Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Cece practically floated into Dr. Renner’s office at a few minutes before eight, feeling lighter in more ways than one. She was once again wearing the pair of shorts that hadn’t fit her in almost two summers, and not only had they buttoned easily, she’d had room.
That alone was worth celebrating.
She’d been eating better, getting more steps in, and taking fitness classes. She felt stronger. Younger, even. And if she’d lost a few pounds? Well, she wasn’t going to pretend she didn’t enjoy seeing the number dip.
The nurse weighed her, proving that Cece was indeed down several pounds from her last visit, then took her blood pressure, and left her sitting on the exam table feeling like a student waiting for a gold star.
When Dr. Renner came in, Cece straightened proudly. Dr. Renner had warm brown eyes, a calm voice, and was the kind of woman who made you feel instantly at ease. Cece had an unfortunate medical history, but Dr. Renner had gotten her through a lot of it.
“Morning, Cecelia,” she said. “You seem chipper today.”
“I am,” Cece admitted. “I’ve lost a little weight since my last visit, which I know was too long ago. But I’m here now. I’ve been working out. Eating better. Getting steps in. I feel really good. Like I’m in control of things again.”
“Wonderful.” Dr. Renner typed a note into her laptop. “How’s your energy?”
“Better than usual, actually. I get tired sometimes, but who doesn’t at this age?”
“How’s your sleep?”
“Pretty good. Better since I started working out. I might be waking up a little earlier, but I don’t mind.”
“Any new symptoms? Heart racing? Heat intolerance? Hands shaking?”
“No,” Cece said, still smiling. “Nothing like that. Except my heart rate goes up when I’m exercising.”
“As it should. All right, that sounds excellent. Let’s do the exam.”
Cece lifted her chin, still basking in the glow of being a healthy woman taking care of herself. It was a good feeling and one she once wasn’t sure she’d ever reclaim after beating ovarian cancer years ago. Now, she had. How could she not be happy about that?
Dr. Renner checked her ears, eyes, and reflexes. All routine. Nothing unusual.
Then she moved in front of Cece and gently palpated her neck with soft pressure. She paused and her fingers shifted slightly. “Hmm.”
That small thoughtful sound silenced Cece’s inner celebration. Her smile faltered. “What? What is it?”
“Probably nothing,” Dr. Renner said quickly. “Just give me one moment.” She pressed along the right side of Cece’s neck again, slower this time. Very much like she was feeling something specific. “Any pain here?”
“No.”
“Any issues swallowing lately? Or a sense of fullness in the throat?”
“No,” Cece said, her pulse growing louder in her ears. “Why?”
Dr. Renner stepped back, her expression warm but there was concern in her eyes.
Cece’s stomach dipped. She knew that expression.
Too well. “I’m feeling a small fullness near your thyroid.
It could be something very simple like a nodule, a little inflammation, or maybe a cyst. These are extremely common in women over fifty. ”
The dip in Cece’s stomach turned into a full-on, roller-coaster plunge. She gripped the sides of the exam table, the paper crinkling under her fingers. “Is it serious?”
“It’s too early to answer that,” Dr. Renner said softly. “Which is why I’d like to run a thyroid panel and get an ultrasound. Most thyroid nodules are benign. Truly. And your energy levels are good, which is reassuring.”
“But the weight loss…” Cece murmured, connecting dots she suddenly wished she hadn’t. Problem was, she knew way too much about cancer to stop her mind from going to the darkest of scenarios.
“The weight loss might be completely unrelated,” Dr. Renner said. “It might be a very healthy result of the lifestyle changes you’ve made.” She offered a comforting smile. “You’re doing really well, Cecelia. This really is just about being thorough. Especially with your history.”
Cece nodded, but a familiar coldness crept faintly along her spine. The memory of another exam room and another unexpected test that had changed everything.
She forced herself to breathe. She told herself this wasn’t that. This was different.
She was different. Stronger. Smarter. Healthier.
The dread was the same, though. The sinking feeling. The sense that this was something she couldn’t control. None of that had changed.
