Chapter 13
Aweek has passed since Gene left for California.
Ray let Santiago do the honors of dropping Gene off at the airport, not having the heart to see him off personally.
He knows he’d get too emotional seeing Gene go past the gates.
There’s no point in feeling all that nonsense, since it’s not like Gene will be gone forever.
So he thought he might as well avoid it—Santi offered anyway, possibly sensing the tension brewing between Ray and Gene. He’s always so good at noticing that.
Earlier in the week, Ray was back in the studio with Dennis, busy mixing their second album.
They finally decided on a title for it: Dust Off.
It doesn’t really mean anything, but it’s a fun play on their band name, and with a wide assortment of songs from ‘Wild Girls’ to ‘Burn it Down’ to ‘It Was Always You’, something neutral-sounding works best. Things were moving right along in the studio while Ray was working, and the album is nearly complete.
It probably will take only a couple more sessions before everything truly is finalized.
Then, it’s onward to logistics, pressing, packaging, shipping them out to stores, and marketing.
And of course, the biggest and best way to market their album is with a tour. If all goes well, Dust Off will release in September, and the tour will kick off shortly after.
Gene promised he’ll be home by then.
Presently, Ray sits at the wooden dining table with Santiago and Pat, eating some taco salad with homemade catalina dressing made by Santi himself.
Every now and then Santi cooks for them all, but it’s difficult to round everyone up for a real dinner when people’s hunger schedules are all different.
Stefan isn’t present, having retired back into his bedroom already, and Nicky is busy taking a nap in Gene’s bed upstairs.
It’s a bit strange that Nicky is still here without Gene, but Ray didn’t feel it was necessary to kick him out when Gene left, either.
Nicky has been good company, and the only reason Ray felt weird about him at all was because of…
well, Gene. And Gene isn’t here anyway. So Nicky being here by himself is… fine.
Ray sets the fork in his mouth. “Mmm, Santi. This is so fucking good.”
“Thanks!” Santi cheers. “I gotta get some more recipe cards from my mom. Then I can make even more for you guys, if you want.”
“Yes. Definitely do that,” Ray says, finally swallowing down his bite.
There’s one more person not present at the Brooms’ residence today: Carol.
But it’s business as usual—she’s off at another modeling gig in New York, and won’t be back until tomorrow morning.
Every other weekend or so she’s usually at a gig, which Ray doesn’t mind.
If anything, he appreciates having some time to himself.
He wishes he could’ve spent some of that alone time with Gene while he was here, but alas, he had Toshiko over this past month.
And now that they’re an official item, things are only going to get more complicated…
“A penny for your thoughts?” Pat asks Ray out of the blue.
“D’oh, why do you gotta ask that?” Ray pouts, setting his fork down in his bowl.
“Because you had a strange face, and I know it’s not because of Santi’s delicious cooking.”
“Okay, okay, fine.” He sighs. “I miss Gene. That’s all. But you guys already knew that.”
“There’s more to it, I think,” Santi says after he takes a bite. “’Cause I was noticing you were acting weird even before Gene left, remember.”
“Didn’t I already talk to you about that, though?”
“Yeah. But I don’t think whatever underlying thing was ever fully resolved.” Santi waves his free hand around as he talks. “It goes deeper than that.”
How is it possible that Santiago always gets everything right on the nose? Ray can feel his cheeks getting hotter.
“You don’t act this sad when Carol is away for her gigs,” Pat remarks.
“W-well, she’s only ever gone for a day, two days tops.” Ray puts the fork in his mouth again, taking another bite.
“And yet you were sad when Gene was still here.” Santi raises his pointer finger.
“Man, I already explained it to you!” Ray lets out a chuckle, hoping to calm his nerves. “Why bring it up again?”
“Because I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.” Santi gives him a stern, yet affable look. “I’m wondering if something’s going on with Carol and Gene that you’re not talking about.”
Ray’s brows crease downward. “Santi, I thought you yourself said you don’t like getting involved in other people’s relationship business.”
“Yes, but it’s also sorta my business when we’re all living together, in a band together. I’m your friend, dangit! I care about you, so I wanna know what’s up.”
“And I’m the one who asked in the first place, anyway,” Pat says. “Santi’s right. We’re your friends. We just want to help.”
Ray huffs out a sigh, stirring what’s left of his taco salad with his fork. “Yeah, I get it. Thanks, guys.”
“No problem. I do want to mention, though, back on the topic of Carol,” Pat continues, “I think it’s funny how you’re so distraught over Gene not being here now, yet you didn’t even flinch when you made the decision to not be with your own girlfriend for the Fourth of July.”
