Chapter 19
I wake up with the sun beating down on my face. I stretch out a little in bed in search of Luca, but he’s not there. I hear the sound of the shower and relax, running my hand over my swollen, four-month-pregnant belly. I can’t help but smile at the thought of my twins.
I stretch out a little more, feeling a slight twinge in the pit of my stomach.
I try to ignore the sensation, but it happens again, this time strongly.
I try to sit up in bed, but a strong pain stops me.
I try again without realizing what is happening to my body.
A strong twinge makes me bend over and let out a groan of pain.
I feel something warm go down my legs, and all I can think is that it’s too soon for them to come into the world.
The pain gets worse and worse. I feel my hands shaking as I lift the blankets over me.
My world stops, and thick tears stream down my face.
I look down at my pink nightdress stained with blood, as well as the white linen.
The pain seems to increase by the second, and I can’t stop crying and shaking; I can’t lose them.
“Luca…” My voice comes out shaky but still loud; he doesn’t seem to hear; despair takes over me, my babies; I can’t lose them; a wave of strength passes through my body, overcoming the panic and pain I feel. “Luca!” I scream in despair, noticeably crying.
I look at the bed; the blood stain is getting bigger and bigger, as is my fear.
I can’t lose them; I won’t be able to stand it if I lose them.
“Chiara?” Luca is standing outside the bathroom, wearing only a towel.
He looks at me worriedly and confusedly, without really understanding what’s going on.
“Our babies. I…” I raise my bloodied hand, making him alert; he runs toward me, looking perplexed at the blood staining our bed; my cry becomes loud and painful. I look at my hands and bloody body, and I feel like a failure—a failure of a woman.
Luca lifts me onto his lap. I look in his direction to see that he is dressed.
Francesco is at the door of our room, looking at me with pity.
He runs to get a blanket, covering me with it, and follows us to the garage.
I’m put in the car, and I let out a moan of pain, which makes Luca freeze and look at me, perhaps without really knowing what to do.
I feel him hugging my body and kissing my hair while Francesco drives us to the Camorra Hospital.
“I can’t lose them. I won’t be able to handle it, Luca…”
My husband squeezes me in his arms, and I see water collecting in his eyes.
I’ve never seen him like this; I’ve never seen him show any kind of weakness.
I squeeze his hand, feeling the pain take over my body, and I look at the blood staining me.
“You won’t lose them; they’re strong; they’re our children, after all, andthey won’t give up without a fight! ”
For the first time, I don’t feel certainty in Luca’s voice, and I see impotence in his gaze; there’s nothing he can do, and I know it’s killing him.
I see his gaze on the blood, looking lost. Over the years, after our wedding, the image of blood stopped being something that bothered me—no vomiting, no anxiety, nothing.
Spilt blood became something commonplace in my life; it no longer had any power over my anxious mind.
Until today, until the blood ran down my legs, until the moment I felt the fear and pain take over until I realized that my two little angels might no longer be with me.
I’m carried by Luca through the hospital; he shouts for the doctors to hurry up, and I’m quickly put on a stretcher. I grab my husband’s hand, not letting him move away. “Don’t leave me alone,” I say, pleading and crying.
“Never.” Luca never lets go of my hand, not while I’m being carried down the corridors, not when I’m transferred to another bed, not when the doctor starts to pass the ultrasound equipment across my belly; he holds me andsupports me.
My body won’t stop shaking, and I’m afraid to look at the screen. I look at my husband, who seems unfazed, offering me the strength I need. He looks at the screen, following the doctor’s every move, not letting anything escape him.
“My babies, they…” The words die in my mouth, and I feel Luca’s gaze on me.
“They’re alive, they’re fine.” A loud cry comes over me, a mixture of crying and smiling; Luca squeezes my hand and gives me a small smile, looking relieved. There was a slight displacement of the placenta, which caused the bleeding and the pain, but the babies are fine; nothing happened to them.
“How did this happen?” Luca’s voice is cold and serious, probably trying to find someone responsible for what happened and wondering what to do with them.
“There isn’t really a cause, but it happens in some cases of twin pregnancy; I think that’s the case.”
