13. London
Taran Macbeth had moved into her fiancé Quinn’s home just outside of Leth Sholas. It was on the east coast, however, making it a twenty-five-minute journey from Murray’s house.
It was a Friday, so I met Taran in the charity shop to give her half the proceeds. From there, we jumped into her car and drove to her and Quinn’s place. I knew she was full of questions and I could feel her concern, but she was holding her tongue until we met Cammie and Nee at her house.
Usually, we met on Fridays to catch up with one another.
Sometimes we moved the day around to accommodate everyone’s schedule, and we hadn’t met on a regular basis for months but when we did, we always met in Taran’s late mom’s coffee shop and bookstore, Pages & Perks.
However, considering the delicate nature of what the ladies wished to discuss with me, Taran had suggested we meet at a less public venue.
Taran grew up on the island and had fallen in love with Quinn, her best friend, when they were just kids.
Cammie was Quinn’s little sister, so the three of them had been close.
However, when Taran ventured off to college on the mainland, it put a strain on her and Quinn’s relationship, leading to their eventual breakup.
Taran had returned to the island a few months later to reconcile, only to discover that Quinn had a drunken one-night stand with an islander named Kiera—and she was pregnant.
Quinn married Kiera and they had their daughter Heather. Their son, Angus, followed some years later, but the couple divorced not long after he was born. Kiera remarried and moved to the mainland.
Taran had stayed away from Glenvulin for eighteen years, she was so badly affected by their breakup.
But when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, Taran came home.
She promised her mom she’d look after her beloved store, and so when her mom died, Taran stayed.
My arrival was around the same time, and I guess we kind of both felt like traumatized outsiders.
We’d bonded so completely that when she and Quinn reconciled, I’d felt incredibly lonely when she left.
Not that I ever told her that. For a year I’d watched Taran crippled by grief, and it was only when Quinn pursued her again that I saw her really start living again.
And Taran was always thinking of other people and how she could make their lives better.
I would never begrudge her finding happiness, and I would never let her feel guilty for moving on with her life.
Yet, despite the tension between Murray and me, I found relief that I didn’t have to return to the bungalow alone.
However, if things continued the way they were, I might find his home just as lonely.
“I’m trying to wait until the girls get here,” Taran announced in her lilting Scottish accent, “but I am not feeling happy vibes from you, my friend, and I am worried.”
I’d spent three nights in Murray’s house.
We’d swapped cell numbers the morning after he made me dinner, and he’d texted me that afternoon to say he was stuck at work dealing with a problem so he wouldn’t be home for dinner that night.
I’d cooked myself something and then rifled through his record collection before heading to bed, bored and alone.
Last evening, he had come home for dinner, and I’d returned the favor by cooking sea bass I’d daringly bought from Shona’s fishmonger.
To my surprise, she’d apologized and also apologized on behalf of the gossips.
She assured me that no one truly thought Murray was taking advantage of me, and she was glad he’d found someone who had his back.
I thought that was classy of her and she’d given me a much-needed reminder that while small-town life could be gossipy and judgmental, at heart the folks here were good people.
Conversation with Murray at dinner had been very surface level. I didn’t want to share any more vulnerable personal stuff, so it went something like:
“Did you know we didn’t use to have a lot of sea bass in the Hebrides? Warming sea temperatures brought them farther in. This catch was probably from the Kyle of Tongue,” Murray had said after taking a bite of said fish.
I just nodded, feeling a little frustrated that he was talking to me like I was a stranger.
There had been no music or chatting after dinner. Murray had gone into the sitting room to watch TV, and I went to my room to read the book we were supposed to be reading for book club, but really just to hide.
I met Taran’s concerned gaze now as she unlocked the front door of her house.
It had been Quinn’s place first and was architect designed.
It had a large kitchen living space with lots of glass that overlooked wide fields.
It wasn’t massive like Murray’s, and it was for sure homier, filled with personality and books and art and evidence of a family living here.
The only rooms in Murray’s house that had any personality were the reception hall, Kelly’s bedroom and the music room.
“I’m fine,” I assured my friend. “Better than fine. I applied for my permanent visa and as long as they don’t investigate us, I’ll be granted UK citizenship. I’ll never have to leave.”
Taran frowned at my bright, fake smile. “I’m keeping my mouth shut until Cammie and Tierney arrive.”
