Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
C am disposed of the condom and stood in front of the mirror, glad he’d closed the door. What the hell had just happened?
He turned the faucet on and splashed cold water over his face. Once. Twice. A third time. He shut the water off and stood there as droplets fell from his jaw to the sink.
He looked back into the mirror, a little afraid of what he might see. But it was just him. Familiar green eyes stared back at him. They didn’t look different. But he felt different.
For the second time, he’d referred to sex with Brooke as making love. He hadn’t done that since Jennifer.
Damn it. Jennifer didn’t belong anywhere near him right now. Just a thought of her might poison one of the best nights of his life.
No, the best .
He’d never felt so aligned with someone, like he could sense her in his bones. He’d only been with her a few times, but he knew the rhythm of her body, and it called to him like none ever had. Even now, he wanted to hold her and kiss her and touch her, not roll over and go to sleep and plot how he would extricate himself from the bed.
He grabbed a towel and dried his face. He put his hand on the doorknob and hesitated. What if…what if that had been nothing special for her? Did he want to know?
God, he was acting like a noob.
He opened the door and saw that she’d crawled under the covers. She lay on her side, her blonde hair spread out on the pillow, her brilliant blue-green eyes fixed on him. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey.” He padded to the bed and climbed in beside her, drawing the covers over himself.
She snuggled closer, and he put his arm around her. “That was amazing.” She sounded blissed-out. Utterly satisfied.
He smiled. “Totally.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Inhaling her scent, which now included his scent, he closed his eyes briefly and committed it to memory. He didn’t ever want to forget how he felt in this moment. He smoothed her hair back against the pillow, loving its silky softness. Thick curls wound around his fingers, trapping him—only he was perfectly happy to be her captive.
“Can I ask you something?” This was stupid, and he was sure he knew the answer, but he couldn’t keep himself from wondering. “That guy you went on a date with… Are you planning to see him again? Or maybe you already have.”
She looked at him a moment, her lashes coming down just once before she touched his jaw. “I was planning to see him again, but not now.”
A bit of tension—which he hadn’t realized he’d been holding—seeped from his muscles. “What changed?”
Little pleats formed between her brows. “When I came to see you on Friday, I said I wanted to try this.”
“You also said it was casual, and in my book, casual doesn’t necessarily mean exclusive.”
“I see,” she murmured, dropping her hand from his face. “I guess I don’t have your full rule book.”
He captured her hand in his and squeezed. “I’m not sure my rule book applies here. Anyway, I’m not dating anyone else, and I don’t plan to.”
“Well, that’s…good. But you’ll need to keep me up to speed about these rules. Is there anything else I need to know?”
That he didn’t trust women? That he didn’t expect to find anyone he’d dare to commit to forever with? That he was as broken and damaged as they came with regard to healthy romantic relationships? Even before Jennifer had dumped him, their relationship had been toxic. He just hadn’t realized it until much later.
“I’m not good at this.” He shook his head and allowed a small smile. “No, I suck at this.”
She looked at him with encouragement, her lips parted. “I’m not sure that’s accurate.”
“I haven’t had a girlfriend in eight years. Not since the last one broke my heart.”
She scooted closer and put her hand on his chest, her fingertips tracing over his skin. “I figured that’s what happened. She was a moron.”
“She was a bitch. And unfortunately ensured that pretty much every woman I met after her ended up in the same category before I even gave them a fair shot.”
“That’s understandable. How serious were you?”
“I was going to ask her to marry me.” His gut clenched, and it felt like the world fell out from under him, like he was on a plane and suffered a sudden five-thousand-foot drop.
Her fingers stilled. Her hand skimmed up his chest and curled around his neck. “I’m so sorry. But…I guess it’s good that things didn’t work out. You could’ve ended up divorced like me.”
“Count on it.” If Jennifer hadn’t found a better option then, she would’ve later. He had no doubt she would’ve kept looking, even with a ring on her finger. She was a self-serving leech. He’d thought they were so happy—discussing their life together, planning for the future, hell they’d even named children they’d have someday. The depth of her betrayal still stung, and damn that made him mad.
He rolled to his back. “Can we talk about something else?”
She kept her hand on him, her palm a comforting warmth against his chest. “How about my ex? He was cheating on me.”
