Chapter 15
Fifteen
Baylor
Sisters’ night.
Just thinking it has a lump forming in my throat. For years, I’ve only experienced these nights in person once or twice a year. The rest of them, I was behind a screen, watching my sisters, participating where I could, but this, sitting in the living room where it all started, is what matters.
I’m so mad at myself for staying gone as long as I did. For staying in a relationship that had fizzled far too long ago. But that’s all behind me now. I can’t dwell on the past. I’m here in the flesh, not just through a screen, and I’ll be here for all of them going forward.
“Sisters’ night looks a little different this time.” Leighton smiles over at me. “I’m glad you’re home, Bay.”
Yeah, that lump is growing, and this time, it’s accompanied by tears that warm the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away. I breathe through them as I smile and clear my throat. “Not just me, but baby Lainey, too,” I say, my voice miraculously not giving away the emotions rolling through me.
“Did someone call for us?” Ellison asks, stepping out of her bedroom, our parents’ old room, with her three-week-old daughter in her arms.
“Dibs!” I say, standing and taking my niece from her mom’s arms. “Hey, sweet girl,” I coo at her. She’s snoozing away, not a care in the world, just as it should be.
Ellison settles on the couch with a happy smile tugging at her lips.
“Are we ordering pizza?” Courtlynn asks, taking a seat at the opposite end of the couch from Ellison.
“Yeah, and I made a charcuterie board,” Leighton says. “Let me grab it. What does everyone want to drink?”
“Bay, you should help her. I’ll take Lainey,” Courtlynn says, and I chuckle.
“Not happening, Court. I just got her.” She’s not impressed but stands to help Leighton anyway.
“When I get back, you’d better share!” she calls over her shoulder.
“Aunt Court is being bossy,” I whisper to my sleeping niece.
“Already so spoiled.” Ellison chuckles.
“Yeah, and her daddy is the culprit. How did you manage to get your husband out of the house for a few hours?” I ask her as Courtlynn and Leighton deliver our drinks and place some snacks on the coffee table. “That looks amazing, Lei.”
“You should hand over the baby, and you can try it,” Courtlynn sasses.
“Nice try. I’m not done snuggling yet.” I stick my tongue out at her, because it’s not sisters’ night without reverting to our childhood, right?
“I had to enlist the guys. They’re all over at Macklin’s, hanging out in his shop.”
“You mean the man cave he likes to call a barn?” I laugh.
“You’ve seen it?” Ellison asks.
“Yeah, that’s where he works out.” And houses his mechanical bull, which he did filthy things to me on, but I keep that to myself.
“I gave Bo, Mac, and Dix strict instructions that we get four hours of uninterrupted sister time before he can come home.”
“Momma’s putting her foot down, Lainey.” I grin, and my sisters nod in approval.
“Well, speaking of the guys, what’s up with you and Macklin?” Courtlynn asks. Her question is accompanied by her sticking her tongue out at me, and all I can do is laugh. I deserve that.
“Macklin—” I pause, then word vomit. I tell them everything that’s happened since I’ve been back in Magnolia Ridge. Well, not everything. They don’t know about the day in the stables—at least not what happened after Todd left—and I don’t tell them about the mechanical bull.
“Damn, Mac’s all in, huh?” Ellison asks.
I nod. “It’s hard for me to trust it, you know?
After what Todd did to me. At first, I struggled, but Macklin did what he said he would.
He told me he was going to be there. He wanted to be a part of my life, and he’s stuck to that.
Making me dinner, buying me a Christmas present, taking care of me after we both left the hospital, exhausted, when this little cutie pie was born.
” I smile down at Lainey. She’s so damn tiny and precious, and I love her so much.
“So, where is your head?” Leighton asks.
“And how is he in the sack? I’m guessing as a bull rider, he’s got some moves.” Courtlynn waggles her eyebrows.
I ignore her, even though my face heats.
He’s definitely got some moves on and off the bull.
“I fall a little harder each day,” I admit.
“His steady presence is comforting, and the way he always puts me first. Not that I’m some spoiled woman who needs all his attention, but with Macklin, he wants me to have it. ”
“So, the two of you are dating?” Ellison asks.
“Honestly, I don’t really know what we are. I know that he wants to be. Hell, he’s told me he wants forever,” I confess.
“Wow,” Leighton breathes.
“He’s one of the good ones,” Ellison assures me.
“I know that in my heart. I do. He’s been incredible. It’s my head that seems to steer me off course. I’ve chosen wrong before, and this time, with Mac, I know my heart would never recover.”
