Chapter 15 #3
His words make me tense. I look at Luca, and he seems as confused as I am; I feel my hands shaking, and I look at them, trying to control the tremors under the table. I feel Luca’s hand on mine, and I look at him without knowing what to think; he keeps his eyes on me.
“Your father, you think he might want to break up…” I can’t finish my thought; I feel Luca squeeze my hand a little tighter. I look into his eyes, and he looks confused and upset.
“He won’t break off the engagement; I won’t let him!”
“But what if he…”
“That won’t happen; I won’t let it happen; I made you a promise that I would always come back to you; that also includes never leaving; I won’t ever leave you!
” I nod, trying to dispel the nervousness I feel; I look at the food in front of me and feel my stomach lurch, pushing it away from me slightly.
“Eat Chiara!” I look at Luca, and he doesn’t seem to want to give up. “Please eat.”
I nod and take a forkful of risotto into my mouth, watching him nod his head in satisfaction. I feel Bella’s gaze on me, and I smile in her direction, trying to appear calm. She doesn’t seem to believe me and watches my every move during dinner.
“Henrico, I’d really appreciate knowing your thoughts on the wedding.” My father’s voice is calm, but I can see the tension in his muscles as he speaks, making me even more nervous. Don Henrico lets out a small laugh and picks up his wine glass, taking small sips in a calm manner.
“I have to admit I’m curious too; what’s it really about, Dad?”
It seems that everyone is curious; I think that’s enough suspense.
” he looks at Lady Milena, who smiles at him and holds his hand affectionately.
“After the events of the last few days, Milena and I talked about our future, the future of this family. I became Capo early, at the age of twenty-six; I was already in power, andI always thought I would rule the Camorra until the hour of my death. But after the last attack, after being stuck in a wheelchair, I realized that maybe I’m no longer the Capo that the Camorra needs.
The Camorra needs new blood, someone strong to rule, and that is no longer me.
A Capo must be strong, capable of fighting and defending his territory and his men, and unfortunately, I’m not as capable as I once was. ”
“Where are you going with this? You’re not making sense, Dad. A wheelchair doesn’t make you any less capable.”
Don Henrico laughs, looking at his wife with a raised eyebrow.
“I told your mother that you would say something like that. It’s not about being capable, Luca; I know my limitations, and I also know what’s best for the Camorra, and right now, the best thing is for a new Capo to take over and for me to leave the scene!
” His confession makes me lose my breath, the strong man who rules the Camorra with iron fists doesn’t think he’s enough, not anymore.
“What I suggest is that Luca takes over as Capo before the end of the year!”
“I apologize for asking, but why should we be part of this conversation?” I look at Lorenzo in surprise that he has spoken; I look in my father’s direction and see him nodding, clearly waiting for an answer.
“When a new Capo takes power, he must ensure from the outset that he will continue the lineage, thus ensuring the future of the Camorra.” I feel Lady Milena and Bella’s eyes on me, and they seem a little unsure. “Which means that Luca must be married to take his rightful place.”
I look at Luca, but he is staring at his father, looking a little tense.
“So what you’re suggesting is that my daughter and Luca get married later this year?
” My father’s voice comes out a little louder than usual, making me look at himandtry to calm him down, but he’s not looking at me, but at the Capo of the Camorra, with an unfriendly face.
“That wasn’t the agreement, Henrico. Chiara is finishing her first year at university; the agreement was for them to get married after she completes her degree. ”
“I know that Salvatore, but circumstances have changed; I won’t be able to be Capo for much longer, not like this. Luca has to take over, and he won’t be able to until he’s married.”
“I will marry Chiara, only Chiara! Salvatore is right; this wasn’t the deal, and if Chiara doesn’t agree, I’ll respect her decision, but I won’t accept a new bride; I intend to wait until she’s ready to get married.”
Luca’s words make my heart race, and I reach under the table for his hand, squeeze it lightly, and I get a small caress on my hand in return.
