Chapter 2
Two
Copeland
My boots feel heavy as I take the small set of steps to reach my front door.
It’s been a long-ass day of training the recruits.
Even though it’s only five o’clock, I’m ready to shower, shove some food down my throat, and fall face-first into the mattress.
Zero four hundred comes early, and I’m getting too old for this.
Three more years, and I’ll have my twenty years of service, then I’m out.
I’ve done my time. I’ve devoted my life to the Marines, and although I’m worried about what life after the service looks like, I’m ready.
I have no idea what I’ll do once I’m retired, though.
An image of her flashes in my mind, but I push it back.
She was my dream, one that I still have, if I’m being honest with myself, even though almost two decades have passed.
I’m sure she’s married and has a few kids by now.
I won’t let my brother, Chandler, or my mom talk about her when we catch up.
When I visit them, I stay at home, never venturing out for fear I might run into her.
I want her to be happy—of course, I do. I just want her to be happy with me.
It’s fucked-up that, all these years later, she’s still the only woman I want.
Seeing her live the life I wanted for us would cut too deep.
Create a wound that would never heal. Even after all this time, seventeen years to be exact, I wouldn’t have been able to handle seeing her with someone else.
Then or now. It’s a problem—I’m well aware—but one I don’t see ever going away.
I gave my heart to the blue-eyed, dark-haired girl long ago, and there’s no getting it back.
It doesn’t matter if she’s moved on.
My heart will always be hers.
Unlocking the front door, I step inside and sigh.
It’s damn good to be home, even if this place has never really felt like home.
It’s where I lay my head at night. I untie my boots and set them neatly on the rug by the door before stripping out of my clothes as I make my way to my bedroom.
My phone and wallet get tossed onto the bed, and the dirty clothes are put into the hamper in the bathroom.
Reaching in, I start the shower, just as my phone rings.
I groan, because chances are it’s work-related.
Part of me wants to say fuck it, I’m off duty, but there’s a larger part, the one that thrives on my oath of duty to my country, that will always answer.
Turning back to the bedroom, I grab my phone from where I tossed it on the mattress, and smile when I see it’s my brother.
“Well, if it isn’t my big brother. How are ya?
” I ask, moving back to the bathroom and turning off the water.
I don’t get to talk to Chandler as much as I’d like, so this call takes priority over my shower, my stomach, and the need for sleep.
“Cope,” he says, his voice cracking, and I’m instantly on alert.
“What is it?” I rasp, already knowing that his words are going to rock me. My big brother is not one to pull pranks, so I know whatever he has to say is going to alter my world.
“Fuck. I hate telling you this over the phone.”
“Spit it out, Chan,” I demand. Even I can hear the worry in my voice.
“It’s Mom. Breast cancer,” he says, his tone full of anguish.
“Cancer?” I ask, because I’m having a hard time processing his words.
“She got her annual exam, and they found a lump. She didn’t tell me. Didn’t tell Macie. She just dealt with it on her own. Until today,” he says, stopping to take a breath.
“Today?”
“Yeah, she went for a biopsy and ultrasound without telling us. She claims she didn’t want us to worry unless there was a reason to.”
“Damn independent woman,” I huff.
“Yeah,” Chandler agrees. “You know how she is, Cope. She’s a fighter. We lost Dad, and she stepped up. She raised us, working the family business and cleaning houses just to make ends meet. She’s not one to let this get her down.”
“Is that the speech she gave you?” I ask, because I can hear my mother saying those exact words.
“Pretty much. Well, I added a few things.”
“Yeah, she’d never remind us she worked her ass off to raise us. That’s not her style.”
“Doesn’t make it less true,” Chandler replies.
“What do we need to do? What are the next steps? When’s her next appointment? How is she feeling?” I fire off question after question, not giving him the chance to answer.
“We need to be there for her. She’s geared up for a fight. Says she can kick cancer’s ass, and well, I believe her. The prognosis looks good, and you know Mom, she’s always been a fighter. If anyone can beat this, it’s her,” he says. I hear him sniffling, and I wipe at my own eyes.
I’m a grown man, but I’ll always be a momma’s boy. Chandler and I both will be. She was all we had after we lost Dad, and that woman, she was everything to us. She still is.
