Chapter 27
Junie
After the fiasco of dinner with my parents, I wouldn’t blame Steven for running hard in the other direction. What kind of adult lets herself get steamrolled like that? I’m grateful for his steady presence on the ride home and the warmth of his big arms in bed that night.
I spend several days making lists and organizing my life down to the final detail.
There are notebooks, planners, post-its, and highlighters scattered across the coffee table.
Steven keeps me fueled with caffeine and snacks and I pretend not to notice how much he loves the French press.
I thought driving on the right side of the road would be a challenge for him, but like with everything else, he’s competent and unflappable.
He comes back from the grocery store loaded up with pure junk food splendor.
“I’ve heard so many things about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos,” he says, holding up a giant orange bag.
“Do they not have those in Indonesia?” I ask with a smile.
“Nor in Aus. At least not ones that taste like these.” He rips open the bag and pops a few in his mouth, eyebrows shooting up with pleasure.
I laugh and peek through his other purchases before opening a bag of my favorite sour cream and cheddar chips I hadn’t been able to find overseas.
“What’s your favorite treat from back home then?” I ask, enjoying the satisfying crunch of a chip before offering them to Steven.
“Tim Tams,” he says with no hesitation. “And I’d kill for a good meat pie from the bakery near my parent’s house. It’s been too long. These are good.” He nods toward my chips before grabbing another handful.
“You know”—Steven frowns slightly, moving closer to me on the couch, his eyes falling over my many to-do lists—“there are a lot of things you might be used to that you won’t be able to find in Indonesia. It’s not just drinkable tap water and crisp flavors.”
“I know,” I shrug, pointing to the list of items I want to stock up on, especially toiletries like pads, Pepto Bismol, and my usual brand of roll-on deodorant. “I’ll never understand the appeal of spraying your armpits. I could only find aerosol cans in Bali.”
“It looks like you’ve really thought of everything,” he says, taking in my copious notes, but he still seems worried.
“I just remember what it was like to have that culture shock at first. It seems like you’ve got a lot of people here who really care about you.
Won’t it be hard to be far away from all that? ”
I scoff. “Is that what you got out of dinner with my parents? I know my family cares, they just don’t trust me to make my own decisions.
They think I’m going crazy because I’m finally doing something I want instead of just going along with what everyone expects.
You saw David. He still didn’t believe me even after the café.
Everyone depends on me to solve their problems, but no one actually listens to me. No one takes me seriously.” I sigh.
Steven kisses the side of my head. I turn toward him and we find each other’s lips. The hot press of his mouth against my skin always turns me to flame. A few moments later he pulls back, leaning his forehead against mine.
“No one should ever doubt or underestimate you. You’re brilliant. And brave. And I trust you’ll find a path that works for you.”
His words buoy my confidence. This entire adventure, from the moment David admitted he wasn’t coming to Bali, has been filled with intense highs and lows.
I thought I’d hit rock bottom—living a life that no longer resembled anything I wanted.
My dreams of traveling the world had been folded up and compressed until following a man to another city seemed like enough. I was wrong.
Getting on that plane was the first step to unlocking the life I truly want to live.
Is it a huge shake up to quit my job, move to Gili Telu, and go all-in on a freelance business that I’m not entirely sure is sustainable?
Absolutely! But I know that Grandma Frannie is cheering me on from the afterlife.
Her words and her money are what make the entire dream possible.
And for all their flaws, my family and friends will still be here. Even if I fail spectacularly, they’ll still love and support me. And I’ll always know that I gave it my best shot.
Moving across the world for a man I just met would be insane. But moving across the world to take a chance on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness—that’s the stuff of dreams. That’s the story I want to tell about my life when I’m old and gray and lying on my deathbed.
“I would love to have you there,” Steven continues, stroking my hair and making me preen like a cat beneath his touch. “But I hope you know that you don’t have to prove anything to me, or to anyone. If it becomes too much, if this isn’t the right time, you can always change your mind.”
I’m too relaxed to read the fear in his words. I couldn’t imagine that a man as sexy, caring, and intelligent as Steven could ever doubt that he was good enough. I forget for a moment about his ex, the last woman who promised to uproot her life for him, then abandoned him at the last moment.
“I wouldn’t do that,” I say, eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his fingers through my hair.
“But you could,” he says softly. “And it would still be okay.”
*****
Two days later, it feels like I’ve barely moved the needle on packing up my life. Storage units are expensive, visas are complicated, and figuring out how I’m going to use my phone number abroad for an extended period of time is exhausting.
It all seemed so simple, standing on our romantic beach and watching the turtles hatch. I didn’t think following my heart and chasing my dreams would involve so much admin.
I’m drowning. But Steven is my rock. Every time I catch sight of his dimple or hear his laugh, even coming from another room, I know that I’m home.
I can tell he’s out of his element in Eastern Pines.
There’s not much for him to do here. He’s as much a fish out of water in my hometown as I must have seemed that first day on the beach.
But just because we don’t make sense here doesn’t mean that we won’t work back in Indonesia.
I don’t fit here either. That’s why I have to get out.
