Chapter 10 #2
I nod, leaning against the wall and feeling his gaze studying me all the time, trying to find the problem. “I want to go to China Town for a walk!”
“Eating wouldn’t hurt you either!” says Francesco, handing me my bag and coat.
I don’t answer, which apparently makes no difference; I think they’ve gotten used to my silence over the last few days. We walk the streets for a while until we reach our destination. I walk through the colorful streets, and for the first time in days, I don’t find it hard to breathe.
“What do you want to eat?” I look at Francesco, clearly displeased by his insistence, and he stops in the middle of the street and looks at me right in my eyes.
“Okay, I know we’ve had a sort of silent agreement, but it ends here.
I know you’re not well; we all know it. I don’t know why; I’m not even going to ask you, but you can’t go on like this.
Enough, Chiara, what you’ve been doing for the last few days can’t be considered living, and I also know that none of this concerns me; I’m just a bodyguard, but I’m starting to miss the smiling, full-of-life girl.
The one we don’t have to monitor all the time to eat.
” Francesco grabs my shoulders and brings his face close to mine, looking deep into my eyes. “Live!”
I feel the tears fill my eyes, and I refuse to let them fall. “It’s not that simple!”
“I know it’s not, but you should at least try!” I shake my head positively, but he still doesn’t seem satisfied. “Promise me.”
I look into his eyes, and I know I want to try. I know I want to live. “I promise!”
“Good, and although I know we’re not who you want around at the moment, I want you to know that you can count on us!” I look away from Paolo, and he nods, giving me a small smile. “Now, let’s feed you.”
Francesco drags me around the city, making me think that the roles have been reversed. We go into a Korean barbecue restaurant, and they fill me up with sweets.
“I think that’s enough food!” I look at Francesco, who is picking up a meat kebab from a street restaurant. “You certainly have a black hole in your stomach.”
They both shrug their shoulders and continue eating. I look around and see couples and families strolling down the street, and I don’t feel as alone as before.
As I enter the house, I come across Amethyst running toward me. I throw myself on the floor without worrying about bruises and grab my little dog, leaving little kisses on her soft fur.
“How…” I don’t finish the sentence. I just look up and see Grandma looking as stunning as ever, with a loving smile on her face.
I take Amethyst on my lap and go to her, receiving the hug I’ve been craving for the last few days.
“Grannie…” my voice comes out low and tearful, making her hug me tighter.
“I’m here now, my love; everything will be fine!”
After a brief introductionfrom Grandma to the security guards, she escorts me to my room, tells me to take a shower, puts on my pajamas, andtells methat she’s not going anywhere. As soon as I get back to the room, I lie down on the bed next to her, in her arms, and my heart feels lighter.
“I missed you!” I whisper, like a secret.
“Me too, life without my other half is hard!” she whispers, letting out a small laugh.
“I know that things are difficult, that the last few days have been hard, and believe me, everyone wanted to fly here. I didn’t allow them; as I said, you’re my other half, and I know that even though it hurts, you needed your time to be with yourself. ”
“I don’t know what happened, suddenly I…”
“Yes, dear, I know sometimes it’s just difficult, and that’s okay, Chiara!”
“Thank you for being here!” I say, feeling heavy-eyed and sleepy.
“I’ll always be here, forever, my love!” I feel Grandma’s kiss on the top of my head and her sweet words before I finally fall asleep.
***
It’s strange how sometimes we get so numb and so tired of everything, of all of us.
That recovery seems simply impossible or too difficult.
It’s been two weeks now, and as much as I want to, I still don’t feel like myself.
Little by little, things are getting back to normal, and I’m simply looking forward to finally being completely me again.
Classes seem interesting again; my brain is starting to focus on something, andI can smile and eat.
But an emptiness still insists on being present in my chest, and the worst part is that I don’t know which part is missing.
I look at the sketch I’m drawing, and it just looks boring; I lay my head on the desk and let out a little growl of frustration. This is my twentieth sketch in three days, and I still don’t have the dress drawn for tomorrow’s assignment.
“It’s not bad!” I jump a little in my chair when I hear Aurora’s voice right behind me.
