37. It’s Also My Life
IT’S ALSO MY LIFE
ANDERS
The moment I let myself into Aviva’s apartment, I instantly regret it.
Reading on her Kindle, Charlie has her knees tucked against her chest in the egg chair by the opened window.
Lee is sprawled out on the couch typing away on their phone—probably texting Fatin or arguing with some Republican in a TikTok comments section.
Aviva is hanging upside down on the loveseat taking pictures of her boobs.
Everyone looks up at once.
“No,” I shake my head insanely fast. “I can feel the vibe in here and I’m not liking it.”
Lee lets out an unbothered sigh. “Andy, come get your ass on the couch,” they mutter before looking back at their message thread.
I approach my friends slowly, hesitating slightly when Lee clears a spot on the couch for me.
Lee snorts. “Good boy—”
“I’m leaving—”
“Anders, just sit,” Aviva snaps her fingers, pointing at me.
Charlie, in true Charlotte Malloy fashion, waltzes over to me and sits directly in my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and looks down at me with a suggestive look.
“Are the rumors true?” She smirks, slowly leaning in slightly closer. Close enough I get a whiff of her expensive warm vanilla perfume I always want to steal. “After our…special night together?”
“I’m gonna tell Mickey Rogers you’re cheating on him with a gay dude.”
Aviva sits up and cackles. “Mickey Rogers is busy these days.”
“With what?”
“She won’t tell anyone,” Charlie complains. “My brother won’t say a thing either and he’s, like, blocking our twin telepathy so I can’t even read his mind.”
“We’re sworn to secrecy,” Aviva argues. “But let’s not lose the plot. Anders—” She narrows her eyes at me. “This is your intervention.”
I press my lips into a hard line and nod. “Figured.”
“Lee, do you have the speech?” Aviva asks.
“What speech?”
“The speech,” Charlie chimes in, sliding off my lap. “About how much we love him and care and shit.”
“Guys,” I breathe. “This isn’t necessary.”
“Anders, you’re getting cracked by a forty year old man. God forbid we show some concern,” Lee snaps.
“Can’t be too concerned if you forgot the speech,” I mutter.
“Okay, whatever,” Aviva sighs, clapping her hands together. “Anderson. We love you. We care about you. We respect you.”
“But we need to get your Daddy issues in check,” Charlie blurts. “Like, can we talk about the fact that you’ve known this man your entire life?”
“It’s not like that.”
Lee shakes their head. “Okay—Aviva and Charlotte.” They hold their hand up. “Remember we’re hearing him out. Obviously he knows how it looks. Just give him a minute to explain shit.”
I give Lee an appreciative look.
Honestly, they’re the last person I’d expect to step in like that. Lee holds very high expectations for their friends and isn’t afraid of hurt feelings. I love their brutal honesty for the most part, but sometimes it hits hard.
I take a deep breath and sink back into the couch.
The apartment suddenly feels warmer than it did a few minutes ago, and I can’t tell whether it’s because all three of them are staring at me or because I already know this conversation isn’t really about Parker.
It’s about whether they think I’m making a mistake.
How do you explain someone like Parker to people who only know pieces of him?
How do you explain a relationship that looks one way from the outside when it feels completely different from the inside?
The age gap is obvious. The history is obvious.
I know all of that. I’ve known it from the beginning.
None of them are telling me anything I haven’t already spent months thinking about myself.
I look down at my hands and rub my thumb across my knuckles before finally speaking.
“He’s always been my safe person.” Nobody interrupts, so I push forward.
“Ever since I was little.” The words feel surprisingly easy to say out loud.
“You guys know what growing up was like for me. You know how messy things were sometimes. You know how much anxiety I’ve always carried around.
Even when I was a kid, Parker was one of the only people who could make me feel calm.
He listened to me when nobody else did. He treated me like my opinions mattered.
He remembered things about me. Not because he had to, but because he genuinely cared.
