11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter eleven
The crick in my neck and thumping in my skull has me seeing stars when I open my eyes. Why am I curled up shivering on the hard stone floor of the bathing room? I rub my face, hands coming away dusted with flakes of the dry, cracked mask mixture.
Pale light filters in through the small window; I spent the whole night in here. A loud knock makes me realize the pounding isn't just a reverberation from the gods-awful sleeping position.
"Aly, can you hear me?" Willa calls, sounding slightly panicked.
Groaning, I manage to crawl over and unlock the door. "How did you know I was in here?"
Her eyes widen when she sees me on the ground. "What's going on? Are you ok?" I push up to stand, and she reaches down to gently grab my arm and pull me to my feet. "I stopped by on my way home and heard you cry out. It sounded like you were in pain. Should I send for a healer?"
"I'm fine, I think. Just sore from sleeping on the floor." Her eyes widen at that, and I wince. "Can you give me a minute to wash my face and get changed?"
She looks wary but nods, and I slip back into the bathing chamber to clean up.
Gods, I look terrible. Taking a second before I face Willa, I lean against the wall and suck in a few deep breaths to clear my foggy head.
That dream about the Ritual was so visceral, it was more like reliving it.
The feeling of misery and failure lingers, strengthening my resolve to not repeat past mistakes with this decision I'm facing now.
Willa follows into my room, flopping in the armchair while I grab a dress at random from my closet and duck behind the dressing screen to change.
She's obviously done waiting. "What's going on, Aly?
You seemed off at Giving Day, left the opening feast early, we didn't see you at all yesterday, and now you're falling asleep in the bathing room? Are you not eating?"
Finishing the hook closures running down my side, I step out and perch on the corner of the bed across from her.
Despite the Sage's warning, I don't want to lie to my closest friend.
I'll just share what I can. "Yes, I promise I'm eating.
It's not that. There's something else I want to talk to you about.
Do you have silencing stones with you?" This conversation is only for the two of us, whether my parents are here or not. I'm not risking it.
Giving me a curious look, Willa pulls four glossy amber stones from a small pouch at her belt. "Where are yours?" she asks, getting up to place them in a tight square around us.
"Not sure. Around here somewhere. I've been too busy to look." It's not exactly a lie, I reassure myself, wishing I could explain they don't work for me without that all-important drop of magic she's currently expelling to activate the sound protection.
"Ok, talk. Tell me what's going on."
"Before I do, I need to know if you're ok with keeping some of this from Felix? Because Goddess love your brother, he's not great at secrets, and these aren't mine to spill."
She gives me a reassuring smile. "Promise not to say anything unless you tell me I can."
Taking a deep breath, I launch into the story. "You know how the High Sage was here after the Offering? Well, she spoke to me the morning of Giving Day. Or more accurately, she scared me half to death, appearing out of nowhere, and admitted Bri isn't at the Grotto anymore."
Willa looks like she's about to ask the obvious question so I hold up my hand to stop her.
"Let me tell you what I know, then you can help me make sense of it.
" She nods in agreement, and I explain the Sage's worries about Bri and the research she was doing.
The King already made the issue with the soil public knowledge, so it's easy enough to link back to that for context.
To finish, I grab my notebook, swallowing my guilt before reading most of the transcribed message from Bri, skipping over everything connected to my magic and the rings.
Willa listens in silence, looking more and more shocked with every new reveal. When I stop talking she exclaims, "Orz? How would she even get to know someone from another kingdom well enough to fall in love?"
"No idea." I reply with a frown. "She never mentioned anyone to me, so I know as much as you. With what the High Sage said, I'm more worried about what Bri found and her plans to make things permanent after solstice."
"Yeah, it doesn't sound great, especially about the Renewal potentially not happening.
Does that include the Offering? Surely not.
" Willa jumps to her feet and starts pacing the length of the sound-protected area.
We go back and forth, dissecting every sentence and possible meaning without getting any closer to figuring out what my sister is tangled up in.
"It just makes no sense to leave now, right before you were going to see her.
Unless she thought you would try to talk her into coming home.
" I know Wils is processing, like I have been for the last few days.
Her words make me focus on the most painful piece of all this, and I crumple a little.
The timing of my sister's actions stings. Why couldn't she have waited?
"Oh, Aly. I'm sorry. I know you were hanging out to see her." Willa comes to sit next to me on the bed, a look of concern on her face as she tentatively wraps an arm around my hunched shoulders. Despite myself, I stiffen at the contact, immediately sensing the hurt as she moves to pull away.
"Don't, please, I'm sorry." The words are jumbled in my rush to get them out, hand flying up to grip her wrist where it rests lightly on my shoulder. Embarrassment flushes my cheeks when I turn to look at her so she knows I mean it.
One side of her mouth curves up into a tiny, sad smile, and she pulls me into her side.
"It's alright. I know you're not a hugger.
You just looked so miserable, I couldn't help myself.
" Physical affection has always been nonexistent in my family.
It's not that I don't like it, I just don't know how to accept it, let alone initiate.
It was a point of contention in both my previous relationships, insignificant as they were.
