Chapter 20
Steven
It’s been almost two weeks since the night watch when I fell for Junie hook, line, and sinker. She’s so smart, so funny, and the more she tells me about her life back in the States, the less I understand it.
The strong, determined woman I met describes a life back home where she was meek and unmotivated. It’s hard to imagine her just coasting by, staying in the same job or with the same guy because it’s the easiest thing to do.
“It’s what people expected,” she clarifies one night. “I’ve always done the smart thing because people depend on me. I don’t take risks.”
I can see now why she was so eager to try a one night stand—this is a woman who never gives in to impulse. She doesn’t chase her desires with the tenacity of a bulldog, like I’ve been doing all my life.
“But Grandma Frannie changed everything,” she confesses, hair tangled from another roll in the sack. She’s so beautiful when she’s vulnerable, and her whole demeanor changes when she talks about her Gran.
“She meant a lot to you.” I stroke her leg. Nearly every inch of her has turned a smooth golden brown since coming to Gili Telu.
“Absolutely. She was my favorite person. It’s been more than six months since she died and I still think about her every day.”
“What would she think about you shacking up with some washed up Aussie bloke and a bunch of turtles?” Self-deprecation is a nearly unbeatable instinct.
Junie’s eyes gleam. “Are you kidding? She’d lose her shit. She’d love this so much. She’s the reason I came. The reason I stayed. Every time I visited her in the hospital, she’d complain that I should be out there living my life, not trying to take care of everybody else.”
If Grandma Frannie were still alive, I’d send her flowers every week. Out of all the islands in the world, after leading such different lives, we both ended up here. Am I crazy to wonder if we’re meant to be more?
It doesn’t help that I’ve been feeling particularly sappy this weekend because my interns are finally moving on.
I would never admit it, but I’ve grown a little attached to Mason and Juliette.
Meeting new mates and watching them go so often has been wearing me down, though I try to pretend otherwise.
I’ve been growing more distant with each new round of recruits—until Junie reminded me to loosen up and have fun again.
Gearing up for the party tonight, there’s a knot in my chest that I don’t want to acknowledge. Goodbyes are hard. In this industry, they’re often forever.
Junie appears behind me in the mirror, wrapping her arms around me and burying her soft curves into my back.
“Hey,” she murmurs.
“Hey.” I relax into her hug, absorbing her warmth. There’s no sense in getting upset about it now. We have two more weeks together and I intend to make the most of every single day. If all we’ll have are memories, I’ll make them unforgettable.
“You ready for tonight?” she asks as I turn in her arms and pull her against my chest. I pick her up and walk to the bed, setting her down gently and taking my time kissing her. The way her lips always soften and part for me makes me weak in the knees.
I was ready to go, but suddenly there’s something more pressing I need to do first.
“Steven, we’re going to be late.” She laughs when I finally release her from the kiss, but I’m already pushing up her t-shirt, nipping at the bikini underneath and searching for her nipple with my tongue.
Her moan goes straight to my dick, straining against my shorts as she arches her back, giving me more of her.
“We’ll miss the boat,” she whimpers and I sigh, releasing the swollen bud I’d nibbled into a hard point. I readjust her swimmers, carefully covering her pretty pink nipples and smooth her shirt down.
“This is your first time on Gili T, isn’t it?” I plop down on the bed beside her, waiting for the tent in my pants to go down. It doesn’t help that her eyes keep flicking toward it, or the way her teeth graze her bottom lip—“Junie, if you want to go soon, you have to stop looking at me like that.”
“I’m sorry!” she giggles, covering her eyes and turning away. “No, I haven’t. And I’m excited! Everyone’s been talking up this bar crawl for weeks.”
“It can get a little crazy,” I say, thinking back to all the bad decisions I’ve made at the party island over the last few years.
When I was still mourning Naomi and my sailboat, I was at the clubs several nights a week, trying to lose myself in the drinking, the music, and the girls on holiday.
Now that I have Junie, I’d just as happily stay here with a Bintang by the beach.
But she wants to go and I owe Juliette and Mason a proper send off.
“I’m not worried,” she smiles, and if I wasn’t already lying down, I’d be bowled over by how gorgeous she looks. “I have you there to protect me.”
“You sure do.” It comes out as a growl. Her words make the caveman in me stand up and pound his chest. “Now we’re definitely not leaving.” I tackle her back on the bed and claim her as mine.
I’m wasted for this woman. And she’s leaving soon. I don’t stand a chance.
*****
The bar is crowded but a hush falls when everyone squeezes together, making room for the makeshift stage where my two interns sit in chairs, pulling masks and snorkels down over their faces.
“These two have filled more tanks in three months than most of you will ever dive with in your lives.” I say, circling them, playing to the crowd.
“They’ve worked hard, they’ve played hard, and they’re going to make great instructors. If—” I hold up a hand and draw out the suspense, loving the limelight. I can feel Junie’s gaze from the front row and it makes me want to puff out my chest. “—they can pass this final test.”
Mike walks up and hands me a funnel. I move behind Mason as Mike claps a hand on Juliette’s shoulder. We attach the funnels to the snorkels and hold up a big Bintang each as everyone cheers and whoops. The bottles are about the size of two regular beers and they’re ice cold.
