20. Chapter Twenty
Chapter twenty
"Explain, now," I demand through teeth clenched so hard, it's a wonder they don't break. I wait for her to start talking; instead, the water in the trough starts to swirl again. Guess she wants to show me what she means.
Sure enough, the surface goes still, and I'm looking down at myself in that stalactite-filled cave eight years ago, completing the Ritual.
I must be reliving a piece of this memory from Varistia's point of view instead of my own.
I wish I could make my past self move to the silver door instead of trying to choose the Remedies.
All I can do is watch her tug on that dagger-turned-handle in the wrong door.
Then, a surge of potent violet energy explodes from my vantage point, throwing the memory version of me back toward the rock wall.
And then, I understand. The explosion of power, the door not opening, the voice...
it was all Varistia. Somehow, I manage to keep breathing through the shock until it becomes a river of fiery anger.
"You're the reason I don't have magic?" Whispering when I want to scream is its own kind of torture.
"Not exactly–" she starts.
I cut her off. "You interfered. That was your light. I could tell just now. It felt familiar."
"It was, but trust me, I paid a steep price for that decision."
"You paid a steep price?" The hysterical laugh bubbling up my throat is bitter and cold.
"I've lived my life in the shadow of that failure, constantly fearing exposure.
Everything became about hiding my secret, swallowing the shame of being powerless.
And now, I find out it was you all along, and you expect me to care about whatever it cost you? "
"That's what I'm trying to tell you. You're-"
"I don't want to hear it," I insist, taking a step back, done with this world-shattering conversation.
"Wait, there's still so much I need to tell you. I would do it now if I could without it exhausting magic I can't spare. Our connection gets stronger with proximity, and I'm trapped here, so you'll have to come to the Envenar border."
"The most forbidden place in all of Atafye? Are you out of your stars-cursed mind? After what you just told me, there's no chance that's happening."
"No chance what's happening exactly?" a deep voice asks from behind me, and I jump in fright. It's Cayzenn, and he looks beyond suspicious. Shit.
"What are you doing sneaking up on me in the dark?"
Raising a brow, he looks up at the sky with a skeptical look, and I realize the stars faded while I was staring into that water, the grey of dawn creeping in, casting his sharp features in shadow.
"Who were you talking to?" he demands, looking around for any sign of another person. I cast a quick glance down at the trough. Thankfully, Varistia must have severed the connection when she heard him.
"Do you see anyone else here?" I stall, trying to come up with a reasonable answer.
He frowns. "I clearly heard you talking to someone. And since nobody else is over here with you," he gestures to our surroundings. "I'll ask again: who were you talking to?"
"I was talking to Aven." Cayzenn looks over to my horse, who hasn't so much as twitched an ear, then back at me. "We've only just attuned and don't like the prospect of being separated. I was trying to reassure him we'll be seeing each other again soon."
The man considers us for a moment before stalking off with a frustrated huff, not looking back when he tosses over his shoulder, "If you say so. Finish your little chat and get your stuff together. We're leaving soon."
I breathe a sigh of relief and turn back to my Amplifier.
"We should talk about all this," he says, but I ignore the suggestion, not even remotely ready to process anything I learned in the last hour.
I find my saddle and hoist it up onto his back, along with a soft bag containing the beautiful boots Benz gave me.
These brilliant horses will make their own way back to the lodge, where a stable hand will deal with the tack, and they'll wait until we call them.
"No idea how long we'll be, just stay ready for when it's time to leave for Orz.
" My whisper is barely audible before I remember I don't need to say this out loud.
"I'll keep you posted about where we are if I can.
And when you slip away, it might be best to leave Grange behind, if you or Marley would be willing to carry Felix too. "
"I'll consider it." He bobs his head then swivels it to stare at me. "Alyxia, we should discuss–"
"No, I need time," I reply quickly, offering him the final few sugar cubes from my pocket and one last pat.
"Thank you for getting me this far. Hopefully, it won't be too long before we're back on the road and heading west together.
" It wasn't a lie when I said I’m not looking forward to being away from Aven.
I'm already so used to his constant presence.
