31. Chapter 30 – Hannah
Chapter 30 – Hannah
I woke up to the smell of breakfast and coffee cooking in the kitchen and an empty spot on the other side of Knox.
I looked up at the ceiling, trying to gauge exactly how I was going to handle the day ahead because I knew it was more than likely going to get painful. But I was hoping there was healing and happiness on the other side of that pain.
I just didn’t know what it was going to look like when I got there.
Before Knox could wake up and try to bury his head in the sand by burying his cock inside of me, again, I slid from bed and freshened up in the bathroom. I dressed in a simple white sundress adorned with yellow daisies, attempting to brighten the day, and then returned to the bedroom.
Knox was sitting up in the center of the bed, with his back against the headboard, staring toward the hallway.
“Morning,” I said gently, bringing him out of his daydream.
He turned to me and gave me a gentle smile. “Good morning, Sweetheart.”
“How are you?”
“My balls ache, to be completely frank with you.” He deadpanned and gave me his signature charismatic smile.
“My vagina does too.” I crawled into bed beside him. “How’s your mind, though?”
He pulled me against his side and kissed my temple as we listened to the noise of pans and dishes rattling down in the kitchen.
“I don’t know.” He admitted, and I admired his honesty. “Do you think he’s downstairs? ”
I shrugged, “With Lex?” I tried for lightness, “I think we would have heard the dishes breaking off the walls if they were down there together alone.”
“Hmm.” He hummed, “He’s here. I can feel him.”
I could too, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to stay in bed all day. “Are we going down there?”
“You can do whatever you want,” He tipped my chin back to look up at him, “I hold no ill will toward you and your love for him.”
“I hate this feeling, Knox.” Shaking his hand off my chin so I could look away, I continued. “I feel like my heart is being ripped in half.”
“I know.” He sighed, “Believe me, I know.”
“I want you guys to fix this.”
“He doesn’t want me, Hannah.” He pulled his arm off my shoulders and busied himself with the blankets as he tried to distance himself from me. “I can’t keep going on with things like that doesn’t destroy me. He destroyed me.”
“He told me what he said to you, and I completely understand why you’re distraught over that. I would be too if I were in your shoes, baby.” I crawled up on my knees to face him. “But I think we need to hear him out and learn why he said those things to begin with.”
“I don’t know if I can.” He closed his eyes in pain. “You’re asking me to hand him my maimed heart and let him destroy it the rest of the way.”
“I understand. I don’t know how to help you through this.”
He swallowed and took a deep breath. “I guess we should see if he’s even here before we worry about the next step.”
“I guess so.” I watched as he got out of bed, dressing in a pair of athletic shorts and nothing else before turning at the bedroom door to me.
“Coming?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I always want you near me, Sweetheart.” He held his hand out to me and I got out of bed and walked to him, lacing my fingers through his. I was sure he wanted my strength to go downstairs, but I wasn’t sure I had what he needed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, I heard Lex’s soft giggle and Knox’s hand tightened around mine .
As soon as we entered the large space, both of them stopped and looked at us.
Lex and Brody. Working together without fighting.
“Is that my apron?” I asked, fighting a smirk as I looked at Brody’s hulking frame covered with the pink ruffles.
“It is.” He gave me a cautious smile, “Lex told me my shirt smelled. I hope you don’t mind.”
I hated the divide down the middle of the room as Brody turned his gaze to Knox, who still hadn’t moved at my side.
Lex moved first, wiping her hands on a towel and coming over toward us. I met her halfway, welcoming the tension relief in the shape of her lips pressing to mine.
“Good morning.” She whispered against my lips as she gently combed her fingers through my hair affectionately. “Is it okay that I’m here for this?”
“Of course.” I frowned and kissed her again. “You belong here, Lex.”
“Okay.” She smiled and looked behind me. “Morning, handsome.”
I let her go as she moved toward Knox, and I faced Brody.
He looked so unsure and uncomfortable, not a single time in our entire relationship had I seen him looking so hopeless. He was a part of my heart and I needed to soothe that part, just as I did with Knox. So I walked forward and the fear in his eyes nearly broke me.
“Welcome home.” I smiled up at him and he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tight to his chest, peppering my neck with kisses. He physically trembled in my arms and my nose burned with tears. “Make this right, Brody.” I whispered, “I can’t live without both of you.”
“I can’t either.” He replied, pulling back and looking over my shoulder where Knox had Lex locked in a passionate kiss. “I need all three of you.”
“Then prove it to him,” I said, patting his arm as I moved to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup.
Brody wrung a towel in his hands as he stood there, waiting for Lex and Knox to part, when they finally did Lex looked guilty as she glanced over at Brody before joining my side at the counter.
Brody cleared his throat, “Hi. ”
Knox’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t reply, though they stared at each other.
“I owe you an apology that can’t even begin to heal the pain I caused you.” Brody tried again, “But I’m asking that you at least let me share something with you that I’ve never told another soul before. And maybe you’ll understand me a little better when I’m done, and then you can decide if you ever want to see me again.”
“I know you, Brody.” Knox squinted, “At least I thought I did.”
Brody nodded his head and then tossed the towel down on the counter, looking at me and forging on.
“Do you remember that night I showed up at your house, beaten?” My chest constricted, remembering what he was talking about. I had been so scared, he was so wounded I didn’t know how to help him. So I called Knox.
