Chapter 4 #2
His gaze makes me feel like a butterfly pinned to canvas.
My cheeks turn pink as I grow self conscious.
My legs are shaved, my tan is evening out, and my hair is somewhat tame by island standards.
What does he see that’s giving him so much to grumble about?
The intensity of his stare has my nipples tightening, and I thank God for bikini padding.
“Thanks, I might do that! I’d love to hear more about volunteering. I was really impressed by my tour today. There’s not a lot to do on a tranquil honeymoon island. I’m kind of going crazy.”
“If you want a bunch of tourist activities, you’d be happier in Kuta. Gili Telu is where people go to relax.” I’m impressed by the amount of words Steven manages to string together, but it feels like an attempt to push me off the island. I do not take it well.
“If I hear that word one more time, I’m going to scream. I don’t want to relax. I don’t know how to relax. Relaxing was not in the plan.”
“And does your life always go according to plan?” His narrowed eyes set my heart pounding.
“Pretty much,” I say through a forced smile, omitting the obvious breakup situation, and losing my favorite person in the world to COPD.
He sighs and looks out over the water. “Must be nice.”
That’s practically friendly for him. He’s softening toward me. It’s now or never.
“Do you want to do something with me? I’m sure you know all kinds of hidden gems around the island. Do you live here year round?”
“No.”
“No you don’t live here? Where do you live? I’m guessing by your accent—”
“No, I don’t want to do anything with you. We’re pretty busy right now. Swamped, actually.”
He shoots a glare at Mike that would’ve scared me to death.
Mike has been watching our conversation like a tennis match, a look of vague amusement on his face.
Now he frowns briefly at Steven then turns to me with a megawatt smile.
Again, I get Kindergarten teacher vibes and realize that makes me the five-year-old in this scenario.
“We really appreciate you being here. Sorry about my colleague. He’s been out in the sun all day and is feeling a little under the weather. Don’t let him scare ya. His bark is worse than his bite.”
Fuck, why did he have to say that? Now all I can think about is Steven’s teeth, sinking into my hot flesh. I rub my neck subconsciously, desire coiling in my belly.
“Junie, you okay?” Eva pops up beside me, the boys not far behind. They unload their trash into the bag as Mike takes a quick count and the interaction is forgotten as we drift away from them.
What have I done to piss off the turtle guy so much?
It’s starting to frustrate me, especially when my body reacts so strongly just being near him. There is none of that same chemistry with Gavin. He seems simple and attainable and therefore completely uninteresting, in the nicest way possible.
“Junie? You there?” Eva asks, apparently not for the first time.
I shake myself, mortified to be caught staring at Scuba Steve again. Why do I have it so bad for a guy who clearly isn’t interested? Is this some delayed reaction to the break up—lusting after a man I can’t have?
Gavin is looking at me with wide eyes as if waiting for my answer to something important.
“What’s up?” I ask, unable to hide that I haven’t been listening.
“The guys asked if we wanted to grab dinner after this.” I can tell she’s resisting the urge to roll her eyes.
She pushes closer to me, leaning her head in so that Jake and Gavin can’t hear.
“It’s completely up to you. I understand if you have other ideas.
” Her gaze follows mine to Steven’s muscular back and the tight board shorts clinging to what is probably a fantastic ass.
My mouth waters just thinking about it.
Down girl, I chide myself. No more chasing emotionally unavailable men. The guys are young, sweet, and their arms are full of trash we’ve cleaned off the beach. If I want to bang one out of my system, Gavin is clearly more than willing.
“Yeah, dinner. Sounds great.” I paste a smile on my face, like it’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.
When Gavin throws his arm around me again, I don’t immediately pull away, using his body like an anchor to hold me in the moment. I push away the lusty daydreams of Steven throwing me down on the sand and taking me in front of everyone.
Get it together, Junie. You’re a newly single woman, not a horny teenager.
Eva shrieks, jarring me out of my fantasy.
She’d bent over to grab a plastic bag when a lizard the length of my hand scampered out from beneath it. He’s nearly the same color as the sand, with brown markings, and flicks his little tongue as he eyes us warily from a rock.
“Aww it’s just a tokeh,” Jake says, wrapping his arms around Eva. “There’s got to be hundreds of them around. They eat mosquitos and other bugs, they won’t hurt you.”
“I’m not scared, it just surprised me!” Eva hugs her body, displaying none of her usual zen.
“He is kind of cute.” I take a step closer, grabbing the trash Eva spotted while keeping one eye on the lizard. He blinks and scuttles under the rock.
“We hear them every night outside our hostel,” Gavin says. “They’re so loud.”
“Don’t worry girls, we’ll protect you.” As if they planned it, Jake throws Eva over his shoulder at the same time that I’m launched off my feet.
Gavin carries me in his arms as the boys jog across the sand toward the huddle of sanctuary volunteers, making us squeal with laughter.
Sand flies from my kicking feet and I’m simultaneously annoyed and amused. Somebody finds me attractive, at least.
Gavin spins me around so that I can deposit my trash into the bag. My red face and crazy hair are suddenly inches away from Steven’s massive biceps and his painfully neutral expression.
“Thanks,” I grin manically at him before being whisked away in a race back to the tiki bar.
“Ugh, I need a beer after that,” Jake groans, placing Eva back on her feet as Gavin plops me unceremoniously onto a lounge chair.
“Yes please,” Eva sighs, dropping beside me. The boys disappear into the crowd at the bar jostling for cocktails and Bintang. “Gavin seems nice,” she says with no preamble.