” A slight smile tugs at my mouth as I think about it.
“Honestly, he still does. He remembers everything. Half the time I think he remembers my life better than I do.”
I continue before anybody can interrupt.
“I know how it looks. Trust me, I do. But you guys haven’t seen him with me.
You haven’t seen what he’s actually like when nobody else is around.
He…takes care of me,” I say quietly. “Not in a weird, controlling way. He just…pays attention. He notices when I’m anxious before I say anything.
He knows when I haven’t slept enough. He knows when I’m overwhelmed.
Being around him makes everything quieter.
” Charlie reaches over and squeezes my hand.
I squeeze back. “You guys know how my brain gets sometimes. The overthinking, the anxiety spirals, and migraines.”
“I just know that when I’m with him, I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel like I can finally stop carrying everything by myself.”
The room grows quiet again, but this time it doesn’t feel tense. It feels thoughtful.
“I love him,” I say simply. “And I know that’s probably not surprising to any of you because you’ve all known me long enough to figure that out already.”
Charlie laughs. “A little.”
“A little,” I agree.
My smile widens. “And he loves me too. He told me a few days ago that he’s in love with me. He said he’d move with me if I ended up leaving D.C. for grad school. He didn’t even hesitate.”
For a second nobody says anything. I don’t feel embarrassed about it or defensive.
Mostly I just feel lucky. Because the truth is, loving Parker doesn’t feel complicated when it’s just the two of us.
The complicated part is everything outside of us.
The actual relationship is honestly the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
“He makes me happy,” I say finally. “That’s really what all of this comes down to.
I know there are things about the situation that aren’t ideal.
I know there are reasons you guys worry.
But at the end of the day, I’m happy. Genuinely happy.
” The words settle over the room. They aren’t dramatic or earth-shattering.
They’re just true, and somehow that feels stronger than any grand speech I could’ve given.
The apartment goes quiet again, but this time it doesn’t feel tense. Nobody’s trying to argue with me anymore. Nobody’s scrambling for another counterpoint or trying to convince me I’m making some terrible mistake. They’re just sitting with it.
I glance around the room and realize they’re all wearing almost the exact same expression. Understanding. My eyes drift down to Charlie’s hand still wrapped around mine.
“I know it’s weird,” I admit with a small laugh. “Trust me. There are moments where I hear myself explain it out loud and think, wow, that sounds absolutely insane…”
“But it’s also my life.” I shrug lightly.
“And for the first time ever, things feel…easy.” The word surprises me a little.
Being with him feels easy in a way I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before.
I never have to wonder where I stand. I never have to second-guess whether he cares about me.
“I don’t know,” I say, rubbing my thumb across Charlie’s knuckles.
“I just think if you spent five minutes with us when nobody else was around, you’d get it. ”
Charlie smiles softly. “Maybe.”
“Definitely,” Aviva corrects. I look over. She rolls her eyes dramatically before pointing at me. “I still think the age gap is weird.”
“Fair.”
“And I still reserve the right to threaten him.”
“Also fair.”
“We love you.” The response comes so quickly that it overlaps. Charlie leans her head against my shoulder. “If you’re happy,” she says quietly, “then I’m happy.”
Lee nods. “Same.”
Aviva points at me again. “If he ever hurts you, though, we’re burning his house down.”
I laugh. “Good to know.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know.”
Sitting here between the people who know me better than anyone else, I realize I don’t actually need them to understand every detail.
They don’t need to understand Parker the way I do.
They just need to know that I’m okay and that I’m happy.
That this is something I chose. And judging by the way Charlie squeezes my hand, the way Lee finally relaxes back into the couch, and the way Aviva immediately starts showing us the boob pictures she took ten minutes ago, I think they finally do.
Maybe they’ll always worry a little, and I’m almost certain they’ll always make jokes. Aviva will never not threaten violence. But they’re all smiling, and that feels like it’s more than enough.