Cam immediately rolled back. “Asshole. Give me his address, and I’ll go punch his face in.”
She laughed, her eyes sparkling and her lips parted. “Thanks for the offer, but that’s not necessary. I’m over him.”
He believed her. God, when would he ever be over what Jennifer had done to him? When would he be able to entrust his love to someone else? Someone like Brooke. Yeah, he could love her. So easily. That hollow feeling in his stomach spread.
She stroked his neck. “You talked about exclusivity. I don’t know what your rule is, but I don’t date more than one person at a time. At least I never have, and I can’t see myself doing that now. Especially not now.”
Her words eased the ache inside him and shone a small, faint light into the darkness. He had dated multiple people, had slept with multiple people at the same time when he spent so much time on the road selling wine. Monogamy had felt like a fool’s dream after his experience with Jennifer. But now he realized he’d grown tired of that sexually transient existence. He’d given up that lifestyle before he’d met Brooke and now, with her, he wished he could forget he’d ever done it.
He cupped her face and kissed her gently. Her lips were still red from their kisses, but they were so soft, like ripe raspberries and just as sweet. “I have no plans to date anyone. I haven’t dated anyone. Not in a long time. I don’t want anyone else—only you.”
God, had he said that out loud? Had he really put that much of himself out there? Panic nagged at his head, his stomach, and everything in between. He didn’t want to regret this. Fuck, he hated that emotion more than any other.
She kissed him, stealing his insecurity and his doubt, at least for a moment.
He deepened the kiss, palming her nape as he swept into her mouth. She met him with lush precision, kindling his desire once more. His cock twitched, ready for her again. He gently rolled her to her back and nudged his thigh between her legs. She twisted her hips and threw her leg over his hip, bringing her wet heat against his thigh.
He moved his hand down her back and side until he reached her hip. He squeezed her flesh as she pressed into him. Her fingers curled into his neck.
Reluctantly, he pulled himself away and found a condom in his wallet. When he returned, she was waiting with open arms, her mouth claiming his in a delicious kiss.
They made love slowly, deliberately. He didn’t think he’d taken the time and care to push someone—and himself—to the edge and beyond. By the time they came together, he was nearly brainless, his body simply moving in need and desperation. She felt like heaven against him, and he wasn’t sure he deserved anything this good.
After disposing of the condom, he brought her some much-needed water and gathered her in his arms. He’d never done that. He’d never wanted to hold someone until he fell asleep.
He wanted to hold Brooke now. And maybe forever.
The buzzing of his phone on the nightstand jarred him from a deep sleep. He blinked at the light filtering through the window. It was early, but he didn’t remember setting an alarm. Turning, he picked up the phone and saw that it was barely seven. And he had a text from Hayden.
Kyle and Maggie are parents! Ripley was born about twenty minutes ago. I’m about to go in and meet him so I’ll send pictures in a bit. Soon it will be my and Bex’s turn!
Cam smiled broadly, hearing his friend’s excitement in the typed words. He knew how thrilled Hayden was to be having a kid of his own. He and Bex had lost a baby when she’d miscarried several years ago. They’d broken up soon after, and then found their way back to each other. Happy ever afters were possible after heartbreak—at least for other people. Could it be possible for him?
He felt Brooke’s hands curl around his waist. Her lips caressed his shoulder blade. “Did you set your alarm?”
He rolled over and kissed her quickly. “No. Hayden texted me. His brother Kyle and his wife had their baby this morning. A boy—Ripley.”
She pulled back and rolled to the side of the bed. “That’s so great.”
He frowned slightly. “You okay?”
She flashed him a ready smile. “Yep. Just going to brush my teeth.”
Ah. Yeah, he should do that too. Except his toothbrush was still in the car. He’d brought an overnight bag in the hope that she’d invite him to stay, then had forgotten all about it. He’d been too caught up in her.
He jumped out of bed and pulled his pants on. “I’m going to run out to my car for a sec,” he called toward the closed bathroom door. After throwing on his shirt, he slipped on his shoes and shivered his way to his car. Mornings on the Oregon coast were always chilly.
By the time he got back, he heard the shower running, so he made himself at home in the other bathroom.