Willa and I sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes before she asks gently, "So, what are you going to do?"
My palms go clammy, anxiety spiking at the thought of saying this out loud and making it real.
If I'm really going through with it, leaving not just the city but the entire realm, I can't do it without her help.
And while I'm not about to burden my friend with what happened at the tavern.
It did make it glaringly obvious trying to go on my own would be a terrible idea.
"I debated telling someone, maybe Drea," I reply slowly.
"But I can't. At least, not without more information.
I don't understand what's going on or why Bri thinks there's a chance the realms won't trade next year.
I know her, and she wouldn't risk the barrier and everything it protects.
I'll never forgive myself if this is all a misunderstanding and I ruin her chance at happiness because of it.
" Especially after the way she's protected me. I owe her at least that much in return.
Willa pulls her arm back, and we turn to face each other.
"Understood, but can you sit back and do nothing?
The way she wrote, it doesn't sound like something trivial.
What will the consequences be if you keep it to yourself?
" Her voice is kind, but there's a hint of a challenge too, like she wants to stop me from doing anything stupid.
Sorry to disappoint. "I know. I just need to talk to her by solstice and find out what was in that research and what she knows about the soil."
"How? A pappus message won't work since she's not in the realm.
And it's not like you can use a paperbark tree.
Even if you could get access and had her blood to key it, she's not expecting to hear from you and doesn't have yours to receive a letter.
" She's right. There's only one way I can make contact with my sister, and that's to go to her.
"Maybe there's something at the Grotto that could help? " Willa continues.
"What if I don't go? I mean, what if I say I'm going, but…I really go to Orz and try to find Bri?" My words hang suspended between us. When I force myself to look up and gauge her reaction, my heart sinks. She's unsurprisingly staring at me like I've lost my mind.
"You want to do what?" I wince as her voice goes uncharacteristically shrill and way too loud for the small space she sound-protected.
"I know it won't be easy to get there–"
"Won't be easy? That's a serious understatement. What are you planning to do, ask to borrow a horse and ride for weeks on end by yourself through parts of the island fully trained Shields wouldn't venture to alone? Not to mention facing the impossibility of actually getting into Orz."
Ok, so when she puts it that way, it doesn't sound great.
"Not exactly. I have the horse part somewhat handled and figured I can get into the Orz capital disguised in grey to look like a member of staff from the Triv.
I have a few ideas about the border, but there will be time to figure that part out along the way. "
Now is not the time to mention the Mycelium. The Sage was insistent it remain secret, and it's more like a ghost of a theory at best, one I'd rather confirm on my own before I consider sharing.
"What about Drea? I know her and Bri aren't the closest, but maybe she could go to Orz? She has her Amplifier, so it would be faster."
"It's unlikely she'd believe me and agree to keep it to herself," I counter.
"She's too ambitious to risk something like this without direct orders from Command when she's finally close to making Unit Commander after years of trying.
An unsanctioned visit to another kingdom would get in the way of that. "
Willa looks out the rain-splattered window at the rapidly darkening sky. A rare storm is sweeping over the castle, adding an extra layer of intensity to our conversation. "Well, I'm obviously not letting you go out there on your own, you know that, right? It's way too dangerous."
I roll my head in slow circles, stretching out my sore neck, eyes glued to a star-shaped fleck of white on the dark carpet. It's now or never. As hard as it is, I have to ignore the part of me determined to never be a burden screaming for silence.
"Does that mean you're coming with me?" I ask, voice small, not daring to look up or I'll change my mind. She's right—I can't go alone, and it would be such a relief to have her with me. It doesn't stop me feeling like an awful person asking my best friend to do something so reckless.
Before she can answer, I continue, unsure if I'm trying to talk her out of the idea or into it.
"I know it's a huge ask, and so last minute when you have training and responsibilities here.
There'll be hell to pay for leaving without permission, and we all know the General would never allow it if you did ask. We could be gone for months."
Well aware my words are jumbling together, I'm too anxious to stop talking, in case the answer is no. Eventually, I force myself to be quiet, playing with the fraying corner of my top until the silence becomes unbearable, and I get my nerves under control enough to meet Willa's gaze.
She's grinning. "I've never seen you like this.
And yes, it is a ludicrous idea to go after her.
That doesn't mean I don't get it, I would do the same for Felix.
And of course I'm going with you. I already got approval to go to the Grotto.
I just made something up about you needing extra protection on the trek home.
Actually, we both did. Felix signed up to be an extra mentor. "
While my heart leaps at the thought of all three of us being out there together, I shake my head. "Did you not hear what I just said about the risks?"
"Don't bother arguing," Willa says, walking to my side and looping her arm through mine.
We didn't want you to be alone there, and we definitely don't want you going all the way to Orz without us.
Just tell my brother where we're going. You know he'll respect your boundaries and not push you to tell him why. "
They were already planning to go with me, even before all this came up?
I swallow the lump in my throat at the unwavering support from my friends, struggling to convince myself I deserve it as I squeeze Willa's arm.
"Thank you. I really hope I didn't just get you into a situation that won't end well for any of us. "