We need a night off to de-stress. Eva agrees to meet up for drinks and I’m so disgustingly happy to see her that I start sobbing the moment she walks into the bar.
We wrap our arms around each other. She’s the only bridge between what I’ve come to see as my two worlds.
Eva is no stranger to doing crazy things for love. After all, she dropped everything to fly across the world just to keep me company. She and Steven have more in common than I realized.
“Hey Steven.” When I finally release her, she gives him a tight hug too. It’s a stark reminder of how different things were just a few weeks ago—how different we all were when we first met. “You been taking care of my girl?”
“I don’t think she needs it. She’s been kicking ass and taking names since we got here.” He winks at me over her shoulder.
“That sounds about right. Does that mean dinner with the fam didn’t go well?” Eva asks as we all settle back onto our bar stools.
“I don’t even want to talk about it,” I groan before launching into the story anyway.
Steven holds my hand as I talk, letting me ramble. I wonder if he’s worried about saying anything negative about my family. He’d been really quiet at dinner that night too, but I don’t blame him. Sitting through someone else’s family drama is hardly fun. Still, I hate seeing him clam up again.
“Between that and David still squatting at the house, it’s just been one crisis after another. Was everyone always this crazy, or am I just seeing it all with new eyes?”
Eva’s jaw actually drops when she hears that my ex lived in Grannie’s house the entire time I was gone.
“What the fuck is wrong with him? He knows you broke up. I was there to pick you up for the airport when he was crying and begging for you to change your mind!”
“Oh my god, thank you,” I groan, smacking a hand to my face. “I felt like I was losing my mind. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop, replaying every conversation over in my mind to see how I might have misled him. I thought I made it perfectly fucking clear.”
“Hey babe, I’ve got to take this.” Steven interrupts gently, pointing to his phone.
I nod and wave him off, caught up in the fervor of finally having someone to trash my ex with.
I’d sort of bottled it up that night, both from shock and not wanting to cause friction with Steven.
I delight in several minutes of back and forth with my best friend about David’s more frustrating qualities.
“Anyway, the last I heard, he’d moved back in with his Mom. I’ve been avoiding his calls. I have nothing else to say to him. He still thinks this is all over a passport, or that it’s just a phase.”
Eva shakes her head in disbelief. “Men will really say ‘she left suddenly, for no reason’ ignoring an entire graveyard of reasons.”
“In his defense, I didn’t even realize how bad things had gotten for a long time.
If not for Grannie dying, I might’ve married him.
” I sigh. I don’t want to defend him but he isn’t the only one at fault for our unhappy relationship.
“Anyway, that was cathartic, but I don’t want to think about him anymore. What’s new in your life?”
“Well,” she smiles shyly as she takes a sip of her drink.
“You’ve kind of inspired me. I’ve loved seeing your passion for the sea turtle sanctuary and I’ve been following everything you post on social media.
It made me realize, I’m young, I’m flexible, now is the time for me to travel the world.
I’ve been looking into becoming a digital nomad. ”
“No way!” I grin, honored that my spontaneous choices could inspire someone else. “But what’s a digital nomad?”
“It’s what you’re doing! Freelance jobs, or any kind of online work that you can do while traveling. There are special visas for it. Or, there’s something called a working holiday visa. Some countries invite young people to come live and work for a year doing casual jobs to fund their travels.”
“What? That sounds incredible. And they have one of those for Indonesia?”
“Well, no. I don’t think so. But I’ve been looking at maybe Australia or New Zealand.”
“Whoa, that would be so cool!” I bounce in my chair with excitement for my friend. “I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. What about Jake?”
“He’s thinking about it too.” Eva’s smile is mischievous.
“Have you seen him again? Other than…”
“We’ve visited a few times. Maybe you guys can come see us when we’re working on a camel farm or something.”
“In Australia?”
“Yes, girl! They’ve got huge deserts!”
“God, I’d love to see it.”
Just then, Steven slips back into his seat. I turn to him, wanting to ask about camels and deserts, but the words fly from my mind when I see the worry lines on his face.
“Hey,” I say softly, rubbing his arm. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he says tightly. “No. I don’t know. There’s just some shit going on at the dive shop and I feel really terrible that I’m not there to help.”
My stomach twists, thinking of the turtles. Jimmy. All the babies yet to hatch, already with such low odds of making it.
“Is there anything we can do to help?”
“No, I don’t think so. I just feel helpless being so far away.” His eyes bounce around the room. “Do you mind if I head back to the flat? I can take an Uber.”
“Of course, I’ll go with you.” I link my hand with his. We say goodbye to Eva and head back to the house in a tense silence.
I don’t know what to say. Watching my strong, confident dive master bounce his leg anxiously in the car makes me feel guilty and ashamed for dragging him away from the island.
It hasn’t exactly been easy on him. He’s missing out on work he’s passionate about to watch me deal with my ex, my crazy family, and make a bunch of lists. I think he yearns for the ocean.
My life is in shambles. I need to get away more than ever before, but there’s just so many things I need to take care of here first.
I’m exhausted. It’s only been a week and I can see it’s been weighing heavily on him as well.
We fall asleep in each other’s arms, probably both wishing we could be in two places at once.