Holiday Blackout #3
He was exhilarated by her attention. He was distracted by her affection. But he couldn’t afford to lose focus, not with him trying to make it on his own. It had been a scary and lonely time, and he often felt completely overwhelmed. So he lost himself in the work.
And though there was no stopping that one night years ago, Ian saw what would follow, and he knew what he had to do to keep it from going any further.
He shouldn’t be surprised, however, that somehow, years later, he found himself once again alone with Yoona.
He was beginning to feel they were inevitable.
CHAPTER FOUR
She didn’t have to do it.
In fact, if she could see his face clearly, she was certain Ian would be staring at her in confusion.
But it was Christmas Eve, after all. And at Yoona’s house, that meant a family dinner and laughter and love.
So even though she was sitting in the dark of a blackout, with a coworker she’d spent a good part of the past two years trying to avoid, only a small beam of a flashlight found in the kitchen between them, she set the table.
She used the pocketknife she carried on her key chain and did her best to cut up the apple.
Her mom would have designed it into a flower and arranged a variety of fruit onto a platter.
Apple slices on a paper napkin would have to do.
She tore open the bag of Goldfish and sprinkled them out onto the coffee table.
The leftover holiday cookies stacked into a pyramid was as close to a Christmas tree as she could make it.
She placed the bendy straws into the juice boxes, then sat back onto her haunches, taking in the effort.
As good as it was gonna get.
She got up and took a seat next to Ian on the couch.
They sat shoulder to shoulder on the sofa in her office. They were close, but not touching, and yet Yoona swore she felt the heat radiate from Ian’s body. He stared down at the makeshift feast she’d put together on the coffee table, not saying a word.
“Look, I know it’s silly, but… my family always does Christmas Eve dinner, so…”
“It’s not silly,” he said. “I’m sorry you’re missing it.”
She hadn’t expected the sincerity and the kindness in his voice. It made her surprisingly emotional.
“I almost chose to miss it because of work. And now that I can’t be there, I guess I’m kicking myself for all the times I didn’t make those moments a priority.
” She took a sip of the juice and put it back down.
“I think I’m gonna miss our midnight toast most of all.
We always cheers the love we all share just as we ring in Christmas.
” She cleared her throat and pushed back the regret.
“It’s cheesy, but it’s ours, you know? Anyway, does your family have any holiday traditions? ”
“Not really. I don’t see my family much.
I’ve been on my own for holidays most of my adult life.
” Ian’s voice was even, steady. Maybe too much so.
A simple delivery of information rather than an admission.
Yoona didn’t want to push. She was so curious about this man she worked with, respected, had crushed on, given herself to, but been ultimately rejected by and tried to avoid since.
“But…”
She held her breath, wondering if he was actually going to open up, to share something. A Christmas miracle?
“When I was a kid, we got to open one present at midnight. Which, when you think about it, is wild, making your kid stay awake that late, right? Then, when I was like ten maybe, I caught my dad turning the clocks in the house forward. I guess they made it so midnight could come early for us.”
“That’s so… lovely,” she whispered. Yoona looked away. She was surprised to feel a teardrop slide down her cheek. She quickly wiped it, not wanting Ian to know that she cared as much as she did.
Ian saw the tears pool in her eyes as Yoona talked about her family. It surprised him how it brought about his own longing, memories of the family traditions he hadn’t been a part of in years. He didn’t know why he spoke the memory out loud to Yoona; he just knew he wanted to.
Ian tracked the first tear as it escaped from her eye. His hand itched to reach out, to touch her face, to be the one to wipe it away. Yoona turned from him to hide the emotion. But she’d never been good at that.
From the moment he’d met her, he could see everything she felt on her face.
Her steely determination to do well at her new job.
Her curiosity in him as they went through orientation together.
Her need to challenge him and prove herself every night the two of them worked late.
The amusement in her eyes the first time they allowed themselves to flirt with each other at their company holiday party.
The desire she felt as they took the elevator up to the hotel room gifted by the company to each of their management team members that night.
The ecstasy as she came with him inside her.
The confusion when he iced her out because of his own fear of how he felt about her afterward.
