beside the stove. “Where are you thinking about going?”
“Ah, I don’t know. Anywhere, really. I’m just trying to blow all my cash before I croak.”
Audrey coughs, trying to hide a laugh.
“I know you girls probably wonder what cash I’m talking about, considering the state of this place,” she says, pouring three glasses of tea.
“But this isn’t where I live. I live up the road a ways.
” She hands each of us a glass and then joins us at the table.
“I grew up in this house. This was my mama and daddy’s place.
I’ve never been able to sell it. My brother lived here after his divorce until he passed away a few years back. It’s sat empty ever since.”
That’s a relief.
The tea is perfectly sweet and crisp, reminding me of my grandma’s tea from my childhood. Even the glasses remind me of her. They’re heavy-bottomed with a brownish-gold design that looks like stars.
“Did you ever get Lover Boy to bend you over the bed?” Pearl asks.
Audrey snorts, tea shooting out of her nostrils. I giggle before it turns into a full-blown belly laugh. Pearl hands her a napkin, laughing, too. Audrey’s eyes water as she tries to get herself under control.
“I apologize for her,” I say to Pearl. “Audrey is a good girl, and we love that about her.”
“Hell, yes, we do,” Pearl says. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Auddie. You are who you are. People these days are too afraid to embrace how they really feel. That’s why there are so many unhappy souls walking the earth.”
She’s probably right.
“But, back to your man,” Pearl says, turning to me. “Are you having sex yet or not?”
Audrey’s flabbergasted. Bewildered. If she had Pearl pegged to be a sweet old lady, which I think is the case, she’s understandably shocked.
“I’m having great sex,” I say. “It took some finagling, but I finally got the dick.”
“Good for you. I was remembering you in my prayers in the evenings.”
I laugh. “You were praying for my sex life? Pearl. Baby. You’re a great friend.”
“Oh, hell. God created sex,” Pearl says. “How can it be a bad thing? It’s only dirty because humans made it that way. If you’re not hurting anyone, I say enjoy it.”
We sip our tea as Audrey and Pearl get into a surprising conversation about traveling. It seems Pearl was quite the jetsetter back in her day. Audrey goes all over the place with her family. As I listen to them debate what’s the better island—Grand Cayman or St. Thomas, my thoughts float to Drake.
I imagine him in his parents’ living room, sitting across from Big Ed. I wonder if his sisters are there and if his mom is making something delicious in the kitchen. Drake said she would be doing that today. After all, it is Sunday, and Sunday dinners are a big deal in the Bennett household.
My shoulders pull forward as a hollow warmth settles in my gut.
Not being with him feels like such a loss, like a bruise that only I can see.
I should’ve gone, too. I wanted to. It just seemed ridiculous to dig myself in deeper with those sweet people.
There’s no need to create a bond with Barb and Big Ed, or Evie and Elodie. The fewer complications, the better.
My throat thickens, and I try to wash it out with another drink of tea.
“Well, Pearl, we’d better get going,” I say, once her and Audrey’s travel tales end. “I have a big week coming up, and my house is a disaster.”
“Sure, honey. I understand.”
Audrey rinses our glasses out, and Pearl places them in the dishwasher. I wipe down the table and push in our chairs. Then we return to the entryway and the infamous coat tree.
“It was nice to do business with you, Pearl,” I say.
She cackles. “You know that’s a damn lie.”
I laugh, too. “Have fun on your cruise.”
“I’ll call you with a report.” She turns to Audrey. “It was nice to meet you, young lady.”
“It was nice to meet you, Pearl.”
Audrey and I lift the coat tree, which is inexplicably heavier than I would’ve imagined. We nearly trip going down the walkway. We manage to get it into the truck bed without damaging either the wood or the metal, then climb into the cab.
Pearl waves as we back out of the driveway.
Audrey takes a call from her brother as I gaze out of the window, wishing that I were with Drake. Because there will come a day, sooner than later, I fear, that I won’t have the choice.
And that’s going to really, really suck.