Chapter 10
Ten
Copeland
“Fuck!” I slap my fist against the steering wheel. That’s not how I anticipated tonight turning out. Seeing his hands on her, watching her shy away from him, I had to step in. I had to. There was no way I was going to stand there and watch.
I’m sure Bowen’s pissed, but fuck it. Ellison is more important. Fuck… to have my hands on her, to feel her hot breath mingle with mine, it was like finally coming home. I’ve been in this town for weeks, but it’s not until tonight that I actually feel like it’s home. All because of her.
Because of Ellison.
When I reach Mom’s place, the quilting ladies’ cars are still in the driveway.
I’m in no mood to make pleasant small talk right now.
All I want to do is wallow in the pain, in the fact that I miss her.
I really fucking miss her. I knew I did, but having her in my arms like that, nothing has ever affected me more.
Instead, I keep on driving past. My eyes turn to Magnolia Estates. I can’t see the house that she lives in from the road, but I know it’s there. Is she there? Did she go home, or is she still out with her best friend? I hate that I don’t know the answer.
Is she okay? Did our interaction affect her like it did me? My instinct is telling me it did. The way she fisted my shirt, the way her big blue eyes stared up at me. She felt something. I can only hope it was more than hate. Because if I know anything to be true, it’s that I want her.
I want her in my life. I want her in my bed.
I want her with me. I want to call her mine, and for us both to be on the same page with that.
I should have been the one with my hands all over her on the dance floor.
I should have been the one to take her home.
To a house we share, to a life we’ve built together.
I don’t know how, but I’m going to fight like hell to make it all happen.
I’ve always told myself that it is too late.
That she’s moved on, but the evidence is in front of me.
She never moved on, and neither have I. There’s a reason for that.
That reason is two hearts that combined as one when we were just kids trying to find our way, and the bond, although years have passed between us, has never been severed.
It’s time to get my girl back.
When I reach the four-way, I turn right to head out of town. This is definitely a back road driving kind of night. The only thing that would make it better would be if she were sitting beside me.
I’m just about to turn up the radio when my phone rings. I hit accept on the dash, and my buddy Kip’s voice rings out through the cab of my truck.
“Cope, are you sitting your lazy ass on the couch eating bonbons?” he jokes.
“Right.” I laugh. “You know better than that. How are you, man?” I ask him.
“Good. Good. You know, working out my last three years before having to learn how to live outside of the Marine Corps.”
“It’s not so bad,” I tell him.
“How’s your mom doing?”
“She’s good. She’s fighting, and the doctors are hopeful. There’s not much more we can ask for at this point. Her spirit is high, and she’s determined to beat this shit.”
“Great news, brother. How about your girl? Have you seen her yet?” he asks.
Kip and I met in boot camp. We’ve been lucky enough to have our careers in the Marines intertwine more often than not.
He heard all about my love for Ellison while we were training, and after I came home and found her living her best life, I’m embarrassed to say, I cried to him.
I didn’t cry—well, not where Kip could see me, but I was devastated. That girl was my everything.
She is my everything.
“I’ve seen her.”
“And? You can’t be all broody and shit and say, ‘I’ve seen her,’ and not tell me how it went. It’s been too damn long since you laid eyes on her. Tell me everything.”
“She’s… beautiful.” So beautiful it almost hurts to look at her.
“I figured that. She’s ensnared my best friend for far too long not to be. Did you talk to her?”
“Yeah.” I pause. “We’ve talked,” I admit.
“Okay, what’s up with the cryptic shit? This is me, man. We tell each other what’s going on. Been that way for nearly twenty years. You’ve been with me through some shit, and I’ve done the same for you. Why are you holding back now?”
“Fine. Here it is.” I lay it all out for him. I tell him how I’m staying at the Manor, and how the guys think my mom made up the fact that the bedroom was too full for me to stay at her place. I tell him about every single moment between us since I’ve been home, including tonight.
