Chapter Twelve #4
“Baby, I need you to talk to me. Did I hurt you? I was rough, but you got off on it. After, I made certain you were taken care of, at least I thought I did. What did I miss?”
Sometimes he woke up next to her and just spent an hour staring down at her, trying to believe he had her in his bed.
In his life. In the darkness, in the cocoon of silence, he knew he’d been given a miracle.
His best friend. The only love he would ever have—ever know.
The only woman who was capable of seeing him—loving him, as rough and as fucked up as he was.
He knew she loved him. He felt it every time they were together.
Each time they entered the house. When her arms wrapped around him on the bike.
When her face lit up in welcome. When she jumped into his arms. It was there.
That elusive emotion he never believed he would ever feel.
He never believed anyone could feel it for him.
“Lyric, babe. Talk to me. What’s wrong? We can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is.”
“We’re wrong. This is wrong.” Her voice was muffled.
He tried to understand what she was saying to him. How could they be wrong? As far as he was concerned, no other two people were more right for each other.
“I’m listening, Wildfire. Explain it to me.” He stroked his hand down the back of her head, trying to find a way to comfort her. She might think she was hiding from him, but just those tears told him she was devastated.
“The sex. We’re all about sex and it’s crazy sex. It shouldn’t be so wild and out of control. We feed off each other and not in a good way.” She jammed her fist in her mouth to muffle the low sound of her weeping.
“Is that what you think?” He pressed his lips to the nape of her neck. “How we choose to express the way we feel for each other is no one’s business but ours. We can be as wild and as crazy as we want as long as we both agree to it.”
“I know, but…”
“Do you think I would touch you if you didn’t want me?
You’re afraid sometimes because it’s all new, and I like rough.
And dirty. And kinky. You like it too. I make certain you’re with me every step of the way, Lyric.
I need rough and dirty and kinky. I need it.
You give it to me because you love me and you get off on it. ”
She shook her head, a small sob escaping. That got him right in the heart.
“Don’t deny it, Lyric. Don’t deny us. No one else is ever going to love me, nor would I want anyone else. We belong and we make our own rules. Did I scare you?”
“You always scare me.”
“In a bad way?”
She bit down on her bottom lip. “I don’t know,” she finally answered. “I want this, I do. But I just don’t understand what is happening between us. I’m so confused.”
“It’s all new to you, baby. That’s all. Intense, and new and scary. But have I ever hurt you? During the most intense time, did it feel good or did it hurt?”
“Both, I think.”
He nuzzled her throat. “It’s supposed to be both, but in a good way. Your body told me you were into everything I was doing to you.”
“I know. I do know I didn’t want you to stop, but is it right? What we do together, how crazy we get, is it right?”
“It’s right for us,” he assured her because he knew it was.
She was everything to him and she easily kept up with his brand of need.
“You just experienced the real me. The deep-down cravings I get sometimes. When the adrenaline comes because I’ve been working and the violence and blood get to me, this is how I’ll come to you.
You just showed me it was okay to be me.
I don’t have to pretend even when my monster comes out to play. ”
“I don’t consider that your worst. It’s scary, but it doesn’t make you a monster. It’s just that I don’t know what I’m doing…” She trailed off.
“We have to be on the same page, Lyric. That doesn’t mean we won’t disagree sometimes, but you have to know without a single doubt that you can trust me.
We’re going to have to revisit the discussion on Yaman Kuzmin.
I know how uncomfortable that’s going to make you.
You’ll need to know you can depend on me to get you through it. ”
“There’s no reason to discuss that horrid man.
” She suddenly turned over, moving into him instead of away, her face upturned so he was looking into her green eyes.
“You say you’re a monster and no one but me could love you, but that isn’t true.
You don’t let anyone else in. You’re no monster, Keys.
I’ve seen monsters. Any woman you want is going to fall in love with you.
If that’s what you’re worried about, trust me, I’m a woman, I know. ”
Lyric still had tears in her eyes, turning all that green into liquid pools.