“She’s got this,” I tell him. Part of me needs those words to be out into the universe, manifesting the outcome we need, and the other part knows how strong and resilient our mother is. Chandler’s right. If anyone is ready for this battle, it’s Mary James.
“The next steps are meeting with the oncologist, developing a treatment plan, and moving forward with whatever that looks like,” Chandler explains.
“That appointment is next Friday, and she’s feeling good.
Claims she wouldn’t have ever known had the mammogram not detected it.
She caught it early, and that’s a huge deal to her beating this. ”
My heart squeezes when I think about Mom going through this. I know she’s not the first, and certainly not the last, but she’s always been this invincible woman with eyes in the back of her head. She’s been both mother and father to us since I was eight and Chandler was thirteen.
“I’m coming home,” I tell him, my voice cracking.
“You should wait,” Chandler says. “Let us find out what the treatment plan is. I’m sure she’s going to need you once all this starts, and I don’t want you to use up all of your time.”
“No, Chan, I’m coming home, for good. I’ll apply for the dependency discharge. If it’s authorized, it puts me into early retirement with benefits. I’m not sure what I need, but I’ll talk to my commanding officer tomorrow, and I’ll get the ball rolling.”
“Cope, are you sure you want to do that? This is your career.”
“Mom needs me. You and Macie need me. You have the business to run, and Mom is going to need help. I’m sure.
” What I don’t tell him is that this was never my plan.
I never wanted to spend my entire career in the military.
He knows why I went, and I assume he thinks my plan changed, but it never did.
I always wanted to go home. I wanted to make my way back to her, but life, well, it had other plans, I guess. However, leaving this career early is not something I’m broken up about. I enjoy what I do. I’m good at it. I’ve also devoted every part of me for the last seventeen years to my country.
But my family needs me.
My mom needs me, and if I’m being real with myself, I need them, too.
I miss them, and every time I go home, it becomes increasingly difficult to leave.
I know that going home means facing her.
I’ll have to see her live her life with someone else, but this is for Mom, and I’ll do whatever it takes to be there for her.
To support her with unwavering devotion, just as she did for Chandler and me growing up.
It's time to go home.
“I’ll be in touch. Keep me updated. I’m going to try like hell to be there for her appointment next week.”
“If not, I can always call you while we’re there or something,” Chandler tells me.
“Thanks, man. I’m going to call Mom.”
“Yeah, I told her I was going to call you. She seemed relieved that I was taking on that task. She held steady as she told Macie and me today, but I’m certain that as soon as we left, she broke down. I could tell in the sound of her voice and by her actions.”
“She never did let us see her cry. At least not after a few weeks of losing him. She never wanted us to worry.”
“Yeah,” Chandler agrees. “You good?”
“I will be once I get this handled and get home.”
“You plan on staying with Mom or us?”
“I’ll stay with Mom if she’s okay with that. If not, you all until I can find a place.”
“There’s always the Magnolia Manor,” he says.
The words sit on the tip of my tongue to scold him for suggesting I stay there, but I swallow them back. “We’ll see,” is what I finally tell him.
“It’s going to be damn good to have you home, little brother,” Chandler says. “I know Mom and Mace will be glad to see you, but the kids, they’re going to flip having you here all the time.”
“Because Uncle Cope is cool as hell.”
“Yeah, well, so is Uncle Chan, if you’d ever make me an uncle,” he says, knowing he’s picking at a wound that’s never healed.
“That’s not how my hand played out,” I tell him.
“Yeah, but maybe, just maybe, the game’s not over yet.”
My life is not a game. We both know that. But it’s easier to talk in metaphors than for me to ask him about her.
“I’ll be in touch,” Chandler says.
“Love you, brother,” I tell him.
“You, too, Cope.”
The call ends, and I drop back onto the bed, my head hitting the pillow.
Being buck naked in my bedroom and finding out my mother has cancer was not on my bingo card.
I need to shower before I call her, because calling her while I’m naked just seems wrong.
Hell, if Chandler knew, he would have given me shit for it, as well.
Groaning, I leave my phone on the bed and head back into the bathroom.
I turn the shower on for the second time tonight and don’t even wait for the water to warm up before I step under the cold spray.
A shiver races down my spine, but I ignore it, dipping my head and letting the water beat down on my neck.
When the water eventually warms, I quickly attend to my business.
I’ve got a phone call to make.