She did not want to go through all of that again.
Dr. Renner rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Let’s run the tests and go from there, all right?”
“All right,” Cece whispered, her earlier excitement gone. It had slipped through her fingers like sand.
When the doctor left the room to place the orders, Cece stared at her reflection in the metal panel of the supply cabinet. She was looking at the same woman she had this morning, but now she was carrying a weight she hadn’t planned for.
Please, she thought, let this be nothing.
She took a breath and lifted her chin. She would not let this defeat her. Whatever it was, she’d face it. She’d faced worse.
Some long minutes later, Cece left the office with new appointments to keep.
She slid into her car and closed the door gently, as though any loud sound might shatter the fragile calm she was holding together by threads.
The quiet of the enclosed space wrapped around her, and for a moment she just sat there, hands gripping the steering wheel, forehead resting against it.
She tried a deep breath. It shuddered as she pulled air in. She tried another. Worse. Her eyes started to sting and her throat felt tight. Her heart thudded unevenly and she thought she might faint. Or throw up.
Get it together, she told herself. It’s probably nothing. These are just tests. Just ruling things out. But she’d heard those words before. Walked this path of uncertainty before. She hated that familiar dread creeping into her bones.
She needed to talk to someone.
But not Natalie, no way. Natalie had enough happening in her life right now with the divorce and Tyler’s emotions and trying to keep her life together. Cece wouldn’t add to that weight.
Besides that, telling Natalie about this would mean telling her about the cancer Cece had already survived. Nat didn’t need that. And it was a lot for Cece to relive.
The Queen Bees didn’t need this either. They all had their own things going on. She’d tell them later, when she’d calmed down.
So there was only one person she could call.
Her hands trembled as she tapped Joe’s name on her list of contacts.
He picked up on the first ring. “Morning, sunshine.”
The gentle warmth in his voice undid her. Completely. Utterly. Her breath caught and shattered into a sob before she could stop it.
“Cece?” His tone shifted instantly, worried, protective, but still calm and strong. “Hey, what’s wrong? Is it Natalie? I promise I’m on top of things.”
She pressed her hand over her mouth, but the tears came anyway, hot and overwhelming. “I—I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She shouldn’t have called. This was too much to put on him.
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” Joe said, a little more urgently. “Talk to me. Are you hurt? Were you in an accident? Where are you?”
“I’m in my car,” she managed between breaths. “I just—I just got out of my physical and the doctor—she—” Her voice cracked. She swallowed. “She found something in my neck.”
A half-second of silence passed.
“Okay,” Joe said softly. “Tell me exactly what she said.”
Cece swiped at her eyes, her whole body shaking.
“She said it might be nothing. A nodule. Something small. But she wants an ultrasound. And blood work. But she looked so serious, Joe. I haven’t felt this way since—” Her voice failed again.
“Since before. This isn’t my first time going through this. ”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
The way he said it without pity or panic, just sorrow and understanding, made fresh tears spill over.
“I didn’t want to call Natalie,” Cece whispered. “She has too much going on. And I don’t want to scare her. I just didn’t know who else—”
“You did the right thing in calling me,” Joe said firmly. “That’s always going to be the right thing. You hear me? Always.”
Cece pressed her fingers to her trembling lips.
“I’m coming to you,” he added. “Where are you exactly? Still at the doctor’s office?”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding even though he couldn’t see. “I’m in the parking lot. Just sitting. I didn’t want to drive yet.”
“Good. Tell me the name of it and I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Joe, you don’t have to—”
“I do,” he said gently. “Because you’re scared. And you shouldn’t be alone when you’re scared.”
Her breath broke again, this time softer, smaller.
“Okay,” she whispered. “It’s Greenway Internal Medicine.”
“I’m on my way.”
When the call ended, Cece curled her fingers around her phone, letting herself cry freely now, knowing help was coming. Knowing she wasn’t alone in whatever this might be.
She would tell the Queen Bees soon. She exhaled, already feeling a little better. She was going to be fine.
She hoped.