“You guys ready?” Mike asks and the two of them flick their fingers into an Okay sign. Good, I’d have to flunk them if they used a thumbs up—the two have very different meanings in dive school.
“Cheers!” Mike and I clink the beers then upend them in the recruits’ snorkels.
Mason clears the funnel like he’s trained for this, but Mike is careful to only give Juliette what she can handle—we discussed their limits before arranging this, no one wants to get sick or have a bad time on graduation night.
The two new dive instructors pull off their snorkels and stand up with big grins, taking a bow or two each.
“Now, what’s the difference in average rate of air consumption between a 10 meter dive, and a 30 meter dive?” I ask with a sadistic grin.
“Uhhh, yes?” Mason smiles awkwardly at the crowd as he wavers on his feet.
“Four! It’s four times higher!” Juliette shouts, pumping her fist in the air victoriously.
“And that’s why women rule the world.” Mike gestures to Juliette who takes another bow. The crowd cheers as we replace the chairs, the show over. I sling my arm around Mason’s shoulder. “Congrats guys. Good on ya! I can’t wait to see you out on your own.”
Junie, Victoria, and Thomas push their way toward us, congratulating the new graduates.
“So what’s next? When are you leaving the island?” Thomas asks.
“Trying to get rid of me already?” Mason punches his arm as the two of them dissolve into a play fight. I wrap my arms around Junie, pulling her warm body close to me. I’m pleasantly buzzed and feeling good. I’m hoping she’ll dance with me soon. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
“I leave tomorrow,” Juliette pouts. “Very stupid, as I’m sure I will be so hungover, but I couldn’t miss the party.” She gestures around the crowded room. “Thank you for being such a lovely instructor, Steven.”
I feel her goodbye like a punch to the chest but I grin and thank her. “Your help has been invaluable. We’ll miss you out here.”
“I will miss it too. But god, bread! I can almost taste it.”
“Are you going back home?” Junie asks, swaying gently in my arms. I can smell her fruity shampoo in the hairs tickling my nose.
“Yes, I miss my family. And I need to work. It’s been beautiful here in paradise but it’s time to go back to the real world.
” She doesn’t mean to, but her words pile up like stones in my gut.
In a little over a week, Junie will be leaving too.
Back to the real world while I stay here like what? Some sad Peter Pan?
The thought makes me go rigid and suddenly there isn’t enough air.
“Be right back.” I give Junie a squeeze then bolt for the door.
Outside, the bustling main street of Gili T is swarmed with bike riders, pedestrians, and horses pulling carts.
Sellers hawk their wares under neon lights, signs boast shroom shakes and buy one get one cocktails, and usually I love all the partying and the noise, but not tonight.
I duck and dodge my way against traffic, pushing past one of the patio restaurants, to finally emerge on the beach. The sand between my toes makes my heart rate calm. I can see the ocean.
The sky is clear overhead, swollen with stars and a bloated white moon. I take a deep breath of the night air and let it out slowly.
What am I doing? I dreamed of sailing the world, but when everything fell apart, I isolated myself here—and never left.
Junie talked about living her life on autopilot and I hadn’t even realized that I’d done the same thing.
Naomi left, my ship sank, and I gave up on trying anything new.
There’s no denying that the Gili islands are a beautiful place to get lost, but that doesn’t explain why I’ve stayed lost for so long.
And now she’s leaving. The first person to make me feel at home, to remind me who I am and who I’ve always wanted to be, will go back to her real life. And I’ll stay here. The same as ever. As the world moves on again.
Is this it? For the rest of my life? Me, Mike, and the sea turtles?
“Hey, are you okay? You disappeared.” Her voice plucks me out of the heavens and pulls me back to Earth. I feel like I nearly lost control of myself there. I take another deep breath and pull her into me, ashamed of the ache in my chest and the prickling in the corner of my eyes.
“Yeah, I just needed some air.” I breathe her in, tighten my arms around her, and remind myself that she’s here. She’s real. She’s leaving soon, but we still have right now.
“Do you want some space?” She twists to look into my eyes.
“Not a millimeter.” I cover her lips with mine.
I want to take this woman into my arms and never let her go.
My mind reels with the most beautiful parts of the island—all the magical things that keep me grounded here.
Maybe I can convince her to sneak away with me for a night dive to see the bioluminescence.
She’d look so beautiful swathed in glowing light.
Who am I kidding? She looks perfect now, looking up at me with the stars mirrored in her eyes. My possessive instincts are crying out for me to throw her over my shoulder and steal her away again, but our friends are waiting inside and we might not see them for a while… maybe ever.
Just because I’m terrible at goodbyes doesn’t mean I should keep her from having hers.
“You ready to head back inside?” I ask, leading her away from the shoreline calling us home.
“I’ll go wherever you go.” She smiles and then seems to realize the weight of her words. Her brow pinches into a frown and she opens her mouth to take them back—but I shush her with a finger to her lips.
“I know what you meant.” I replace my finger with my lips until, if the kiss goes on for even a second longer, we’ll never make it back into that bar.
“Let’s go.” She links her arm with mine and tugs me back into the fray.
She might not have meant it, but I do. I’ll follow that woman anywhere, especially if I get to watch her lead.