I tried not to worry about whatever ambush was coming as I helped her brew tea and unboxed the pastries I’d brought for our catch-up.
To keep her distracted, I asked about her and Quinn’s wedding plans.
To Cammie’s relief, they were going to have a proper ceremony and reception, unlike Tierney and Ramsay.
As an interior designer, Cammie adored all things designing and planning and she had a fantastic eye.
Taran told me they’d secured Glenvulin Castle for the venue.
I’d never been, but it was only a few miles down the coast from Murray’s home.
The land there was purchased by a British aristocrat who had cleared the entire estate of homes so he could have total privacy and then he’d had the castle built in Scots Baronial style.
The guy was apparently hated, but in the last century the castle had fallen out of the family’s ownership and was now owned by the people of Leth Sholas who had pooled together their resources to buy it.
The council here, headed by local landowner and landlord Aodhan Macduff, ran it as a guest house and wedding venue.
As I’d been invited to be a bridesmaid, along with Tierney and Cammie, I’d get to see the castle. Heather, Quinn’s daughter, would be maid of honor, but she was at university in Glasgow.
“Knock, knock!” Cammie’s voice echoed through the house suddenly.
I felt a nervous twist in my stomach at the sound of her and Nee’s footsteps.
At the sight of Nee, I had to remind myself not to ask how she was feeling. She’d had a bad bout of morning sickness, so I’d taken over for her in the breakfast room, asking the guests for their orders, cooking, and then serving.
Nee had felt terrible, but it was the least I could do for her. She’d been sick since the wee hours of the morning, and Ramsay had called her about five times to check in.
My friend caught my concerned look and gave me a brief reassuring smile and nod. She did look a little brighter, less wan than she had this morning.
“Alright.” Cammie clapped her hands together, eyes on me. “Let’s just get straight to it, shall we? What the actual fuck, London?”
I burst into nervous laughter at Cammie’s characteristic bluntness. “Can you be more specific?”
“You married Murray Shaw and we’re all supposed to believe you’ve secretly been seeing each other and falling in love behind our backs when we’re all pretty sure you married him for a visa and he married you to cut Jill off.” Cammie made a scissor action with her fingers.
I frowned. “I hope you haven’t been spreading that around.”
“Of course not. I’m the one who suggested this plan a year ago.”
“You did not.”
“Not to you. But I did suggest it.” Cammie waggled her brows, eyes laughing. “Anyway, unbelievably the rest of Leth Sholas might actually be buying into the lie after you so ‘nobly defended’ Murray to Shona McIver.”
“It’s definitely not because you two are all over each other in public,” Nee added pointedly. “In fact, the last time you were seen in public was at the beginning of the week.”
“Guys—”
“And you look miserable.” Taran leaned against the island, features strained. “I’m officially worried.”
“Are you miserable?” Nee seemed panicked she’d missed something. “Why are you miserable? Is Murray not being—”
“Murray is a complete gentleman.” I put any suggestion otherwise to bed with a bite to my words.
Cammie’s grin was sly and slow. “So that’s why you’re miserable. Is Mr. Shaw being too much of a gentleman?”
Both Taran and Nee’s eyes widened comically as I spluttered at Cammie’s perceptive dig.
“N-No. No, no, no. No!”
“I think the lady doth protest too much.” Cammie cackled, delighted she was right. “Don’t be embarrassed. If I was shacked up in that big, fancy house with Murray Shaw, I’d find it hard to keep my hands to myself.”
“Since when?” Taran huffed.
“Since forever. We all had a crush on Murray growing up. Except you, because you couldn’t see past my brother. But the rest of us were obsessed with Murray Shaw and his beautiful green eyes and broad, broad shoulders.”
“Have you and him ever …” A twinge of jealousy seared across my chest again.
Cammie was strikingly pretty. Tall with long blond hair.
She dyed the two strands that framed her face a different color every few weeks.
Today they were fuchsia pink. Her style was kind of boho—she wore lots of silver rings on her fingers, necklaces, and many piercings in her ears.
She had a slender figure with curves in all the right places that meant she could wear anything and make it look good.
Her and Murray would make an attractive and very tall couple.
“No.” Cammie reached over the island to pat my hand in reassurance.