“It’s not good either!” I look at the dress and think that maybe a little color would improve it; I take a dark blue pencil and color the top, immediately crumple the paper, and throw it in the trash. “I’m not going to pass…”
“Yes, you will. You know what I think. We should go to a party.” I look at her incredulously. “Some boys from Leticia’s course are having a party, and Henry will be there.”
I look at her in disbelief. She raises her eyebrows, smiling amusedly. I take a blank sheet of paper and try to make a sketch. “I think you are forgetting a small little detail. I’m engaged.”
“First of all, I don’t see a ring on that beautiful little hand of yours. And secondly, you haven’t seen or spoken to your fiancé in almost two months. Sorry, Chiara, but he doesn’t seem to be super dedicated to the engagement.”
Her words make me not want to look her in the eye; she’s right; Luca doesn’t seem to have the slightest interest in me, and here I am after two months, still waiting for an answer that will never come. “I still haven’t managed to design a decent dress for the assignment.”
“Excuses. Get up from that chair, put on some nice clothes, and let’s go to the party. Maybe you’ll find some inspiration there.”
“You’re annoying!”
“We leave in an hour. I’ll let the boys know.”
I get up from my chair and walk toward my closet with Amethyst in my arms. She’s right, right? I should have some fun, maybe kiss… I look at my dog, looking for an answer; she looks at me and tilts her head, still looking at me. I take that as a yes and start looking for a dress to wear.
The black Dolce and Gabbana dress is extremely tight on my body, making it look more curvilinear.
It hits just above the knee, and its neckline is straight, so you can see the roundness of my breasts.
I curly my hair a little and put on very heavy black eyeliner, red lipstick, and 12-centimeter black Louboutin.
“WOW…” I hear Leticia’s voice immediately after I appear in the room. “You look wow…”
“Thanks, I guess.”
I feel the eyes of the guards on me, and they don’t seem too happy with my outfit, so I shrug my shoulders and leave the house in hopes that tonight will make me forget the last few days and the contempt my fiancé apparently feels for me.
When we step inside the house, I pour myself a rather generous glass of whiskey.
I look around me, and I don’t really know anyone; the girls are socializing somewhere.
Paolo and Francesco have slowed down a bit at my request. I don’t want them to realize that I’ve brought my bodyguards to a party; I take a generous sip of the drink and think that maybe I should talk to someone, meet someone new perhaps.
“Chiara, you look stunning!” I don’t have to turn around to know that the voice belongs to Henry. I smile before I even look in his direction. He looks really handsome with his dark blond hair, a little messy white T-shirt, and classic black pants.
“You’re not too bad yourself.” I smile on the outside and beat myself up on the inside for the cliché speech. I’m terrible at this kind of conversation; I feel that if I’m even remotely interested in someone, my brain won’t cooperate with me.
“How about I make you a dirty martini?” I look at him, who is clearly waiting for an answer, and at my half-full glass. I slurp up all the liquid in one go, grimacing at the end, causing him to laugh and pulling me toward the drinks counter.
“Don’t tell anyone, but I have frozen glasses hidden away.
It’s the only way to make a good martini.
” I see him expertly make the drink and look around before taking the glasses out of the freezer.
He pours the drink and offers me one; I take a small sip and feel my body shiver from the cold glass. “So?”
“It’s great; I think I’m going to make you make me drinks all night.” I take another sip, seeing him smile, bringing his glass to his lips.
Half an hour later, my body feels numb, and my head feels light; I’ve lost count of how many cocktails and shots I’ve had with Henry and his friends.
I feel the laughter come out easily, and I see the smile Henry throws in my direction.
“Cuff it” is playing loudly on the speakers, spreading throughout the house; I stand up smiling and pull Henry into the middle of the room; he smiles also and follows me in a dance, perhaps a little uncoordinated and inebriated.
I feel his arms around my waist, and I lower my body a little; I feel free, light, happy, maybe even a little sexy.
I dance and drink with Henry for hours. Every now and then, I feel the looks of displeasure from my bouncers burn on me, but I couldn’t care less; I feel better than I have in a long time.
Someone bumps into me, and my alcohol-intoxicated body can’t seem to hold on.
I feel Henry’s hands on my waist, steadying me on the ground.
I look in the direction of the person who bumped into me, and my eyes go wide at the shimmering, slightly metallic fabric of her dress, and inspiration takes hold of me.