“You should call and check on her.”
“What?”
“Call and check on her.”
“I don’t even know if she has the same number.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t try it, or even ask her for her number now. How many times have you typed out a message to her over the years?”
“Too many to count,” I grumble.
That makes him chuckle. “Copeland, I’ve seen you shy away from a woman’s touch because she wasn’t Ellison. I’ve watched you try to form a relationship with another woman, on more than one occasion, only to back away because it never felt right.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is, you still love her. You’re never going to be able to move on with your life if you don’t talk this out with her.
Bare your soul. Tell her everything, and see where you end up.
Maybe it’s closure you need. Maybe the two of you will find your way back to one another, and I’ll be getting a wedding invitation in the mail one day soon. ”
I let his words bounce around in my head. They’re not much different from my thoughts just before he called. “I want her,” I confess.
“That’s not new news, buddy.” Kip teases with laughter. “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“What if it’s too late? What if too much time has passed and we can’t find our way back to one another?”
“Then you have no choice but to move on, but at least you’ll know. You’ll have answers, she’ll have answers, and then you can decide together what’s best. It might be that you both continue with your lives without the other being more than an acquaintance.”
My stomach rolls at the thought.
“However, you might find yourself in the life you always dreamed the two of you would have together, just a little later than you had planned.”
“I don’t even know where to start, Kip.”
“Reach out to her. Text her; see if the message goes through. Wait to see if she responds. Ask her if the two of you can go someplace quiet and talk, then slice open your chest, and let her see inside.”
“Before you called, I’d already decided I was going to fight for her,” I confess.
“What? Then why all this bullshit? You just wanted my sage advice, right?”
“I guess I just needed to hear someone say it so I know I’m not losing it.
I feel like, after all these years, that I should be able to let her go, leave what we had in the past, but I can’t do that, Kip.
Not without knowing I fought for her. For us.
I should have fought all those years ago.
I was missing her. Missing home, and when I saw her laughing carefree with my friends, I just…
I left. That, mixed with her lack of response during boot camp, hit me that I’d lost her.
I regret not fighting back then.” I say the words that have been harbored in my chest for seventeen years.
I regretted walking away the minute I hightailed it out of this town that night, but I was too big a coward to do something about it.
Hearing her say she didn’t want me anymore would have broken me even more than seeing her with my friends, acting as if I never existed.
That’s why I never tried outside of the letters I mailed her. Letters that went unanswered.
“We all have regrets,” Kip says, as if he can read my thoughts.
“It’s how you move past the regret, how you learn from it that means the most. Talk to her.
Even if she says the words you’ve dreaded that she would say all these years, you still need to hear them.
That’s the only way you’re ever going to move past this. ”
“I’ll never not love her. If she tells me there’s no chance for us, that’s it. I’m done. I don’t want anyone but her. My heart doesn’t know how to want someone else.”
“You don’t know that.” His tone is gentle. “But you’ll never know for sure unless you talk to her.”
“Fine. I’ll send her a message.”
“Ah, my boy is growing up,” he teases.
“Fuck off,” I grumble, but I’m also smiling, even though he can’t see me. “When are you coming to visit?”
“Soon. You get things worked out with your girl. Give your mom a hug from me, and keep me posted.”
“Will do. Wait, how are Sara and Sophie?” I ask about his wife and daughter.
“They’re perfect.”
If it were possible to hear love, it would be the tone of his voice any time he talks about his wife and daughter.
“Good. Hug them for me.”
“You got it, brother. Talk soon,” he says, and the call ends, the dash going dark.
Up ahead, there’s a pull-off on the side of the road.
When I reach it, I pull over and put my truck in park.
Reaching for my phone in the cupholder, I type out a message, then delete it and type it out again.
I do this a dozen or so more times before I realize how ridiculous I’m being and try again, sending it without further thought.
Me: Hey, it’s Copeland. Just making sure you made it home okay.