Ian looked down at his watch and turned its face toward the glow of the flashlight. 10:27 p.m. He didn’t know how much longer they’d be stuck here. But he could try to not make it so terrible for Yoona.
“I have an idea,” he said. “Let’s do our own midnight toast. I know it’s not the same without family, but we should at least keep the tradition for you if we can.
” He pulled out the small knob on the side of his watch and twisted it forward until the arms landed at 11:59.
He turned it toward Yoona so she could see the time.
He passed a juice box to her and grabbed one of his own.
She looked up to him with a smile so warm, he had trouble catching his next breath.
“Wait, before we toast, can you turn it back a few more minutes? We have to keep your tradition too.” She looked behind her and then around her office. “What if we each grab something to gift the other person from our offices. Just something silly. Something we can receive and open at midnight.”
Ian looked at the door that led to the darkened floor.
He wanted to do this for her, but he hesitated.
It wasn’t just the fear of the dark. It was his fear of allowing himself to want something, someone, beyond the lonely bubble he’d sheltered himself in.
Making memories with Yoona would most definitely make it harder to shut her out.
But he nodded and the corner of his mouth curved up. “Okay.” He could face his fears and go for it. For her.
“You take the flashlight and your phone,” Yoona suggested.
“Meet you back here in ten minutes,” he said, and he took off into the dark.
CHAPTER FIVE
It had taken no more than a few minutes before the two met back together in her office, gifts in hand. Yoona noticed that this time, they’d sat down much closer together, thighs and shoulders touching.
Ian held his watch up to the flashlight, showing Yoona the time. He’d set it back so both the long and short hands of the watch pointed to twelve.
“Ready?” he asked, once more passing her a juice box. “Cheers,” he said as he held his up to hers.
“Cheers, Ian.” She raised her box to meet his. They each took a sip out of the small straws. “Thank you for this.”
He looked at her and held her gaze for what felt like an eternity. Yoona forced herself to look away. She put her drink down on the table and reached for the small package she’d placed beside her.
“Here.”
Yoona offered the small gift she’d hastily wrapped in a sheet of printer paper. She’d drawn a holly leaf and berries on the front and written To Ian beside them.
He held out both hands as if receiving a most precious present, and something about the gesture was so dear to Yoona.
“It’s silly,” she said.
He unwrapped it carefully. Inside was the pocketknife she’d used to cut the apples.
“I’ve had this since I first moved to the city. I almost never use it, but knowing it was on my key chain gave me a sense of security. I thought, well, I thought you might like to keep it… to protect you from the things in the dark.”
“I…” He swallowed. “I can’t take this from you.”
“I don’t need it anymore. I realized a long time ago that I’m working on my own sense of security from within.”
The light reflected in his eyes as he stared at her. The intensity of his gaze bore deep into hers, and she wondered what he was trying to find, what he read when he looked at her. “Thank you,” he said.
“Plus, I carry pepper spray with me now.”
Ian threw his head back and laughed. She had once watched this man come during sex, but this, this still might have been the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.
A smile lingered on his lips as he stood to get the brown lunch sack he’d placed on her desk. He looked back over his shoulder at her and hesitated.
“Um, now I’m not so sure I want to give this to you. There weren’t a lot of options in my office. It’s pretty boring.” Ian so rarely seemed unsure about anything. Yoona quickly stood and walked to him.
“Oh no, I showed you mine, now you show me yours,” she teased.
He held out the gift to her. “Sorry about the wrapping job. I may have been scared shitless the whole time and just wanted to get back here as quickly as I could.” He let out an uncomfortable laugh.
She squeezed his arm before clapping her hands excitedly and took the bag from him. It was heavier than she’d expected. She quickly unfolded the top. “Is it safe for me to reach inside?” she teased.
“You didn’t need that hand of yours, did you?”
God, she was obsessed with this playful side of Ian.
She reached in and pulled out a round globe, not quite a sphere, with a felt-lined flat bottom. “Um… pretty?” She wasn’t sure what it was.
“It’s a paperweight,” he said, a smile dancing around the corners of his mouth.
“Oh,” she said. He’d mentioned the paperweight earlier. It had fallen off his desk when the lights first went out. Yoona didn’t use many papers. She couldn’t see a need to weigh them down at least. So… “This is amazing. Thank you.”