“Goodness, no. One of the reasons we were all so obsessed was because he wasn’t a shagbag.
Total devoted monogamist, that one. He was five years older than me, but I do remember he dated a girl all through high school called Brigid.
She was in the same year as Murray, so I don’t think me or Taran knew her that well. ”
“Aye, I think I vaguely recall her. Pretty redhead?”
“That’s the one. Her family left the island when she was seventeen.
Then Murray dated a girl from Oban for five years before they split up.
Then he had a long-distance thing with a woman from Glasgow.
When they split, he started dating Jill.
Rumor has it he married her because she fell pregnant with Kelly. So, there you have it. Mr. Monogamist.”
I’d just discovered more about my husband’s dating history in the last minute than I had in the eighteen months I’d lived here and in the week we’d been married.
“Shona has a thing for him,” I murmured.
“Shona and every woman with a pulse who aren’t these two besotted lovebirds has a thing for him.
” Cammie gestured to Taran and Nee. “Oh, and me. I don’t have a crush on Murray anymore, but I wouldn’t have kicked him out of bed if he’d offered.
Now I would, of course, since I’m all about chicks before dicks and you clearly have a big, fat crush on your own husband. ”
My cheeks flushed. “Even if I do, nothing is going to happen between us. Trust me.”
“What do you mean? Murray has been pining—” Cammie was cut off by Taran throwing a bread roll at her face. “What the hell?”
“Stop meddling.” Taran gave her a stern look. “Now.”
“It’s not meddling when a friend asks for advice.”
I harrumphed. “I didn’t ask for advice. I …
I won’t lie and say I don’t find Murray attractive, but this is already complicated, and I’m not sure I’m ready to feel any kind of way about a man.
My feelings are all over the place and that’s the last thing Murray needs.
I just … I just wish things weren’t so awkward between us. ”
“Awkward how?” Nee slid onto the stool next to me.
“I thought it was going okay. He made me dinner, we talked, but then he got weird about it and … the last few nights … it’s like we’re two strangers sharing a home.”
“Well, you kind of are.” Nee smiled to soften her words. “I know you guys have interacted while we all hung out over the past year and a half, but you don’t really know each other that well. It’ll take time.”
“I’m telling you, it’s the unspoken sexual tension.” Cammie popped a bite of pastry into her mouth.
“There’s no sexual tension on Murray’s part. Trust me.”
“You’ve met you, right?” Cammie quirked a brow. “You’re multiple levels of hot. You’ve got that sexy without trying to be sexy thing going on.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “Maybe I’m not his kind of hot.”
“Don’t be …” She trailed off at Taran’s quick shake of her head. “Maybe you’re right about not complicating things, though. But if you’re going to co-exist, you need to find some ease with each other.”
“I know.” I shrugged glumly. “I just don’t know how to do that.”
“Maybe Murray is concerned that you’re concerned he might cross the line while you’re living with him,” Taran suggested. “It might not be a bad thing to have an honest conversation about boundaries so you both know where you stand.”
I knew she was right.
But the problem was even if the best thing to do was to tell Murray I wasn’t interested in anything romantic with him, it would be a lie. I didn’t know if I was ready to date again. To trust again.
And yet for the first time in a long time, I had my libido back. In a big way. I’d never felt this hyperaware around a man. It was addicting. And it was confusing everything.
Not that it mattered because I was pretty sure Murray didn’t see me like that.
And Taran had kind of confirmed my insecurities about it.
She might have been careful with her word choice, but her cutting off Cammie every time she tried to suggest Murray was attracted to me and then suggesting I let Murray know he would never cross the line with me …
It was like Taran knew something the rest of us didn’t.
It was like she knew Murray genuinely wasn’t attracted to me.
Which would explain him treating me like I was made of glass anytime he had to touch or kiss me.
The level of disappointment was crushing, and that confused me even more.
As conversation gently turned to Taran and Quinn’s wedding, I tried not to stew in my hurt feelings. My phone beeped in my purse, and I pulled it out to see an email from Murray. It was forwarded from his lawyer.
It was the postnuptial agreement.
He wanted me to read it before they got me to sign the physical document.
And just like that, I wasn’t confused anymore.
This was a business deal between me and Murray.
Nothing else.
And my heart and libido needed to get back on board with that and fast.