“He is nice,” I agree.
“But?”
“But nothing. I think he’s been to more countries than you have, which is saying something.”
“But he’s not one night stand material?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“It’s written all over your face.” Eva frowns. I follow her gaze to where Jake and Gavin have their elbows on the bar, preparing to arm wrestle.
“Okay, so he’s a little immature,” I say. “But that doesn’t matter. Maybe he’s amazing in bed. Oh shit.” I frown, realizing something. “But where would we do it? He’s sharing a room with like 20 other people.”
“That’s it, after these drinks I’m telling Jake to go back to Gili T. This date’s a dud. We can find our own fun.”
I can’t pretend to be disappointed. After chugging their beers, Jake and Gavin start talking about a backflip contest down on the beach and Eva breaks the news.
“No sweat, Gav and I might hit up the pub crawl then.”
“It’s even bigger than the one in Koh Tao,” Gavin says confidently, as if this information will mean something to us. “In Thailand,” he adds.
“Text me if you change your mind.” Jake pulls Eva in for a deep kiss while Gavin and I look away awkwardly. “And let me know when you get your ferry tickets. I want to see you off at the airport.”
“That’s pretty romantic,” I sigh as they leave. “He wants to sit through several hours of traffic just to kiss you goodbye.”
“He’s a sweetheart.” Eva’s small smile says it all.
“He only lives a few hours away. You guys could make it work.” I nudge her with my elbow. “If it’s really love, the distance won’t matter.”
“Listen to you, becoming a hopeless romantic.” I blush. “At least we know he’s got his passport.”
I groan. “Too soon.”
The crowd in the bar has thinned out some. Steven has disappeared along with the dozens of trash bags we’d filled, not that I’m purposely keeping tabs on him. I just have this awareness of him like something stuck in my tooth—I can’t quit tonguing it.
In the corner is a table of blue shirts—volunteers from the Sanctuary. I think I recognize Thomas’s orange curls.
“Can we go chat with them? I want to hear more about the sanctuary.”
“And more about a certain somebody?” She raises her eyebrows.
Eva and I join the table where Thomas is three beers deep and ranting about the logistics of waste removal on a tiny island with a charming slur to his words.
“Steven organized another clean-up dive in the morning, are you on it?” At the sound of his name, my head whips around. Two volunteers in their mid-twenties, a handsome dark-skinned boy and the French girl from earlier, are sitting at the far end of the table pouring beer from a pitcher.
“Yeah, 5 AM start, so this has got to be my last one.” The boy grins, clinking his glass against the edge of hers.
“Oof,” the girl winces. “I do not envy you. I am teaching Open Water at 10.”
A little tipsy myself, I scoot closer, curious about what sort of work the volunteers do, and shamelessly desperate to hear more about Steven.
“Are you both scuba divers?” I ask, inserting myself into the conversation with a tilt of my foamy beer. They clink their cups against mine.
“Yes, we’re training to be instructors. I am Juliette.” The girl shakes my hand.
“I’m Mason. California.” He takes a long sip of his beer. “Steven, the Master Diver here, is amazing. He knows so much about the local fauna and his work on restoring the coral reefs is impressive.”
“He’s an inspiration,” Juliette sighs.
She’s clearly into him. Maybe she’s the reason he wants nothing to do with me. “What does it take to get certified?” I ask, an uncomfortable feeling twisting in my gut.
“It’s a three day course. There’s some reading, some quizzes, and we do some training in the pool before the actual dives. Have you ever been snorkeling?” Mason asks.
“A few times. But I’ve always been curious about scuba. It seems complicated.”
“It’s like nothing else in the world,” Mason says, brown eyes wide with wonder, if a little glazed from alcohol.
“How long will you be on the island?” Juliette suddenly grabs one of my hands between her own.
“My friend Eva and I are taking the ferry back to the mainland on Thursday,” I say, pointing to where she and Thomas are sharing their love for applied statistics. It’s only four days away now.
“You simply must join my class tomorrow!” Juliette gives a little hiccup as she bounces excitedly. “Diving will change your life! I swear it!”
“I’ll think about it, thank you,” I smile and take down the Whatsapp number for the dive shop.
“Just text in the morning and they will add you to the class. I think there is only one other couple signed up so far. It will be so fun.” Her accent grows thicker as we continue to drink, and I can feel myself getting slower as well.
Eva approaches the table, her hand full of glinting metal. “Anyone up for darts?”
The four of us take turns, getting progressively worse, until Mason has to head to bed. Juliette is impossible to dislike, bubbly and sweet. She begs us to stay for another round, but if we’re really going to learn how to breathe underwater tomorrow, I should probably call it a night too.
On the short walk back to our room, I tell Eva about the scuba course and her eyes light up.
“I’ve actually always wanted to do that! I would love to take it with you. That’s the perfect way to wrap up our trip.”
Her enthusiasm makes me even more excited.
Grandma Frannie never learned to swim, but I know she’d approve of this new adventure.
Something beyond a fleeting moment posted online to make people jealous. Something that feels more true to myself than trying to be silent, meditative, or emptying my mind.
I don’t want to be empty. I want to fill up on new skills and new experiences. I want to break out of my comfort zone and try something new.
And if it brings me back into the orbit of the hot Dive Master, then that isn’t the worst thing either. He might’ve turned me down again, but I’m not giving up. There’s still time to have a one night stand.