Chapter Two #2
Her mother appeared unfazed. “Perhaps if you didn’t spend so much time with books? Men don’t like bookish women.”
Now that was a point she truly needed to contest. “On the contrary, I would think an intelligent man would welcome a woman of some cleverness and equal intelligence who has an interest in books and subjects that society has deemed not useful.”
“Oh, Charlotte.” Esme shook her head as if that news was the worst sort of disappointment. “Don’t be dull.”
“I don’t consider books and knowledge dull.” As she warmed to her subject, Charlotte’s spine straightened and her lips curved with a smile. “What I would like to ultimately do is cultivate someone’s large library at his properties or take pieces to auction and see what they would fetch.”
“That would mean scandal, I’m sure,” her mother said with a toss of her head. “I despair of seeing you wed, Char.”
Charlotte, of course, said nothing, for her interests didn’t matter.
Not that her silence deterred her mother. She patted a tendril of escaped blonde hair back under her bonnet. “Your father and I want you settled soon. We would like to see you blossom as a wife and a mother, especially since your brother has his nuptial ceremony soon.”
Of course. Thomas, the heir to the viscounty, would wed next month at their father’s country estate, and everyone needed to concentrate on that, because nothing else mattered. He was the golden child, the one everyone had to support and pander to year after year.
She cleared her throat. Was she jealous of her brother?
Absolutely not. In fact, she was glad for him; his match seemed to make him genuinely happy.
“There is no guarantee that I’ll blossom as a wife or a mother.
I have no idea how I’d do in either role.
” Then she went in for the kill. “Besides, how many of your friends are miserable because of exactly that? Or yours, Esme? Are they all happy due to marriage and starting a nursery?”
“There is no need for such a tart-mouthed reply.” Her mother glared. “When a woman marries, she must tolerate a husband more often than not. That is just how it is.”
One of Charlotte’s eyebrows rose. It wasn’t often her mother was visibly flustered. “And the children? Does one merely tolerate them?”
“Do stop.” Her mother shrugged as if none of it mattered. “That is what servants and governesses are for. We see the children for special occasions and visitors until they are old enough to comport themselves with manners and decorum.”
“Except that is not what Charlotte is doing just now, is it?” Esme asked with a sly smile.
Charlotte pulled a face at her sister before focusing on her mother again. “It seems counterintuitive to have children then pass them off to someone else to raise. And then to not love the man you allow access to your life? To your body? How bizarre.”
“It’s not that bad, Char.” Esme shook her head. “If you’re clever about it, give your husband his heir, and then find your pleasure and contentment with a lover.”
Both she and her mother stared at her sister.
Esme shrugged. Traces of the young woman she’d been was apparent in her cheeky expression.
“What? That is what Beatrice has done.” Then she gasped.
“Oh, that was a secret, so don’t let on that I told you.
Bea will be cross at me for so long. It’s a pity Beatrice hasn’t had much luck with children, though. ”
The new information settled in Charlotte’s gut like a heavy rock as shock rolled through her chest. “Beatrice actively breaks her marriage vows with a lover?”
“We all know the baron is a beast, so why shouldn’t she? From all accounts, the lover is quite skilled in carnal matters, so she has the best of both worlds.”
“I…” She was at a loss for words, but then something Esme said circled back into the shock taking hold of her brain. “What if the baron is sterile but she falls pregnant because of her lover?”
“Then she’ll have to come up with quite the lie or a creative way to spin the tale to her husband, won’t she?
” According to Esme, it didn’t matter one whit.
“That is another part of life that everyone is aware of, but no one truly talks about.” A dreamy sort of expression came over Esme’s face.
“Don’t misunderstand me. I’m quite content with my husband in that regard, but if I wasn’t, and I had to choose a lover, I’d make certain he had a talent for—”
“Enough, girls. This conversation is unseemly,” their mother said with a gasp and a blush in her cheeks. “And with Charlotte still an innocent.”
As if that means I haven’t a brain in my head to research the things I need to know.
“I rather think more women need to talk about such things, Mama. Far too many married women act as if there is this secret world, unbeknownst to those of us not married, when sexual endeavors and behavior are oftentimes at the center of scandal and the heart of marriage itself.” As she spoke, heat went through Charlotte’s cheeks.
“But yes, you are both correct in that I’m still innocent.
My fiancé only kissed me occasionally. We did nothing else. ”
Though, with hindsight, she should have encouraged him to do whatever wicked things he’d wanted of her, for now she’d never know what that felt like.
“You poor thing,” Esme said, with pity in her eyes. “I do hope you’ll marry soon, merely for that. When it’s with the right man? It’s wonderful.”
“The two of you are far too scandalous, and that’s enough.” Their mother’s tone brooked no further discussion. “There is more to life than what is confined to the bedroom.”
Esme snorted. “It’s not always in the bedroom, Mama.”
“Esme!” Frustration was clear in their mother’s voice.
“And gently bred women should never go about with such things on their minds. It’s demented to think about what happens between a couple all the time.
” She shook her head, as if the conversation was settled with only that gesture.
“You must make friends to spend time with, or find hobbies and things to keep you busy. Idle hands and all that.”
“Oh, Mama, how na?ve you can sometimes be.” Esme smiled at Charlotte from across the narrow aisle of the carriage. “Perhaps that is so with dull women, but finding release regularly with a man who knows what he’s doing makes life’s drudgery better and more tolerable.”
“I said enough!” Clearly at the end of her patience, their mother bounced her outraged gaze between them.
“This conversation and subject matter has grown too scandalous, girls. And Esme, shame on you for trying to corrupt your sister.” She tsked her tongue, but the blush of annoyance raged in her powdered cheeks.
“Charlotte, your father and I will select a few candidates you can meet at dinners or perhaps a rout this month. I am done giving you time to figure things out on your own. You will be matched, and soon.”
Hot panic climbed Charlotte’s throat. “But…”
“I refuse to hear your objections.” Her mother held up a hand while Esme gave a shrug and a frown. “We’re well past the time for those. Once you have been matched or even engaged, I can breathe a sigh of relief and concentrate on your brother’s nuptials.”
“As if I’m the last task to tick off on a list,” Charlotte said, more to herself than anyone else. “Perhaps I should remove to Papa’s country estate. Then I’ll be out of sight, out of mind, and no one will need to worry over me and my woeful lack of matrimonial prospects.”
With a sigh, she once more peered out the carriage window.
They were rapidly approaching Manchester Square, and she was glad for that.
At least she could retreat to her room where her small collection of books resided.
It was where she could get lost in the pages of a story and pretend, if only for a time, that the real world didn’t exist, and that she wasn’t the failure everyone around her assumed.
Too bad I can’t permanently live in a story book.