6. London #2
Realizing he might think I meant we marry “for real,” I hurried to explain, “I mean, we’d be married in name only.
Like legally. We wouldn’t be like, married, married.
I mean, I think we’d probably have to live together for a while to sell the lie, but this is a big place, so I don’t think that would be an issue.
And I know what you’re going to say: You have Kelly to think of, but it would only be for, like, I dunno, a year or two to sell it to whatever authorities we need to sell it to.
And then we could separate but not divorce.
Obviously, if you wanted to marry someone else at some point in the future, we would figure that out but—”
“London, take a breath.”
Though his tone was gentle, it was filled with authority, and I immediately stopped talking.
Murray’s lips twitched beneath his bushy beard. “Now breathe.”
It took me a second to understand why he was asking me to breathe until I realized my breathing had grown stacked and shallow with my anxiety.
I exhaled and a trickle of laughter escaped with the air.
“I didn’t realize how nervous I was.” I groan-laughed, covering my face with my hands, my elbows propped on the cold, stone countertop of the island.
At his silence, I peeked between my fingers. He watched me carefully, like I was a skittish animal he was trying not to scare away. “You not talking isn’t helping.” I lowered my hands, slumping. “You think I’m nuts?”
Murray slowly shook his head, searching my face. “I just need to make sure you know exactly what you’re proposing first.”
I frowned, indignant. “Of course I know what I’m proposing.”
“Do you? Because what you’re proposing means neither of us can date anyone for quite some time.
When we’re in public, we’ll have to act like we’re a married couple.
You’ll have to live in this house and when Kelly’s here, we’ll have to share a room.
When I get sole custody, that would mean sharing a bedroom for as long as we decide to keep the pretense up.
It would mean lying to my daughter and bringing a woman into her life who she could grow attached to, only for us to break her heart. ”
Shit. Disappointment crashed over me as I looked away, trying not to let him see I was on the brink of tears.
“Everything else I was happy to do … except that last part. I didn’t think about Kelly possibly getting attached to me.
Wow, what an insensitive moron. I’m sorry for coming here and wasting your time. ”
“Wait.” Murray reached out as if to touch me, to stop me from sliding off the stool, but snapped his hand back before he could reach me.
“You’re not an insensitive moron. I … I’ve had to do things I never thought I’d have to.
Like leaving my daughter in a home I know she’s not safe in because I’m bound by an inadequate legal system.
And I … I think I’d do just about anything to get Jill out of her life.
I’ve thought about this over and over, and even if I could cut Jill off from the company’s money, she’ll just use Kelly for the child support.
I need her out of our lives for good … even if it means lying to my daughter.
” Murray looked distraught at the very thought, but I also saw his desperation.
My hope started to build again. “You … you want to do this?”
His probing stare sent my heart racing, but I ignored my physical reaction to his presence because it would only complicate things. “You’re sure you want to? It means lying to our friends and family. Perjuring ourselves, which, if we’re not careful, could bring the law down on us—”
“For all anyone knows, you and I have been secretly dating for months,” I said. “No one can prove we haven’t. Unless you’ve been secretly seeing someone else?”
Murray grunted. “Aye, right.”
More curious about that than I should be, I pressed, “So there hasn’t been anyone since Jill?”
He gave a sharp shake of his head. “Nope. You?”
Did he mean he hadn’t had a relationship since Jill or he hadn’t been with a woman since Jill?
Pushing past my need to know such things, I answered honestly, “I’ve been on dating apps and gone on a couple of first dates on the mainland in the last few months, but that doesn’t prove we weren’t seeing each other. ”
Murray appeared surprised by this information but all he said was, “You’ll need to delete your profiles.”
“Already did it. Three days ago.” I shrugged. “It wasn’t … it wasn’t for me.”
There he went doing that intense, probing thing with his beautiful eyes, as if he could see right down into my soul. “I guess that answers my question about whether you’re ready to give up your romantic freedom for a marriage in name only.”
“Well, just to confirm, I am happy to. I’m not ready for anything romantic. This way, I have more time without social pressures from well-meaning friends.”
Murray frowned. “Has anyone pressured you to date again?”
“No. They really haven’t, but at some point, they’re going to start thinking I’m …
well … never mind. I guess that means you’re okay with …
well … I’m just going to be blunt here: Are you okay with remaining celibate for a while and then if you have to, you know, then you’ll make sure you’re really discreet? ”
I thought I detected the slightest flush on the crest of Murray’s cheekbones. He looked down into his coffee mug as he muttered, “Aye.”
Suspicious, I started to wonder if Murray did have a woman tucked away somewhere who he indulged in casual sex with. An awful feeling churned in my gut, and it took me a second to realize it was jealousy.
Since that was complicating things, I hurried to further our conversation along. “I was thinking we should get married ASAP and if we’re marrying ASAP, then you’re going to need a postnuptial agreement drawn up.”
Murray’s gaze flashed to mine, stunned and wary.
“No. No, no, no.” I waved away the thoughts I saw there. “I mean to protect you and the company. I’ll sign away all rights to anything you own. I don’t want you to have to worry about that.”
Something soft entered his expression as his eyes swept my face. And it felt good. Too good. I had to look away. “So are we doing this?”