“It looks like the decision is in your hands, Chiara!” Everyone looks in my direction, and I can’t say anything. “We can transfer you to a university here in Rome; we have great fashion courses, andyou can finish your degree.”
I look down at my hands, fidgeting nervously, thinking about everything I might lose.
I won’t be living with my best friends anymore; I’ll be leaving behind the college of my dreams. I look at my brothers, and they look tense; I can finish here, after all; Italy is also a great country to study fashion.
I glance at Luca, and I could live with him, get to know him better, but then there would be no turning back; even if we realize that we don’t work out, it will be until death do us part.
I twist my engagement ring on my finger and look at the man who put it on me, and I know he’s the one; I know he’s the man I want to marry.
“Okay!”
“What do you mean, okay?” I look at my father, who seems worried and waiting for an answer, perhaps a justification.
“I’ll marry Luca this year!” I look at my fiancé, and, like everyone else, he seems surprised by my answer.
“Chiara, you’re sure you can think about it for a while. You’re only eighteen amore mio, will you get married at nineteen? Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun?”
“I want to marry Luca, Dad; it doesn’t bother me if it’s sooner!
” I love him; why should I bother marrying the man I love?
I look at my father, knowing that I shouldn’t tell him that if I do, he’ll try anything to stop the wedding, to stop my heart from breaking because of a love that isn’t reciprocated.
“Chiara, I really think you should think again; this is not a decision to be taken lightly! You know that the mafia doesn’t accept divorces; think carefully about what you’re accepting and the implications it will have on your life!
” The way Lorenzo speaks makes everyone stare at him, and the atmosphere becomes uncomfortable; Don Henrico doesn’t like his words, and Luca looks tense.
“You don’t need to get married; in fact, you never did; it’s not as if you need this marriage to be who you want to be; we have all the means for you to do whatever you want. ”
“Lorenzo, that’s enough; we’ll talk more when we’re home!” Despite his annoyance, Lorenzo listens to my father, raising his arms in surrender. I feel his gaze on me, and I know he thinks I’m making the wrong decision.
“Can we talk alone?” I look at Luca and nod slowly, watching him get up.
I get up and follow him out of the room, feeling everyone’s eyes on us.
I know my brothers aren’t happy about this proposal and would probably follow me if my father didn’t stop them.
I go into Luca’s room, closing the door behind me.
I see him walking around and ruffling his hair slightly, looking nervous; I follow him with my gaze, waiting for him to say something.
I wait for what seems like an eternity, but nothing.
“Luca?” He seems to have finally woken up from his thoughts, looks at me a little lost, and comes toward me, holding my face between his hands.
“Why? Why did you agree to get married now? Is this really what you want? Are you just going to let them steal your youth?” I stared at him, confused, not knowing what to say, feeling his eyes on me, searching my face for an answer.
“Do you just want to leave everything behind, what you envisioned for your college years to marry me?”
I look at him, trying to study his face, to read it. “You don’t want to get married, is that it?”
“My God, don’t think for a single second that I don’t want to marry you.
What I want the most right atthis moment is for you to finally and completely be mine.
But you’re eighteen, Chiara, your father’s right, you’re young, you might regret it.
I don’t want you to give up everything you’ve dreamed of for me because if one day you do, I’ll never forgive myself for putting you in this situation! ”
“I chose to accept Luca; no one is forcing me.”
“Okay, it’s your choice, but it’s a choice you made at the Camorra’s suggestion after being told that it’s the best thing for the Camorra, for my future even, and this is a decision you should make for yourself, not for others.
” Luca looks a little lost. Clearly, his head and heart are at odds.
I know he wants to become Capo, but he doesn’t want me to give up my life to fulfill his destiny.
“Luca, look at me.” I pull his arm, making him finally face me.
“I’m not taking this decision lightly; I know my life will change; I know I won’t be studying in London, and I know it will be until the painful end, with no turning back; I know all that.