His heart clenched, and he wiped at the wetness on her face with the pads of his thumbs.
His chest hurt. His lungs felt raw. He’d been tortured numerous times.
He’d gone through hell down in that basement of Sorbacov’s school, yet just seeing her genuine tears, feeling her real distress, hurt on an entirely different level.
“I don’t want you to wake up one morning, look at me and realize I’m the default woman just because I love you and you don’t think anyone else will.
I’m nothing at all like you want, Keys. I’m not.
Every single one of your friends knows it.
They made that clear. You belong with someone very different. ”
He held her gaze, knowing there was more. He remained silent, connecting them through touch, his thumb sliding gently back and forth along her jaw in a soothing caress.
“These parties? They sound important. I heard what your president said. I would never be able to fit in and mingle around, gathering information you need. You need someone good with people, which I am not. You’ve seen me at the bar.
I fade into the background, and I do it on purpose.
I could never handle the things Czar expects. ”
“What else?” He kept his voice gentle.
“What else?” she echoed, a frown flitting across her face. “I’m terrified of the things we do sexually. I don’t think I can keep up with you, and you need sex that way—you’ve told me so dozens of times. I can’t be around your club without making things tense. I’m…”
Keys took her mouth, kissing her with every bit of overwhelming feeling surging through his entire being.
He framed her face and kissed her over and over, pouring love into her.
Maybe she was right and the way he loved was fucked up, the way he showed her, but he felt it. Not for anyone else, only Lyric.
When he lifted his head, it was to press his forehead against hers.
“There won’t be another woman, Lyric. I can’t see anyone but you.
I never once saw those others, not their faces, not who they were.
It’s you for me. It’s you I’m in love with.
Yeah, babe, it took me a while to come to terms with realizing I wanted a woman of my own. ”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead and sat up, one hand on her belly to hold her to the bed.
“I know I’m scary sometimes because I’m that guy, but you’ve known that all along.
I laid it out for you that sex with me would be frequent and intense.
I told you I like rough. I like dirty. I’m into kink occasionally.
If your body didn’t respond, we wouldn’t be doing any of those things, but you like it too.
You’re just afraid. And that’s okay. You’ll learn to trust me. ”
He pushed back her hair and bent toward her again. “Here’s the thing, Wildfire. I told you straight up that once you came with me, your choice to leave would be gone, and I meant that for both of us. You love me. I know you do.”
He touched the bite mark on her shoulder. “I like seeing my teeth on you. I like seeing my fingerprints on you. I like knowing you’re sore as hell when you’re walking around so that you don’t forget for a moment how I made you feel getting sore.”
Her wet lashes fluttered and the merest ghost of a smile touched her mouth. She gave a little shake of her head. “It isn’t normal.”
“I don’t give a fuck. It’s our normal. You and me.
As for parties and you getting information, I want you with me for my own personal reasons.
Not for the club, not for you to mingle.
If anything, it’s going to be a high-stress situation for me because I don’t like other men around you.
I had no idea I’d feel that way, and frankly, it pisses me off.
Watching you nearly die made me into a fucking pussy, but we’ll both have to put up with it until I get over it. ”
Her mouth formed a real smile this time, and that heavy stone in his chest began to ease just a little.
“It’s okay to be Lyric, wonderful and fake with her clients, but never with me.
When you look at me, you see me. You know I’m the one you trust. I’m the one you turn to.
Whatever relationships others have, have nothing to do with us.
It’s you and me. You get upset, you come to me.
I get upset, believe me, baby, you’re going to know.
Are you getting what I’m saying? Because we’re talking this out until you do.
This is the last time I want you to think you aren’t meant for me.
I know you are. I need you to get there with me. ”
She gave him that little smile that always got him in the gut. “You can’t order me to have self-esteem. Or to never have doubts about us.”
“You can doubt yourself, but not us. We’re going to make all kinds of mistakes, babe, but it doesn’t matter if we both know what we’re meant to be. And that’s to be together.”