8. Chapter Eight
Chapter eight
Faint light from the cloud-covered moons splashes across my skin, still glistening with sweat.
I haven't had nearly enough sleep. Seeing the High Sage filled my mind with memories of the Ritual, which bled into nightmares of being arrested for stealing horses and masked men chasing my sister and I down a long, dark road.
The thought of Bri has me leaping out of bed, dreams shoved aside as I grab my notebook and pen, plus the bag of things she left for me.
I had every intention of looking through the book last night after the feast. That irritating man's voice nagged at me until I cleaned the cut and stumbled to bed to pass out, fully dressed.
The sky turns pink as I bathe and dress, clasping the chain with my sister's ring on it around my neck and tucking the blue gemstone under the neckline of my dress.
I have no interest in trying to explain that one to my parents.
Following the alluring scent of freshly brewed coffee to the blessedly empty kitchen, I fill a mug, already knowing one won't be enough as I head back to my room to curl up and flip through the pages of the novel from Bri.
There isn't anything stuck between them, but in the wagon on the way to the Triv, I remembered the way the two of us used to send secret messages when we were younger.
Following the hunch, I get to chapter twenty-nine and scan the page.
The number at the top has been decorated with an intricate sketch of flowers and leaves.
Just to be sure, I pull the same book from my bookshelf and check the matching chapter.
The book she gave me last year just has a number, no art.
Quickly, I turn the page of the new book and grin at the sight of the circled letters.
I was right—she did leave me a message, but whatever it is, she obviously didn't want to risk the Sage or anyone else reading it.
That doesn't explain why Bri didn't send a pappus message, the usual method of long-distance communication when it's required. Unless she didn't come back into Zelindyr once she left the Grotto. The pods lose their magic and the messages they contain the second they cross realm borders.
So if not here, where the hell is she? Hoping the letters she's circled will tell me, I make a note of each on a fresh sheet of paper.
A, l, y.
The dot over the third letter tells me to start a new word, then again with the fifth and tenth.
S, o.
S, o, r, r, y.
I continue through the chapter until there are no more circles, eagerly reading what I've transcribed from the top down, more than ready for answers. I was not prepared to be left with a whole lot of new questions.
Aly,
So sorry to leave like this, I wanted to see you more than anything, but something came up, and I couldn't risk staying to wait for your arrival. I don't want you worrying about me, and this was the only way to let you know I'm ok.
More than ok. I'm going to Orz to be with the man I love. I know it’s not something we’re supposed to want, but I do. And I have no interest in being reduced to nothing but duty and the color of my blood.
I know my choice will come as a surprise and won't make sense, not yet. But Aly, there's something else. I uncovered a secret while researching and need to be somewhere safe before I expose it. We have a plan to make things permanent but can’t do anything until the week after winter solstice.
Gods, I can't believe I won't be there with you for it.
Who's going to do face masks and make cherry earrings with me?
Will you and Drea still spike the molten chocolate with whisky to get through lantern festival?
I guess I'll have to come up with new traditions this year.
It won't be the same without you, though.
Please forgive me for leaving. I don't know if the Renewal will still happen once everything comes to light, but if it does, maybe eventually, I'll be able to come back to Raviaz for one of them.
Until everything is out in the open, I know you'll keep my secrets like I've kept yours.
Take care of yourself. I'll miss you most of all.
-B
P.S. The formula for the smoke illusion part of your ring is hidden in my jewelry box, and I've left you mine so they'll last you twice as long. Nothing I can do about the imbuing, but my old process wouldn't have worked anymore anyway.
Use your time here at the Grotto to research the power of blue garnets in the ancient gemstones tomes. Oh, and find a way to take water from the reflection pool when you leave.
My chest constricts, tight and achy, as my head pounds.
How can my sister be in love with someone she's never even mentioned?
Being with a man from another realm is so forbidden, it almost compares to two goldenbloods being together.