But still, for some reason, I want to walk down the aisle with you waiting for me.
I want to spend my life with you, which sounds insane because all this is so recent, but I just feel like this is what I’ve been waiting all my life for.
When I agreed to marry you last summer, I would’ve never imagined getting married this early.
I would’ve neveraccepted it, but I also never imagined that I could fall in love with you, and here I am, completely and hopelessly in love. ”
Luca pulls my body against him, holding my waist possessively. “Hopelessly in love?”
“Hopelessly in love and ready to live a lifetime with you!”
His face looks calmer, and his eyes are fixed on mine. “How can someone like you love someone like me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You are pure and kind, Chiara, true perfection; I am a monster, a murderer; many would consider me a psychopath.”
“Unlike many people, I don’t just see the darkness; I can see the light too, and even without it, I would still love you because I love every part of you, Luca, without exception!”
“I kill without remorse; I torture without showing any feelings because few feelings live inside me.”
“Would you hurt me, torture me, or kill me? Would you let them do that to me?”
“Never!” His voice is full of certainty, and he speaks with such ferocity that I have no way of doubting him. I would never hurt you, never. “And I’ll never let anyone else do it; I’ll tear apart anyone who tries.”
“I don’t mind your demons, Luca; we all have them. And I know that in this confusing world, you may not be my Prince Charming, but you will be my dark knight, the one I know is really capable of protecting me and will fight for me.”
“With all my strength, I will take care of you with my life!”
“I know you will!” I stretch my body until I’m on my tiptoes, wrap my arms around his neck, and put my lips to his, feeling that I’m making the right decision, knowing that this is the man I want to live with all my life.
I lay my head on his chest, listening to his racing heart.
“So, does that mean we’re getting married? ”
“Yes, that means we’re getting married.” My face is held by his hand, making me face him. “If you regret it or change your mind, let me know; I can wait until you’re ready.”
I smile in his direction, placing a small kiss on his lips. “My mother will have a fit when she finds out; in fact, I think she’ll try to kill me!” I let out a laugh, looking at my phone, trying to organize my thoughts and prepare what I was going to say to her.
“If you think she could get that upset, why are you laughing?” His face is confused and amused.
I look at him, feeling a big smile take over my face, I move closer to him, putting his arms around my waist, I bring mine toward his neck and look him in the eye. “What can I do? I think I like danger!” I say with a small shrug, watching his face gradually become possessive.
“You’re going to be the death of me!” I feel his strong, calloused hands come up to my face, caressing it lightly, before claiming my lips for his own.
I go downstairs with Luca in my arms and I feel the eyes of our families on us, the men are drinking whiskey and talking to Lady Milena, while Bella is distracted by something on her phone.
“So, are we going to have a wedding soon?” Lady Milena’s voice is calm, but you can see the tension in her fingers, so I smile and nod in her direction, making her smile with relief.
I feel my brothers’ eyes on me, and I know they want to argue against me. I look at my father, and he seems calm, even though I know that this is not how he feels.
“I want to do it, it’ll be nice to finally come home!” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, my father’s face seemed to soften, as if what he said somehow made everything make sense.
“I don’t want to put pressure on you, but it’s May, so if you agree, Chiara, I’d suggest the end of August for the wedding.”
I see Lorenzo’s hands formed into fists, and I know he’s about to explode; I look at my dad, and he shrugs his shoulders. I feel Luca’s hand on my back and I know that he will support me, whatever my decision.
“There’s very little time left, a lot of things have to be sorted out.”
“If you find the right date, I guarantee that everything will be ready and perfect, with exactly everything you want, from the venue, dresses, flowers, food, everything.” Luca’s mother says with a restrained smile on her face.
“I have to talk to my mother and grandmother.” I really want their opinion on everything, and I feel I should tell them about my plans before I decide on the date.
“Completely understandable dear, as soon as you decide I will help you to have everything you want, without exception.”