He finished before she did and went to the kitchen, where he made coffee. His phone went off just as Brooke came in. Cam smiled at Hayden’s text—a picture of him beaming while he held Ripley, all red-faced, wearing a tiny blue cap.
Cam held the phone out to Brooke. “Look at how goofy happy Hayden is. He can’t wait to have his own kid.”
Brooke smiled and turned toward the fridge. “I bet. I don’t have much in the way of breakfast. I usually snarf down a protein bar or make a shake, but I didn’t bring any shake stuff.” She pulled out creamer and set it on the counter.
“That’s okay. I’d be happy to take you to breakfast.”
“The breakfast restaurant options in this town are awful. We’d be better off going to Starbucks.”
He laughed, agreeing with her. “Then we can do that.” Another text vibrated his phone. He looked down and this time it was a picture of the proud papa—Kyle—holding his swaddled son. The image of the former beach bum with a baby made Cam think that maybe the impossible wasn’t impossible after all.
He stared at the picture and realized Brooke hadn’t been all that excited. Didn’t women typically fuss all over cute babies? He thought about her reaction to Emma the other night—also not quite what he might’ve expected. She hadn’t even asked to hold her. Did she maybe not like children?
“So, uh, do you plan to have kids some day?”
She pulled two cups down from the cupboard and poured coffee into them. “I assume you want coffee since you made it.” At his nod, she asked, “Cream or sugar?”
“Whatever you’re having. My only preference is that it’s strong. Okay, and bonus points for caramel.”
She arched a brow. “I remember you like that. This is, in fact, caramel-flavored creamer.”
He watched her pour a liberal amount into both cups. “Hmm, maybe you hoped I would surprise you here.”
Taking a spoon from the door, she stirred both concoctions then handed one to him. “I actually didn’t—at least not consciously.”
“To caramel and the subconscious.” He clacked his mug against hers. She hadn’t answered his question. Was that on purpose, or had the coffee conversation simply derailed her? When she didn’t answer, he decided to ask again. “So, kids, yea or nay?”
She winced. “Last night was great—and I like where we’re headed. But that’s a conversation for another time. A way other time.”
She was right, of course, but something scratched at the back of his mind and gave him an unsettled feeling. He sipped his coffee and tried not to dwell on it. Things were great right now, and he wanted them to stay that way.
She sipped her coffee. “As much as I would love a Starbucks date with you, I need to drive south to Newport for the first part of my day. I’m going to finish getting ready, and then I should head out.”
He exhaled. “If you weren’t shilling my wine, I’d take umbrage and demand you stay, but I guess I’ll let you go.”
Her eyes widened, and she barked out an offended laugh. “Like you get to tell me what to do, mister. In bed, I’ll allow it—as long as I get my turn. Out of bed? Not a chance.”
The mention of a bed started his engines purring. He wished they hadn’t gotten up so quickly. He’d fallen asleep planning round three for this morning and was disappointed it didn’t look as though that was going to happen.
He set his coffee down and circled the island to take her in his arms. She still held her cup and didn’t move to put it down. He found that a bit odd but didn’t want to make something of it.
“Should I come back tonight?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I’m going to be working late and I’ve got an early start tomorrow. I need to catch up on my sleep—you kept me up pretty late last night.”
Instead of going to sleep after making love that second time, they’d sat up talking about movies and television shows and music and bands. It had been fun, and they’d later fallen asleep in each other’s arms. “I still can’t believe you’ve never watched The Walking Dead .”
She made a face and stuck out her tongue. “And I can’t believe you have. Okay, I can, but ewww.”
He smiled, glad that things were still good. Of course discussion of children was too soon. If he wasn’t so damned out of practice, he would’ve known that.
She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. “Okay, I need to get moving. Stop distracting me.” She winked at him as she stepped around him.
“I guess I’ll take that as my cue to leave. Unless you’re sure I can’t help you get ready?” He looked at her suggestively, letting his gaze rake her from the top of her damp head to the tips of her turquoise colored toenails.
“You’re a bad influence, Cameron Westcott. Get out of here.” She bestowed him one last smile before presenting her backside and marching from the room.
He watched her go with a wistful stare. Damn, he was smitten. And while it felt better than he’d ever dreamed possible, he couldn’t shake the sense that something was about to go wrong. Maybe because in his experience, happy didn’t have a shot at ever after.