Chapter Fifteen #4
“But you’re with Jonas. How did that happen?”
Hannah sighed. “Not easily. Before this happened to me”—she gestured toward her face—“he made it clear he wanted to be with me. I was so scared, but I made up my mind to take the chance with him. He was so adamant—and persuasive.” Faint color crept into her fair skin, turning the cream to rose.
“But then I was attacked and I felt hideous. Not just my face, but all over my body. The last thing I wanted was for a man like Jonas to look at me. I loved him so much, and I knew I was never going to be the same. I had no self-esteem. No confidence at all in any aspect of my life. I wanted to curl up and stay hidden inside my house for the rest of my life. My sisters would speak in whispers and try to figure out what to do with ‘poor Hannah.’ Jonas had no problem picking the lock on my door and ordering me to get up.”
“That sounds like something Keys might do,” Lyric said.
“It wasn’t funny at the time, although now, looking back, it is.
Mostly, I’m grateful that he didn’t give up on us.
He’s so bossy, there are times when I want to kick him very hard, but it was that trait that saved me—saved us.
He was that certain of us. No matter what I said or did, he countered it.
He was always there. Always. I found I could totally rely on him, and I learned to trust that he would always look out for us, for me, even when I was petrified to do the things he asked of me. ”
“Trust is hard,” Lyric said. “The kind of trust you’re talking about.”
Hannah nodded. “It is. It took me so long to believe he loved me and that he’d stay with me when everything I was had been taken from me.
At least, I thought it was that way. He pointed out to me that I never wanted that life.
He knew and always gave me such a bad time.
He’d tell my family I didn’t want the life, but they would get angry with him.
Instead of backing him up, I took the coward’s way out and let them be upset with him.
He still didn’t give up on us. He kept working with me until I had to believe him. ”
She sent Lyric a rueful smile. “Not that I still don’t have periods of doubt.
I make his life miserable when that happens.
I can’t say we don’t argue, because we do.
Not the way other couples do, because I’m truly the difficult one and I know it.
I’m always mindful of that. It isn’t easy to live with someone like me.
I have too much anxiety, and it builds up until I feel I have no control whatsoever.
Then I do crazy things to get control. Like sometimes I decide we can’t have caffeine or sugar, both things Jonas lives for. ”
Hannah tipped her face up, looking at the ceiling for a moment.
“We use humor a lot. He does things like bursting into my place of business and acting like he might shoot one of my clients because I’m showing him how to give his woman a massage.
He likes to stir me up, and we end up laughing together when we’re alone.
He’s never afraid to laugh at himself. Never.
I love that about him. He has supreme confidence, and yet, you know, he never felt anyone could love him. ”
Lyric couldn’t believe how closely Hannah’s life matched hers. Not that Lyric thought she was a beautiful, well-traveled supermodel, but the way they both had anxiety issues. The way it was their men who fought for the relationships and were so absolutely certain they were meant to be.
“Keys believes that as well. Or he did until I came along.”
“Like us, those insecurities will show themselves on and off for the rest of your lives. They don’t just go completely away, as I suspect you know.
Everyone deals with issues that can prevent them from finding happiness.
It’s important to know if you honestly see the other person for exactly who he is, not who you want him to be—or think you want him to be.
I need Jonas’ strength. I honestly think you need Keys’ strength.
We might be independent and strong, but crippling anxiety can reduce us to that woman hiding in her bed or running for the hills. ”
“You knew I wanted to run away,” she said. “That’s my go-to. I’m a runner.”
Hannah gave her another gorgeous smile. “If you love him and you believe he really loves you, take the chance with him, Lyric. As long as you know, in your deepest being, that he loves you and will always look out for you first, do your best to try to trust him.”
Lyric pressed her lips together. She wanted the happy ever after, but it always seemed out of reach. Jonas was law enforcement. Keys was an assassin or something equally the opposite of Hannah’s husband.
“His lifestyle scares me.”
“Life scares you, just as it does me,” Hannah corrected. “But the point of life is living it. Do your best to know him, to make him happy, to see to his needs. Make absolutely certain he knows what you need. That requires communication.”
Lyric laughed. “He does say that.”