Ray winces. “I mean, when you say it like that…”
“Carol told me those same words,” Pat says. “You realize we hang out by ourselves sometimes. ‘Girl Time’, as she likes to call it.”
“That makes sense.” Ray huffs, then takes another bite of his food. “Well, hey, I made it up to her with Cedar Point, y’know. B-but, you mean, do you guys gossip about me?”
“What do you think?” Pat chuckles. “I wouldn’t call it ‘gossiping’. More like, sometimes she talks to me about you. She was worried, how you seem to be acting strange, more distant toward her.”
“Oh…” is all he can say. He doesn’t have a good excuse.
“I remember back when you were with Harriet, near the end there you were pretty distant with her too,” Santiago says. “And we all know why that was.”
“Wha—hey! You’re not accusing me of cheating on Carol, are you?” Even if it is completely true. “Back with Harriet, you guys knew what was going on without me even saying anything because you saw the other girls I was with. And nowadays, the only girl you’ve ever seen me with is Carol, correct?”
“Woah, no need to get so defensive.” Santi throws his hands up, still holding his fork in one.
“I was just making an observation. Okay, yeah, maybe you never cheated on Carol. But I still think something strange is going on in your mind, y’know?
You and Carol have been together for almost a year, and you’ve been distant, instead of, I don’t know, getting closer… ?”
Santi is right on the money, and Ray hates that fact. But he can’t bare his heart out to them and say the reason why he’s been acting this way. Especially when he shouldn’t be feeling like this to begin with. He shouldn’t be yearning for his best friend—a man.
It’s gotten so bad to the point where he literally cheated on his girlfriend to be with Gene.
How would she feel if she knew the truth?
She’d despise him. He’s been horrible to her, an absolutely selfish piece of shit, completely disregarding her feelings to chase after someone he can never have. What’s the fucking point?
Maybe he can’t let her know the truth, but he can do better.
He still likes Carol; she never deserved to be treated poorly.
Gene is with Toshiko now, so maybe this distance between them is a good thing.
Ray can repair his relationship with Carol, and hopefully forget any romantic inclinations he had for Gene in the first place.
If he’s with Carol, he can control the situation. He needs that control. Chasing after Gene is a whirlwind—an uncontrollable force that whips him around, tugging at his heart.
“I guess… maybe I’ve just been in a weird state of mind,” Ray says with a shrug.
“I miss being on tour and playing shows. Maybe this break from it all has been messing with me. I’ve been liking playing music with you guys and being in the studio, but I don’t really do anything musical with Carol. And music is where my mind’s been at.”
That’s the best explanation he can give while still being mostly honest.
“I get that.” Santi nods, finishing the last bite of his food. “And you do write songs with Gene. You don’t write with Carol, or any of us, either.”
“I still feel like you’re not telling the whole story, though,” Pat says.
“When you went on that vacation with Gene, that wasn’t too long after we’d done that TV appearance on the Mike Douglas Show.
So that was before this big, relaxing break we’ve been having.
It makes me wonder—are you really not feeling it with Carol? ”
“N-no, it’s not that. I like her,” Ray stammers, finishing off his own food as well. “Maybe I’m just bad at relationships? I don’t know. The only other girlfriend I’ve ever had was Harriet, y’know. So there’s my… ‘experience’, if you can call it that.”
Pat shrugs, and takes a bite. “I guess so. Though you would think—it’d be common courtesy that if you’re in a relationship with someone, you’d want to spend a holiday together—”
“I get it, I get it!” Ray sets his fork down again, waving both his hands in front of his face, shaking his head. “Look, I don’t really wanna talk about this anymore, okay? I understand. I suck, and I should do better.”
I suck, alright. Suck Gene’s cock—
“Sorry, it’s fine. I’ll drop it. For now.” Pat sighs, pushing her bowl into the middle of the table. “But I won’t hesitate to bring it up again if it starts getting in the way of the band.”
“That’s fair.” Ray lets out a sigh of his own. “I still appreciate you guys talking to me about it, though. Gives me a lot to think about.”
“Anytime, Ray,” Santi says, giving him a smile. “Maybe we should change the subject if it’s bothering you then, hmm? I suppose… I’m excited about how we’re gonna tour again next month.”
“For sure.” Ray smiles back. “Album’s nearly done, won’t be long now.”
“I know I’m ready to hit the road again,” Pat says. “It’ll be fun.”
Santiago looks up toward the ceiling, a hint of longing in his eyes. “Maybe I’ll even find a special girl of my own while we’re traveling.”
“I think you definitely could,” Ray says.
They continue on like that, chatting about music and the like, making Ray even more excited about what’s to come. He’s eager to tour again, to sing their songs, to play with the band who means the world to him.
He can’t wait for Gene to return.