“My babies, will they be all right?”
“Yes, there shouldn’t be any major problems. You’ll have to rest completely from now on, and we’ll have to be more vigilant. If all goes well, you’ll make it to the end of your pregnancy without any problems.”
“What if everything doesn’t go well?” My voice is shaky, insecure, and covered in fear.
“They may have to be born a little earlier, but nothing that puts your life or the lives of the babies at risk.” I lay down completely on the bed and closed my eyes, still feeling some pain but happy and relieved.
I don’t mind going through the worst painfor my children; I will do anything for them.
“I recommend that you stay in the hospital until tomorrow; in these cases, it’s not usually necessary, but I’d like to monitor you for the next twenty-four hours and help control the pain.
Besides, the hospital belongs to the Camorra, so you’ll be safe. ”
I nod, knowing that he only suggested staying away from Luca’s fear, trying to make sure it is on his good side.
I’m escorted to a luxurious room reserved for our family.
Luca follows the doctor and the nurses with his eyes until they leave the room.
Francesco and two other soldiers are at the door of the room.
I hold out my hand to my husband. He approaches me slowly, running his hands through my disheveled hair.
I feel him take my hand and sit down next to me, pulling me to rest on his chest. His hand goes to my belly, caressing it.
I feel my whole body relax, and I close my eyes, feeling slight movements—movements that are imperceptible to Luca but that make me smile incessantly.
“They’re moving.” It’s light, almost imperceptible, but I can feel them. I can feel our babies!” Luca runs his hand across my belly, making our children move following the movement of his hand, recognizing their father. “I was so scared.”
“I know, but it’s all right now; nothing will happen to our children; they’ll be fine, amore.”
I nod, looking at my swollen belly, swearing to myself that I will never let anything happen to those children; I will do anything for them; I will kill and die for them.
“I love you, and I love the fact that we’re about to be parents, about to have our family get a little bigger.”
“You’re going to be the best mother; they’re lucky to have you.”
I look at Luca, his eyes glued to my belly, still caressing it. We’re going to be fine; I feel that way. “They’ll be very loved; nothing bad will happen to them!”
“I’ll make sure of it; I won’t let anything threaten your safety.”
“We will protect them.”
“I’ll kill anyone who tries anything; I’ll make them suffer if they dare.”
***
The contractions started lightly, waking me up.
I look at the clock on the bedside table and see that it’s four a.m.; I’ve just turned thirty-nine weeks, and apparently, my babies aren’t willing to wait any longer.
I sit up in bed, take a deep breath, look at my husband sleeping, and let out a low moan, feeling the pain reach deep into my stomach.
I run my hand over, feeling the babies move and make strange shapes; I smile, feeling their limbs, and can’t wait to hold them.
The contractions are spaced out; we still have a few hours.
I close my eyes and lean against the headboard, waiting for another wave of pain.
At six a.m., I feel the pain becoming more constant and stronger. I stretch out my arm and gently shake Luca’s body, causing him to open his eyes immediately.
“I don’t think your children are willing to wait much longer.” Despite the pain, I can’t help but smile. Luca looks lost as he gets out of bed, looking for some clothes to put on. “It’s okay, the water hasn’t broken yet.”
As fate would have it, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, water started running down my legs. A laugh burst from my lips at the irony of the situation, and I looked at my husband standing in the middle of the room, staring at the water stain on my feet.
“So here’s what we’ll do; you go to the twins’ room and get the bags in the corner; inside, there’s everything we’ll need at the hospital. I’ll take off my nightgown and put on a dress, and we’ll go to the hospital, okay?”
Luca still looks lost when I leave the room in search of the twins’ bag. I put on a light dress and grab the bag with my things. I quickly send a message to my family, Luca’s family, and my best friends, letting them know that the twins are coming.
“Luca?” I leave the room and see him running toward me when he hears my voice, with the twins’ suitcases in hand. I hold his arm and slowly walk down the stairs, feeling the contractions getting stronger in short spaces of time. “Francesco!”