“You’re in love with him.” Ellison’s words are soft, but they hit me like a ton of bricks. “I can see it in your eyes, Bay.”
My heart flops around like a fish out of water. Am I in love with him? “I really care about him,” I admit. “He’s… everything I could ever want. Kind, patient, attentive, sexy,” I add, knowing that I’m blushing, but these are my sisters, my constants.
“And the sex?” Courtlynn asks, shoving a cracker topped with cheese and pepperoni into her mouth.
“The best, hands down.”
“Whoop!” Courtlynn cheers. “Good. Get on with making more babies, would ya?” She stands and comes to take Lainey from my arms, and I let her.
I can’t be a baby hog all night. “We need at least three more so we don’t have to fight over them,” she says, sitting back down on the couch and snuggling our niece.
My mind instantly goes to the two times I’ve slept with Macklin, and the fact that we didn’t use protection. I want to be a mother. I always have, and that’s why Todd’s choice hurt me so deeply. It wasn’t losing him that crushed me. It was the thought of never having a family.
“What?” Leighton asks. “There’s something you’re not saying.”
Damn little sisters. She always was the quiet, observant one. “We might not have used protection.”
“Might not or didn’t?” Ellison asks. “Might really isn’t in the equation here, Bay.”
“And you’re supposed to be the one good with math,” Courtlynn teases.
“Fine. We didn’t. Twice. We didn’t use a condom twice.”
“You’re still on the pill, though, right?”
“No.” The room grows silent. They’re not judging me, but I can tell that I’ve stunned them.
“Did he know?” Leighton asks.
“Yes, of course, he knew.”
“So, basically, what you’re telling us is that Macklin is aiming to be Daddy Mac sooner rather than later.”
I huff out a laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. I’m not sure. We’re not officially together, but he’s all in. He tells me he’s all in, and I—I’m scared as hell that he’s going to change his mind.”
“Baylor,” Ellison says softly. “Macklin is not that kind of man. He’s the kind that means what he says. He lets his actions back up his words. We’ve known him for years. Do you really think he would say he’s all in, only to take it all back? Our lives are too intertwined for that.”
“No, but what if I’m wrong?”
“Baylor, you’re having unprotected sex with him,” Leighton speaks up. “That’s not you. Not unless you’re in this with him. It’s obvious to us that you’re falling hard for him and that you want to be with him, but you’re letting fear stop you.”
“Everything he says, the way he talks about what we could be, I want that,” I whisper, almost as if I’m afraid to speak the words out loud for fear of whatever it is we’re building will come crashing down around me.
“I vote you make all the babies,” Courtlynn says, breaking some of the tension, and we all laugh. “Now, who’s ordering pizza? Lainey is withering away to nothing over here,” Courtlynn jokes, so that’s what we do. We order pizza, and we spend time together, just like we used to.
I’m here, living it in color, not watching from states away. Happiness bubbles up inside me. It’s almost too good to be true. I’m here with my sisters, and I have a man who puts me first. Who wants me and anything that life happens to toss our way.
I need to take the leap. I need to trust him, and I do, but my mind keeps replaying those insecurities. I worry that if I don’t get off this, will I teeter-totter or not? Macklin will get tired of it and move on.
But, for tonight, I push all the worry and the fear to the back of my mind.
I want to be here in this moment. I want to be present for my sisters and my niece, who won’t remember, but I will.
I spent too many years being a spectator in their lives, and tonight, I’m here in real time, all of us together, and that’s what matters.
“I’m stuffed,” Ellison says, groaning as she sits back and rubs her belly. You can’t even tell she had a baby three weeks ago.
“We have a little over an hour left before this one’s daddy comes home,” Leighton says, cooing down at Lainey. “What’s next?”
“I’ve got nothing,” Courtlynn says.
“Me either,” Leighton agrees.
“You already heard my drama.” I shrug. We all turn to look at Ellison.
She takes a long pull from her bottle of water before placing it on the table next to her.
“There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to talk to you all about, but I just never happened to find the right time.
I didn’t want to do it with Baylor over the phone, and since she’s been home, well, this is our first night with all of us all together in a long time.
I wasn’t sure I was going to tell you, but I think you need to know. ”
“Are you okay?” I ask her, my mind going to all kinds of terrible things from the look on her face and the tone of her voice.
“I am.” She smiles, but there’s something there, something I can’t name, and it’s unnerving.
“What is it, Ellie?” Courtlynn asks.