“Yes.” I nodded, and Knox remained silent as Brody turned to him.
“We were supposed to go to the drag races that night. But you didn’t show up. Do you remember why?” Brody asked.
Knox huffed, “What does that have to do with this now?”
“Please.” Brody implored, “It’s important, and I’d like to know why you didn’t show up.”
Knox shook his head. “I don’t know!” He snapped, “Someone said you had to pick up a tow in Clearstead.”
“My dad?” Brody’s voice was thick, and I covered my lips in fear of the whole thing boiling over and ending before they got the resolution they needed.
“Yeah, I guess. Why? What does that have to do with this?”
“My dad is the one who beat me up that night. And it wasn’t the first time, but I’d been able to hide it from you guys mostly until then.”
Lex’s hand found mine, and she squeezed as we both watched on in horror.
“That’s what you said the other night, but that doesn’t make any sense to me.” Knox’s shoulders deflated.
“He accused me of being gay.” Brody cleared his throat, “Evidently, the guys at the garage had been watching us and picked up on something changing between us and ridiculed him for it. He lied to you that night about me being on a tow, to keep us apart. And then he attacked me as soon as I walked through the door after you didn’t show up at the races.”
I watched Knox’s defensive stance soften as the pieces started clicking for him as they did for me, while Brody continued.
“He beat me unconscious and when I came to, he told me to leave you and Hannah or leave his house, because he refused to have a gay son. I begged him not to do it.” Brody’s voice broke, and he held his hands out at his side in exasperation, “I begged him to love me enough not to care who I dated, but he wouldn’t. So, I crawled out of his front door, and he never allowed me back.”
Knox paled.
“I chose you, even without knowing what our future looked like.” Brody swallowed, “When I said that your love trapped me, I meant I loved you first. And I didn’t understand it, but I couldn’t walk away from you or Hannah because it would have hurt just as much as you asking me to walk away today.”
“You said you regretted me!” Knox shook his head in agony.
Brody stepped forward, “I regret that I have nieces and nephews I’ve never met who have no idea I exist. I regret all the big moments I missed over the years, both good and bad. I regret that I never got to tell my mother goodbye.” His face crumbled as the emotions took over.
“Oh my god,” I whispered, remembering the day I brought home her obituary and the way he shut down after that.
Brody continued on, “I regret that I didn’t know my last hug with her was my last until it was too late to reconcile. She died before I felt secure enough to tell her I still needed her in my life!” He licked his lips as tears pooled in his dark, bottomless eyes. “I regret that she never saw me with you and Hannah because she never got to see how loved I was.” The tears spilled over his lashes and ran down his cheeks. “I regret that she died, thinking I didn’t love her enough to stay.”
“Brody,” Knox’s face fell.
“I never regretted you.” Brody took a hesitant step forward, pulled the frilly apron off, and put his hand over his heart where both of our names were written in permanent ink. “I regret that all I have left of her are eyes that look like hers when I look in the mirror and memories of a happy childhood that only existed because of her love amidst my father’s hate.”
“I’m sorry.” Knox swiped at his face. “I didn’t know.”
“That’s my fault.” Brody took another step forward, “Because I tried to shelter you from that pain and grief. Your family loves you in ways you will never grasp, baby. And I never wanted you to know how bad it was for me my entire life. It all just boiled over when you seemed so unphased by Lex’s triggers and acted like you weren’t capable of understanding how to be cautious with someone else’s heart. Because since I was eighteen years old, I’ve hidden this wound to protect your heart.” Brody turned to me and I stared back with tears streaming down my face. “I just wanted to keep you both from hurting. But I turned out to be just like him.”
“No.” I shook my head and crossed the kitchen to him, unable to stay out of it any longer. “You’re nothing like him!” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging to him. “I’m so sorry you lost her that way.”
“I shouldn’t have kept it from you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Knox interjected, walking to us hesitantly as I untangled myself from Brody’s arms. “You should have trusted us with your pain instead of shielding ours.”
“I know that now.” Brody sniffed, “I know, Knox. I’ll never forgive myself for putting you through this.”
“Never again.” Knox grabbed the back of Brody’s neck and pulled him forward aggressively, kissing him. “Don’t you dare ever hide anything from me again.”
“I won’t.” Brody clung to him, and I felt a sense of relief trying to lighten my anxiety. Were we going to be okay after all?
“And if you’re riled up like that and run off at the mouth again, I’m knocking you the fuck out instead of running from it!” Knox declared, “I’m fucking fighting for this. From now on.”
“Me too.” Brody declared and sighed as they both took a deep breath, fighting off the emotions that threatened to pull us all under for good. “Fighting tooth and nail. For all three of you. ”
“I like the sound of that,” I spoke up, pulling Lex toward us, who watched it all with tears in her eyes and a proud smile on her face as the guys worked it out.
“Me too,” Lex added, sliding her arms around Knox’s waist as Brody pulled me into his. It was like with us all together, we could work our way through whatever came up.
“So who wants bacon?” Brody joked weakly, nodding to the full spread laid out behind us on the counter. “I burned the shit out of my abs with that grease splatter, so you’d might as well enjoy it.”
“I think I’ll enjoy it more knowing you suffered a little,” Knox smirked, and though I could tell it was a bit brittle, it gave me hope that with time we’d all be fine. Perfectly fine.