And she's not coming home? As heart-shattering as that is, after what the Sage said, it's the comment about not having another Renewal that has me deeply concerned.
Only a significant conflict between realms would prevent it from happening, which would jeopardize the Offering and the barrier, putting the whole island at risk.
I read the note again, and a third time, still struggling to process any of it. Bri went to all this trouble to leave me a hidden message, then explained next to nothing. I’ve gone to Orz to be with the man I love. Well, I guess she at least told me she's in another damn kingdom.
What the hell did she find in her research, though? Something to do with the soil she was investigating? And what does she mean by making things permanent?
The winter solstice is in seven weeks, so what do I do in the meantime? Sit back, keep my mouth shut, and hope whatever Bri's up to isn't as bad as it sounds? Or do I tell someone? Who, though? The thought alone makes me nauseous. I don't even know for sure what any of this is about.
And to consider betraying my sister after everything she's done for me makes me the absolute worst. I can't tell anyone.
Not even Drea. There's a reason Bri left the message for me alone.
Drea would take her Amplifier horse and find a way to ride all the way to Orz to bring our sister home.
She'd likely revel in the adventure of it all, while Bri would hate me forever.
Doing nothing could be disastrous too. What if whatever she's doing could put the barrier at risk?
My fingers drift to the chain around my neck. I don't understand why she'd leave her ring. Even with her formula and confusing instruction to steal the reflection water, I won't be able to do anything with it.
I tug the ring free and consider the rare blue stone in the light of the day, as if it can explain my sister's actions.
I also briefly check the gold-flecked slice on my chest. It's not deep and already healing nicely.
I doubt it will scar if I keep it covered and use the rest of the salve I made earlier in the week after I slipped cutting an apple.
Thinking of the salve reminds me about the jar of Bri's luxurious face mask mixture and how we used to do masks together when either of us was feeling low.
It dredges up a memory of the last time we stood in our shared bathing chamber together, faces slathered in thick, vibrant green cream.
Bri had babbled on about how camellia and ginsenga properties could boost magic, and I joked she shouldn't waste it on me then.
Father stops in my doorway, yanking me back to the present. "Would you like to explain why you were almost late last night?" he asks as I tuck the book and transcribed note under a plush cushion and extract myself from the chair to face him standing. "I heard you left early too."
"It was Giving Day. I was in the Triv, Your Grace." Not that he cares; he's obviously spoiling for a fight if he's going to reprimand me for being almost late.
He scoffs. "Not this feed-the-people nonsense again? It's beneath you, Alyxia. A waste of time that could be far better spent on something worthwhile."
"Making sure people have enough to eat is not a waste of time," I protest. "The program has helped feed thousands of people over the last two years. Even the Queen attended and was generous with her support."
"Commoners," he snarls in response, as if their lives are somehow less important because of where they live.
He's always been like this toward anyone he perceives as beneath him.
I'll never forget the morning he fired our long-term housekeeper after catching her trying to take home a loaf of stale bread, some old herbs, and a bag of sprouting sweet potatoes.
It shouldn't have mattered, since it was clearly heading for the compost or the animals, but for reasons I'll never understand, there are supply laws against food or plants being removed from the city.
That's why it took so long for me to get Giving Day up and running. I had to get special permission and designate an exclusive garden for the event. "Citizens of Zel who don't deserve to suffer or starve," I retort, trying to control myself while getting angrier by the minute.
Mother joins him in the hallway, ever the perfectly made up duchess, not a hair out of place, even first thing in the morning. "Such dramatics. Everyone gets plenty of the supplement, and they can hunt. They hardly need you traipsing around that place, giving out your little fruit baskets."
She's either clueless or just doesn't care, and I'm not wasting the effort or oxygen to ask how she thinks people even get the supplement.
"Alyxia, do not tell me you left the opening night festivities early because of that damn nonsense?" my father roars, storming into my room until he's right in front of me.
I force myself to stand straight and sound clear and confident when I reply. He won't respond to weakness of any kind. "Apologies, I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to risk causing a scene in front of our visitors if I passed out or got sick."
