Chapter 9
Nine
Ellison
My knees wobble as I walk away from him.
My heart thunders so loud I can barely hear my own thoughts.
When I reach Kinzie’s car, I realize it’s not just my knees that are shaking.
My entire body trembles, including my hands, as I try to pull open the door.
I manage to yank it open, drop down in the passenger seat, and get it closed.
“Ellie, are you okay?” Kinzie asks. She’s my best friend, has been since we were kids. She knows what Copeland's leaving did to me. She also knows that I still love him. I haven’t said the words, but as my best friend, she knows these things.
“I’m okay,” I whisper.
“That looked intense,” she says as she puts the car in drive and pulls out of the lot.
“It was.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
“Not really. I mean, what is there to say? He left me, Kinz. He just left. He made me fall in love with him. Made plans with me for the life we were going to have, and then nothing. Sure, we were young, but I loved him.” My voice cracks.
“I really loved him,” I try again, but my emotions betray me, which shows in my voice.
If that isn’t enough evidence, the tear sliding down my cheek will be.
“You still love him.” Her voice is soft, yet firm.
“Yeah,” I say, turning to look out the window, watching the landscape pass us by. “Where are we going?”
“My place,” she says when she turns in the opposite direction of Magnolia Estates. “I don’t want you going to your room and wallowing.”
A humorless laugh escapes me. “That’s my life, Kinzie. Look at my past, and tell me that’s not who I am without him. Someone who wallows and wishes for what will never be. Every single man I’ve dated since him, nothing. I have never felt a fraction for anyone of what I felt for him.”
“Still feel for him,” she says, reaching over and grabbing my hand.
“Yeah,” I agree. I’m not hiding it—well, maybe from him, but tonight, I didn’t do a very good job. I was sure he was going to kiss me, and even though that would have been the worst idea in the history of all ideas, I was going to let him.
The rest of the ride is quiet. When Kinzie pulls up outside her apartment, it’s as if I’m on autopilot as I climb out of the car.
She rushes after me, handing me my purse.
“Thanks,” I tell her. I wasn’t even worried about the things I left at the bar.
I’d needed to leave, to get away from him before I—before we made a mistake.
Once inside her apartment, I plop down on the couch and pull my phone out of my purse. I need to text my sisters to let them know I’m not coming home.
Me: Staying at Kinzie’s tonight.
Leighton: Okay. Let us know you get in safely.
I smile. I can always depend on Leighton to be the quiet, responsible sister.
Courtlynn: Please tell me that’s code for your lady bits getting serviced?
Me: Nope. Just spending the night at my best friend’s house.
Courtlynn: Boo!
Leighton: Maybe she doesn’t need to be serviced?
Ha! If my little sisters only knew. I stopped trying to make that kind of connection with another man years ago. It’s been far longer than I care to admit since I’ve had my lady bits “serviced.” It’s never felt right. The connection was never there, so yeah, far too long.
Me: I love you. Goodnight.
Baylor: Tossing in a second vote for getting the lady bits serviced.
Shit. I accidentally sent the message to my group chat with all three of my sisters. My chest aches at the sight of Baylor’s name on the screen. I really miss her.
Me: Miss you, Bay.
Baylor: Maybe if there were more servicing, you wouldn’t notice as much.
She follows her message with a string of laughing emojis.
Me: I take it back.
Baylor: Ha! I miss you, too, big sister.
Tossing my phone onto the couch, I close my eyes and let the night replay in my mind.
The way he breathed my name, as if it falling from his lips was painful and a relief at the same time.
The heat in his gaze as he stepped closer and tossed me over his shoulder.
The instant bolt of electricity that sparked inside me as my body pressed against his.
I put up a fight, but there was also a piece of me that was thrilled to have his hands on me in any capacity after all these years.
“Drink?” Kinzie asks.
“No, thanks.” I turn to look at my best friend and find her worried expression pointed toward me. “What?”
“You know what.”
“I’ll deal.” And I will. What choice do I have? He’s here with his family, where he needs to be, and I’m where I’ve always been. I need to learn to live in this town with him. I need to learn how to do that, knowing he’s no longer mine.
“Let’s be real, Ellie. You’re hurting. Yes, I know it’s hard for you to have him back in town. I also know you’re stubborn and will try to hold it all in.” She gives me a pointed look, and I shrug. She’s right, and we both know it.
“He’s been in town before,” I counter.