"Are you planning to cry? And if so, could you not? I'd hate for anyone to think I chose a weak rider."
And just like that, I'm a little less sad. "Suddenly so glad we'll be able to keep communicating while apart," I snap sarcastically. His snicker echoes in my head as I watch the eerie sight of ten saddled, riderless horses descending the path we only came up yesterday.
Once the mist has hidden them completely, I turn back to our temporary camp, only for Cayzenn to shove a paper-wrapped bundle into my hand. I peek inside to see two thick slices of bread and cheese and move to tuck it into the top of my bag.
"It's not going to do any good in there," he huffs.
"It's way too early. I'm not hungry. I'll have it later."
"Or you could eat it now. Trust me, you'll need your strength and your magic fueled for what we're about to do."
"Do you seriously need to have a say in everything?" I grumble, ignoring Willa's pointed look as she walks past with her pack. Clearly agreeing with her brother, not that I'm surprised.
"Out here? Pretty much. Do you seriously need caffeine to stop disagreeing with everything I say?"
"I really think I do," I reply brightly, earning a laugh.
"Look, we have a long day ahead, and it won't be easy to take breaks. It would be really unfortunate, not to mention embarrassing, if you fainted part way through."
Without hesitation, I unwrap the parcel and take a small bite. He grins, pulling that same silver canteen out of the side pocket of his pack and handing it to me, finally giving me an order I actually want to obey. "Caffeinate."
I force myself to eat most of the breakfast, and it's not long before we're layered up against the chill and walking single file into the dense trees.
"Hard to believe there's even a path up here. Who would even use it?" I say to Hendrix when the silence becomes unbearable and I need something to distract me from replaying Varistia's words. That shit has to be contained in a mental box, or I'll drive myself crazy.
He grins. "Don't get too used to it. There won't be one for much longer.”
"So how do we get up there? Is this about to be the hacking at bushes and crawling through mud portion of our little adventure?"
"There'll be plenty of all that soon enough, but we're not walking up there." He points to the incline between the thick pine trunks, and I'm instantly relieved we won't be hiking that. It's so steep.
"We're climbing," Cayzenn chimes in from up ahead. "Hope those gloves are in reach. You're about to need them."
Less than twenty minutes later, I see how accurate that statement was when we come to an open patch of forest at the end of the path and find ourselves face to face with a near-vertical rock wall covered in tangled, rope-like vines and branches, so high the top can't be seen.
"We're climbing that?" There's no fucking way.
This is like being tortured slowly. My arms already feel like jelly, and we’re not that far off the ground.
There are plenty of footholds to shove our boots into and roots to grab, growing in a lattice-like pattern wide enough for all ten of us to climb at once.
Having to relentlessly hang on while reaching up to test each branch until I find the next one strong enough to hold me might just be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Or maybe the worst part is trusting myself enough to let go with the other hand and push up with my legs, only to do the same thing again and again, all while trying not to lag too far behind the rest of the group.
I’m climbing near Xaavi, although he’s ahead of me, with Cayzenn close by on the other side.
He took my pack off my shoulder and slung it over his before we even started climbing.
I wanted to protest, but I don’t think I would’ve made it more than five minutes with that extra weight pulling me backward.
"Shouldn’t we have some kind of harness or ropes to do this?" I ask. He’s perched on a thicker branch, waiting for me, like he has every few feet. "If we fall, we’re screwed."
He smirks. "Then don’t fall."
The asshole isn’t even a little out of breath. "Wasn’t planning on it," I mutter sarcastically.
"Come on, Aly. This is the fun part," Hendrix calls down.
"This is your idea of fun? Acting like a pack of feral squirrels?" I shoot back.
"Absolutely. Why would this perfect climbing apparatus be here if the Goddess didn’t intend for us to play on it?" He laughs, and I turn my focus back to climbing the grid of plants.
We've been at it for over an hour. The air feels paper thin, my hands are on fire, muscles scream and sweat beads on my forehead, trickling to sting my eyes.
Surely, we have to be getting close to the top.
All I see is an endless stretch of rocks and branches and the occasional cluster of fluffy yellow flowers.
Then, I make the mistake of looking down.