"Not good enough. You should have been there, front and center, representing the family the whole time, no matter what. Especially after your sister's refusal to come home. Adreanna managed it, and she'd been up before dawn to make the Offering."
I'm not about to point out that Drea left before I did when he's worked himself up into a rage and I've got nothing other than deference to defuse him.
"Just because I gave my permission for you to go beyond the safety of the city walls at the end of the week doesn't mean I can't revoke it.
Especially if you're not able to keep up with your commitments. "
A chill shudders through me at the threat. I still want to go to the Grotto, even if Bri's not there. Maybe I can figure out what she's up to. "It won't happen again," I repeat. "Please allow me to go and fulfill the commitment I made to mentor the twenties through the Ritual."
"See that it doesn't, and I won't go back on my generosity," he snaps.
"And in return, you will bring your sister home with you.
I told King Maxin she wasn't welcome here anymore, but perhaps there's still a chance to get her in line.
Oh, and Alyxia—if you can't convince her to do the right thing, you'll be dropping those little outings to the Trivialis completely.
You will have nothing to do with them. No organizing, no planning, no wasting the Queen's time, nothing.
No daughter of mine should be doing the work of a servant. You're a fucking Foundation."
My heart sinks at the thought of losing Giving Day. I already know I won't be bringing Bri back. He has no idea what kind of impossible task he just set for me. And even if she was still there, would I really try to bring her home?
I know the answer, no thought required. I wouldn't, no matter what else she's tangled up in. If my sister truly has found love, I could never rip her away from it to come back to this existence. I do wish I could talk to her, though.
My father stares, waiting for me to accept his decree. "Planning for the Trials is almost done. What do you suggest I do with my time instead?" I ask through gritted teeth. A wave of panic rises at the thought of going back to an aimless existence with the Remedies, where I don't belong.
"If you get bored, you can always take up a role assisting the High General until you're old enough to be matched. He mentioned he's been impressed with your work on the Trials committee."
I stare at my father in shock, sure I must have misheard. Sacrifice the whole Giving Day program and spend my days working with that lecherous man? I can't. Getting away from him is the thing I'm looking forward to most after the Trials end.
"Those are my terms, daughter. Accept them or don't go.
" Deeming a response unnecessary, my father stalks from the room.
Stupidly, I turn to my mother, hoping just this once, she'll intervene on my behalf.
Men often turn a blind eye to the behavior of other men, but there's no way she hasn't heard stories about the General.
The small, cold smile twisting her red-painted lips chills my blood.
"You are lucky he is even giving you a chance after your poor showing at last night's feast. I know you ignored Kentiz again, not to mention the dress I had them set out for you.
" I had done exactly that when I rushed back to my room last night.
The one she chose had a suffocating corset bodice I wouldn't have been able to breathe in
"If it were up to me, Alyxia, you would be staying here and focusing on securing your match before it's entirely too late." Disdain drips from her tongue as she waves a hand dismissively in my direction, narrowed eyes pointedly trailing over my curves in case her meaning wasn't crystal clear.
Like it isn't always. Like she isn't the biggest reason I've been at war with my body for most of my life.
In the years following the Ritual, I thought I’d won her over, starving myself into submission by mostly living off steamed vegetables, peppered lemon water, and black coffee.
They were the worst two years of my life.
While Drea meant well, she had constantly pushed me to fuel my energy and magic properly.
Mother's praise and encouragement to do the opposite was a balm.
Even my weak powers became less of a point of contention between us. That is, until obsessing over every mouthful I consumed became unsustainable, and I went right back to being the disappointment I see reflected in her eyes now. Gods, I wish I didn't still crave her approval.
I've just accepted I won't get it, not unless I agree to the match with Kentiz. I suspect I might get back in Mother's good books if I concede to that. For now, I do my best to tune out the rest of her vitriol, turning my back on her to finish getting ready for the one place I always feel welcome.