As soon as he enters the room, he looks in my direction and Luca’s, and I see panic appear on his face. He runs to get his bags and heads for the car, getting into the driver’s seat and starting it quickly. I see him look worried in the rearview mirror, and I smile in his direction.
“You need hahahah…” The contraction is strong, and without realizing it, I scream at the top of my lungs in the car, making the two men look worriedly in my direction. “Calm down. It’s okay, I’m fine.”
“It doesn’t look like it.” Francesco’s voice is low and sweaty, and he keeps looking in the rearview mirror.
I don’t have time to answer. I grab Luca’s arm, digging my nails into his skin, and scream, feeling everything hurt.
“Okay, my loves, you have to take it easy, okay?” As soon as I’ve finished speaking, another even stronger contraction hits me, and I scream louder and louder.
“Chiara.” My husband’s voice catches my attention. I look in his direction and try to smile, to reassure him, but all I can do is cry out in pain.
“Okay, worry, these kids want to come out, and I’m not going to have my kids in the car.”
I close my eyes and feel cold sweat pouring down my face. Luca’s hand holds mine, and he tries to reassure me. I’m carried through the hospital entrance, unable to contain my cries of pain; the doctors quickly come toward me, examining my dilation.
“Take her inside, they’re ready.” Luca’s hand detaches itself from mine. I see the nurses lead him into a room to change his clothes, and I feel his gaze follow me until I enter the delivery room.
“I need you to pull, Chiara; he’s almost there; I can see his head.”
Luca is behind me. I hold his hand tightly, feeling my nails sink into his skin, and I let out a cry of pain, trying to push my son away; I pull again and again. Until I hear a thin, shrill cry take over the room, tears streaming down my face, and I can’t help but smile.
“It’s a boy.” I see the nurse taking my baby to be cleaned, and I follow her with my eyes, trying to see my little boy’s face. “I know you’re tired, but just a little longer; the little girl is almost here.”
I feel my body shaking and my strength leaving me little by little as I push for her to come into the world, scream, and pull. “I can’t do it anymore; I don’t have the strength!” My voice is weak and desperate; I feel like all my strength has been drained.
“It’s almost there, any more, just a little longer, and our little girl will be in our arms,” Luca whispers in my ear so that only I can hear him. I feel his hand squeeze mine tighter; I look at his face and feel the unshakeable trust he has in me.
“Just a little longer.”
“Just a little longer, and she’ll be here.”
I unload all the strength I have left and scream, listening to my babies cry in tune, both screaming at the top of their lungs, unaccustomed to their new reality.
I fall onto the bed, exhausted, without strength, and incredibly happy, more fulfilled than ever.
I look at Luca, smiling in their direction, feeling tears of happiness run down my face; an almost imperceptible smile appears on his lips, and he leaves a light kiss on my forehead.
“You did great, amore.” His voice is low, almost unnoticeable compared to the cries of our babies; he doesn’t let anyone but me understand his feelings. He doesn’t allow anyone to see his weaknesses.
I look into his serene and loving eyes, looking at me with our children on my lap, each occupying one of my arms, calmer because they finally feel my warmth, my love for them. I can’t take my eyes off those little human beings, so fragile and perfect, so immensely loved.
“Matteo and Vittoria, welcome to the world!”
I open my eyes to see Luca, the twins on his lap, each one in an arm; he’s rocking them gently without taking his eyes off them. “Shhh, your mom’s tired; let’s let her sleep a little longer, okay?”
They seem to calm down when they hear their father’s low, calm voice.
The door suddenly opens causing the babies to wiggle again.
I look at the door to see the whole family staring at Luca, my mother, along with my grandmother running toward them to see the babies.
I sit on the bed, looking at the scene in front of me with tears in my eyes.
My brothers are arguing with Bella, each claiming to be the favorite aunt or uncle.
My mother seems completely mesmerized by her grandchildren, with a big smile on her face.
I feel my grandmother’s hand on mine, I see the smile and happiness on her face, she pulls me to her and hugs me kissing my cheek.
Looking at my children and all my family now, I can’t help but think that this is just a dream, the most beautiful and happy dream I ever had. And the best part is that no, this genuine and pure happiness I feel is all real. Life could not be more beautiful!