“You can tell us anything,” Leighton adds.
“I know. I love you guys. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I’m still struggling with it.
” She takes a deep breath. Whatever it is she’s about to tell us has been haunting her.
I can see it in her eyes. “Cope and I were in the attic before the wedding. I wanted to see if I could find Mom’s wedding dress to wear. ”
“Did you not find it?” Leighton asks.
“We found it.” She nods. “But I chose not to wear it.”
There are a million questions on the tip of my tongue, and from the looks on my two younger sisters’ faces, they have a list of their own, but none of us speak as we wait for what else she has to tell us.
“When we were digging around, I found a small tote with my name on it.” She closes her eyes, takes a shaky breath, then slowly exhales and opens them again. “In that tote were letters. Every letter that Cope had ever sent me.”
“What?” the three of us ask at the same time.
Ellison nods. “Mom hid them from me.”
“How do you know it was Mom?” Leighton asks.
“There was a letter from her on top of all of his.” She goes on to tell us details about the letter from Mom and the letters from Copeland. “I couldn’t wear her dress. I was so mad at her. I’m still mad at her,” she says, wiping tears from her eyes.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Ellison shrugs. “There’s nothing you can say. I’m grateful that she wrote the letter, that she kept the letters from Cope and didn’t toss them, but we wasted so much time.” Her voice cracks.
“But the love the two of you share was stronger,” Leighton tells her. “Look at you now. Happily married, a beautiful baby girl, and you’re building your forever home. They say everything happens for a reason, and while I don’t understand hers, maybe it just wasn’t your time.”
“I know.” Ellison nods. “I’m sorry I kept this from you, but I was angry, and it was right around the time of the wedding. Then I knew I didn’t want to tell Baylor over the phone. It needed to be in person, and well, I’ve been kind of busy growing and birthing a tiny human.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Courtlynn says. “I just—I can’t believe she did that. I know I was young when he left town, but even I knew how devastated you were. I’m pissed at her for you.”
“Hey, potty mouth around my niece.” I point at Courtlynn, and she rolls her eyes.
“Aunt Bay thinks she’s in charge because she’s older than me. She’s not,” Courtlynn says, as if Lainey can understand what she’s saying, when she’s still sleeping in Leighton’s arms. She woke up to eat about two hours ago and fell right back to sleep.
“Her days and nights are mixed up.” Ellison laughs. “We’ll get her on a routine eventually. And we probably shouldn’t have held her the entire time. She won’t want to sleep unless we’re holding her.”
“Just one night won’t hurt,” Leighton says. “She’s so sweet and snuggly, and she’s our first niece, and this is her first sisters’ night. It’s a special occasion.”
“Besides, we know that Copeland would be hogging her and doing the same thing if he were here.”
“He’s such a good daddy,” Ellison says, and her smile is one that reaches her eyes. You can feel the love she has for her husband and daughter pouring off her in waves.
Seeing her this happy has my mind going to Macklin, even when I said I wasn’t going to think about him anymore tonight.
I can see him as a dad, and I know he’d be just as attentive as Copeland is.
Instinctively, my hand moves to my belly as my phone vibrates on the chair next to me.
Grabbing it, I smile when I see his name.
Macklin: Is sisters’ night over yet? Copeland is having withdrawals.
Me: Just Copeland?
Macklin: Every second I’m not with you, Bay.
My heart races, and my cheeks hurt from how big I’m smiling.
“We’ve lost her,” Courtlynn announces. “That smile, you either won the lottery or your man is texting you.”
“Macklin says that Copeland is having withdrawals. He’s asking if sisters’ night is over.”
“Might as well tell him to come on home,” Ellison says. “He’s probably already on his way.” She smiles.
Me: Yeah, he can come home.
Macklin: Did you have a good night?
Me: I did. It’s good to be home.
Macklin: Damn good to have you home, Bay.
Macklin: I’m going to take Dix home. He had a few more than planned.
Me: Be safe.
Macklin: Always, baby. I have my girl to take care of. Sweet dreams.
I hold my phone to my chest, closing my eyes and letting his words hit their mark. Macklin McBride is everything I ever wanted, and if I don’t get out of my own way, I could lose him. It hits me that I’d rather have the pain of losing him than never have had him at all.
Something about tonight, maybe it was talking to my sisters, or maybe it was him calling me his girl, whatever it is, I know I need to see past the fear and take a leap of faith and see where we land. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be lucky to have a life like my sister and her husband are building.