She nods. “He has, but not like this. He’s been here for short visits. Visits where he never ventured into town—at least that we know of. Now, suddenly, he’s here to stay. Staying at your family's property, running into you at the Hideaway. This won’t be the last time, Ellie.”
“I know, okay? I know. Tell me how to handle this. How do I forget what he meant to me? It’s been seventeen years, and still, he’s it for me. It’s pathetic and embarrassing. I was a kid. We were kids. I should be over him. Copeland moving home shouldn’t be a big deal. He’s a piece of my past.”
“It’s not pathetic or embarrassing. You don’t choose who you fall in love with, Ellison. Love just… is. Love challenges you, changes you in ways you never could have imagined.”
“Hold on, back up the cookie truck. Is there something you’re not telling me?” My best friend blushes. “Kinzie!”
“It’s nothing. I mean, I don’t think it’s anything.”
“Tell me all the things. I need this, Kinz. Distract me.”
She smiles. “Cody Wagner.”
I nod approvingly. “He’s a DILF for sure,” I tell her.
“Right?” She laughs. “It’s nothing. Just the last couple of months, when I’ve visited the feed mill to get supplies for the office, he’s been… different. Chattier.”
“He’s been divorced for what? Five years, now?”
“That sounds about right. They were divorced by the time Carter was born.”
“And he’s five. I know because Cody brought him to go horseback riding on the estate. That’s what Carter wanted to do for his birthday.”
“So, a little over five years.” Kinzie nods. “You like him.” It’s not a question. I can tell by the gleam in her eye.
“Yeah, I mean, he’s older.”
“He’s Chandler’s age. So, forty. That’s only an eight-year age gap.”
“It feels like less of one at this age than it did when we were in high school.” She chuckles.
“Truth. So, are you going to ask him out?”
“What? No. Of course, I’m not going to ask him out. He’s just nice and easy on the eyes.”
“If my sisters were here, at least Baylor and Courtlynn, they’d tell you that your lady bits are way past due for servicing,” I snicker when I think about my messages with my sisters when we first got here.
“I think I’ll go with Leighton.”
“Oh, she’s the quiet one, but don’t let her fool you. She’s the voice of reason, so if you want to be serviced, you’d also have Leighton’s blessing. Mine, too. Not that you need it.”
“How did this get turned around on me?” she asks, grabbing the couch pillow and gripping it to her chest.
“I’d rather talk about you. Copeland and I, we’re old news. I have to find a way to let him go. Maybe his being here will help with that.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it will bring the two of you back together.”
My heart flutters at the thought. “How could I ever trust him again, Kinz? He just left me. If we were to give this another shot—hypothetically speaking, which I know is not in the cards for us—but if we did, then what happens if we have kids and he leaves again? It wouldn’t be just my heart he was breaking. ”
“Copeland’s not—” she starts, and my hard stare cuts her off.
She clears her throat. “There has to be more to it, Ellison. I’ve said that from the very beginning.
I was there, Ellie. I saw the way his eyes lit up when you walked into a room.
I watched him ignore every other girl in our school but you. He loved you. You can’t fake that.”
“Yeah, well, I guess even that wasn’t enough because he still left me. He left my heart shattered in a million tiny pieces, and even after seventeen years, those pieces are still scattered on the ground.”
“And tonight?”
I shrug, because I don’t have an answer for her. He was mad—that was obvious. But he had no right to be. “Old habits die hard, I guess,” I finally say.
“Looked pretty intense to me, and the way he tossed you over his shoulder. Damn,” she says, fanning her face. “And I’m just going to toss this out there, but the Marines were good to your man. Time has not aged him. Did you see those arms?”
“I didn’t notice,” I deadpan, and she rolls her eyes dramatically.
“Right.” She nods. “I’ve got some oceanfront property just down the street. I’ll sell you.” She snickers.
“Fine. I might have noticed.”
“Kind of hard not to when he manhandles you and carries your ass out of the bar.”
“I’m not his to manhandle.”
“Aren’t you?”
I glare at her, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
“I’m just saying. You love him. You always will, and until that changes, whether he knows it or not, you’re his. At least your heart is. I’d say by the way he carried you out of the Hideaway and had you pinned up against his truck, he agrees.”
“Can we talk about something else?” I plead.
“No, I like this topic.” She smirks.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Kinzie.”
“I don’t want you to say anything. Just acknowledge the fact that there’s something still there between the two of you.”